Mindful Pause Podcast

How to deal with your racist family and friends

I was asked by a good friend to do a podcast episode on the topic of how not to get triggered by our racist friends and family. We can all agree that we are a very divided country – we’ve been for a long time. And it doesn’t help that many people cling so tightly to their beliefs, don’t take responsibility and blame others which create a bigger chasm between us.

You may think of me as a calm yoga teacher, but I’m a very sensitive and emotional person. I cry a lot and can fly off the handle easily, especially when I deal with people I deem ignorant or mean.  

I think that’s why discussing politics, religion, race, sex or anything that is highly emotionally charged can be so confrontational, causing feuds at family gatherings.

Right now, we are going through some major historical events:

this global pandemic: those who are worried about health and those who are worried about businesses,

racial protests and riots – those who support black lives and those who support macy’s.

the fight for the rights of LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer) people -- some may totally be on board with equality and others not so much.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but how do we NOT get triggered by those opinions that differ from ours?

I hate to break it to you, but you’ll never get rid of triggers, nor will you be able to stop the other person from triggering you.

Today on the podcast I’ll share with you 5 ways that help me deal with people who trigger the F out of me and see their different beliefs as portals to my own growth.

1. Triggers are teachers.

In episode 80 I talk all about triggers. Triggers are all around us. We can’t avoid being activated by someone or something.

You know you’ve aligned with your ego when you feel inferior or superior to someone else. You’re stuck in comparison or judgement.

Rather than pointing the finger and being upset with that person, what are you learning about yourself and about them?

Our relationships are direct portals to our wounds,

and

awareness of our triggers can be portals to our growth.

If we can view our triggers as our greatest teachers, we can then heal our inner world to affect our outer world.

Ironically, we are most often highly triggered by those we care about or are closest to.

The challenging work is to watch and witness your thoughts. Most of our thoughts are recycled from our conditioned thinking.

We are triggered when the reality is not how we think it should be.

When I feel resentment, offended, hurt, or any kind of hot emotion, it’s an opportunity to turn inward, not lash outward.

Sit with the sensation so that the boiling emotion comes to a simmer.

Trying to avoid the sensation just creates more suffering.

In fact, reality has no emotional charge. The present moment is what it is.

An event.

A feeling.

Some words.

An action.

It’s us humans that create the emotional charge behind reality. Something about that thing activates something within.

Taking responsibility for how you show up and changing your beliefs by watching your thought patterns lead to freedom.

Anything that causes you to be in an emotional state is your spiritual teacher.

Invite them in.

1. Detach from the outcome:

How do you detach from the outcome when you’re triggered, hurt and outraged at a friend’s beliefs and actions? It’s hard.

This is the work, my friend.

Detaching doesn’t mean you avoid the conversation or become numb or check out.

One of my favorite quotes is “When you’re upset, don’t eat.” Wait. No. That’s for another episode.

My favorite quote by Bryron Katie that I live by, especially when I’m triggered is, "There's your business, Other people's business and God's Business"

Most of the time I’m in someone else’s business that’s out of my control.

We spend too much energy replaying someone else’s actions and trying to influence someone else’s life, when in reality it’s their life and their choice of how they want to show up. We have no control over them.

Detach from the idea of converting anyone. You will never change anyone by forcing your own opinion and criticisms on them.

These battles about race, politics, humanity, and equality or any other disagreement are like a game of tug-of-war, where our Egos hold so tightly to what we believe to be true.

The more you pull and think you’re right, the harder the other person pulls to prove their right.

But…If you let go, you win.

The Ego wants to be right. Our heart wants to be understood.

1. Intentionally listening

Ok so if you get that triggers can be teachers and you’re working on letting go, how do you make peace with the other person who is upsetting you?

LISTEN. Intentionally listen.

Rather than mentally formulating your next objection before the other person has finished their sentence, listen with the intention to hear their view. I know this is hard, especially when steam is fuming out of your ears and your heart is seething with rage. Come back to step 1. Triggers are your teachers. Right now, your teacher is guiding you to generously listen.

Instead of speaking AT your friend, speak to what she said so you can have a constructive conversation and learn from both ways vs locking down and having a blowup fight.

Just like you have particular beliefs that you’ve learned, she has too.

When you can detach from trying to change your friend or family, and can listen to understand their viewpoint and learn their background behind their beliefs, you will learn something about them you never knew.

1. I saw this on @southasians4blacklives and loved this point: Instead of calling them out, call them in

Our Ego wants to be right, by trying to convert them, or point out their flaws and prove why they’re wrong or how they’re a bad person. This only makes the other person defend who they are even harder.

No one wants to feel judged, wrong or unimportant.

Once you take the tug out of the tug-of-war, they feel seen, understood and significant.

Everyone wants that.

When they feel seen and heard, they’ll be more open to listening to you too. Their wall to defend themselves has come down a bit, and so has yours.

Sometimes they won’t be open or they’re just rude to the core, and, you know what, that’s a different choice (like a long term) choice you may need to make about your relationship and the boundaries you extend to that person.

But if they’re in your life to stay, like your good friend or a family member, and if you think they’re a good person and you would like to keep them in your life, why not make it pleasant as possible and stay open to learn from each other.

So instead of calling them out, call them in. Rather than pointing out their shortcomings, share with them your personal experiences, your own blind spots and what you have learned that they may not know.

By focusing on you and inviting them in to see your vulnerability and transformation, this may help them be less defensive and more open to learning about their own blind spots.

Hopefully by staying open and communicating from your heart space of loving on them, instead of your Ego that wants to perfect and prove, they also become teachers and share what they learn with others.

1. See this is as practice

In Sanskrit Svadyaya means “self-study.”

The real yoga starts when you leave your mat and get into the world.

Each step forward is really just a step deeper into yourself.

Every relationship is a mirror to teach us something about yourself.

Instead of preaching,

controlling or forcing your opinion,

see these moments of fury as opportunities to stay open,

intentionally listen

so you can learn about the other person

(and about yourself)

and fine tune your communication skills

By sharing from your heart,

rather from the Ego,

your light will inspire them to do the same.

And if it doesn’t,

then you will have changed

for the better because of it

This is the real Yoga.

to stay present to the simmer

pause in stillness,

listen with intention to hear both sides,

study yourself so you can know yourself

and speak from your heart

and

be the change you wish to see in the world.

I love hearing from you on my blog + instagram! How has this helped you?

If it has helped, I appreciate you sharing this with your friends.

I thought this was perfect timing to have Andrea on the show because we are all experiencing collective trauma with this pandemic, which can trigger past feelings and experiences of loss and grief.

Andrea Wetterau is a licensed therapist and certified yoga teacher in Seattle, WA, specializing in treating eating disorders, trauma, and perinatal mental health.

On the podcast today, she shares her traumatic birth story and postpartum where she thought she would die from 3 different times of hemorrhaging.

Andrea explains Trauma does not just have to be something big, like a death, or having an illness or experiencing a disaster.

Trauma is anything that creates a negative response in your body and mind. It happens when we feel we don’t have control or agency in our lives.

Andrea shares that trauma is like a linen closet. Each piece of beautifully folded linen represents a memory. When you experience trauma, you ball up that piece of linen and shove it in the closet, but every time you open it, it falls on you. Using EMDR therapy, you basically take out that wadded linen/your trauma memory, open it, let it breathe and then fold it so it fits back into your closet. Trauma doesn’t go away, but can be processed and healed.

Through EMDR therapy, awareness and giving yourself a ton of compassion, you too can heal. I hope you find a bit of comfort in today’s podcast.

Please let me know in the show notes, and as always thank you for sharing with anyone who could benefit and reviewing this podcast.

You can connect with Andrea at  https://www.wetterauwellness.com

The other day I was multi-tasking because that’s the job description of being a new mom. You will do everything, be everything, and do it all leaving you frazzled and looking haggard in the process. Pay: nothing.

On this day, though, I was multitasking like a champ. Hunter was on the custom ladder Jake made for her watching me chop vegetables and stir the mushrooms simmering no the stovetop. I was like an octopus, one hand stirring the pot, then another arm to the oven to check the vegetables, then another arm would reach out to hunter and feed her. All of this while I was facetiming with my mother-in-law. I deserved the multitasking star.

I took a break to change Hunter’s wet diaper to return to a smoky kitchen. When I checked the oven, I found I had left my ovenmit to roast along with the vegetables. The mit was black and seriously smoking.

My multitasking could’ve caused a real disaster. No star for me

As humans, we’re smart. Our brain can handle multiple functions.

Right now, you’re listening to this podcast, maybe you’re driving, and thinking about what you want for dinner, reminding yourself to not leave the ovenmit in the oven like a moron, you switch lanes, wonder whether to turn this podcast off and change it to Oprah’s Masterclass – I mean, who doesn’t love Oprah, a friend texts you in which you respond with both hands on the phone and your knee on the wheel, actually this is a pretty good podcast – you’ll stick through the next few minutes, you decide to make it easy on yourself and not burn the house down and get take-out, all while you’re breathing and your heart is beating.

We’re wired to muti-task. But although you can multitask, and maybe you’re really good at getting multiple tasks done at once, you cannot multi-focus, which means you’re probably not doing a really good job at any of those tasks.

You can do multiple things at once, but you can only focus on one thing at once.

As a new mom, I often feel like that ovenmit – my hair is on fire, but I still am going through the motions of life like it’s not.

It’s only when we can slow down, and be fully present to what’s in front of us that we can enjoy the presence of life around us. Otherwise we’re too busy, too distracted, too tired, too *whatever you’re feeling* to see the magic of the moment.

…To experience the person in front of us …to truly hear them without our own thoughts getting in the way …to be present to the task at hand with full enjoyment, creativity and no disctractions.

That task is no longer a task to complete quickly, but something you can enjoy.

I know what you’re thinking…Audrey, that Zen Buddhist Dalia Lama stuff sounds really nice on paper. Namaste. But this is real life. I got stuff to do!

I get it. We all do. You’re not alone

But it’s more important now, more than ever to slow down and tune in because everything is pining for your attention. Everything – the ping on your phone begs for your response, your children want quality time with you, your job demands tasks to be returned, errands that need to be run, bills you need to pay, garbage that stinks up the kitchen and the worries in your head of not getting it all done in time.

You don’t have to be all, do all for all. Actually it’s pretty impossible. You won’t do it all well.

Instead of wanting more, I invite you to want less and be more focused on the very most important things.

Focus helps guide you to what is most important and helps you stay on your purpose.

If you don’t define what is most important to you, someone else will. People will grab for your attention. Tasks will BEG for you to complete them.

Then you get to the end of your day, and wonder what the heck did I accomplish today? Have you been there? I mean, you did stuff. You were in motion, but you didn’t move the ball forward. You were in action, but didn’t accomplish anything today.

 I don’t want you to feel this way at the end of your life.

So, do this with me. Think about all of the things you are holding now. Well, maybe not holding, but juggling, and maybe even dropping. I know, it’s a lot sister!

Are these the most important things that will make the biggest difference in your life or the lives you love?

Take 3 deep breaths. What is the most important thing right now?  What is the biggest regret you’ll have?

Now, this could be a big life goal or a change in direction that could seem scary. We major in minor things and get distracted and busy with the small stuff and it keeps us from accomplishing the BIG stuff.

What showed up for you may not be something big at all. It may be something small but really meaningful, like “figure out what IS most important. Or rest now. Or go to yoga. Or go to yoga with Audrey.”

You can use this easy exercise anytime you feel untethered to help bring you back to center and what’s most important to you.

Keep asking, what is important right now? Until you get down to the small doable action that serves your bigger purpose.

Was this an ah-ha for you as it was for me? Let me know on the blog or insta.

Thanks for tuning in friend, rating and sharing this podcast. I love you! see you next week!

Head over to my website www.audreysuttonmills.com for downloadable freebies for deeper connection and self-love and don’t forget to sign up for my free webinar and how to quiet your itty-bitty-shitty-committee which is on April, 20, 2020 and this is also the launch of SOUL SCHOOL, my 7-week transformation online course, you’ll learn easy and tangible tools to cultivate deeper self-love so you can release limited beliefs, quiet your inner critic, celebrate yourself and become the person you want to be.

I hosted a workshop recently and most of the women had a goal on their to do list, like starting a meditation practice or journaling, but had a hard time starting or sticking to their goal.

We’ve all been there. You set a goal to meditate, you’re going strong for the first week and then your efforts start to peter off.  Life is busy! You needed your sleep. A few days later, you haven’t meditated and you’ve broken your promise to yourself. So you travel down that shame spiral beating yourself up for being worthless and undisciplined.

Oh, is that just me?

Or you’ve had a goal on your to-do list for months, or years.  You know it’s good for you, like journaling your feelings so they don’t get bottled up and explode on the starbucks barista next time he screws up your double mocha frappaccino with 2 pumps. You wanna do journal, but you never start. So what’s the hold up?

I don’t have a friendly relationship with discipline. I never have. It definitely stems from childhood, but this is for another episode. Discipline feels like punishment.

As I reparent myself and learn about my bad habits and where they come from, I am realizing I need a need to go to couple’s therapy with my relationship with discipline.

Discipline equals freedom.

Just like we all want to be happy, we all want good and healthy habits, because we know that habits lead to lasting healthy changes.

Unfortunately, most of us are not in control of our habits. Forty-fifty percent of our habits are unconscious, meaning we do them without consciously thinking of them. 

The question is, do you like that habit? Is it making you a better you?

I recently read James Clear book, Atomic Habits, and this is now on my Top 10 books to read. He gives so many great nuggets of wisdom to build healthy and lasting habits. I’m gonna share 3 that have changed my life.

Habit building is hard because you’re literally rewiring your brain. If I’m Tom, then discipline is my Jerry, and if I can befriend discipline, you can too.  Here’s how:

1. Create easy wins.
2. Design your environment to build lasting repetition.
3. Tack the new habit on to an old habit you’re already doing.

If you’re like me, sometimes the need to be perfect, or over-thinking, or over-planning, or over-researching keeps you stuck in follow through with your goals. Although doing these things can feel like you’re doing something, it just creates MOTION not ACTION. Take it from the queen of procrastination – I can research something to death!

Action creates momentum. Repeat action creates lasting habits that are automatic and feel like second nature. You can stack new habits from there.

Discipline is where it all starts.

Discipline isn’t punishment. It’s freedom and it does feel good.

How do you feel about discipline? Holler at me on the blog or insta. Hopefully this has shifted your perspective of it and inspired you to go for a habit you’ve been wanting to start. You can do this.

If you want more self love and empowerment in your life, head to my website www.audreysuttonmills.com for downloadable freebies like my 52-week self love journal and my free webinar or how to quiet your itty-bitty-shitty-committee on April 20th, which is also the day SOUL SCHOOL registration opens, my 7-week transformational course that helps you live your most expansive life and become the person you want to be through tools for deeper self-love so you embody your truth: You are enough and You Matter!

As always, thank you for being here and spending your valuable time with me. I appreciate you.

Usually when I’m upset with someone, it’s because I have expectations of how they “should” be.

But is that real pure love?

Is that reality?

Or is it just my perspective of reality?

During our valentines weekend, Jake went skiing Saturday and Monday, so Sunday was our day for quality family time and for this momma to get a break.

I ended up doing a mix of taking care of the baby and we didn’t get quality time together.

I was upset, felt used, and unloved because it didn’t go the way I wanted.

He thought the day went well.

Are we on freaking different planets?! How could we experience the same day but have the opposite perspectives of how the day went?

He thought taking care of the baby for 2 hours while I did errands and got a rushed 20-minute workout was enough and going for a walk in the park together constituted quality family time. I just wanted was to lock myself in the bedroom and read my book – by myself and go wine tasting and eat pizza in the afternoon as a family. 

These are very different scenarios. I was resentful, bitter and upset the whole day.

When the day was pretty much over, I was still fuming. My one day off to spend together was wasted. I took a shower and some deep breaths and invited my bitterness in. 

When I viewed these negative emotions as a teacher, it led me to realize I had expectations of him and the day. I was blaming him the whole day, but it was my fault for feeling disappointed and upset because I never communicated my expectations of what I wanted our day to be like. 

Those triggers taught me I needed to own my responsibility for my expectations of him and to communicate my feelings and what I wanted. It wasn’t fair to him to make the unreasonable expectation that he should know what I want and read my mind.

I was the one who ruined my day. I had turned it into a story.

Anyone else been there too making something into everything? 

I had created turmoil in my world by placing my own expectations on reality.

Our Ego loves to point the finger, but that doesn’t created healing.

Once I lovingly communicated my feelings and took responsibility for having unreasonable expectations and judgements, Jake openly heard me and we had a great rest of the evening.

It’s very empowering when you see how your thoughts become your story and know you can choose how you want to show up in the world. 

The reality is: You have no control over others. You have no control of the outcome. You have no control over anything outside yourself. You only have control of yourself. Taking responsibility shifts the blame from someone else to taking responsibility for your thoughts and beliefs.

Taking responsibility for your own internal state is empowering and leads to freedom and ease in life and your relationships

Meditation is a great tool, that if practiced consistently can help you watch your crazy thoughts and how you actually create turmoil in your world by placing your own expectations on reality, instead of seeing reality for exactly as it is.

So, my invitation for you this week: when you’re in resentment, offended or hurt by someone, see it as an opportunity to turn inward, not lash outward, to view how your expectations of how that person should be is really just a story you’re telling yourself and is not coming from a place of love.

Your expectations of reality are the cause of your suffering of what is really occurring.

 You have the power to create your reality by shifting your expectations of it.

Always loving hearing from you on IG or the blog: www.audreysuttonmills.com 

Hey there sweet friend. How are you doing? If I could be with you, I’d open up my best bottle of cab and sit down with you on my couch and have some real talk.

So, c’mon over and let’s be together. I hope you and your loved ones are safe. I’m sending you love.

I’ve been waking up every morning at 3am, thinking about you and how I serve you now.

I like to think of myself more as a messenger, rather than teacher.

I’m called to whole-heartedly share my experiences and what I learn from others in the hope that you can relate to the lesson to heal parts of your life.

Maybe it’s because when I was lost, I was searching for an honest voice to bring me home. I hope I can be that for you, friend.

Collectively, we are suffering and experiencing a crisis through this pandemic. We feel alone, fearful, worried.

My dad always said, “never let a crisis go to waste.”

Each of us have gone through rough times. No one is free from suffering.

I’ve experienced some crap too:

• Left a marriage and a prosperous life in Silicon Valley I had worked so hard to get and spent half a decade figuring out who I wanted to be
• had a miscarriage and a cancer scare in 2017
• my dad passed away in 2018, just two-weeks before my daughter was born (still working through that grief)

When I’m in turmoil and I can’t figure out why God just made me a shitburger, I come back to this poem, The Guest House by Rumi:

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,

meet them at the door laughing,

and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

In the poem, The Guest House, Rumi shows us that the entirety of human experience is valuable. None of it is to be discounted as unnecessary or even avoidable.

Life can be messy.

Although we would rather only experience positive situations and have good feelings, it’s important to welcome all circumstances and feelings, even sadness, anger, shame, guilt and loneliness into our house.

Each guest has something to offer.

Each feeling and experience is a portal to new awareness.

Accepting each state is accepting the entirety of your being, so you can heal your broken parts and bring you back to wholeness.

When you can stay open to the lesson each guest has to offer, you can learn from each guest, as they each bring a gift to heal, expand, grow and evolve your soul.

Currently, we, like most of the world are experiencing shelter-in-place, which makes this lonely time of not being able to socialize even more taxing. Unlike 9/11 or the 2008 financial crisis, we could at least be out in the sunshine living our normal life, eating our favorite bowl of parpadelle pasta Bolognese, sipping on our favorite Brunello, at our favorite restaurant with our favorite people, enjoying our customary life of hugging and laughing with our friends without sitting 6ft away wearing a medical mask.

Solitary confinement – this is what some countries do to prisoners! We are imprisoned to our home. GULP!

No one wants to be experiencing this. But THIS is what we’re experiencing. This is the guest that’s in our house now.

Reflecting on Rumi’s poem, each guest brings a gift. What is the gift in our circumstance?

We complain about being too busy and not having enough time to do self-care, take a bath, journal, start a meditation practice or a new hobby, spring clean our pantry, read a book (an actual book and feel the pages on your fingers), finish the scrapbook you started last year, write a letter or call loved ones who have been on your to-do list for months (eh-hem, years).

Although unwanted, perhaps this experience is showing up at the right time to give you your sacred retreat for quiet time, personal care and inner reflection.

I mean, we pay for these types of experiences, albeit it we’re not in a tropical thatched roof bungalow overlooking the ocean and palm trees with sun kissed skin and sandy straw beach hair (God, Audrey, why’d you have to go there!).

We do pay for or desire a retreat experience where we can unplug from our devices and the minutia of our busy lives, be alone so we can get quiet, rest and take care of ourselves.

I’m viewing this time as the Universe not punishing us, but as extra time for healing and reflection asking you:

how do you want to show up?

How do you want to transform during this shelter time?

We can’t control the virus, but we can control ourselves and how we want to show up now.

Along with our negative guests teaching us lessons, I’ve also received hundreds of other guests that have arrived these past few weeks to lift me up and support me through comments on my blog and social media, texts, emails and words of wisdom to teach me that we are not alone.

I love seeing you on IG in my yoga classes every day, youtube and connecting with you online! You are not alone in our struggles.

We are deeply seeking connection. Although connection looks differently, we are connected!

I have been waking up every day at 4am, crazily jotting down ways to serve you. I would love to hear from you, please of what you need now. Even if I can’t create it, I’d love to be that messenger to help lead you to someone who can.

To help support you during this time, please head to my new website: www.audreysuttonmills.com for freebies and resources to help you during these times:

• free yoga on my youtube channel and every day on IG live at noon PST through April 1st
• a guide to start a meditation practice + guided meditation
• 3 ways to curate calm podcast episode
• 52-week self-love journal
• intention card
• sign up for my 10-day self-love challenge happening April 1st.

Also, my ALWAYS ENOUGH course to help you rise from scarcity to hope, discounted for just $6 and 100% goes to making masks to protect our medical warriors who protect us.

I’m sure I’ll be adding more during this time together.

Thank you for your support and love! I am blessed.

I’m learning that when I give from my deepest self, I learn more about myself. That learning is the gift. And when you can learn more about yourself, that gift is also my gift. So, the giving, really, is the gift.

Please let me know what you need, what you’re struggling with and how I can create tools for you to support you now. I love you

Mindfulness is being connected to the present moment, to the joy and the magic of life that surrounds you. Meditation is the daily practice of staying present, nurturing your heart and letting go of the story so you can see and feel what is in front of you.

How to Meditate in 5 Easy Steps:

1.     Rise
2.     Pee
3.     Meditate for 1 minute

(Sit up tall and erect. Set your timer for 60 seconds: 1 min to Zen) Add on time when you have a consistent habit)

1. Breathe and witness your thoughts
2. Detach from the outcome and judgement. Engage in the next moment or thought without an agenda 

The practice of meditation is just a practice. It’s a daily habit to watch your mind and make a conscious choice to come back to your breath, to the sensations in your body, to the present moment. This practice is really just practice for off of your cushion, so when you get distracted, feel untethered or become heated from a story in your head, you can come back to your breath, to your body and to this present moment, remembering this moment is exactly where you’re supposed to be.

Happy Meditating,

Audrey

www.audreysuttonmills.com

What the heck is mindfulness? It’s talked about elusively in yoga classes and in articles, but what exactly is it and why is it important?

We are distracted and busy, now more than ever - outside and inside our minds. Everything is pining for our attention. Things are chaotic right now – lord knows we can use a little calm in this chaos.

I was first introduced to mindfulness in a yoga class a decade ago. It was me and a bunch of 80-year old white haired dudes. It was a gentle yoga class at 11am on a Friday. We never stood up on our mats. I hated it. The teacher led a guided meditation in savasana where we counted 1-2-3-4-5 and so forth until a thought popped in your head. When a thought appeared, you started back at 1. I couldn’t get past 2.

I never realized I had so many thoughts!

The roommate in my head never shut up – she was neve rending broken record telling me what to do, what I should be doing, what I did wrong, worrying about something in the future, ruminating about something in the past, adding items to my grocery list, wondering why he didn’t call me back, pondering what I should eat after yoga class. It was mayhem in my mind!

I mean, honestly, if my mind were an actual person, I’d punch her in the face. That’s how annoying she is.

That night I had the best sleep of my life. That one yoga class sparked a wonderment and curiosity of how to quiet my mind and seek this elusive mindfulness-thing.

Often times we are the opposite of mindful. You’re in resistance when you are trying to control someone or something. Resistance is either aversion to what you’re currently experiencing or attachment to an outcome. Trying to control and resistance to what is creates more suffering.

Mindfulness is being connected to the present moment, to the joy and the magic of life that surrounds you. That may have sounded a little Dalai Lama, Namaste woo-woo, but don’t knock it till you try it.

Mindfulness can be thought of a “state,” a “trait” or a “practice.”

Meditation is the daily practice of staying present, nurturing your heart and letting go of the story so you can see and feel what is in front of you.

You do the practice on your cushion, so you can live and be your practice off it – to be present, feel fully, and be free from storyline in your daily life.

Meditation sounds good. We know it’s good for us, and maybe we have good intentions to meditate, so why is it so hard to do?

In today’s episode, I hope to de-bunk any anxiety around meditation so you can actually start doing it. I give you 5 easy steps to creating a meditation practice in just 1 minute each day. That’s super easy right?

How to meditate: R.P.M:

1. Rise
2. Pee
3. meditate for 1 minute

(Sit up tall and erect. Set your timer for 60 seconds: 1 min to Zen) Add on time when you have a consistent habit of meditating each morning.

So what do you do for those 60 seconds that can seem like forever?

• Breathe and witness – be fully present to what’s in front of you.
• Detach from the outcome (there’s no bad meditation), release judgement (of how you’re doing. It’s just a practice of watching where your mind likes to take you) and let go of adding a storyline (extra commentary)
• Engage in the next moment or thought without an agenda

Meditation is like paper training a puppy. The puppy wanders and you gently bring the puppy back to the paper. Your mind will follow a thought, and you gently bring your mind back to your breath and observe with space what is in front of you.

The practice of meditation is just a practice. It’s a daily habit to watch your mind and make a conscious choice to come back to your breath, to the sensations in your body, to the present moment. This practice is really just practice for off of your cushion, so when you get distracted, feel untethered or become heated from a story in your head, you can come back to your breath, to your body and to this present moment, remembering this moment is exactly where you’re supposed to be.

Joy is not the absence of suffering, the absence of challenges, or the absence of anything else. Living with joy means that we develop a sense of inner well-being that allows us to embrace whatever the present moment offers.

Mindfulness instills in us a genuine sense of curiosity and wonder, even toward the mundane and challenging details of our existence.

Have the life you want by being present to the life you have.

Head over to my website: audreysuttonmills.com for your free guided meditation and a print out of these 5 easy steps of cultivating a meditation practice. Thank you for being a part of our community. If this has helped you, please take a moment to do a review and share this episode with your friends or online.

Also, my signature online course, Soul School, which launches April 20th with a free webinar and a discount just for you. Soul School helps you come home to your Truth: you are enough and you matter and guides you to live your most inspired life and be the person you want to be. Sign up on my website www.audreysuttonmills.com to be the first to know!

“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.” - Corrie Ten Boom

We live in a crazy time right now. I know I’ve said this a several times this year. Have you guys been to Costco lately!? I went to 3 stores looking for toilet paper yesterday. Shelves were empty. Lines everywhere. Streets and shops bare. People looked fearful and were rude, quickly pushing their way through the stores.

We are country rampant with fear and uncertainty, rapidly following Italy, Iran and China’s rates of infection.

The COVID-19 virus is scary because it’s spreading so fast and there’s no cure. This pandemic is affecting all aspect of our lives. Just yesterday, the state of Washington closed all restaurants and bars. People are getting laid off, or are asked to stay home for several weeks with no pay. Schools are closed. Events canceled. The FED reduced interest rates to zero. All of this creates a finacial ripple effect for each person and business.

I know, you’re already bombarded with COVID-19 updates from everywhere you look and I don’t mean to be Debbie Downer! Our spiritual work though, is to be conscious, to awaken and to lean into what we fear and see it through a conscious lens instead of turning away, hiding or numbing.

This episode is inspired by my friends @courtneyjburg, @marybethlarue and @simplyrealhealth who always provide soulful insight and help ground me. Check on their recent IG posts on how to create more calm, how to create actions of what you do have control of, and 28 ways for self-care, all of which we could use right now.

Today on the podcast, I’m sharing 3 ways to help you stay grounded and curate calm during times of unease and uncertainty. Showing up for yourself is one way to spread much needed love during this time of increased fear:

1. Focus on what you DO have control of

Whenever I feel anxious and untethered to my center, there is a quote by Byron Katie that always helps ground me: "There's your business, Other people's business and God's Business"

When I realize what I don't have control of, this quote helps release worrying or anxiety (even for a little bit).

So often we focus on what’s out of our control.

We talk about other people’s choices or criticize someone’s actions. We spend our energy trying to influence someone else’s life, when in reality it’s their life and their choice of how they want to show up.

We worry about what is uncontrollable and is in God’s hands, like a natural disaster, or the weather or this outbreak.

We have no control of the outcome of this pandemic, but we spend so much energy worrying and being fearful of what is not in our control. You can’t worry or control other people’s or God’s business.

What you can focus on is what you do have control over. Especially in chaotic times, this is the only thing that will empower you and tether you back to your place of center.

So ask yourself 2 questions:

• How do you want to feel now? Empower yourself by taking action to feel that.
• What’s not serving you? Release what is creating angst.

It may be time to delete some social apps or watch less news, so you stay sane. Or make space to rest and renew. You can’t control the outcome, but you can control your thoughts, words, actions and energy. Attuning to this emboldens and liberates you to be the person you want to be and feel how you want to feel.

1. Create sacred time to connect

To me, self-love is a verb. It’s an action of fostering support for yourself, checking in and asking how are you doing, what do you need and connecting to your heart to honor how to best support your well-being.

Self-love is the nurturing of your spirit.

Get quiet and tune in to your heart that is your internal GPS whispering where to go and what to do next. Although we’re regulated to stay indoors and practice social distancing, sacred time may look like: getting out in nature (provided its safe), getting fresh air, journaling, meditation, living room yoga, spending quality time with loved ones, trying out a new recipe, learning a new hobby, finally sit down to write that book you’ve been wanting to write for years.

What does Self-care and Self-love look like for you?

1. Take care of yourself, so you can take care of each other

Practice Saucha, the first of the Niyamas of Patanjali’s eight limbs of yoga. Saucha is cleanliness of your body, and also cleanliness of your environment, mind and spirit.

We’re all fanatically cleaning our hands until they feel like alligator scales, and by the looks of the grocery store shelves, we’re Lysoling everything in our home. So, you may be practicing cleanliness of your body and home, and you can also practice saucha by de-cluttering your mind, cleaning it of worry and anxiety.

Yes, we have a pandemic to fear. But recycling the what-ifs and replaying a scenario in your head don’t serve you.

On a spiritual level too, practicing saucha is extending cleanliness and clarity to others through kind thoughts towards each other instead of hostile judgment and guarded haste.

Walls can be built and borders can be closed to keep people out, but this pandemic is showing us that we, as a world, are closely connected.

We are a country that is more and more divided, but it’s up to you have you show up. Empathy goes a long way!

We are all in this together. Take care of yourself, so you can take care of each other.

Peace begins with you. I’m thinking of you and sending you love and support. You can do this!

I hope today’s episode was helpful to help weather this storm. If it was, I would appreciate you reviewing this podcast and sharing it on IG!

To support you, I’m also hosting FREE online yoga and meditation videos on IG @blissfulaudrey every day for the next 2 weeks. And, I’m working hard to get my mini-course to help with anxiety and raise you up out of scarcity mindset and will be offering this mini-course for only $6 because I want you to have the tools to help you create calm and ground you at uncertain times like these.

Sign up for my newsletter on audreysuttonmills.com to be the first to know about this launch.

Also, my signature online course, Soul School, which launches April 20th with a free webinar and a discount just for you, helps you come home to your Truth: you are enough and you matter and guides you to live your most inspired life and be the person you want to be.

You know those friends who you don’t speak to for months or even years, and then when you see them again, you pick right back off like no time has passed? Well, this is my relationship with Scott Feinberg! He is my soul brotha from a different motha. I know you’ll fall in love with him just as much as I have.

Everyone holds trauma. Our pain is universal. Healing is not linear.

Today on the podcast, he shares how you can transform limitations of your conditioned beliefs into empowering ways of being through his 8 principles to heal your trauma and build resilience:

1. Your essence can’t be harmed
2. The vow to see
3. Know you’re coded for resilience
4. Discernment: commit to choose
5. Reverse graffiti
6. We are each the gatekeeper in our own minds
7. Thank you in advance
8. You don’t have to become who you already are.

Scott believes everyone is coded for resilience. You have the power to (un)become and remove what doesn’t serve you. You can transform your suffering into your offering.

I loved every part of our deep soul inspiring conversation today but my big take away is: You don’t have to become who you already are.

Grab your notebooks and pen, take some time with this conversation, because you’ll want to be fully present and jot down notes. It’s a good one!

Connect with Scott @ emotionalhealingretreats.com, kulayogashala.com, instagram: @mysticmuse108

How do you build resilience? Please comment on the blog and instagram. www.audreysuttonmills.com