Midnight Wisdom

With the moon ahead of me, a tea in my hand, myself and my thoughts. I roam. 

I'm getting bored. And it's time to start having more fun with what I'm doing.

There's no reason to be afraid, there's nothing to protect.

In this one I confess two things. And I go into my compulsive need to find a problem in my way of being or way of thinking. Which is funny and ironic because I'm basically identifying that as a problem.

We're usually our own worst enemies. And frankly, I'm terrified of myself.

After spontaneously deciding to go to Berlin for a night, I'm back in Hamburg. 

On the way over there I was like "What the hell am I doing on a bus to Berlin right now.. All I want to do is eat and sleep." But obviously I couldn't eat or sleep, I broke the day to day pattern of everything I was following, and now I was hungry on a bus with only time on my hands and a party to look forward to. 

I came back to Hamburg to find a gay parade going on. God bless self-expression.

The need to be liked, the patterns of thoughts in my head, the narrative I believe and doubt at the same time. Desperately trying to find a problem about myself to fix. Who am I?

If I had half a mind I'd book a bus to Berlin and party my ass off.  

I ran into Dominic in an event in Amman, Jordan, that I broke into with a friend of mine. 

Representing Nvidia at the time as the head of Virtual Reality, Dominic went on stage with his VR Head-set with a huge screen behind him that showed us the experience he was going through. From his voice alone you could tell how passionate he was with what he was doing. 

As he gave his talk, he took apart the engine of a car and showed us how easy and intuitive it was to move and control things in this "Extended Reality" he was in. 

I ran into Dominic in a cafe outside of the event and we had an intense hour and a half discussion about reality and the future implications of virtual reality.

We continue that conversation tonight on Midnight Wisdom.

Before sharing the conversation I had with Dominic, the former head of Virtual Reality in Nvidia, I reflect on a few things that have been bothering me. Mainly my attempt at being clear and aware of the things I'm putting my energy in, and how I feel like I'm not sharing that clarity as best as I could. 

At the moment, I feel like I haven't been developing the level of knowledge that I want when it comes to the things I'm involved in. I feel like all I know I know superficially, like this general knowledge that can be talked about but can't really be applied, and I'm planning on changing that.

But do I really need to do any of that?

In the episode I mention how I'm constantly trying to optimize my life and the things around me but that isn't really true. I'm just trying to be genuine with myself and the world around me. To move in my life towards what feels right to me, and expand my idea of what's possible.

It was nice to let some of it out. And it was funny for me to see how quickly my view of the things I talked about changed by the time I recorded and when I listened to that recording again. 

I want to be more specific, and not so general, even with the things I talk about week to week. Awareness and attention. Clarity. 

The journey is still on, let's see where this narrative goes. 

Even the attempt at being genuine comes off as artificial. 

I look into a few stupid things I've done when it came to the podcast, courses and the book.

Letting go is a part of our ability to get to continue. To create space in our homes, our lives and our minds to move on to the next step. 

I start this episode by randomly showing appreciation to my microphone and it all carried on from there. As much as we consume and as much as we use in our world today, we disregard how we couldn't do a lot of what we think is very normal for us without the things that let us do them to begin with. 

To take a good look at the items that we do have and ask ourselves, "what does this add to my life?" "What do I feel towards this?" and having the courage to "discard" it to create the space for something new, something richer.

How we separated ourselves from the animals around us, animals we once were and animals that contribute to us being ourselves. 

How that separation happens as we grow older and distance ourselves from our parents so that we can develop our own personalities. 

How that separation can continue to grow as we reach the stars and begin to colonize the world we were born from. 

The idea of separation is powerful one I'm sure I'll get into again. But for now, enjoy ;)

The 40th episode of our journey on Midnight Wisdom.