Indirect versus direct work

I don’t think there’s anyone around who would disagree that mental health is important. But because you were never taught how to look after your mental health, most of us don’t really know how to address it, so we go about taking care of our minds through what I’ll call indirect work.

Indirect work is exercising, spending time in nature or among friends. It is most definitely important and part of a complete mental health routine. Spending your time in positive, productive ways is a key component, super important.

There’s also avoidant indirect work we use not to feel bad in the short term. This can be alcohol, drugs, Netflix, social media, or anything “positive” that’s done to the detriment of something more important in your life.

Indirect work is one side of the equation. To compliment it we also need direct work. Activities that the primary purpose is to improve our quality of thoughts, awareness of our feelings and body sensations, and increase our kindness towards ourselves and others.

The great thing about direct work is done correctly really doesn’t take much time at all. In fact a couple of minutes a day done consistently reaps huge benefits. So make sure it’s part of your daily activities.

Mental sorbet

Sometimes, you need to just veg out. And social media is perfect for this. At the end of the day, or sometimes in the middle of the day, your brain is a little fried and a minute or two of mindless scrolling is like a mental sorbet. It cleanses the pallet, gets you out of the thinking about what’s just gone or what has to happen.

BUT… sorbets aren’t very nutritious. And mental sorbets don’t help us build up our peace of mind and optimism. Taking a minute to sit with your thoughts, feelings and body sensations mightn’t be as appealing as watching Netflix or checking the gram. It’s work, and your brain is already full and fuzzy and tired.

The thing is the minute deliberate work saves you possibly hours of needing to switch off or veg out. And the minutes compound. Minutes of switching off build a habit of avoidance and numbing. Minutes of checking in with yourself build clarity and acceptance.

My advice to you: dial down the minutes switching off and gradually dial up the minutes tuning in. You’ll feel a lot better over time because of it.

How does working with me work?

I’ve had a number of people ask how does Mental Health Coaching work. So this short video will explain it.

The first thing we do is get on a call to see if I’m right for you at your stage of your journey. We’ll figure out what does good mental health and peace of mind look like for you. Then I’ll go through the Mental Health Continuum and the habits of good mental health.

Over the next few weeks (or months, however long is right for you) we’ll do coaching calls and regular check ins as you build positive mental health habits into your daily life. We’ll set goals, answer any questions that come up, and give you the reassurance you need as you build a happier mind.

If this sounds interesting to you, or you’d like to know more, just book a Free Consultation with me. Thanks!

Why I want Help People With Their Mental Health

There’s a lot in this world that’s not serving anyone, or not serving the greater good. So why spend time improving what’s going on inside your head, when there’s so much we need to improve out in the real world.

Because if you feel secure, fulfilled, happy, content, what are you going to do? You’re going to look at the people in your life and see what they need to feel the same, and help them achieve their goals.

When you’re scared, lonely, afraid, we’re not thinking of others. When we’re stressed and unhappy, we can’t really look after the needs of anyone else because our needs aren’t met.

I believe we haven’t been taught how to build our own sense of security and fulfilment. It can be done, and if I can help people with what I’ve gone through and learnt, we can really make an impact on the world.

🤔 What happens if you don’t take your minute? 🤔

First of all let me reassure you that by not taking a minute nothing terrible is going to happen straight away. But in the same way nothing terrible is going to happen if don’t put anything into your retirement account, skip a workout, or eat a 5000 calorie meal. The cost of bad habits or inaction is accumulative and we don’t see the effects until some point way down the road.

What taking a minute really does for you is allow you to process what’s going on and release tension.

If we don’t process things or release tension, that doesn’t just go away. Either our body holds onto it or we inadvertently release it onto someone else. So saying you don’t want to deal with it doesn’t really work. You ARE dealing with it. The question is, do you want to deal with it head on, when you’re in control, in a healthy way, or do you want to let it act as a drag on your happiness or advancement?

The effects of not taking time to build your mental health generally aren’t immediate, but they are there. The good news is the effects of repeatedly taking time for yourself doesn’t just accumulate, it compounds into better thoughts, actions, and feelings.

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Types of Mindful Minutes You Can Take

So you’ve decided you’ll try taking a minute. Which, if you’ve an aversion to the words mindfulness or meditation because they’re too hippie-ish, we’ll call Clarity Breaks. What do you do in that minute, or more accurately, what’s the outcome?

The most common and best serving thing you can do for your long term health is just observe. The more frequently we observe the more we can see what we’re doing on autopilot, and then we can direct our actions better. The better we get at deliberately doing this during our formal minute, the more likely we’ll start doing this habitually throughout the day.

The second option is to use your minute as a reset. We’ve all busy lives and we can still be thinking about one moment or experience well into the next. By the end of the day we feel like we were busy but it’s all a blur. A quick minute allows us to temporarily let go of what’s just happened and be present for whoever we’re with or whatever we’re doing right now.

Finally, you can use the minute to help satisfy your needs. Ask yourself what do you need, or what do you need to do? Then you can listen to the answer and give yourself the same reassurance you’d give a friend, family member or coworker.

Let me know which type of minute works best for you.

The Story of The One Minute Clarity Break

When I started my first guided meditation it asked me to count my breath for ten minutes. So I had to set aside some time before and after the ten minutes to help get in the mindset and to make sure I wasn’t under time pressure to rush off straight away.

Guided meditations are a great tool, but they come with limitations. For a start if you’re listening to someone you’re not listening to your thoughts, and the reminders can actually break your state at times.

The common advice in any sort of mediation or mindfulness practice is to go longer. The issue is that even 5 minutes can be too much to start. You’ll lose focus and get distracted and that can really feel like a failure. Imagine if your first attempt at relieving your nerves actually left you more anxious and irritated!!??

So I thought “What if I did the opposite?”

Instead of going longer I’d go shorter. And by going shorter I got just as much, if not more benefit. It was like I was forced to be present because if I wasn’t the opportunity would be gone.

When I started encouraging people to take time for themselves one of the biggest reasons for not doing it was a lack of time. BUT we can all spare just 60 seconds. So it served as a double win. A quick reset that doesn’t take away your biggest resource - time.

How to use Social Media to Make Yourself Feel Better.

It doesn’t take much to boost your own mental health. In fact everything I help people with is all about the minimum effective dose. What will take the least amount of time and energy and give us the best return.

Since you’re most likely watching this on Instagram or Facebook we can apply some Sympathetic Joy right now. Sympathetic Joy is deliberately feeling happy for someone for their accomplishments or good fortune.

Our fear based, scarcity thinking brains can look at another’s gains as unfair, undeserved, or a threat to us. “If they have something there’s less for me.” We can short circuit this by actively wishing them well instead of letting our primal responses take over. This will improve our mood, thinking, and overall health.

After you’ve finished watching (and liking!) this post, scroll and find three people who you can be happy for. Once that’s done you can close your feed and know that you’ve used social media for something positive. The more you do this the better you’ll feel each time you’re on Facebook or Instagram!

I heard this quote from Shane Parish of Farnam Street and thought it was so applicable to your own mental health.

Actually, there’s a lot of things that could fall into this category. It’s not your fault someone ran into the back of your car but it’s your responsibility to get it fixed and take care of the insurance. It’s not your fault the airline lost your luggage but it’s your responsibility to get some fresh clothes for the morning.

What’s so great about it is it removes blame. And blame is often the thing that holds us back. Now that we’ve gotten blame out of the way we can start working on making things better.

It’s not your fault you’ve never been taught how to take care of your mental health. But it is your responsibility to learn now and start implementing. Just because it’s your responsibility doesn’t mean you have to figure out everything from scratch. By taking responsibility and ownership you can seek out best practices and start applying them to you.

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The “I should be able to fix this on my own” Narrative

Telling yourself that you should be able to fix everything on your own is not a helpful story. It keeps you isolated and stuck.

There’s plenty of things that you don’t know about and have no problem asking for external help. Fixing your washing machine, servicing your car, maybe doing your taxes or writing a cover letter.

But when it comes to how we relate to ourselves, how we can make ourselves happier, less stressed and more proud of who we are, for some reason we don’t seek outside help, or think it’s a form of weakness.

It’s an act of courage to seek help. You’re not outsourcing ownership or expecting someone else to fix all your problems. You’re seeking insight, guidance, wisdom. No one can argue that insight, guidance, or wisdom aren’t admirable.

You don’t have to figure all this stuff out on your own.