Mindful Pause Podcast

Welcome to episode 100! I truly couldn’t do this without you and I’m so glad you’re here!

To celebrate episode 100 Today on the Soul School podcasts, I talk with Donte Quinine, a Tedx speaker, life coach and yoga leader about spirituality and racial injustice.

As a yoga instructor and spiritual teacher, his intention is to help people awaken to their own spirit and potential that he believes exists within everyone.

I know you’re going to love hearing his eloquent words as much as I do as he shares that, yes, we are spiritual beings having a human experience, but not each human is having the same human experience because of the color of their skin.

Donte shares how we all can show up better for the Black community and anyone who has been oppressed through the following ways:

• Let go of judgment of what’s right or wrong or what we know to be true, and instead being curious to inquire, explore and seek the truth.
• Ask ourselves deeper questions so we can receive deeper answers.
• Be honest. Tell the whole truth, not just the partial truth that is safe and feels good.
• Look within to see where you are responsible.

His hope is that we no longer have to have difficult conversations around race inequality, because there is no longer a conversation necessary around injustice… His hope is that these are all events in our history books and we can truly meet equally, spirit to spirit.

Donte invites you to get quiet, get curious, be honest and ask deeper questions about what triggers you to receive deeper answers. Welcome to Soul School.

Connect with Donte Quinine at: http://www.dontequinine.com

Thank you for sharing this podcast and rating it! Connect with me:

https://www.facebook.com/audreysutton78

https://www.instagram.com/blissfulaudrey/

http://audreysuttonmills.com

What would someone who loved themselves do?

Welcome to Mantra Monday where in 5 minutes or less, I offer you an intention or a quote to start your week off right. 

Today’s inspiration comes from a student in my soul school online course, which p.s. starts up again in January 2021.

Week 4 of Soul School is about curating self-love, and one of the tools is to celebrate yourself.

I was surprised to learn many of the students in Soul School were unsure of how to celebrate themselves and had difficulty doing this.

When we had our group call about what ways do you give yourself self-love, a soul school student said he asks himself “what would someone who truly loved themselves do or say to themselves?”

I thought this was really profound.

Yeah, we can learn tactics for building self-love, which I’m all about, but sometimes we get stuck of how to actually put these tools into practice. It’s tough to rewire our brain patterns.

I love this question that my student offered, because it relates to everything we do in life and how we relate to ourselves.

So, although we may understand components of self-love, like it’s important to forgive yourself, be compassionate to yourself or kind to yourself, but we get stuck on HOW do you actually do it consistently?

This week’s mantra is “what would someone who truly loved themselves do?”

If you’re feeling down, and want to B-line to the pantry, ask “what would someone who loved themselves do?” EH-HEM, I’m pretty much talking to myself and fat-kid freddy here. Someone who truly loved themselves wouldn’t numb. They would instead be with their feelings and fuel their body.

If you notice your itty-bitty-shitty-committee is super loud, belittling and criticizing you, ask “what would someone who loved themselves say to themselves?” This can shift the words you say silently to yourself so that you give yourself the support you need.

If you’ve been recycling a past story, ask “what would someone who loved themselves do?” This will help you bring awareness that rumination isn’t healthy, hey - this story is in the past, and to love yourself means to be present and move forward, friend!

Remember back in the day when kids would wear the WWJD bracelets? What would Jesus do? It’s like that. Each time you come into conflict with yourself, just ask WWSWLTD (what would someone who loved themselves do) – okay, way too long, but you know what I mean!

Let me know on my blog how this week’s mantra Monday is helping you curate more self-love! Thanks so much listening and reviewing this podcast. I’m so happy you’re here!

If you want to dive in a little deeper, join me in October for the SELF LOVE LAB – a pilot program to help you curate self-love. Sign up on my website audreysuttonmills.com to be the first to know!

Remember you are enough and you matter!

Lately I’ve been deeply ingrained in comparison and judgment. I hate admitting this. I hate even more feeling this way.

My itty-bitty-shitty-committee has been hijacking my thoughts. I share this with you though, so you know you’re not alone. No one is perfect. In our flaws and imperfections, we can connect and heal together.

As a new mom, I’m teaching myself that my toddler’s emotions are totally normal. my natural instinct when hunter is whiny or throws a tantrum is first embarrassment, then I want to distract her and fix it so we can go back to being smiley and happy again. But I know, this will just make her feel she is flawed or bad for having these emotions that bring her mom shame.

The thing is, my daughter is perfectly normal to have any and ALL emotions. We ALL are perfectly normal to have any emotion.

Listen, we don’t have control of which emotion shows up. They will come and go.

It’s what we do with those emotions that matter. The work that you and I do have control of is whether we choose to dwell on the story of those negative emotions. While we don’t have control of which emotion show up, we do have control of how we handle it.

In my soul school signature online course, module 2 is about shadow work. Shadows are a dark part of our personality that we often want to hide because it brings us shame.

One tool to be with and learn from our shadows is to give the shadow a personal name – the sillier the name, the better.

So, for example, this week I’ve been feeling very jealous. Ugh I hate admitting that.  It’s probably one of the worst traits I can think of. I don’t feel jealousy often, but a few times a year, Jealous Jan pops her head out and makes me feel like crap.

Instead of being in my head, ping ponging why I’m jealous, why I shouldn’t be jealous and berating myself for feeling this way, giving the shadow a name makes introspection a little more playful and easier to deal with.

I can call forth Jealous Jan and ask why she’s feeling this way, and what I can do to support her.

Doing this work is so important as an adult. Last week we talked about reparenting yourself. Shadow work can be a reparenting tool too.

Just like I want to be supportive to my daughter who will someday have moments where she is jealous, bitter and resentful, instead of judging her, ignoring the emotion or trying to replace it with something more comfortable, I want to be there for her, to hear her out, and to work with her.

Giving your negative feeling or trait helps ease the self-inquiry process and helps you stay open to learning about yourself so you can let go of judgment and be there for yourself to learn the lesson.

Only when we can be with our uncomfortable feelings, then we can learn from them what they are trying to show us.

Ok Getting back to jealous Jan – when I tuned into her, she said she is feeling unimportant, she’s doing a lot but doesn’t feel like it’s paying off, no one is listening, she’s feeling ashamed for comparing her success to her friend’s success, she’s feeling lost and unsuccessful.

Obviously jealous Jan is me and those are my feelings.

There’s something softer and sillier when you name the trait – it kind of takes the drama out of the emotion so you can create space from it, let go of the story behind it and see the emotion for what it is, just another emotion showing you something about yourself.

We’ve been talking about inner child works these past few weeks on the podcast, and doing a combination of inner child and shadow work is really powerful. I visualize myself as a little child saying these words, and immediately I became softer towards myself.

I realized it’s okay to be jealous. I don’t need to dwell in the negativity that is associated with jealousy. I don’t need to feel shame. I can be happy for those women I admire.

Life is showing you something you want. Esther Hicks talks about the law of attraction and calls it driftwood, when you see something you want in someone else’s life. When you see the driftwood, say thank you to the universe because it’s a sign that you can have this too!

In the interview with Orpah and comedian, Kevin Hart, he tells her that there will never be another Eddie Murphy, but he learned from these comedians he looked up to and that helped him become the success he is today. It’s the driftwood!

Similarly, this dark shadow of jealousy is a teacher showing me that I can learn from those people I admire, and also take time to celebrate how far I’ve come. That I can see the driftwood, admire and learn from others, and trust it as a sign my time is coming too. Jealous Jan also taught me that when I’m in resentment, that usually means I need to slow down and nurture and listen to myself a little more and stay in my own lane (meaning stop comparing and focus on what my talents are and how I can use them).

This may be really weird to look at parts of your personality that you deem negative or you’re ashamed of, but naming that part of your personality helps create some mental space from judgement and can bring you back into your truth of learning the lesson that that emotion is trying to show you, rather than getting caught in the story.

We have myriad parts of our personality that we try to hide or ignore. As humans, it’s our natural instinct to try show up perfectly, and hide what we deem unacceptable.

Personally, I have angry angie, jealous jan, insecure sally, fat kid freddy, negative Nancy, lazy Lou Lou. Gosh so many!! When you think about being angry, jealous, insecure, negative, indulgent and lazy, YIKES those are highly negative parts of your personality that bring shame and hard to look at. But when you can name them, it creates space from it so you can see them, learn from them and heal yourself.

You no longer need to perform, perfect or please. You no longer need to feel broken. You can love yourself as whole and real.

So, the intention this week is to work with any heavy emotions or dark shadow traits you deem unacceptable or shameful and bring a little more play into it by naming it and listening to what this emotion is teaching you.

Invite your dark shadows in and see what they want you to know.

Ok friend, was this too weird or was it interesting? These are some tools I share in soul school signature online course and hopefully they help you too! Thanks for sharing and reviewing this podcast! It means the world to me you’re here.

Also, if you want to dive in deeper, I’m hosting a pilot program called the Self-love lab which begins October 5th. Sign up for details on my website www.audreysuttonmills.com 

Until next week, remember you are enough and you matter!

#audreysuttonmills, #soulschool, #shadowwork, #healing #mindfulness #reparenting #self love #healinginnerchild #spirituality

How to reparent yourself

I get a lot of questions about reparenting. What is it? How to do it? In my soul school online course, our first week is all about connecting to your inner child and reparenting yourself.

According to the @holisticpsychologist, “Re-parenting is the act of giving yourself what you didn’t receive as a child.”

If the word parent triggers you, think about it really just means to re-nurture yourself. How are you going to give yourself the care you needed as a child?

So why reparent yourself?

You have generational behavior patterns that you have learned through your parents or caregivers and through their parents.

Our parents parented the best they could with the resources they had, from their unresolved needs, unmet expectations, and frustrated dreams.

They learned their belief system, their fears, their behavior patterns through their parents or caregivers. 

and typically, we parent how we were parented. So those learned patterns get passed down.

 So, if they were spanked or abused, you may have been spanked. If they grew up with favoritism, you may have experienced that in your upbringing. If you grew up in a house of anger, you may be quick to blame, hold on to resentment or fly off the handle. If you saw your caregivers tip toe around each other, you may have learned co-dependent behavior.

The good news about this is through awareness, you can create your change.

Triggers are teachers. If there is some area in your life that you’re unhappy about – your relationships, how you treat or talk to yourself, addiction, anxiety, if you’re living your life for others, unsure of yourself, feeling like you’re too much or not enough – all of these are teachers.

These wounds and patterns can be linked back to childhood wounds.

You have learned beliefs and patterns that you bring into your relationships with each other and yourself. Nothing is new.

As children we’re very good at being in tune with our environment and very good at protecting ourselves to feel safe.

Even if you had a good childhood, you learned ways of how to act by watching your caregivers, parents, siblings, cousins and their behaviors, beliefs and expectations.

The way we treat ourselves and how we show up in relationships is what we saw or experienced as a child. If we didn’t feel safe, seen, heard or important as a child, then we will try to get that now as an adult in our relationships.

Trauma doesn’t need to be abusive or extreme or black or white. Even if you had a wonderful childhood, you still have learned certain behavior, beliefs and have childhood wounds.

We repeat what is not repaired. As an adult, we’re trying to heal that wound from childhood.

It’s our responsibility to heal ourselves so we don’t have to pass that burden to others.

Dr. Shefali Tsabari says, “The nature of unconsciousness is such that, until it’s metabolized, it will seep through generation after generation. Only through awareness can the cycle of pain that swirls in family’s end.”

Reparenting simply means to nurture yourself.

This week I invite you to sit with any uncomfortable emotions or patterns in your adult life and see how they are linked to child hood. Ask: Where did you learn that belief? Who did you learn that behavior from? And then ask your inner child how can you support him or her to feel safe and loved?

Rather than getting caught up in the story or being triggered more, I invite you to focus on your healing. You can listen to episode 96 for a guided meditation of connecting to your inner child to hear that quiet whisper answers you need to love and nurture yourself.

LMK if you liked this topic. I love hearing from you and staying connected.

Also, I’m super excited to announce my pilot program called the SELF LOVE LAB, where I’ll offer group coaching in October. Details are on my website audreysuttonmills.com. I’d love for you to be part of it!

Thank you for taking a moment to review this podcast and share it so others can heal their inner child. Remember, you are enough and you matter!

www.AudreySuttonMills.com 

#audreysuttonmills, #soulschool, #innerchild, #healing #mindfulness #reparenting #self love #healinginnerchild #spirituality

In episode 94, I shared how connecting to your inner child is a potent way to build your self-love muscle and that self-forgiveness through inner child bonding can be really healing.

Today I’ll guide you through a short meditation to connect to your inner child. You can do this daily and create a daily ritual of loving yourself and nurturing yourself. Before we begin, you will need a comfortable place to sit and relax and a childhood photo of you when you were age 7 or younger.

Inner child work can be really triggering and emotional. In this meditation, allow yourself to be kind to yourself, so if you are highly triggered by an event or a person in your childhood, take some time to step away so you don’t feel too much pain, get overwhelmed or shut down. Imagine you’re just dipping your toe in the water, instead of jumping right in. You can revisit it when there is space and those boiling emotions can be at a simmer and soften allowing for healing.

When you’re triggered, feel angry, deep grief or resentment, it’s okay to be angry or upset, but I invite you to focus on your own healing rather than getting caught up in the story or blaming another person.

Whether you had a tough childhood or a positive one, there will still be wounds in you that you as an adult can heal, because that little child still exists within you.

Okay let’s begin. If feeling anxious, put your feet on the floor, rub your hands gently or rub your hands on your thighs. If you’re feeling calm, and want to connect, place hands on heart or softly on top of each other or on resting on your lap.

Please look at the Photo of your yourself when you were a child. With eyes closed or looking at your child photo, connect to that sweet, pure, innocent and good child that still exists within you.

Take 3 deep breaths.

• GET QUIET + BREATHE
• ASK: how are you feeling?
• Label the feeling or emotion
• LISTEN: What do you need me to know to support you? What do you need me to do for myself to take care of you? Let go of your mind trying to control the story.
• At the end of your meditation, look at your photo and silently or out loud, say “You are safe, enough and loved.

Self-love is a verb.  It’s the nurturing of your spirit.

It’s listening to yourself, your internal GPS and generously listening.

It’s this quiet listening that builds trust, confidence and love

You have the power to love and heal yourself. No one can do it for you.

I hope this mediation to connect with your inner child begins to shift your mindset towards being kinder, and gentler and nurturing to yourself.

If you would like to explore inner child bonding deeper, please join me in a virtual workshop on august 9th from 4-6pm pst, ror deep stretch yin yoga and inner child bonding , and stay tuned for a special pilot program I’ll be announcing in a few weeks – details are on my website audreysuttonmills.com.

Thank you for taking a moment to review this podcast and share it so others can heal their inner child. Remember, you are enough and you matter!

www.AudreySuttonMills.com

When I was a child, I was a parent pleaser.

When I became an adult, I became a people pleaser.

As a new mom and a recovering people pleaser, my initial instinct is to try to make it all better, make my daughter’s pain go away, or distract her with some toy so she forgets her big emotions and can return to being happy.

A few weeks ago, I was at a friend’s house and my daughter, Hunter, was really enjoying playing with her friend’s hot pink Barbie Convertible Car (I mean, who wouldn’t!?) and threw the wildest tantrum when I told her it was time to go home. I became flushed with embarrassment as my child screamed at the top of her lungs, threw her arms around and kicked.

Every cell in my body wanted to scoop her up, give an embarrassing quick wave goodbye, distract her with some candy or a toy – anything that would make her happy and stuff her in the car so we could get home as fast as possible. Let’s erase and forget this ever existed.

Honestly, the people pleaser in me just wanted to make all of her uncomfortable emotions disappear.

But her uncomfortable emotions were a reflection of me being uncomfortable with her feeling uncomfortable.

Still with me?

Kids are honest. They show their genuine emotions as they feel them, and then they let them go after they’ve expressed them.

Adults don’t. We shove these uncomfortable emotions down hoping they’ll go away, but they just fester and erupt at an inopportune time later.

It was probably less than 10 minutes of a breakdown, but it felt like an hour! Instead of running away or distracting from her emotions, I held empathetic space for my daughter and sports casted her feelings, “I know, it sucks to not be able to stay and play with this car. You don’t want to leave. You’re feeling upset and frustrated. Dang! But it’s time to go home now.”

By being her anchor and being empathetic, her emotion lessened. Because I was able to be with her in those uncomfortable times, she could be with herself during her uncomfortable times.

My natural people pleasing instinct is to be the hero and to fix everything so she returns to being happy as soon as possible. I like that role, but it does her no good if I do that.

Basically, I would be teaching her that these uncomfortable emotions are bad and need to be fixed, that she is flawed and that I don’t trust that she’s capable of dealing with Life’s normal circumstances, disappointments and big emotions.

If I try to please her and fix the situation for her, I’ll rob her of invaluable Life skills to know she is brave enough to be with uncomfortable emotions, that not all situations work out and that’s okay, that she is worthy and normal to feel all of her feelings and by doing so she can trust her resilience to ride Life’s waves of various emotions.

Tantrums are not bad, or embarrassing, or even need to be squashed. Tantrums are simply an expression of emotions that need to be released.

Being okay with not being okay is healthy and mature. All of your feelings are normal. Feel them.

This advice rings true for a 1.5 year old as it does for me at 41 years old.

Just as I’m parenting her, I’m also re-parenting myself. Reparent yourself to give yourself the advice, nurturing support you needed as a child.

I’m unlearning to fix and please, not only for her, but for myself.

That same people pleaser mentality is also how I used to deal with myself and negative feelings.

In the past, if I experienced a disappointment, a heartbreak or negative emotion, I would normally aestheticize with food, numb that feeling with booze or distract myself with something else so I didn’t have to be with it.

This strategy has never worked, for me.

So, I’m working on just being present to the Ebb and Flow of big emotions, trusting that by being with the feeling, it will be seen and pass, just like any other emotion.

You don’t have to fix the feeling. Just have to be with the emotion, as it is.

You don’t have to fix yourself You’re not broken.

By feeling your feelings, you return to your wholeness.

If you’re constantly fixing, numbing and ignoring in order to be happy, you will always be chasing this destination. Happiness is fleeting – just like any other emotion.

By honoring Life’s waves of ups and downs, being with yourself and feeling your feelings fully, you’ll be able to find happiness in the process, build worthiness in your new skills, and trust your resilience that you are brave, mature and kind.

LMK if you’re a people pleaser too and if these technique of feeling your feelings and letting go of trying to fix are helpful.

Want to dive in deeper? Join me on Sunday 8/9 from 4-6pm pst for a virtual workshop centered around connecting and nurturing your inner child along with relaxing deep yin yoga and journaling.

Also Mark your calendars because my signature online program, Soul School is back and starts date of October 5th. This course is special to my heart and is a decade of my learning to help you embody your truth: you are enough and you matter. I hope you can join me. SIGN UP HERE TO BE THE FIRST TO KNOW WHEN DOORS OPEN FOR REGISTRATION

One of the topics I teach in my Soul School online course is about connecting to your inner child. Inner child bonding is so healing and very sweet.

The way we would talk to a child is so much different than we talk to our adult self. We’re harsh, judgmental and critical, but you would never be like that to a sweet young child.

If you’re new to inner child connection, there is a sweet, pure, innocent and good child within you still.

Connecting to your inner child immediately brings up a gentleness towards yourself.

We all could use more gentleness towards ourselves.

As Adults, we can be pretty hard on ourselves. We tent to hold on to heavy emotions - judgment, resentment, second-guessing, guilt and shame.

It’s like paying interest on a debt you don’t owe. You don’t have to hold on to these emotions. You can let go and be free.

By connecting to the sweet little girl or boy in you, it’s easier to be kinder and softer to yourself.

I have a timer on my phone where each day I connect with little Audrey. It doesn’t have to be long or weird.

I close my eyes and check in with her to see how she’s doing and what she needs. It usually takes less than a minute.

What’s interesting about inner child bonding is that the answers from her are often different than the answers from my Adult mind.

When my mind says I need to push harder and do more, my inner child says please rest and play.

When my mind says you’re not enough, my inner child says I see you and you’re loved.

When my mind dwells on a past mistake, my inner child shrugs it off and says You learned something, keep going.

Lately, I’ve also been adding self-forgiveness to my journaling and inner child meditations. This allows space for more self-compassion and celebration, and opens the door to give yourself permission to be kinder and gentler with yourself and the process of life’s disappointments.

Sometime self-love can be seen as weak, lazy or indulgent. Give yourself permission to take care and nurture yourself. You are important.

Creating a practice of self-forgiveness is one way you can begin to deepen your compassion towards yourself and expand your self-love.

Just like you would be quick to forgive a child, we need that same empathy as adults.

Your inner child just wants you to see them, to generously listen to them and to be gentle and kind to yourself.

Share on the blog or on insta: What are you forgiving and releasing?

Want to dive in deeper? Join me on Sunday 8/9 from 4-6pm pst for a virtual workshop centered around connecting and nurturing your inner child along with relaxing deep yin yoga and journaling.

Also Mark your calendars because my signature online program, Soul School is back and starts date of October 5th. This course is special to my heart and is a decade of my learning to help you embody your truth: you are enough and you matter. I hope you can join me. SIGN UP HERE TO BE THE FIRST TO KNOW WHEN DOORS OPEN FOR REGISTRATION.

Everyone is holding a lot. I’ve been saying this for 5 months. Times are heavy and hard.

One moment you may feel inspired, and then another moment depleted and exhausted. If you’re a sensitive empath like me, you may be feeling the weight of the world and the weight of your responsibilities and fears.

In these hard times, the itty-bitty-shitty-committee can be really loud. Maybe so loud, you’re ready to throw up your hands and quit.

If your itty-bitty-shitty-committee has been nagging you lately and you’re going through a hard time, the one thing that helps pull me out of a funk is to focus on the good stuff. Not just the positive affirmation/ ooey-gooey stuff that is lofty and esoteric, but the good, REAL, tangible stuff.

Okay Audrey, then what good stuff do you focus on then?

Well, that good stuff that’s unique only to you in that moment. Only YOU know it. Only you know the value of it.

In these hard times, it’s the good stuff that quiets the inner critic and keeps you going and leads to breakthrough, both big and small.

In today’s episode, I’ll share four ways to focus on the good so you don’t quit:

1. Allow yourself to feel your feelings

If you don’t allow yourself to feel your feelings, they will never leave you. We all want to be seen. Your feelings want to be seen. Don’t rely on others to do it. SEE YOURSELF first. Be with yourself. Don’t abandon yourself. This is self-love.

1. You are loved more than you know

In hard times, we feel alone. Seek out those people who support you. I have 3 friends I go to when my inner critic is shouting and I need grounding and clarity. When you feel untethered, rely on a trusted ally to help center you back to how much you’re needed and loved in the world.

1. You’re capable of amazing and hard things

Start a journal of all of your accomplishments – not just a journal about when you achieved a goal, but also those wins like having an uncomfortable conversation, starting something new or overcoming a fear.

My husband is an engineer and extremely organized, so he has all of our photos categorized by year and date. This online photo system is like a virtual journal for me to look back at the years of photos documenting our life experiences. It’s a great way to go back in time to see all of your memories, and they help me remember how far I’ve come and how much I’ve grown.

When you’re feeling stuck, it’s important to look back to see your evolution. You can do hard things. You’ve done them before. You will get through this.

1. You are valued and are here to take up space

Keep a gratitude jar or Gratitude folder. It may sound a little cheesy, but it works!

I’ve personally shared with you over these past few weeks about feeling down – like so down, to the point of questioning my purpose. My itty-bitty-shitty-committee has been so loud I’ve been on the verge of giving up. Even sharing this makes me cringe. It makes me feel weak, but I know through my raw and realness, this helps us connect, so you know you’re not alone either.

We tend to dwell in those dark places of the inner critic, instead of seeing all of the light that surrounds us.

That’s why I keep a gratitude folder in my email box that I reference A LOT to help pull me out of those dark holes.

In these times of self-doubt, I revisit testimonials of students in my Soul School program who have said it changed their life, or I re-read your reviews of this podcast or I go back to my gratitude email folder and re-read your personal emails of how my words have resonated with you and helped you with what you’re currently experiencing. Your words matter to me, and you make a difference in my life.

Like you, I’m human, and we forget so easily. Our mind is quick to fill up with negative thoughts and get distracted and busy and keeps us from what is real and good.

Keep a folder to remind you that you are valued and are here for a reason. Take up space sister!

Also, if you like these ideas, check out my 52-week self-love journal on my website to help you connect with yourself each week – it’s free.

I hope these 4 ways help you combat your itty-bitty-shitty-committee when you get down in those dark places.

Your hardest times often lead to the greatest moments of your life. Don’t quit.

You’re about to breakthrough. It’s happening. Keep going!

Sending you lots of love.

Thank you for being here, sharing and rating this podcast!

Want to dive in deeper? Join me on Sunday 8/9 from 4-6pm pst for a virtual workshop centered around connecting and nurturing your inner child along with relaxing deep yin yoga and journaling.

Also Mark your calendars because my signature online program, Soul School is back and starts date of October 5th. This course is special to my heart and is a decade of my learning to help you embody your truth: you are enough and you matter. I hope you can join me. SIGN UP HERE TO BE THE FIRST TO KNOW WHEN DOORS OPEN FOR REGISTRATION AND SPECIAL DEALS

Last week the mantra Monday’s intention was to be aware of when you self-sabotage.

This week’s intention is to learn from resistance.

Why do we resist what we know will help us?

For example, you know eating healthy and moving your body is good for you, physically, mentally and emotionally, but you’re in resistance to something that will benefit you.

In my soul school online course, a few of the women shared that they loved each week’s coursework, but they were resistant to watching the next week’s course and doing the work. They know how it was benefitting their lives, they were feeling more confident, positive and loving towards themselves, so why after a few weeks, were they resistant to something that made them feel good about themselves?

We all resist what we know is good for us, because change is hard.

That comfortable path is well worn and easy, even if we don’t want to be on that path.

Progress is messy and uncomfortable.

It’s going to take effort and time to create a new path. That’s why we’re in resistance.

We fight it because our Nervous system is dysregulated and overwhelmed. We’re not used to being balanced. We’re used to feeling stress, overwhelmed, busy. A stressed system is what it’s used to, that’s why change is so hard.

So, when we feel overwhelmed in our body, mind and spirit, this turns into resistance to change and transformation.

But what if resistance is a clue that you’re on the brink of a breakthrough?

Like you’ve been climbing through a forest and you’re about to quit. It’s hard and challenging, but what if there was a sign that said, “hey you, just around the corner you’re gonna see the most amazing view!”

Would you keep going?

Resistance is that sign, momma!

This week’s mantra is: “I’m in resistance because I’m about to transform.”

When you start to feel overwhelmed and are in resistance:

1. place your hands on your body that feel tight or need loving energy.
2. Take 3 deep belly breaths to help you drop out of your mind and into your body.
3. Identify resistance in your thoughts and agitation in your body.
4. HONOR YOUR BODY through POWER OF CHOICE. Our triggers and old reactions don’t go away.

But the more you practice, you will build your awareness muscle and will begin to regulate your nervous system.

The more you practice sitting at the edge of resistance, being with it instead of running away from it and learning from it and listening for the next steps, the more confident and trusting you will get in your ability to move through it.

LMK how this has helped you on my blog and instagram. Also, thank you always for sharing and reviewing his podcast!

EP 91 Stop sabotaging yourself 

It's hard to change, especially when that habit or belief system has been ingrained in you for years, decades, or a lifetime.

Today’s mantra Monday and intention for this week is to bring awareness to your habits to stop self-sabotage. 

Only you know how you’re sabotaging yourself. It could be second guessing yourself, questioning your actions or skills, not believing in your abilities, comparing yourself to others, doing things you know you shouldn’t do, or doing things you know you should do. 

Self-sabotage is knowing what you want and how to get there, but doing the opposite, undermining the thing you desire. 

Personally, for example:

I know that Yoga is good for me, but I don't do it. During quarantine I've done yoga three times in three months, which is crazy, because I always complain how I don’t have enough time to get to the teachers I love. And now, all the teachers around the world who I love are accessible online.

I also know that eating healthy will get me to how I want to feel in my body - healthier, fitter, stronger, more confident, but more often than not fat kid Freddy takes over and sabotages my eating habits. 

The biggest self-sabotage that I’m currently experiencing is in my business. I want to create a business and brand that is successful and meaningful, and I know that consistency of content is key to building that. But I sabotage this dream by finding other things to do instead of what I need to do, and I’m also very critical of myself, which causes doubt, fog and inertia. Perfectionism stops me from creating. And then, I feel like a failure for not creating. It’s a bad cycle.

I'm not sure why we sabotage the very thing or feeling we desire. 

A few things I'm learning as a parent is that a child will subconsciously reenact their bad behavior as a cry for help to heal old wounds and patterns that are out of their control. For example, a toddler may hit because she doesn’t have the emotional intelligence or maturity to stop herself or express her big emotions of fear, overwhelm or stimulation in a healthy way. Or maybe she’s had a negative experience with a caregiver, so she will recreate that bad behavior reenacting it with that person as a call for help to heal her emotion and that pattern, asking that person to step in and stop her, because she can’t stop herself. Once it’s done in a healthy and loving way, usually that negative pattern is broken.

Similarly our emotional brain is used to patterns so we reenact negative behaviors because they are comfortable as a subconscious cry for help. 

Sometimes the known is easier and more comfortable than the unknown, even if that known is not what we want. So we easily revert back to ways that are easy and comfortable and sabotage what we desire. That path is well worn.

Unlike a child who doesn’t have the emotionally developed brain that can rationalize and make sense of her big emotions and behaviors, our brain can make sense of our actions and emotions, and through awareness, we can begin to understand ourselves deeply and consciously choose again. 

Take a moment and think about one way you've been sabotaging yourself, your dreams, and how you want to feel. It could be anything - big or small.

Of course it’s easy for me to tell you, “hey, just stop being that way,” but for our emotional brain, it’s very hard to break our habits that are comfortable, even if we don't like these habits.

Change starts with awareness. 

Commit this week to being more mindful of when your subconscious brain takes over and hijacks the very thing you desire.

In that moment, notice it, then label it and choose again. You have the power of choice.

Release any fears and habits that block you from receiving the love and support you desire. 

I’m gonna do this with you, because I want to feel productive and in flow, but I sabotage my productivity by getting distracted, feeling uninspired, losing focus and being highly critical of myself. So, this week, I will notice when I feel overwhelmed, put pressure on myself to be perfect, and compare myself to others. Instead of doing what I normally do, which is going into the fridge to numb my emotions and distract me from the present moment, I will pause,  notice, and label how I’m feeling and what I’m doing  and choose again. 

By bringing awareness to how I’m feeling, I can take care and honor myself. I may choose to take a break, nap, journal, move my body, or shift my mindset to be more compassionate so I can create without criticism.

You have the power of choice. 

1. Notice when you start to sabotage
2. Label your emotions or  actions to bring it into consciousness. 
3. Then choose again. 

Be present in that moment, CHOOSE, then let go and move on to the next moment. 

It’s not easy to look at ways you harm yourself. Through this daily mindfulness practice of watching your habits, labeling your big emotions and actions and consciously choosing from a place of love, you will build your self worth and curate a practice of self love. 

Small steps create big change.

I believe in you and will be right there with you doing the work too.

If this tool is helpful to you, I appreciate you reviewing this episode and sharing it with anyone who would benefit.

As always, I’m grateful to you for taking the time to listen to this podcast and being part of our soul school family. You are enough and you matter!

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