Mindful Pause Podcast

I hosted a Soul School workshop last week in Seattle. The topic is my favorite thing to teach: how to quiet your #ittybittyshittycommittee.

Our inner critic loves to blame others and it never takes responsibility. One way you know youre in alignment with your ego is when you feel inferior or superior to someone else. You’re stuck in comparison or judgement.

What came up a lot during our workshop is how those who are closest to us trigger our inner critic the most, specifically how our parents trigger us.

Of course, as women are sharing how their parents are so annoying or don’t get it or trigger the crap out them, there was a mom and daughter in the room – but they were so awesome to show up together!

I know I can’t see you, but I mean, raise your hand if you have someone in your life that seems to deliberately trigger you? like your parent who know just what to say to shame you into feeling like you’re a bad child again? Or your partner who brings out resentment? Or your child who brings out the demon in you? Or that co-worker who knows just how to get under your skin?

Our relationships are direct portals to our wounds.

If we can view our triggers as our greatest teachers, we can then heal our inner world to affect our outer world.

Ironically, we are triggered by those we care about the most and are closest to. Although we love them, we have developed patterns of our thoughts and reactions.

One woman shared how her mom triggers her and asked: “How can I get her to stop triggering me?”

The real question to ponder is: “How can YOU take ownership of WHY YOU are feeling so triggered?

Her mom loves her and is probably not intentionally trying to cause harm, although it may feel like she is some times. Most likely they trigger each other.

Together, they have developed a pattern, where just one look, or an eye roll or one word triggers the other person into their reactive patterns of recycled thoughts and conditioned beliefs.

Breaking the reactive pattern starts with you. You have to be the one to bring consciousness to these unconscious patterns.

We all have those relationships in our life that can bring out the worst in us. We have developed conditioned patterns of reacting when triggered. It gets us nowhere.

The work is to watch and witness your thoughts. Most of our thoughts are recycled from our conditioned thinking.

We are triggered when the reality is not how we want it to be.

Your triggers are your greatest teachers. Invite them in.

When I feel in resentment, offended or hurt by someone or any kind of hot emotion, it’s an opportunity to turn inward, not lash outward.

Although we would love a carefree happy journey – doesn’t that sound lovely?  the reality of life is you’re going to experience disappointment, heartbreak, you’ll have friction with others, and you’ll have set backs and challenges. This is life.

To try to avoid it just creates more suffering.

Anything that causes you to be in an emotional state is your spiritual teacher.

Become responsible of the way you think. Question your beliefs. Is this true? Is this really true? Or is this my perspective of what I believe to be true? What is real? Usually reality has no emotional charge.

We humans are what creates the emotional charge behind reality.

Taking responsibility for how you show up and changing your beliefs by watching your thought patterns lead to freedom.

Your external world is a reflection of your internal world.

Change your thoughts, change the result.

Change your actions, you inspire others to change.

And even if people around you don’t change, you change. And the beauty of that, is they don’t trigger you as much, because your internal world is at peace with what is.

Change always begins with you. You have the power to allow yourself to be triggered. You can let yourself be affected by your triggers and be upset and angry, or you can allow your triggers to be your teachers to show you where to heal old wounds and patterns, how to bring what is unconscious conscious and how you want to show up in the world from a place of openness, empathy and love.

Head over to the blog or IG for more soulful conversations: www.audreysuttonmills.com 

Okay, guys, I gotta warn you. If you have sensitive ears and easily get offended, this may not be the conversation for you. There are pretty much all cuss words, discussion of sex and vagina issues and the use of yoni eggs. Today’s conversation with intimacy alchemist, Cara Kovacs, is very colorful – like bright NEON colors, but so raw, real and enlightening!

So you maybe wondering why I have Cara on the podcast today? She is a third generation healer and an intimacy alchemist empowering people to have better sex lives, heal from old patterns and wounds, and cultivate radical self-love.

At the young age of 14 she knew she would be a sex and relationship therapist. Last year, she was named by Wanderlust as one of “35 People Under 35 To Watch In Wellness” as she combines modern science with ancient healing and spiritual philosophy to help bring people to truth through love.

Today on the podcast, we go deep into healing old wounds by looking at your story around body shaming and self-loathing and empower yourself by re-writing your story to create more self-love and intimacy:

1. Look at where you’re disconnected
2. Look at your stories and your history
3. Rewrite the narrative in a positive way that fits your needs to create radical self-love

Intimacy is a spiritual practice and requires trust, surrender, and clearing the narrative connection so you can reconnect to your deep inner wisdom of your body, feel empowered and celebrate your own unique magic.

Your body is normal. You are normal.

True self-love requires vulnerability, self-awareness, acceptance, and patience to examine your life lessons and make constant and conscious choices for your highest good BECAUSE you love yourself.

When you live from that place, you are unstoppable. 

Check out Cara at https://www.carakovacs.com, at her events in person and online, hear her on her podcast and through personal coaching. 

Head over to the blog to share your intimacy secrets: www.AudreySuttonMills.com

When I die I want my legacy and what I’m known for is that I helped people, like you, quiet your itty-bitty-shitty-committee and courageously become who you want to be so you can live your most fulfilled life and love yourself unconditionally through your journey.

So, I’m going to guide you through an exercise that was given to me by my friend Scott Feinberg, that blew my socks off and honestly has been super helpful to quiet my inner critic and rewire my brain patterns.

We all have the itty-bitty-shitty-committee, and we’ve probably followed it was too often or at least entertained it’s stories far more than tuning into our True Self and heart.

When it shows up, we do all sorts of things to muzzle it, ignore it and try to get rid of it. But what you resist persists. That negative voice of doubt and scarcity get louder the more you try to silence it.

Imagine if you actually listened to your inner critic during every decision. You never questioned it. You always followed it’s advice: So, when it said, “You can’t do that” you didn’t. When it said you’re underserving of your dream, of love, of respect, success, you believed it.

Think about all of the ways the inner critic sabotages the very things you desire: “You can’t, you shouldn’t do this, you should’ve done that, you’re too old, you’re too young, you’re not smart, you don’t have the money, the time, resources, or support, you don’t deserve love, you’re unworthy, who are you to think you are, it’s already been done, you’re not enough.”

Envision the end of your life. What would have, or not have? What are the opportunities you missed because you were fearful of failure? What are the outcomes you didn’t receive because you were afraid of success? What about your relationships? How do you feel? who are you? what would you regret?

You followed that voice, every step. What do you have to show for it?

And guess what your inner critic says to you then? “You should’ve taken those risks. You should’ve lived your dreams. You’re not enough.”

This is a mind blowing experiment because it shows us how destructive listening and following the inner critic can be to our dreams and our self-worth. But, we listen to the inner critic far too often now. It’s undercurrent is fear. The Inner critic is the scardy cat frenemy, who wants to protect you, but it’s terrified.  It’s fearful of failure. It’s fearful of success – what if it goes well, then what? So, it keeps you stuck.

Fear and excitement are different sides of the same coin. Physiologically, when you experience either, your breath may quicken or get short, your heartbeat gets faster, you may feel queasy or uneasy, your palms may sweat. Physically, they may feel the same, but it’s your perspective and your lens of how you view the experience that differs.

Fear paralyzes you. Excitement creates momentum.

So, what if we did the opposite of what we normally do? Instead of trying to push down and ignore the inner critic, you lean in. You listen to your scared overprotective friend. You hold space for it like it’s a scared child and try to understand where the fear is coming from. You don’t have to follow it’s advice, but you listen to it and give your inner critic a big hug.

Fear is your internal GPS guiding you to your biggest dreams and who you want to be.

So, the next time your inner critic starts to shout and be heard, pause, hold space for you listen to it’s fears. The more you resist, it persists. The inner critic usually makes blanket negative vague statements, which are super scary and undercuts you.

This time though, hold space to understand why your inner critic is so afraid and visualize if you didn’t take it’s advice and pursued your dream, what’s the worst outcome that could happen? It usually isn’t as bad as we make it in our head. Then, visualize the best outcome - you got everything you desired and dreamed of by pursuing your dream. Much more expansive and inspiring isn’t it!

Then envision, if you actually listened to all of the advice and followed the inner critic how empty and unfulfilled your life would be at the end. What’s the worst that could happen if you followed every fear-based advice? This outcome is much worse than either of the outcomes of following your dreams. And guess what, your inner critic would still be second guessing you, should-ing on you and telling you that you didn’t do enough.

So, why not go for it?

It’s going to take time to rewire your brain and your belief patterns from fear to excitement. You’ve been going down the same path. It’s worn and easy. It’s scary to carve out a new path. It will take work, effort, patience, tenacity, and resilience. You’re going to want to go back to that worn down path of least resistance, even if it’s uncomfortable.

Each time you become aware of your inner critic, be present to your fear, and make a choice to move from courage instead of fear, you lay down a new path to the life you desire and the person you want to become. This is the self-love and worthiness you deserve.

You have all of the answers within you. You are enough and you matter.

I would love to hear from you! Please visit www.AudreySuttonMills.com or my instagram (@blissfulaudrey) to connect!

Meet Goldie Graham, yoga instructor, working momma and romantic. She and her husband, Brogan of November Project, have a special relationship where they have designed their partnership based on respect, mutual values and a lot of movement and play.

She shares how they grew stronger after their miscarriage and how knowing each other’s love languages, honoring what makes each other happy and making your own rules allows for meaningful connection and open communication.

Goldie offers us some golden nuggets  to making your partnership enjoyable:

• Your relationship is not always going to be golden, but it should be easy and fun most of the time.
• Don’t worry about the things you can’t control. Don’t talk negatively about your partner. Don’t compare your relationship to others
• Most importantly pick each other up and celebrate each other often!

I hope you enjoy these golden nuggets with Goldie Graham on today’s episode of Soul School

Some golden nuggets to creating your best relationship:

• Never talk bad about your partner to family and friends – respect
• Celebrate each other and look up to each other a lot!
• Confrontation is good if done in a loving way
• Have open, loving communication
• Share similar morals and ethics
• Listen to what makes your partner happy and honor that
• Inspire each other
• Live a full life together and individually
• Ask for help and have a plan of what makes you happy
• find connection and intimacy with your partner and have meaningful conversation at the appropriate time
• don’t compare your relationship to others
• Plan your intimacy and your date nights
• Kiss a lot
• Have a tune up a few times a year to check in with your relationship and a therapist
• Know each other and make up your own rules

You can find Goldie at: www.GoldieYoga.com

Head over to the blog to add your Golden Nuggets to building a lasting relationship: www.AudreySuttonMills.com 

What does self-love look like? To me, in a nutshell self-love is about tuning into your heart and listening to it, honoring it and letting it be your inner compass.

So often we do the opposite. we listen to our itty-bitty-shitty-committee instead of our heart and Soul, and let fear and our Ego run the show.

In today’s episode, I’ll give you tools to quiet the inner critic and connect to your true Self. In addition, I’ll guide you through a habit for building your self-love muscle and give you a free journal for a dose of weekly self-love.

We all know the itty-bitty-shitty-committee. It’s our inner critic, our Ego that loves to criticize, judge and blame you. It keeps you stuck in a place of scarcity:

There is never enough. You don’t have enough. You are not good enough.

It often shows up through comparison, judgment, isolation (you’re the only one feeling this way) and negative self-talk.

You know you’re in alignment with your inner critic when you feel inferior or superior to someone or something.

In Dare to Lead Brene Brown shares the 4P’s of being in alignment with our Ego: We protect, pretend, prove or perform.

Just like we have the inner critic, we also have our True Self. Often our inner critic shouts and our True Self whispers. It’s important to get quiet enough to hear that whisper.

My friend Courtney Burg shares in Episode 75 that we all have a light within us. It’s always been there, but life covered it up. Imagine a light bulb that has been covered with newspaper so you can’t see the light shine through. That’s what life and our inner critic does to us.

Our work is to uncover that light.

That light is your True Self - the real you, your authentic self - your soul. Your True Self loves you unconditionally and doesn’t judge you. Your soul is present, graceful, compassionate, joyful, carefree, playful, passionate, energized, open, loving and knows it is part of something greater.

Your True Self has limitless potential and a powerful connection to the divine.

Abundance comes from the highest vibrational energy level of love, security, openness, and faith. Abundance is realizing that you are enough – that you are whole, present, deserving, grateful and lovable.

I’m sure you’ve had moments where you have felt connected to that place of abundance.

How can we cultivate more abundance and connection to ourselves?

It starts with loving ourselves. So, let’s get to the main topic of today’s podcast: SELF LOVE. It’s a trendy topic on social media and Pinterest, but do we really practice it and embody real self-love often enough?

 The dictionary’s DEFINITION OF SELF LOVE is: (noun) regard for one's own well-being and happiness

I have to disagree. I don’t think self-love is JUST a noun. It’s a verb. It’s an action of fostering support of yourself, checking in and asking how are you doing, what do you need and attuning to your heart and honoring how to best support your well-being.

Self-love is the nurturing of your spirit.

My favorite quote from Byron Katie is “It’s not your job to like me…it’s MINE.”

So how do we turn down the volume of our inner critic and turn up the volume of our true self so we can experience more self-love instead of self-loathing, judgment and comparison?

At the beginning of this podcast, I promised I would show you tools to quiet your itty-bitty-shitty-committee and connect to your True Self. In my SOUL SCHOOL COURSE that launches in April 2020, I guide you to connect to your True Self through the 5 C’s

•   commitment (make small promises to yourself, and KEEP THEM to build self-worth and trust)
•   curiosity (rather than having to be right or a know it all, allow for curiosity instead. This lends to creativity instead of being right)
•   creativity (recreation is re-creation. Instead of comparison and judgment, allow for creativity and find your happy place that brings you back to your soul)
•   celebration (allow and receive it. Life is meant to be enjoyed.)
•   compassion (give yourself grace)

When you align with your inner critic and notice you’re proving, protecting, performing or perfecting, take a step back and try one of these 5 ways to connect back to yourself. Let me know how it goes for you too on instagram or my blog!

I also promised you some tools and a way to build your self-love muscle. One big way TO CREATE MORE SELF LOVE is through rituals, which are special, sacred acts you do for yourself that connect you deeper to what’s important to you.

I invite you to carve out time to create sacred rituals that connect to your heart and to yourself.

When you can get quiet and turn down the volume of the noise in your mind, you can tune into your heart, how you’re feeling, what you need and who you are.

Sacred rituals help ground you and connect you to your internal GPS to lead the way to how you want to feel and who you want to be.

Through rituals and attunement to your needs, your feelings and honoring exactly where you are, you become more at home with yourself, and know you are enough and this moment is enough. To me this is self-love.

I love Brene, and one of my favorite quotes is, “Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.”

Love is a noun, but it’s not the ultimate destination. Love is also a verb, a constant fostering of the connection to yourself. Give yourself the gift to build that self-love muscle through sacred rituals and quiet time.

I get it, you’re busy. It’s hard to carve out time for yourself. But if not now, when? You deserve at least 5 minutes a day to connect to yourself without distraction. Once you start, you won’t want to stop because it’ll feel so good to be with yourself, know yourself, and meet yourself exactly where you are now so you can listen to and honor yourself.

We all deserve to be seen, feel safe, be heard and be celebrated.

To help you on your self-love journey, I created the 52 week self-love journal, a free way to build your self-love muscle each week through journal prompts and create a sacred ritual to connect to your Soul. Each week, get quiet and reflect on how you’re feeling, what you need and receive some inspiration and celebration.

At the end of the 52 weeks of the self-love journal, you can reflect on your growth, your experiences, your lessons and how you have celebrated YOU!

Good news, you can start any time!

I hope through the 5 C’s of connecting to yourself and through the self-love journal or other rituals of your choice, you become aware of your itty-bitty-shitty committee and release your Ego’s judgment, criticism and scarcity mindset and connect to your True Self, your heart and Soul that knows you have gifts to share with this world, and wants you to love yourself unconditionally.

You deserve this sacred time to love and celebrate yourself.

Thanks for tuning in to SOUL SCHOOL with Audrey podcast. I always appreciate you listening, sharing and reviewing this podcast. Until next week, remember You are enough. You matter.

Meet Courtney Burg who experienced her breakthrough transformation during rehab, basically on her honeymoon. Since then, she has transformed her pain into purpose sharing her writing and wisdom with the world.

Today we discuss how to set healthy boundaries so you can heal old wounds and release conditioned cycles, how to consciously parent and reparent yourself and how to get in tune with yourself so you can love yourself and know you are enough.

Courtney reminds us that we all have a light within us that has always been there, but it gets dimmed and covered by life. It’s our job to unveil that light and share it with the world.

We are all alike. Our pain is universal. Our healing is universal. “It’s going to be messy before it gets beautiful”

I learned so much about rewiring our brains and creating habits for more self love and consciousness. I know you’ll be inspired too. Please head to my blog and follow me on instagram where I’ll share more nuggets of Courtney’s wisdom. And as always, thank you for being here, subscribing and reviewing this podcast. Welcome to soul school

www.audreysuttonmills.com

https://www.mombojombo.org/

I’m gonna tell you a story about myself that I’m really ashamed of. I’m afraid you’ll judge me and look down on me. I already beat myself up enough about it and I came to the realization that it’s important to share our scars and be vulnerable so we can heal together.

We’ve all allowed our emotions to run away with us, sometimes so much, it causes shame and regret.

In the moment, it’s human nature to not want to feel negative emotions, pain or shame, so we do all sorts of things to try to get rid of these feelings that we don’t want to experience.

I invite you to invite them in and be grateful for these heavy emotions and feelings. They are your own special gurus, showing up exactly at the right time to teach you what you need to ground you back to your Soul.

So, here’s my story, but I warn you, I’m super embarrassed and ashamed of it. It’s beyond stupid and extremely petty, and just thinking about it makes me feel like a schmuck.

But this is real life stuff that we stress over. Often the matter that occupies our minds are trivial, negative and makes no rational sense.

On that night where my mind was going in a million directions, I had to invite my jealousy and shame to learn from them.

I came across an old friend on instagram and she had 60,000+ followers. Instead of feeling happy for her, I immediately felt hot with jealousy and comparison. How did she go from having a few hundred followers to having 60,000 followers in 6 months? Yup, I warned ya, very petty.

After a range of emotions: jealousy, insecurity, judgement, comparison and guilt, then shame showed up at the end of my turbulent cycle in my mind to really stick it to me and make me feel like crap. Instead of being happy for her, I was upset. By. The. Number. Of. Followers?!…how small and unimportant! I was embarrassed for even feeling this way and wasting so much mental energy on a lame topic.

Shame beats us up and kicks our ass like no other. I felt shame for being so insecure and jealous. I felt like a loser for being upset about something so insignificant. I felt like a bad friend. A bad person. Comparing myself to her made me feel disappointed in myself. I felt like an ungrateful failure. I should know better than to feel so begrudging. More shame.

The truth is, her content is really good! She’s sharing knowledge about boundaries and parenting and she’s changing people’s lives for the better. In fact, you’ll get to meet Courtney Burg next week on the podcast. She’s amazing! (We even talk about my jealousy).

I tried to rationalize my feelings. I was proud of her and happy for her for success, so why was I so jealous at the same time? I didn’t want to feel this way.

We used to be really good friends and would talk about inspirational books we read or the latest Super Soul Sunday episode and how we wanted to be Oprah and influence the world.

She was doing it. I was not.

At least this was the story in my head.

Obviously, you’re here reading this, and I’m so grateful you’re with me this far. But that’s the silly thing about our mind. It can run wild and crazy with destructive, irrational thoughts. Have you been there too?

The harder I tried to push away the feelings, the louder they got.

I ping ponged this story and beat myself up until I looked at the clock and it was 3:45am! I had to be up in a few hours and had been on a hamster wheel replaying this story for 3 hours letting these toxic thoughts steel my sleep. I got sick the next morning.

So, how do we quiet the chatter when we’re in the middle of a boiling pot of emotions?

I had to get still. Even meditation didn’t help. The emotions were too intense. I channeled my dad who was my biggest advocate and gave the best guidance. I asked for an intervention in my chaotic mind.

When I finally connected to my breath and slowed down my heart, I heard his voice, “You’re exactly where you’re supposed to be. We all have gifts. Come from abundance and you’ll receive abundance.”

It was the perfect advice.

You have no control over your thoughts and emotions. They will come and go.

Instead of pushing them away, allow yourself to experience ALL emotions and thoughts. It’s how you react to them that matters. The good news is, this is under your control.

As a new mom, I think about how I’m going to talk to Hunter when she’s jealous of someone or when she feels bad about herself. Just like I would teach her, I’m also learning to treat myself with love, kindness and grace.

The way we would want to be treated, is also how we need to treat our emotions. Not something to be ashamed of, but see them with love, kindness and grace.

Here’s a simple way to sit with your emotions without letting them get the best of you. It’s simple, but not easy.  It is a practice that has to be done constantly whenever you’re triggered. When you fall off (and you will because you’re human) and your emotions run away with you, come back to grace. You can always start again. That’s the practice.

1. AWARENESS: Be aware of the emotion without getting caught in the drama. Come into the present moment by being present with your feelings. Refrain from Rumination. Put your hand on your heart and label the emotion you’re feeling. Usually your trigger is something to do with what you want or don’t want. Witness what you’re resisting.
2. BREATHE: Breathe deeply for 5 intentional breaths and feel your heart.
3. BE WITH THE EMOTION: Witness the sensation and hold space around it. Instead of letting the story boil with hot sensation, be in the simmer of the feelings. After a while of deep breathing, that sensation will soften. Even just sitting with it for a few seconds is a big win. Pema Chodron, author of Living Beautifully tells us to repeat, “This is my experience right now, and it’s okay.” Then go through into the next moment without any agenda.

I’m not proud of this story. It’s petty and embarrassing and I’m really ashamed of myself. But I share it with you to show you my scars, so we can heal together. All of our emotions are valid.

The work is to love your whole self and learn tools to become your highest self. When you fall out of alignment with your higher self, come back to grace instead of judgment.

You’re not supposed to be perfect. You are perfectly flawed and fabulous.  You don’t have to become something you’re not. Just become more of yourself.

It’s all about coming back to this moment. In this moment you can change.

Welcome your emotions. All of your emotions, not just the ones you like. They are your personal gurus to help ground you back to your truth. You are enough. You matter. You’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.

Let's talk more about it on instagram and my blog!

http://yourblissfulsoul.com/uncategorized/ep74/

It’s the new year, a new decade, and I bet you have some major goals. Well, Jacki Carr, is the perfect goal coach to help you reach your loftiest goals. She is the Goddess of goal setting, master connector and all around amazing human!

Jacki wears a lot of hats: she’s a public speaker and a wife, mom and entrepreneur, a space holder, a vision holder, a goal holder, cheerleader, and a truth teller. Plus she’s incredibly funny. She is the co-founder of Rock Your Bliss and founder of GoalSpeak, her online public speaking program.

Jacki helps women through her programs:

• Goal Coaching helping women entrepreneurs
• Legacy design: you why, vision and goals
• Cycles of Success
• Goals Hikes to build community
• 7 weeks to Bliss – cultivating and crafting your bliss
• podcast Rock your Bliss
• Core Values
• GoalSPEAK: we talk on the inspiration of her new program GoalSPEAK.

A big nugget I got from our conversation is that you are the CEO of your life. You decide how you want to show up. Literally, Jacki to ok a CEO day to get create her vision and set goals – Genius!

She shares with us how to define your core values and your why, so you can live them instead of living someone else’s values and encourages us to show up with full presence and full potency to create your Legacy with your thoughts, words and actions now. In this moment.

Today on the podcast we talk about Legacy Design, imposter syndrome, how to show up fully and create the life you want to live, conscious calendaring, and how to be in flow state of operating from courage and possibility instead of fear and self-doubt.

She is hilarious, inspiring, and so dang truthful. I hope you enjoy our conversation and find inspiration for yourself. Please share your thoughts and your goals on the blog and on instagram, and as always, thanks so much for being here, sharing your reviews and subscribing. Let’s dive in!

You can find Jacki at www.jackicarr.com

Here we are, a new year, with new resolutions. Did you know that Research shows about 60 percent of us make New Year's resolutions but only about 8 percent are successful in achieving them. That’s horrible results.

I’ve been there too many times. I set a goal, and about 3 weeks into it, I’ve failed. Because I failed to keep my promise to myself, then I feel like a failure. It’s not a healthy way to start the new year.

I’m not a goal coach, and goals are important! They’re the roadmap to how to get to where you want to be. If you love goal setting, you have to listen to next week’s episode with the ultimate goal coach, Jacki Carr of GoalSPEAK.  She will help you get motivated, lay out a clear plan and stay motivated and excited to reach and achieve your biggest goals.

Maybe it’s the hippie empath in me, but I’ve found that tuning into my feelings, rather than resolutions, speak more to my heart, help lead me to my goals and tether me to how I want to live my life every day.

We’re coming into a new decade. A very powerful decade. 2020 baby!

It’s time to really come home to yourself and step into the person you want to be.

This is not another year to set goals and break your promise to yourself. This is a time to set your intention of how you want to feel, live that feeling each day and let that feeling be your GPS guiding you to your goals and dreams. 

Usually we set a goal not because of the end result, but because of how it makes us feel.

Focusing on intention and feeling rather than a just getting to the goal usually is stronger and successful because it’s deeply ingrained in your motivation. For example, the goal of losing weight to get into your skinny jeans is not as powerful if you don’t tap into the feeling behind the goal. I had been wanting to give up caffeine for years. I tried and always failed about a week into it. Being healthy wasn’t a big motivator for me. The WHY wasn’t strong enough. But after going through a miscarriage, a partial molar pregnancy and a cancer scare with two D&Cs and a recovery time of 11 months, the moment we found out we were cleared to start trying again for a baby was the day I quit caffeine cold turkey. How did I go from 2 cups of coffee a day to nada? My WHY was strong. I wanted to have a baby! The feeling of being healthy so that I could get pregnant was a huge motivator to help me reach one of my biggest goals of becoming a mother.

When you can get really clear on your WHY, the intention, the feeling behind your goal, then you can faithfully take steps to get there and know that that goal is in alignment with really where you want to be. And the right steps will present themselves when you’re in alignment with your True Self - not the goals that sounds good on paper, but the goals or next actions that really light you up and fuel your spirit.

You know that saying “our thoughts drive our behavior?” Well I believe our feelings drive our behavior. Let me explain. Our feelings are tied to our beliefs. Marie Forleo says our beliefs are something we hold true, even if they’re not. Beliefs are very powerful! Feelings are the undercurrent of our beliefs. Then our beliefs drive our thoughts which drive our actions. 

It all starts with a feeling. Sometimes it can be hard to change a belief about ourselves, because we’ve spent decades reinforcing it with our thoughts. Begin to change your beliefs and patterns by focusing on a feeling – the why.

So the question is, How do you want to feel this upcoming year?

Today, I’ll guide you through 5 questions to tap into how you want to feel and let this intention of feeling this way through 2020 be your guide to how you can live this feeling every day.

I invite you to get quiet and join me in on a guided meditation/ and journaling exercise. Grab a pen and your favorite journal and let’s get started. {Guided meditation + place hand on heart}

Here are 5 steps to come home to yourself and how you want to feel this year. 

The first 3 steps are borrowed from my favorite coach, Marie Forleo from her decade in review challenge.  There is a link in the show notes to her 2 videos. Typically, I review the past year and set goals for the upcoming year. 

The last steps are from my signature program Soul School launching in April, providing you tools and techniques to help ground you back to your Soul and who you are meant to be. It’s about diving in deep, doing the work and coming home to yourself and how you want to feel every day. It’s about looking about your beliefs, how they hold you back and restructuring your beliefs so you become your biggest advocate and best friend.

Change your beliefs. Change your life.

Today is not about setting goals. It’s about getting clear of how you want to feel and creating a vow and promise to yourself with ways to get there – every day.

There’s a powerful quote, “People overestimate what can be done in one year, and underestimate what can be done in ten.”

Looking back on the past decade:

1. What are you most proud of and why?

2. What are your biggest lessons?

The challenging times are where you learn the biggest TRUTHS about yourself.  I bet when you write down your lessons, you will have so many empowering nuggets of wisdom and advice to yourself. You are wiser than you give yourself credit!

3. What are you willing to release?

• goals or projects you’ve had on your To Do list for far too long
• resentments and emotional baggage
• habits or beliefs that don’t serve you

4. How do you want to feel? Create your 1-3 Soul Feelings Brainstorm: this is how we feel when we are deeply connected to ourselves. This is not how you think you should feel.  get quiet from your mind and tune into your heart. How do YOU want to feel? this is totally just for you and will only make sense to you. You may have felt glimpses of this feeling or this may be an aspirational feeling you desire to feel or maybe you see another person who embodies this feeling. If you can imagine it or see this feeling in others, then it exists in you too. Take a big pause, breathe deeply, and place your hands on your heart: how do I want to feel? you may even say: I want to feel the opposite of what I’m feeling right now. write down as many feelings as possible. How does your heart want to feel? How do you want to feel?

Pick 1-3 Soul Feelings and create your VOW: I want to feel: 1, 2, 3…

5. Brainstorm you SOUL ANCHORS: What do you need to do to stay connected to those feelings?

So, now that you know how you want to feel and a bunch of ways to get you there, each day ask yourself, what do I need now to be in alignment with how I want to feel? Get quiet and tune into your heart and let your Soul speak and lead the way to the activities and thoughts that support you. It’s this sacred practice of coming home to yourself every day that will bridge the gap of how you currently feel and get you to how you want to feel. These small daily wins help you feel good and feeling good keeps you motivated and hopeful.

When you are full, inspired and believe in yourself, you are more likely to be in alignment with achieving your biggest and loftiest goals.

Goals that are based from a deep feeling are grounded in your truth. Having a strong why is what gets you to accomplish your biggest dreams. Feeling a certain way leads you to change patterns and believe in yourself. Rather than focus on an outcome, be present to how you want to feel each day. When you feel good, it’s easier to keep promises to yourself. Your Feelings create change that is lasting.

Living your soul feelings will help you create pockets of daily moments you can come home to yourself, and weaving these little moments each day lead to a fulfilled and joyful life.

There are so many great ways to start your new year: Goal Setting, Vision Boards, Year in Review, visualizations etc. I hope you find this way of declaring your Soul Feelings and attuning to them each day, just one path to connecting to your Truth: that you are enough and you matter. 

You have gifts to share with this world, my friend. So, together, this year is your year. Let’s unearth your gifts, shed limited beliefs and help you step into how you want to feel. When you feel good, alive, empowered, loved, enough you can conquer anything!

I am so honored to be your friend and guide you to believe and love yourself, know you are deserving and help step into the person you want to be.

I sat at my dad’s tombstone balling my eyes out like a baby (cue super ugly cry). Outloud, I poured out my fears, insecurities and doubts to him.

I miss him.

My dad was my best friend. 

He was my greatest teacher and my biggest cheerleader. He was the one I went to for advice. He passed away almost a year ago, just 2 weeks before my baby was born.

It’s been hard to raise a baby … and myself.

A few weeks ago, I went to see Marie Forleo and Amy Purdy at her live book launch, and Marie said, “Not everything is fixable, but everything is figureoutable.” 

Death is something out of our control and is not fixable.

But Life IS figureoutable.

As I poured out my insecurities and fears outloud to him, I heard his voice clearly, “I may not be with you, but you have the answers within you. I am here.”

Even though he’s not here in flesh, I heard his wisdom clearly:

1. Stay in your lane

Stop worrying about others or comparing yourself to other peoples’ successes. Be happy for them. You have your own gifts to share. Focus on that.

1. Service > popularity

Let go of trying to be popular and liked. Be yourself and speak from your heart. Focus on providing quality content that comes from your heart, and you’ll always be proud of yourself for showing up authentically.

1. Inspire yourself

When you feel stuck, inspire yourself - learn something new, read, move your body, breathe. There is inspiration out there if you look. Feel inspired by doing the things that inspire you.

1. Be gentle and enjoy 

You’re exactly where you’re supposed to be in your journey. You may not be able to see the finish line now. Pick up your head, look around. Look at the path you’ve created and smile. Enjoy THIS moment.

Although he is gone, I still hear his whispers of wisdom that guides me. 

This was on my mind, so I thought I would share this special moment. Hopefully some of his words resonates with you too and helps you today wherever you’re at on your journey.