Monkey Feet Hands

What is the greatest number of euphemisms you've ever heard in an hour? If you are a cop then you have you have to answer that, legally. So pop in a doughnut hole and listen to some words for once. We don't care if you are trapped in a water park or squatting in a cattle ranch, just sit by the campfire for some Monkey Feet Hands. Unless, of course, you ain't got the haunches for it, in which case your feet as almost as big as your mouth ma'am.

Dearly beloved we are gathered here, there, and everywhere podcasts are available, which is everywhere that internet is available, which hypothetically should be everywhere in the United States since the US taxpayers footed the $20 billion bill for the fiber optic wiring of the entire nation. Whoops, guess the check got lost in the mail—Hey! Just try telling that to the IRS this May. Seriously, if you do this you will get into some pretty deep trouble. What you need to do is say, “I am a sovereign citizen, and income tax is a tyrannical and unconstitutional practice”. Then start incoherently muttering about the national deficit as you frantically search the pockets of a coat you have hanging up in a closet. They should leave you be after that. Spread salt around the perimeter of your house, and listen to Fools Rush In by Elvis Presley 17 times in a row. Finally, with you forhead pressed to a baseball bat stood vertically on the ground begin to run circles around the bat while chanting "Mama Mia, Here I Go Again" until you pass out.

Thank you for coming. Please enjoy the ceremony.

When well lubricated it is possible to slip in and out of time without the use of sacred iconography or ancient geometric temporal power. Your world could shift imperceptibly as you awaken each day, but you could never know it. What did you dream of last time you slept? What did you know when last you closed your eyes? This time tomorrow, you will have never heard these words before, unless you read this outloud right now or somehow someone says these exact words in a completely different context between now and then. I doubt that will happen though, so just enjoy the episode and forget I mentioned any of this.

Tempers flare in the aftermath of the latest scandal. Apparently someone isn’t ready to give up nude horse trumpeting—current political climate be damned. Meanwhile, Quart Barnaby stops by to regale the boys with tales from the glory days. Later on Ken Bone stops by with some tasty pasta. If anyone out there listening is from the wine stain universe I am sorry, but you are in the wrong place my friend. The only consolation I can offer you is that in this universe Morgan Freeman is still with us.

 

This episode's ad music courtesy of Free House

freehouse.bandcamp.com

As your brave hosts attempt to recover both emotionally and psychologically from the onslaught of vitriol brought on by a certain exiled P-Cast guest who shall heretofore remain nameless, a new guest appears on the horizon. What new challenges and what horrific revelations lie in wait for your intrepid heroes? Will Professor Baglyn provide the promised edutainment the kids so desperately crave, or will he prove to be another provacetuer looking to purloin the precious platform of this P-Cast?! All these questions, and many more that neither you nor I have asked will be answered.

Krupa returns. This time we won’t let him get away with his façade. As the web of lies unravels, and the beauteous truth is released we see a new day dawn. The King of lies, Mathew Krupa, will never spread his vile filth on our precious P-Cast again—starting right after this episode is over. This is it for him. Now behold with your very own ears, the decimation of King Krupa once and for all. As we take a treacherous dive, deep into the dark depths of the shadowy realm of murky mystery that is this very special episode of Monkey Feet Hands. Hey-oh, hey-oh, hey-oh, all aboard.

A turtle's shell is more than just protection from a harsh environment; it's where that turtle lives and loves- hopefully with protection. We aren't saying you have to listen to our advice; you just have to listen to our voices. The guards at Buckingham Palace do and look how they turned out? They have the biggest of hats. Lets leave it at that.

This podcast was recorded prior to all allegations involving the unfortunate actions and views of Mr. Krupa. We at MFH have elected to release the episode in the interest of full disclosure, but please be advised that the man featured here as a guest on our program is not only a social deviant, but also a master manipulator and highly skilled disinformation agent. Any views expressed within this episode and on any other platform are solely those of Mathew Krupa and in no way represent the values and ideas that we at MFH hold sacred and dear. We apologize for any and all offensive content herein, but we have decided that to censor any recording made by MFH would be anathema to our mission as a podcast. Once again, please be advised that Mathew Krupa is a truly deplorable human being, and as such this episode should offend anyone who chooses to listen to it. To disavow use #recallkrupa

This is it. This is the call to arms you have all been waiting for. Stand up and raise your right hand—You are now under oath and above reproach. Pick a side and strap in buckaroo. Get ready for a wild ride through the murky swamp of moral relativism with the caped crusader himself: Paul the Truth Defender! Also, as a special bonus we discuss cheese presentation.

In the inaugural second episode, the tough questions get answered and the tough answers get swept under the carpet. And even though a carpet is different than your car pet, don't you love your floor as much as a Chihuahua in a Honda? Maybe Zootopia isn't racist after all, but it begs the question- what exactly is shawarma?