Midlife Unfiltered

Summary:

Have you ever wondered why your "Va Va Voom" feels more like "Va Va... Meh"?

You're not alone! I mean, it's no joke when your inner fire starts resembling a flickering birthday candle! Whether it's your crazy-busy life, your hormones having their own teen drama, or your relationship needing some extra spice, the struggle is so very real.

Yes, Mars and Venus are different planets with different turn-ons. No, not all men dream in Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issues, and not all women need a 20-chapter romance novel. But understanding these key differences - that's what we’re focusing on today!

And who better to help me answer a listener question about sexual desire than my very own son, Cooper! That's right, today’s episode is a family affair, diving into why you should treat your libido like a treasured heirloom: worth maintaining and sharing with your spouse!

What is sexual desire?

Sexual desire may have many different meanings depending on who you ask, but for the sake of this episode, we’re defining it as how much you want to engage in sexual activity.

Just like Mars and Venus, men and women have different experiences when it comes to sexual desire. Men generally have spontaneous sexual desire, and research shows that they think about sex an average of 19 times each day.

For women, sexual desire can be less frequent and less spontaneous. Women experience desire most often as a response to some sort of stimulus. From a gendered perspective, women may not spend as much time actively thinking about sex as men do. Even as a sex therapist, I can attest that I personally don't constantly dwell on sexual thoughts. On a day-to-day basis, we don't often find ourselves preoccupied with thoughts of sex.

Women have a responsive desire and crave the sense of being wanted

Women aren’t just thinking about sex all day long - we’re wired more for “responsive desire”. You might not start your day brimming with passion, but once you engage in some form of sexual activity—even just fantasizing—your desire gears up like a smoldering fire finally catching a flame.

When it comes to long-term relationships, we often daydream that they're an endless buffet of desire. The reality check? Desire, especially for women, can be more like a limited-time offer. Emotional closeness doesn't always mean you're perpetually in the mood, contrary to what those fairytales told us.

Here's another curveball: Mystery is to desire what seasoning is to a good meal. The more familiar you get with your partner's habits, the more the element of surprise evaporates. And let's face it, commitment in a monogamous relationship doesn't automatically mean you're top of the "desire" charts. It's different from the thrill of dating, when your partner was actively choosing you, not just sticking around out of obligation.

This unique feeling of being the apple of someone's eye can fade as time marches on, giving way to less excitement and fewer spontaneous intimate moments. Many couples settle into a comfort zone, a repetitive pattern that could use some jazzing up. However, there is a light at the end of this tunnel. Open communication and new experiences can help you reignite that waning spark, keeping your love life far from mundane.

Couples with higher desire do things differently

Wonder how your relationship may differ from those couples with really high sexual desire? There are 3 distinct things these couples do that other couples probably aren’t doing on a consistent basis.

1) High desire couples are more likely to have consistent orgasms. That means that both partners are reaching the finish line more often, and it also means that both partners are focused on helping the other get there too! No one is being stingy with the big-O!

We have to keep in mind that it takes a lot more stimulation for a woman to have an orgasm. On average, 20 to 40 minutes is the range for women to have direct clitoral stimulation needed to have an orgasm. On the other hand, for guys, it takes 3 to 5 minutes on average. For the ladies, there are very few shortcuts. This is understandable considering that the clitoris has 3,000 nerve endings whereas the penis has 1,000.

2) Couples that have higher desire are more likely to have oral sex and more sexual variety to set the mood. They make use of sex toys, scented candles, romantic music, sexy lingerie, and more.

Many couples aren’t wanting to have sex because the sex they have is actually boring and very routine. There’s nothing spicing it up! Simple things like changing the time of day, the room you have sex in, doing role playing or trying a new position, is all it takes to get that desire off the charts and have a great sexual experience!

3)Couples with higher desire communicate about sex. This is incredibly important for couples to establish a more intimate connection between them. In order for each partner to have the best sex, you have to be able to communicate what you need from your partner. So, talking about sex - desires, fantasies, turn offs, and other needs - means you’ll be having not just more sex than the average couple, but better sex too!

Are you someone you’d want to be intimate with?

“Oh look, a squirrel!” I’m sure you’re familiar with this level of distraction that often robs you of sexual desire at the very moment your partner is revved up and raring to go!

Women especially tend to struggle with maintaining focus during intimate moments. Commonly, our minds wander to everyday concerns like the kids, laundry, dinner or other responsibilities. These distractions can derail the mood and enthusiasm for sex, making it feel like you’re trying to start a fire with wet wood.

Esther Perel, a renowned author and relationship therapist, offers valuable insights on nurturing desire. She reminds us that desire can be nurtured through self-care and a deeper appreciation of our partners, ultimately enriching our relationships.

Sexual desire starts with you. If you feel desirable and you allow yourself to tap into your sexual side, getting “in the mood” is a much shorter trip.

Once we've tapped into our erotic selves, the focus shifts to desiring our partners. It's not just about sexual acts but also appreciating non-sexual aspects of them, like their scent, their touch, and the intimate connection that comes from being close. The entire experience, from emotional connection to physical intimacy, contributes to desire.

• Website
• LinkedIn
• Substack (A Midlife Reckoning)
• Workshops

Ready to spice up your sex life? Get my guide “69 Ways to Spice Up Your Sex Life”

Summary:

Cultivating your relationship with your partner is important even if your relationship is going well. There’s no harm in improving it, as people change, circumstances change, and relationships evolve. Remember that relationships thrive on connection and consistent effort.

Strengthening your relationship doesn’t always require doing grand gestures or spending a lot of money. If you want to strengthen your relationship, then this episode is for you. Although there are many ways for you to cultivate love, we will just be focusing on three easy ways, as these seemingly small acts can have the most profound impact on romantic partners.

Simple things to do to cultivate love

I agree with the famous saying that it is the “thought that counts”. Sometimes, couples tend to stop doing the simple things that cultivate love, especially when they are busy with work, causing them to be disconnected from each other.

Cultivating love in a relationship involves more than just grand gestures; it's about the everyday moments. Even a simple "good morning" text or a lingering kiss goodbye can set a loving tone for the day.

Writing simple notes saying “I love you” may not be such a grand gesture, but it’s the idea that your partner thought of you before leaving the house - and took the time to let you know - that can keep the good vibes flowing throughout the day.

Personally, anytime we travel, my husband and I write Hallmark cards for each other and seal it, so that we can put it in each other’s suitcase as a loving surprise for the trip.

Set aside five minutes to connect

And although the both of you might be too busy for each other, set aside five minutes of your time to sit down and take the time to connect with each other. In my therapy practice, I recommend to my clients to have five minutes of uninterrupted conversation with their partner to talk about their relationship.

This greatly cultivates the relationship because you’re building each other’s trust and nurturing your love through a deeper connection. Spending quality time together fosters deeper emotional connection and helps partners understand each other better.

During these moments, you can share how your day went, discuss any concerns or challenges, and listen to your partner's thoughts. Holding your partner's hand as you navigate through your day's events, or sharing your thoughts can be deeply meaningful. These gestures not only create a strong emotional connection, but also reinforce the bond between you and your partner.

Trust is built over time through consistent actions and open communication. By consistently being present, you reinforce the trust your partner has in you. Setting aside five minutes for each other can also prevent issues from escalating into bigger problems.

Do something new with your partner

Sometimes, you just need to sprinkle a bit of excitement into your relationship by doing something new with your partner. In fact, research studies show that doing something new together releases dopamine – a feel good hormone.

Breaking away from your same old routine can make your relationship more vibrant and alive. This boosts the communication in your relationship as you go through unfamiliar territory, ensuring that you're on the same page and learning more about each other's preferences.

New experiences can rekindle passion and attraction between partners. Find things to do in your area that you think the both of you will enjoy. If you want to be more organized, you can try making a master list of new experiences you want to have with your partner. It can be as simple as exploring a new restaurant, taking a class together, embarking on a spontaneous road trip, or trying out a new hobby.

• Website
• LinkedIn
• Substack (A Midlife Reckoning)
• Workshops

Ready to spice up your sex life? Get my guide “69 Ways to Spice Up Your Sex Life”

Summary:

If you'd like to learn more about specific techniques to get turned on, I encourage you to visit a research-focused organization called OMGYES which focuses on presenting helpful information to enhance female sexual pleasure.

Women don’t typically have spontaneous sexual thoughts, and compared to men, they don’t have frequent sexual thoughts. That is why it’s hard for some women to get themselves turned on or even get in the mood for sex.

Communication is crucial in exploring more but how can you communicate what you want if you don’t know how to get yourselves turned on? Boost your self-awareness and confidence through the tips I will be discussing in relation to getting turned on, which is one of the most significant barriers to having great sex.

How do women get themselves turned on?

Many women think there's something wrong with them or that they're not interested in sex because they don't sit around having sexual thoughts, getting turned on and wanting to have sex just out of the blue. The truth, however, is that it’s normal and it’s just how women are wired.

As compared to men, women often get interested in sex once they start doing something sexual. Men have more frequent sexual thoughts and might also be more likely to externalize their sexual thoughts than women, which is why it is harder for women to get turned on.

This may or may not apply to you, but in the case of many women, connection in a relationship is important for them to get in the mood to have sex. Sometimes, this need to feel connected hinders women from getting turned on and eventually having great sex.

This connection goes beyond the physical aspects of sex and enhances the overall quality of the experience. If you’re someone who needs that connection with your partner to get turned on, build that connection and explore more of what you both want.

Stress and emotional well-being play a significant role in arousal. If we are anxious or uptight, oftentimes, we are not going to have the desire for sex considering that stress is a desire killer. It’s a smart move to find a way to have sex at a time that works for the both of you - when you are both well-rested. Always keep in mind that relaxation is equally important in feeling turned on.

Various fantasies also help some people get turned on and there’s nothing wrong with that. Incorporating fantasies can add a bit of excitement into your sexual experience. You don't have to tell your partner all of your fantasies, as these are more personal and private. It’s up to you if you want to share them with your partner to act them out and to explore more of your sexual desires.

Transitioning your brain to sex and indulging in erotica.

If you’re having a hard time getting yourself turned on, it would be best to figure out what your sexual interests are which might help you get turned on to have sex. This is what I refer to as transitioning your brain to sex.

Even as simple as setting up romantic candles or taking a relaxing bath, boost your mood for sex as you’re transitioned into a more relaxed state being surrounded by an intimate environment. You can also anticipate sex with your partner to get yourself more turned on.

For many women readers, they find romance novels filled with erotica sexually thrilling. This genre is popular especially now that there are audiobooks that they can listen to. Also, I want to emphasize that there are many ethical porn sites where the people that are engaging in the sexual acts are well paid and they are not taken advantage of.

How to get turned on by sex toys.

Sometimes, we just need a little help to boost our desires, which is why many women like using sex toys. Some use it as part of their foreplay to help them transition into feeling more aroused. These can help women achieve higher levels of pleasure, which can in turn boost desire and contribute to a more satisfying sexual experience.

There are many other ways to get turned on if sex toys are not for you. You can try doing some role play or dirty talk, if being playful with your partner is a turn on for you. Figure out what makes you feel desirable and confident.

Always keep in mind that if you can relax and enjoy sex, it does become more fun. Elevate the fun of intimacy and utilize these tips.

• Website
• LinkedIn
• Substack (A Midlife Reckoning)
• Workshops

Ready to spice up your sex life? Get my guide “69 Ways to Spice Up Your Sex Life”

Summary:

If you'd like to learn more about specific techniques to help you orgasm, I encourage you to visit a research-focused organization called OMGYES which focuses on presenting helpful information to enhance female sexual pleasure.

When it comes to having great sex, sexual pleasure and connection are important. For many peope, reaching orgasm is highly important. However, orgasms for women are often elusive than male orgasms due to a diverse range of factors including lack of sexual arousal, pressure to have an orgasm and not getting enough clitoral stimulation.

If you don't typically have an orgasm or you’re having difficulty having orgasms, there are some things you can change to increase your chances or having an orgasm. Difficulties in achieving orgasm shouldn't be viewed as female sexual dysfunction; it's a shared experience that affects not just female sexual arousal and sexual satisfaction but also sometimes, the couple's relationship and women's self-esteem.

In this episode of the Great Sex Podcast, I shed light on the potential difficulties that women encounter. I also share some strategies and secrets to enhance your knowledge and sexual pleasure to help you on your journey to having consistent and pleasurable orgasms.

Ah, orgasms! They're like a burst of pure euphoria, releasing those delightful "feel-good" hormones in our brains. They're not just pleasurable; they're also great stress-relievers and provide health benefits such as relaxation, sleep, and an improved mood. The tricky part is that orgasms can be quite elusive for many women.

This episode highlights the challenges of female orgasm versus male orgasm. Although some men have difficulty experiencing orgasm, the more likely scenario is for a female partner to have trouble climaxing. Research shows a very clear orgasm gap between men and women, with men having a higher orgasm frequency. This episode topic is important because so many women don't know how to increase their chances of having an orgasm. We hope to lower the orgasm gap such that women achieve orgasm parity. Learning how to orgasm is a unique journey for every woman. There's no one-size-fits-all answer, and that's what makes this journey unique and deeply personal.

There are various reasons women have trouble reaching climax, and it's essential to explore these factors with empathy and self-compassion. Various factors may influence your ability to orgasm, such as the need for the right amount of stimulation to the right place for the right amount of time, the right mood, and environment, pressure to climax and knowing what you need to have an orgasm.

One of the most significant challenges women face is the immense pressure to orgasm. This pressure can stem from a variety of sources, including societal expectations, media portrayals of sex, and personal insecurities. I've had the privilege of working with countless women who've grappled with orgasm challenges. Many of them felt pressure to reach orgasm, often as a means of pleasing their partner, and many have felt like they're letting their partners down when they are unable to orgasm.

It's crucial to remember that orgasms are not the sole indicator of sexual satisfaction. Instead, focus on enjoying the journey, the connection with your partner, and the sensations you're experiencing. By letting go of the pressure, you're more likely to find your path to pleasure.

Stress can be a significant orgasm killer. Whether it's stress about life in general or sexual performance anxiety, our bodies are biologically wired to struggle with orgasms when we're stressed. The more you worry about taking too long to reach orgasm, the more challenging it can become. This is where the pressure to achieve orgasm can be detrimental to you experiencing an orgasm.

A common misconception is the belief that penetrative sex alone should lead to a female orgasm. Plus, most people think the goal of sex is intercourse. Isn’t that what Hollywood shows us? We see couples ripping their clothes off and bypassing foreplay and jumping right into intercourse, where they have earth shattering simultaneous orgasms. That's not real life; the reality is quite different.

Only a small percentage of women (18% to 30%) can achieve orgasm through penetrative intercourse alone, without the simultaneous stimulation of the clitoris. Additionally, only a small percentage of that 18 to 30% can reliably orgasm from intercourse. Make sure to engage in non-intercourse activities that get you sexually aroused such as massage, genital touching, sensual kissing, oral sex, and sex toys, savoring each moment rather than rushing to intercourse. Real-life pleasure and connection should be your primary goals, not just intercourse.

The clitoris is often referred to as the epicenter of female sexual pleasure and female orgasms, and for a good reason. It's packed with thousands of nerve endings and is the pathway to reaching orgasm. Erogenous zones are parts of your body that you find sexually arousing. For many women, these erogenous zones include not just the clitoris but also their breasts and g-spot. Nipple stimulation can be very arousing for both men and women. And just in case you don't know where the g-spot is, it's located on the rear vaginal wall about a finger's length inside your vagina.

A small bundle of nerves connect the g-spot to the clitoris. In terms of the types of female orgasms, there are many opinions about whether a clitoral orgasm is different from a g-spot orgasm or whether women experience blended orgasms from vaginal penetration and clitoral stimulation. For some women, these types of female orgasms feel very different, while for others, there's no difference between a clitoral orgasm or a blended orgasm. Because the nerve endings connect the clitoris and g-spot, many sex therapists feel every orgasms is a clitoral orgasm.

If you haven't experimented with g-spot stimulation, you can try a sex toy such as a vibrator or dildo designed to provide direct or indirect stimulation to the g-spot. Likewise, you can position your body in a way that the penis hits the g-spot during penetrative vaginal intercourse while also using your fingers or a vibrator to directly stimulate your clitoris. For some women, thrusting during vaginal penetration provides vaginal stimulation by indirectly stimulating their g-spot and increasing arousal. Either way, most women need significant genital stimulation to their clitoris in order to orgasm in addition to any type of vaginal stimulation they receive from penetrative sex.

One significant mistake many women make is not allowing themselves sufficient time for their orgasm. Unlike men, who often orgasm within the first three to five minutes of direct penile stimulation, most women need 20-40 minutes of direct clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. Many women who haven't experienced an orgasm simply haven't given themselves the time they need.

Taking time during foreplay is essential, as some couples rush into intercourse too quickly, focusing solely on reaching their goal of having an orgasm through intercourse. Remember, the goal is pleasure and connection, not a race to the finish line.

Female orgasm, a topic often shrouded in mystery and misconceptions, is a unique journey for every woman. So, you might be wondering, "How can I nurture my journey to female orgasm?" There's no one-size-fits-all answer, and that's what makes this journey unique and deeply personal. Various factors may influence your ability to orgasm, such as the need for proper stimulation, the right mood, ambiance, or environment.

Your body is unique, and only you can truly understand where and how you need to be touched. Be open to exploring your desires and dislikes when it comes to sex. Take your time; women often require more time to orgasm than men.

Now that we've touched upon some common challenges, let's explore strategies to enhance your orgasms. Remember, there is no one-size-fits-all solution, but these tips can help you on your journey to sexual satisfaction.

Getting to know your own body is an essential step on the path to better orgasms. Self-exploration through masturbation helps you to learn what feels good for you by touching yourself or using a sex toy. Explore yourself in a non-judgmental and curious manner. Learn what feels good and communicate your preferences with your partner. Masturbation is a healthy way to become more in tune with your body and your desires.

You can even invite your sexual partner to join into this type of sexual activity, enhancing both your sexual arousal and tension. If you need help finding the courage to masturbate or need ideas about new ways to masturbate or experience sexual stimulation, OMGYES is a wonderful, research-based resource focused on helping women and their partners learn about enhancing female sexual arousal and helping them to experience orgasm.

Whether its direct or indirect stimulation, vaginal penetration or clitoral stimulation with fingers, oral sex or using a sex toy, whatever you need for an enjoyable sexual experience is okay. Remember that it is your body and only you can know where you need to be touched, how long you need to be touched, and what type of touch you need.

Open and honest communication with your partner is crucial to a healthy sexual relationship. Let them know what feels good, what you'd like to explore, and any concerns or fears you may have. Creating a safe space for conversation can lead to a more fulfilling sexual relationship and hopefully set the stage for better male and female orgasms, along with a feeling of closeness and connection.

Variety can spice up your sex life and help you discover what works best for you. Don't be afraid to experiment with different positions, techniques, or a sex toy if that's something you're comfortable with. What's most important is that you're both enjoying the experience.

Stress can affect your overall well-being and your sexual experience. In fact, stress can be an orgasm killer. Our bodies are biologically wired to have trouble orgasming when we're stressed. Thus, the more you are stressed about your orgasm, the harder it is for you to reach that climax.

As a certified sex therapist, I recommend practicing mindfulness techniques. Mindfulness, the practice of being fully present in the moment, can significantly enhance your sexual experience. Being mindful means being fully present with your partner, noticing the subtle sexual cues and the things that bring you pleasure. Instead of getting caught up in performance anxiety or overthinking, try to immerse yourself in the sensations of the present.

Deep, conscious breathing can be an excellent tool for staying grounded and connecting with your own body. Letting go of distractions and being mindful can help you overcome mental barriers to orgasm. By being mindful, you'll become better at noticing sexual cues and all the things that feel good to you.

Start practicing mindfulness outside the bedroom first. Relax, breathe, and clear your mind. Mindfulness doesn't mean not having thoughts interrupt you. Rather, it's all about learning to stop thoughts from intruding and distracting you from being present. Instead of letting thoughts hijack you, mindfulness teaches you to notice the intruding thought and then immediately let it go. The more you develop this skill, the better you'll apply it during intimate moments.

And lastly, adopt the mindset that you’re going to achieve orgasm. Your brain is your biggest sex organ and how we think about ourselves as sexual beings greatly impact our interest in sex and our overall sexual health. Keep in mind that you, not your partner, are responsible for your orgasm.

If you find that your challenges with orgasm are significantly affecting your life and relationships, seeking help from a certified sex therapist can be incredibly beneficial. You can find a certified sex therapist in your state through the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists at AASECT.org.

Although orgasms are great for our physical and mental health, your goal should be to create an enjoyable sex life with your partner that honors sexual health and is based on mutual pleasure and a deeper and more intimate connection.

Resources:

The following are some additional resources for further reading:

Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski, Ph.D.

Becoming Cliterate by Dr. Laurie Mintz

The Guide to Getting It On by Paul Joannides

• Website
• LinkedIn
• Substack (A Midlife Reckoning)
• Workshops

Ready to spice up your sex life? Get my guide “69 Ways to Spice Up Your Sex Life”

Summary:

Some people want to have great sex but they just don’t know how. And as a sex therapist, I frequently get asked how couples can improve their sex life. As such, it’s necessary to know that beyond communication and other factors, lies a journey of self-discovery and mutual exploration.

If you want to learn more about great sex or if you wish to add spark in your sex life and achieve great sex experience with your partner, this episode is for you.

What do we mean by great sex?

When we talk about great sex, we are referring to great sex in a committed relationship, not just the fleeting encounter of a one-night stand. It is through the intimacy of great sex in a relationship that couples or partners get to build a deeper connection with each other, that is not just constrained to their physical bond.

Each touch serves as a confirmation of fondness and every tender kiss an expression of deeper affection. This bond ignites pleasure and embodies an unspoken promise of mutual care, trust and respect.

We also have to note that sex is not like those movie scenes that mislead us into believing that all sex is magical. In reality, sex can sometimes just be average or sometimes, a dud due to reasons like erectile dysfunction, difficulty in having orgasms, issues with sexual arousal, and lack of emotional connection and erotic intimacy.

What are the ingredients for great sex?

One of the biggest ingredients for great sex is being attracted to your partner. When you’re in love with your partner, it makes you desire them in a romantic and intimate way because that’s a way of expressing love.

Sex with your partner is something that is special. I want couples to start considering sex as an avenue to explore and have fun freely rather than thinking of it as a chore that needs to be done.

The foundation for great sex is a foundation of strong love that is built on trust and mutual respect. It’s the love between you two that keeps you interested in having sex. For women, what gets them interested in having sex with their partners is that feeling of being closely connected to their partner. For men, on the other hand, they often feel loved through the act and experience of sex with their partner.

Trust is an equally important ingredient in having great sex, as the foundation of strong love is built on trust and mutual respect. When you trust your partner, you know that you are fully safe and accepted for who you are. Being in a safe space lets you express yourself more freely, further allowing you to explore more of your sexuality.

Communication is key to having healthy relationships.

Being able to talk to your partner about sex significantly affects your sex life, as you’re able to discuss your sexual preferences and interests, as well as your dislikes.

Another ingredient for great sex is your mindset. This holds true as the brain is referred to as the biggest sex organ. It’s your mindset about sex that can either make or break your sexual experiences. The thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes you hold towards sex wield a profound influence on your intimate experiences and interactions.

The level of comfort that you have with your body also affects your sex life. We are our own harshest judges on how we look and how others perceive us. But often times, it seems that this issue matters more to us than it does to them. We have to instill in our minds the importance of self-confidence. It is what makes us attractive to other people and what makes us love ourselves better.

Knowing yourself sexually is essential for you to be able to enjoy your sex life. Otherwise, if you don’t know what you want, how you want to be touched, or what feels good for you, then you’re less likely to have great sex. You have to know what you want and what you need, in order to communicate your desires with your partner.

Be open to exploring more to spice up your sex life.

While routine can offer a sense of security in your relationship, being open to exploring more during sex can inject a sense of excitement and unpredictability into your sexual dynamics. This is about delving into your own desires and understanding what truly arouses you.

Exploring more is a conscious commitment to establishing and nurturing a fulfilling sex life. However, in order to be comfortable in exploration, there must be a good foundation of mutual trust, love and respect. It's also important to establish clear boundaries and to always prioritize consent.

Setting up the right context for sex.

Having sex in the right time, place and head space will make your sexual experiences better. Context is more than just the environment, but it also covers how you’re feeling about yourself and your partner.

These factors are significant because it dictates your energy levels, stress levels, and overall readiness for intimacy. The intersection of timing, setting, and head space amplifies the pleasures of physical connection, enriching the experience on both an emotional and physical level.

Evaluate the aspects of your sex life and identify which ones you have to strengthen to improve your sex life. Your active involvement, combined with your partner's, fosters an environment of shared growth and intimacy. Remember that you’re in control of all these ingredients of great sex.

• Website
• LinkedIn
• Substack (A Midlife Reckoning)
• Workshops

Ready to spice up your sex life? Get my guide “69 Ways to Spice Up Your Sex Life”

***Ready to spice up your sex life? Get my FREE guide “69 Ways to Spice Up Your Sex Life” by going to www.lovefilledlife.com/69ways.***

Sex is one of the most important aspects in a relationship, which is why this is a topic that typically comes up when I talk to couples. Embracing the importance of great sex fosters deeper connection, elevating the relationship further and cultivating emotional intimacy in a relationship.

I would consider my past self as quite inexperienced in some aspects of intimacy, but things took a positive turn as my husband empowered me to explore more of my sexuality and to embrace being sexual. Considering that I am a direct person, I am more comfortable now talking about sex even with my family when we have gatherings.

I’m excited to be on this journey with all of you, as I answer burning questions about great sex and guide you to ignite your love and sex life. Remember that life is too short for bad sex. So stay tuned for my upcoming episodes!

Did you ever have questions about sex or your relationship? And you were too embarrassed or awkward to ask anyone, even a friend? Or have you felt yourself drifting apart from your partner, and you miss feeling close and in love, but you just don't know what to do? Or do you wish you were better at sex, or that you actually enjoyed it?

If any of those sound like you, then you're in the right place. I’ve created the Great Sex Podcast for people just like you who are in long term relationships, but want to improve your sex life with your partner.

Who I am and why I started this podcast.

I'm Dr. Heather England, the certified sex therapist and relationship expert who's excited to introduce you to the Great Sex Podcast. This podcast is your go-to source for candid discussions that tackle all your burning questions about love and sex.

I don't just bring professional advice to the table; I also share my own ups and downs in relationships, aiming to empower you to ignite your own love and sex life. I've been through a journey—from growing up in upstate New York, serving in the military, and working in the corporate world—to become who I am today, an expert on love and sex.

My podcast offers an intimate setting where you can feel comfortable discussing your own sexual experiences and questions. I know what it's like to go through romantic highs and lows, and I'm here to share insights to help you enhance your relationships. Whether you're feeling stuck in a relationship rut or looking to spice things up, the Great Sex Podcast is your guide to becoming a better sexual being.

What I hope to accomplish with this podcast.

I'm thrilled to guide you through the journey of achieving great sex and deeper love with this podcast. The focus here isn't just on sex, but on the crucial elements that make great sex possible in long-term relationships: deep, close, and trusting love. Let's cut through the noise and get to the information that no one talks about—answers to those questions you might be too embarrassed to ask. I aim to be as straightforward as possible, offering you actionable takeaways that you can easily implement into your love and sex life after each episode.

The format? Short and sweet. Expect episodes to be around 15 to 20 minutes long, because let's face it, who has the attention span for marathon podcasts? Of course, when I bring in guests—which I plan to do in the next eight to 10 weeks—those episodes may run a bit longer. My son Cooper will also be joining me monthly to dive into listener questions, and I guarantee he's a hoot you won't want to miss! I'm learning alongside you, and I'm incredibly excited to be on this journey with you to unlock the secrets of great sex and stronger relationships.

Resources:

Ready to spice up your sex life? Get my FREE guide “69 Ways to Spice Up Your Sex Life” by going to www.lovefilledlife.com/69ways.