The First Time I Took Time for Myself…

I started trying to taking care of myself at a very stressful time, which isn’t the ideal time to start. But often we wait until a health scare to start exercising or a serious expense to start managing our money.

The first time I meditated I went straight back to anxiety. What I didn’t realise and no one had thought me was that it was a moment of quiet from the chaos and pressure. It wasn’t going to eliminate all the panic then and there.

What it does is give me a moment. Sometimes this can be the catalyst and other times it’s just a needed respite from being constantly on the go.

A lot of the time our urgent thoughts will bleed into our quiet time. Noticing this is enough of a benefit to taking them as you have the power to step back and see if it’s something you need to respond to. A lot of the time I get a flash of what I need to do and go right to action. It’s more proactive, deliberate and assured though.

These minutes of deliberate time begin to bleed out into the rest of your life, and ultimately allow you to ride the wave of life’s ups and downs, instead of getting buried beneath them.

The advice to you is:

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A friend and client confided in me that he was completely anxious all the time. This guy was crushing it on the outside. His business had record profits for the year, his kids were healthy and his wife was happy.

But he was so worried about losing it all or messing it up. He was struggling over which direction to focus on next year and felt on the verge of panic attacks when he thought of getting on the plane for an upcoming family trip.

He was always on the go, so we found a time that worked for him when he wasn’t “on” for someone else. In the two minutes between dropping the kids to school and getting to work he was to take 60 seconds just for himself.

Having someone to listen definitely helped initially, but the minute pause before work and before going into the house in the evening made a huge difference. His anxiety subsided, and he now had time to process the ups and downs of life instead of having it wear him down. And on top of all this he was able to enjoy the family holiday too!

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Brushing Your Teeth. Visiting the dentist.

Maintaining and building your mental health is a daily practice. Like brushing your teeth and flossing. You might need to go to the dentist every couple of months but unless you’re investing a few minutes daily those trips to the dentist won’t make lasting change.

And much like brushing your teeth, skipping a day or two won’t have a massive impact. But keep that up and see where it leads.

So how do we do it? Well it might be hard to remember but someone once taught you to brush your teeth. No one has thought you how to mentally floss though! This is where having a mental coach or a psychologist helps.

A good psychologist can help clear up years of unhelpful thought patterns. A good coach can help you develop a routine that works for you and ensures that your clarity, compassion, positive action and life satisfaction are increasing every day.

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Why people don’t like the first time they sit quietly

The first time you try meditate, you’ll very quickly come aware of how many thoughts, feelings and body sensations you have! And frankly, it’s overwhelming. It’s like opening up a bottle of coke that’s been shaken or some sort of pressurised container that’s going to spray everywhere!

That’s unsettling, so we put the cap back on and back away slowly from it.

But here’s the thing. That pressure and all those stories going on in our head are happening regardless of whether we watch them or not. And they’re leaking out in other ways too. Either in our physical health, our daily habits and how we’re interacting with people.

So knowing that, isn’t it better that we release all that and allow it to flow when we have control of the valve? I’d very much argue yes!

The good thing is that overwhelming flow is temporary, and once you get past it the stream is not longer as rapid, forceful and distressing, but can actually be quite pleasant to notice.

You just need to start with releasing the valve a little bit each day, or when you remember.

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The two reasons you’ll hear this or say it yourself are:

Let’s start with the results. James Clear talks about the valley of disappointment, it’s that time in between when you start taking action and start seeing results. If we want to be calmer and more purposeful all the time, we start by being calmer and more purposeful SOME of the time. In the deliberate minutes we take just to be. Not doing anything.

Also if we expect just one thing to fix everything that’s also a recipe for frustration and disappointment. Dan Harris likes to joke that mindfulness makes him about 10% happier.

Saying meditation doesn’t work for you is like saying exercise doesn’t work, or jobs, relationships, hobbies, and sports aren’t for you. There’s many different variations and so it’s important you explore which one works for you.

As long as it’s a conscious, deliberate effort to improve the quality of your thoughts and feelings it’s a practice that works for you. To really boost its effectiveness take the extra couple of seconds at the end of acknowledge you’ve done something good for yourself. This in itself is effort which pays off for you in so many ways.

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