Midlife Unfiltered

Discover how erectile dysfunction affects relationships beyond the bedroom, and learn practical strategies to foster intimacy, communication, and emotional connection during this challenging time. Hosted by Dr. Heather England, a certified sex therapist, this episode offers candid insights from someone living with ED and shares resources to support couples.

• Workshop on Mastering Performance Anxiety
• Workshop for Female Partners of Men with ED

• Website
• LinkedIn
• Substack (A Midlife Reckoning)
• Workshops
• Resource Page
• Submit a Podcast Topic
• Ready to spice up your sex life? Get my guide “69 Ways to Spice Up Your Sex Life”

Key Topics:

• The prevalence of ED: 30 million men in the US and 326 million worldwide experience ED, increasing with age
• Emotional and relational impact of ED: how withdrawing from touch and intimacy affects both partners
• Societal and cultural silence around ED: the shame and unspoken secrecy that worsen the problem
• The role of psychological factors: anxiety, depression, stress, and performance pressure often contribute to ED
• Strategies for navigating ED: ongoing communication, redefining intimacy beyond penetrative sex, and seeking professional support
• Personal perspective: Dr. England shares her experience living with her husband's ED and how their relationship evolved
• Resources for support: online workshops for partners and individuals dealing with performance anxiety and intimacy challenges
• Importance of continuous dialogue: treating ED as a chronic issue rather than a one-time crisis

• Workshop on Mastering Performance Anxiety
• Workshop for Female Partners of Men with ED

• Website
• LinkedIn
• Substack (A Midlife Reckoning)
• Workshops
• Resource Page
• Submit a Podcast Topic
• Ready to spice up your sex life? Get my guide “69 Ways to Spice Up Your Sex Life”

• The emotional toll of ED exemplified through Marcus's story of shame and vulnerability
• How spectatoring and the fight-or-flight response impact erection and intimacy
• The harmful "manhood myth" and its role in identity and performance pressure
• The psychological spiral that sustains ED beyond physical causes
• Practical tips to shift from performance focus to authentic connection
• The importance of honesty and professional support in overcoming ED
• Success stories illustrating the power of redefining intimacy and self-perception

00:00 - A real-life story illustrating the emotional impact of ED

00:25 - The shame and identity crisis triggered by first episodes

00:53 - Introducing the episode and Dr. Heather England’s background

01:19 - Changes in podcast focus and midlife exploration

02:16 - Resource: Substack for intimacy and midlife topics

03:12 - Workshop details for performance anxiety and partner support

03:46 - ED as an emotionally charged experience beyond physical causes

04:15 - How the brain interprets initial ED episodes as a threat

04:44 - Spectatoring: Being an observer of oneself during sex

05:13 - The biological fight-or-flight response affecting blood flow

05:40 - The myth of the "real man" and its effects on self-worth

07:09 - How societal stories about masculinity shape perceptions of performance

07:34 - The impact of performance-based identity on men's confidence

08:04 - The physical and psychological components of ED

08:32 - Situational causes versus ongoing anxiety loops

09:01 - The sleep analogy: Relaxation is key to relaxation and erection

09:29 - Reframing what success means in intimacy

09:57 - Moving from performance to connection and pleasure

10:27 - The importance of genuine intimacy over solely physical success

10:53 - Partner's perspective and the emotional impact of shutdowns

11:23 - The critical need to seek support and avoid isolation

11:52 - The role of therapy and honesty in recovery

12:22 - Summary of key points: psychological influences, myths, and the healing process

12:50 - Success stories and transforming perceptions of intimacy

13:12 - Marcus’s turnaround through self-perception and managing anxiety

13:40 - Encouragement to prioritize authentic connection and seek support

Overcoming ED involves understanding both the physical and emotional layers. Seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness. Transform the narrative around masculinity and intimacy, and rediscover pleasure and connection beyond performance.

In this episode, Dr. Heather England discusses male masturbation and the importance of using the right technique. She advises using lube, a lighter touch, and a slower motion during masturbation to create neural pathways that mimic partnered sex. She acknowledges that her opinion may be controversial but encourages listeners to consider the information and apply it to their own lives.

Takeaways

• The right masturbation technique can help with arousal and prevent issues contributing to erectile dysfunction.
• Using a hard grip, no lube, and a fast motion during masturbation can cause your penis to expect intense stimulation to stay aroused and thus hinder arousal during partnered sex.
• Train the penis to be aroused during masturbation in a way that mimics partnered sex by using lube, a lighter touch, and a slower motion.
• Be mindful of the neural pathways created during masturbation and aim to create pathways that are similar to partnered sex.
• Consider the information shared and apply it to your own life, taking into account your own experiences and preferences.

• Website
• LinkedIn
• Substack (A Midlife Reckoning)
• Workshops
• Resource Page
• Submit a Podcast Topic
• Ready to spice up your sex life? Get my guide “69 Ways to Spice Up Your Sex Life”

🙂 If you have erectile dysfunction, performance anxiety may be impacting you. Learn how to overcome performance anxiety erectile dysfunction.

🔥 Learn How to use Sex Toys to Enhance your Pleasure. Toy Talk Sex Toy Course available at www.lovefilledlife.com/ToyTalk

In this episode, Dr. Heather England discusses the process of transitioning from a non-sexual state to a sexual one. She emphasizes the importance of consent and empowerment in one's sexuality. Dr. England provides practical tips and activities to help individuals get in the mood for sex, such as engaging in activities that create closeness with their partner, thinking about past fulfilling sexual experiences, and exploring fantasies and erotica. She also highlights the significance of mental and emotional preparation, including self-talk and relaxation techniques. The episode concludes with a challenge for listeners to identify ways to transition themselves into a sexual mindset.

Takeaways

• Consent and empowerment are essential in one's sexuality.
• Engaging in activities that create closeness with your partner can help get you in the mood for sex.
• Thinking about past fulfilling sexual experiences and exploring fantasies and erotica can enhance sexual desire.
• Mental and emotional preparation, such as self-talk and relaxation techniques, can facilitate the transition to a sexual mindset.
• It is important to embrace and empower your sexuality.

Chapters

00:00 Setting the Stage

03:48 Transitioning from Being Non-Sexual to Sexual

07:57 Activities to Get in the Mood

13:19 Mental and Emotional Preparation

15:09 Exploring Fantasies and Erotica

• Website
• LinkedIn
• Substack (A Midlife Reckoning)
• Workshops
• Resource Page
• Submit a Podcast Topic
• Ready to spice up your sex life? Get my guide “69 Ways to Spice Up Your Sex Life”

🔥 Learn How to use Sex Toys to Enhance your Pleasure. Toy Talk Sex Toy Course available at www.lovefilledlife.com/ToyTalk

Join Dr. England as she highlights common signs you are in an unhappy relationship.

• Website
• LinkedIn
• Substack (A Midlife Reckoning)
• Workshops
• Resource Page
• Submit a Podcast Topic
• Ready to spice up your sex life? Get my guide “69 Ways to Spice Up Your Sex Life”

🔥 Learn How to use Sex Toys to Enhance your Pleasure. Toy Talk Sex Toy Course available at www.lovefilledlife.com/ToyTalk

In this episode, Dr. Heather England interviews Beverly Rouse, a licensed clinical professional counselor and executive coach, about therapy and sex therapy. Beverly shares her journey from the military to becoming a therapist and explains the role of therapy in helping individuals navigate challenges and improve their relationships. She also discusses the misconceptions about sex therapy and highlights the importance of self-care in maintaining overall well-being.

Takeaways

• Therapy provides a safe and non-judgmental space for individuals to explore their challenges and work towards personal growth.
• Sex therapy is a specialized form of therapy that focuses on addressing sexual issues and improving sexual well-being.
• It is important to find a therapist who is a good fit for you and with whom you feel comfortable discussing sensitive topics.
• Self-care is essential for maintaining overall well-being and should be prioritized to prevent burnout and promote self-compassion.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction and Background

02:24 Becoming a Therapist

05:16 Challenges of Deployment

08:11 Asking for Help

10:35 The Role of Therapy

14:51 What is Sex Therapy?

Ms. Rouse's Contact Information:

Empowering Insight, LLC

Email: [email protected]

Her LinkedIn

• Website
• LinkedIn
• Substack (A Midlife Reckoning)
• Workshops
• Resource Page
• Submit a Podcast Topic
• Ready to spice up your sex life? Get my guide “69 Ways to Spice Up Your Sex Life”

🔥 Learn How to use Sex Toys to Enhance your Pleasure. Toy Talk Sex Toy Course available at www.lovefilledlife.com/ToyTalk

Mentioned in this episode:

Toy Talk Sex Toy Course

In this episode, Dr. Heather England discusses the importance of talking about sex and challenges the societal norms around intercourse. She emphasizes the need for open communication and negotiation in sexual relationships. Dr. England also highlights the unrealistic expectations set by Hollywood and the pressure it puts on both men and women. She encourages listeners to explore other pleasurable and connecting activities beyond intercourse.

Takeaways

• Talking about sex is important for healthy relationships and overall well-being.
• Intercourse is not the only goal of sex and may not be pleasurable or satisfying for everyone.
• Societal norms and media portrayals of sex can create unrealistic expectations and feelings of inadequacy.
• Couples should explore and redefine their own sexual menu based on what is pleasurable and connecting for them.

• Website
• LinkedIn
• Substack (A Midlife Reckoning)
• Workshops
• Resource Page
• Submit a Podcast Topic
• Ready to spice up your sex life? Get my guide “69 Ways to Spice Up Your Sex Life”

🔥 Learn How to use Sex Toys to Enhance your Pleasure. Toy Talk Sex Toy Course available at www.lovefilledlife.com/ToyTalk

In this episode, Dr. Heather England addresses a listener's question about not wanting to have intercourse with their partner. She emphasizes the importance of consent and the negative effects of having sex when not desired. Dr. England explores various reasons for not wanting intercourse, including lack of enjoyment, past traumas, societal influences, and unmet needs. She encourages open communication and relationship negotiation to find a solution that satisfies both partners. Dr. England also suggests exploring other pleasurable activities and addressing pain during intercourse. Lastly, she discusses the concept of viewing sex as a gift for one's partner.

Takeaways

• Consent is crucial in any sexual activity, and it is important to feel safe saying no.
• Understanding the reasons behind not wanting intercourse can help address underlying issues.
• Open communication and negotiation are key to finding a solution satisfying both partners.
• Exploring other pleasurable activities and addressing pain during intercourse can enhance sexual intimacy.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction: Question about not wanting intercourse

03:19: Reasons for not wanting intercourse

07:19: Exploring underlying issues

11:34: Negotiating and compromising in the relationship

13:00: Finding other pleasurable activities

13:59: Addressing pain during intercourse

19:10: Viewing sex as a gift

19:38: Conclusion and call to action

• Website
• LinkedIn
• Substack (A Midlife Reckoning)
• Workshops
• Resource Page
• Submit a Podcast Topic
• Ready to spice up your sex life? Get my guide “69 Ways to Spice Up Your Sex Life”

🔥 Learn How to use Sex Toys to Enhance your Pleasure. Toy Talk Sex Toy Course available at www.lovefilledlife.com/ToyTalk

Mentioned in this episode:

Toy Talk Sex Toy Course

In this episode, Heather shares an announcement about rebranding the podcast and then provides a tip for Valentine's Day.

The tip focuses on making your partner feel valued and cherished.

Takeaways

• The podcast is being rebranded to cover a broader range of topics beyond just sex.
• Valentine's Day is an opportunity to make your partner feel valued and cherished.
• There are many simple and thoughtful ways to show your love and appreciation. These don't have to be a grand gesture or expensive.
• Investing in your relationship and doing little things for your partner can strengthen your bond whether you do them on Valentine's Day or all of the other days of the year.

• Website
• LinkedIn
• Substack (A Midlife Reckoning)
• Workshops
• Resource Page
• Submit a Podcast Topic
• Ready to spice up your sex life? Get my guide “69 Ways to Spice Up Your Sex Life”

In this episode, Dr. Heather England and Michelle Tangeman discuss postpartum anxiety and depression. They explore the typical responses and challenges that new parents face after having a baby, including hormonal changes and the impact on relationships. They differentiate between baby blues and postpartum depression, emphasizing the importance of seeking help if symptoms persist beyond two weeks. The prevalence of postpartum mood disorders is highlighted, with one in five moms experiencing a perinatal mood and anxiety disorder. The episode concludes with practical tips for supporting a loved one and finding a competent therapist for postpartum mood disorders.

Takeaways

• Postpartum anxiety and depression can have a significant impact on new parents' emotional well-being, identity, relationships, and sex life.
• It is important to differentiate between baby blues and postpartum depression, with the latter characterized by persistent symptoms beyond two weeks.
• Risk factors for postpartum mood disorders include personal and family history, lack of support, medication changes, history of domestic violence or abuse, and pregnancy loss.
• Support from friends, family, and professionals is crucial in helping new parents navigate the challenges of the postpartum period.
• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can be an effective treatment for postpartum mood disorders, helping individuals challenge negative thoughts and reduce symptoms.

Guest Bio:

Michelle Tangeman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Board Certified Behavioral Analyst in private practice in the LA area. She is a child and family therapist in private practice at Michelle Tangeman Behavioral Health. Michelle has extensive experience in individualized behavior intervention, Functional Behavior Assessments, school-based services, family-focused intervention, early start services, and social skills training and provides these services to families across Ventura and Los Angeles counties. She has also completed the training as part of the Postpartum Support International’s Advanced Perinatal Mental Health Psychotherapy Training Program.

Additionally, Michelle founded an online education company, Thriving Toddler focused on helping as many people as possible become the parents they want to be.

Michelle is also a podcast host and the co-founder of the Parenting Understood podcast. Michelle and her co-host are passionate about teaching parents about evidence-based interventions grounded in science to make a positive impact on the parent-child relationship.

• Website
• LinkedIn
• Substack (A Midlife Reckoning)
• Workshops
• Resource Page
• Submit a Podcast Topic

Beyond the Blues: Understanding and Treating Prenatal and Postpartum Depression & Anxiety

by Shoshana S. Bennett PhD and Pec Indman PA,EdD

PostPartum Support International