Mmm I Like This

We made it, kids! 

After 16 LOOOOONG episodes, we are flying out of paradise. Bittersweet is the vibe of the week. Our trio is reunited as Thomas returns from his trip just in time to celebrate the expected engagement between Brandon and Serene, but all three nervously giggle at the other "strongest couple" Victoria and Johnny.. Who would have thought? Truly none of us.

In a Bachelor first, we get an "after the final rose" style reunion where 90% of the beachgoers were seemingly there for.. background fill? It's truly impressive how little the majority of them speak. They do look STUNNING, though so we will take any wins we can get here.

Logan proves himself to be the jumpscare of the century, but one of our hosts defies all odds to express their support for his character. SHOCKING, really. 

However, it must truly be Opposite Day because in the same breath as Logan's redemption, we get Kate's further descent into stupidity-fueled villainy - Thomas couldn't be more devastated.

Tune in to get our lovely hosts' perspectives on the final hours in Paradise and who is more generic - Johnny or Greg Grippo. Victoria, can you weigh in?

We will see you January 23 for Zach's season! 

Ciao

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We're nearing the finish line!!! 

This week, Jess and Joel take the helm while Thomas attends a business trip in Palm Springs. Did he go to Stagecoach? Only time will tell.

Eliza's whirlwind "international" trip to Baltimore backfires when Justin ultimately chooses himself as a real King should, and Eliza learns to trust her gut instead of her Lord of The Flies beach mates' choices for HER life! Sorry babes. Victoria names the new potential love triangles forming "Battle of the Cougars" and honestly? We're here for it.

Kate shreds Logan to pieces but seemingly has never once criticized him!! You sure, Kate?

Genevieve and Aaron enter yet another rough and tumble period where G shows her true colours as usual, and we're all praying Aaron breaks from her spell. 

Becca and her dirty feet show up to welcome them to yet another 80's prom theme.. seemingly white straight people can't come up with another theme for a party so here we are again...

We near the end of paradise! Who will get engaged? Who will leave paradise forever (we hope)? We will find out VERY soon and our wonderful host trio couldn't be more excited.

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Only one episode this week and our lovely trio still find a way to talk over each other for an hour straight. Impressive, really.

This week, Kate main characters herself in and out of a potential love triangle, and Thomas and Jess are living for every sound byte she is providing. 

Eliza makes the worst decision in Paradise history, but in a tear-soaked turn of events, dumps her choice AND flies to Baltimore to make amends. Rodney is weirdly and cultish-ly supported by the entire beach in a group Midsommar therapy moment, and none of our lovely hosts understand it. 

We're sluggishly approaching the end of Paradise and our wonderful girl and gays can't wait to find out who has the audacity to propose. Paradise is soon becoming a nightmare.

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Are we done yet? We're not? There are still 4 episodes to go? Someone call 911. 

This week, relationships are tested and our three lovely hosts try and figure out what a relationship is and what a test is. In the Paradise setting.

One of Bachelorette's worst men arrives on the scene to "shake things up" and it's quite possibly the most self-sabotaging experience we have ever seen on television. #JusticeForRambo

It's a week(s) full of love triangles, crying, bonfires, great teeth, and STILL no distinct rose ceremony information. Are these people here forever? 

When will straight men get a personality that's more than just their dog? We may never know..

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It's Geometry Beach, baby! 

This week the girls return to the beach and we mournfully say our goodbyes to the Vidanta. Some reunions lead to stronger connections and tearful reconciliations, while others result in the Shanaedo tearing through Paradise. 

Thomas gives JillChin the farewell she deserves with no support from Jess and Joel, but all ends well when Tyler arrives on the beach to bring the trio together. Brittany continues to prove she is the most mature and well spoken one on this entire show when she talks to Andrew. BiP season 8 makes history as the first season to disadvantage the male contestants. Justice for Olu and Rick. 

--

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***Edit** - Re-Uploaded with the right week!

The Bachelor Historian is back! This week Jess and Thomas welcome the long awaited return of Joel, the self proclaimed "bringer of positivity" to the Pod!

Finally we get a week where multiple things actually happen to talk about, so much so this has got to be the longest episode so far! Sorry about that...

Michael gets way too much screen time and in the process, knocks himself down off of Jess and Thomas' pedestal of Bach contestant perfection as he awkwardly tries to make it work with Danielle. J*sse P*lmer separates the couples and brings in a whole new pack of new and returning paradise contestants including Tyler and Thomas has a full meltdown on the mic. JillChin has a full meltdown and influences the entire group of OG girls to have severe mental breakdowns over relationships that have lasted.. *checks watch* approximately 12 minutes. 

There's so much to discuss this week, and the trio covers it all!

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Can you believe we live in a world where Kira thinks Jacob feels like home? What a CROCK!

Week two without Joel, and Jess and Thomas are honestly doing so well. This week, Genevieve embarrasses herself by ditching Paradise's best man and honestly? We support a single and mingle ready Justin. 

The Pizza King arrives on the beach looking for his Pizza Queen and Brittany proves to be a Queen of something, but it ain't pizza, it's SWERVE, baby!

Jess and Thomas spend a lot of time outlining the equality of insults in both women AND men's appearances, as well as the equality in everyone's completely unhinged behaviour.

Oh yeah and the infamous Salley shows up for.. approximately 14 seconds? ALSO ASHLEY AND JARED ARE STILL THERE AND WE DON'T GET IT. GO HOME.

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What a week. Late uploads, too many hours of Paradise in one sitting, and Canadian Thanksgiving can try to bring us down!! But they won't!!

This week, Jess and Thomas helm the mic with Joel on vacation, and boy oh boy is he missing out. 

Jacob becomes a makeout slut, Romeo experiences consequences for his actions, and Jess and Thomas' boyfriends come down the stairs together, are we surprised? 

Genevieve and Shanae talk without getting in a fist fight which shocks all of us more than anything and we say goodbye to.. the boring ones. 

It's only up from here!

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WE ARE BACK BABY! The beach has been calling our names and boy oh boy did we answer the call.

What a crop of HOTTIES. For the first time in Paradise history, the men out hot the women. Can you believe? With Michael A and Andrew S there... we definitely can. 

ANOTHER Paradise first.. Thomas doesn't like a bitchy unlikeable character. Is he feeling okay? We can only hope.

Jess and Joel GUSH over Lace's return and the three of them are so parched for Michael A that someone should call the police.

Get ready for a fun season of drunk love triangles, IBS, and crying straight men.

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Well... we made it. It's over. Jess, Joel, and Thomas reflect on an exhausting season of crying, laughter, crying, one-shoulder dresses, fake hair, and crying.

Rachel DEFINITELY got what she wanted.. no matter the cost. Was it worth it? The level of DESTRUCTION she drops on Tino blows us all away, and Gabby get's her big handed man. 

Yet again, an hour episode seems daunting at first until these three open their big mouths. Are any of us surprised at this point?

Tune into this season's finale episode full of insults, inappropriate Thomas comments, Joel's historically accurate play-by-plays, and Jess' disappointment in ABC's treatment of women. 

Stick around to the end for a lightning round of first impressions for PARADISE!! Next week!! See you then!!

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