Monster Crush

It’s a special Thanksgiving episode for LD and Derek and they are thankful for so much. We are thankful to you, our wonderful audience (like all 7 of you), we are thankful for the opportunity to make a podcast as friends, and we are thankful for all of the smoochable monsters! So this episode, we prepare a Thanksgiving feast, and the main course? Why, it’s our monstrous singletons! So strap in and strap on for The Bird Beasts of Var as our protein with a side of The Veggieman of West Virginia. These flavorful cryptids are hopefully not too much of a mouthful…

Featuring: What we are thankful for - funeral potatoes - Spooky News: Superstitions may make you super sad, a new paranormal book rec, haunted Disney, congressional UAP update(!) - looking for monsters in Shagtown - a sucking hug - sometimes it’s just birds - tits, tats, and all that’s - And more!

CW: mentions of food throughout, brief mention of funerals (2:00-3:45), mental health/depression (9:10-13:15), Sk**w*lkers (13:55-14:50), thorns/needles/vampirism (35:15-39:00)

We are proud to be a part of the Sword & Key Network. Our music is by the handsome and talented Nick Lambert. Find him on Instagram @lambertropolis. All other music and sounds are licensed through Epidemic Sounds.

Given recent events, we here at Monster Crush have decided to stop all this monkey business. So join us as we go ape-shit for our singletons this week! Insert additional monkey pun here. So strap in and strap on for some cryptids who might involve reaching a loving hand back down the evolutionary branch so chimpler times (that’s the last one, I swear). This date we bring you the Stellar’s Sea Ape and the Monkey Man of Delhi!

Featuring: Monster Crush is here to distract but never to ignore - Ranking the hottest Donkey Kong characters - Sean Astin’s connection to Donkey Kong is revealed - Spooky News: Happy Godzilla Day, more US congress alien talks, and outer space gets wet - A really Stellar group of animals - Otter tubes - Mundane monsters vs. bonkers monsters - Beyond Belief lives up to its name - Rooftop sleeping - India’s Weapon X Program - And more!

CW: Allusion to current events/2024 US election (1:45-4:00 & 1:02:00-1:04:00), attempted harm to animals (38:00-38:30), mentions of physical assault (47:15-48:45), also The Monkey Man of Delhi can be interpreted as implied abuse to animals/animal testing

We are proud to be a part of the Sword & Key Network. Our music is by the handsome and talented Nick Lambert. Find him on Instagram @lambertropolis. All other music and sounds are licensed through Epidemic Sounds.

Episode 90 has arrived and just in time for Halloween! So join us as we dive a stake deep into the heart of one of the most iconic monsters of all time, a terror who has dug his fangs deep into the neck of pop culture, the vampire of all vampires - COUNT DRACULA! So strap in and strap on for an exploration into the fictional and real world history of the most famous bloodsucker around!

Featuring: What is a Dracula? - Vampires around the world - Bram Stoker’s love triangle - Dracula Recap - Van Helsing’s eyebrows - The many actors of Dracula - The hodgepodge of Dracula - Impale me, daddy - Vlad learns the importance of public relations - Count Wampyr - The OG lesbian Dracula - Bloody Tears - THE WEATHERMAKER - And More!

CW: Discussions of blood, blood-draining, vampirism, defiling a corpse (staking and beheading thereof), and undead throughout, kidnapping/murder/bathing in blood (40:00 - 42:00), genocide/horrors of war/impaling (46:00 - 1:10:00), animal cruelty/death (1:00:00 - 1:01:00)

We are proud to be a part of the Sword & Key Network. Our music is by the handsome and talented Nick Lambert. Find him on Instagram @lambertropolis. All other music and sounds are licensed through Epidemic Sounds.

It’s SPOOKY MONTH and so Monster Crush continues it’s Halloween tradition of bringing you three monsters who represent some of the most iconic seasonal creatures. This year, in our Halloween Threesome, we bring you a ghost, a vampire, and a werewolf: The Kyōkotsu, The Vampire Beast/Beast of Bladenboro, and The Werewolf of Werewolf Springs respectively. So strap in and strap on for some crazy bones, a thirsty cat, and the most werewolf to ever werewolf!

Featuring: What is the most iconic Halloween monster? - Monster cereals - Spooky News: We sell out, get a free new vehicle or $100,000, Mormon Wives of Tiktok, TWO LOCH NESS MONSTERS - Crazy Bones - Stop tossing your bones down wells - Large cats the size of small bears - LD gets predictably hot for a werewolf - Trains just chock full of werewolves - Wolfmen NOT Sasquatches - It’s ok to have simple pleasures

CW: Improper disposal/desecration of dead bodies (21:15-26:15), pet/domesticated animal death (26:30-36:45 and 44:15-44:30), violent murder (43:15-44:45), gun violence (45:00-45:45)

We are proud to be a part of the Sword & Key Network. Our music is by the handsome and talented Nick Lambert. Find him on Instagram @lambertropolis. All other music and sounds are licensed through Epidemic Sounds.

We said we would do it and, against all better judgment, we’re finally doing it.. It’s the SLEEP PARALYSIS EPISODE! So strap in and strap on for a journey into nightmares as LD braves her own subconscious for this week’s singletons. So, presented in this episode are LD’s very own sleep paralysis demons! Including: The Bowler-Hat-Man, The Hag (aka Foot Goblin), and The Changeling! Will Derek find love in these manifestations of his co-hosts' fears? Listen to find out!

Featuring: Vote Derek for president of the US - The best part of waking up? Consensual oral - Spooky News: 15 years of Paranormal Activity (the movie), more Conjuring House drama, the next UFO hearing is soon! - Hats make you big - The true story of Nightmare on Elm Street - Hags have a thing for feet - Cuck the Black Hat Man - And more!

CW: This entire episode is about sleep paralysis - data shows that episodes of sleep paralysis can be triggered by discussions of the phenomena - if you have experienced sleep paralysis in the past, this might be an episode you want to skip… but do what you want, I’m not your dad.Also: brief mentions of/references to modern politics, mental health issues, spider monsters and other nightmarish imagery throughout

We are proud to be a part of the Sword & Key Network. Our music is by the handsome and talented Nick Lambert. Find him on Instagram @lambertropolis. All other music and sounds are licensed through Epidemic Sounds.

It’s an age-old question: Head or No Head? Well despite your feelings on the matter, the singletons this week are fervently in the “No Head” category. But that doesn’t mean they are not worthy of love! So join us on this date with good ol’ boy cryptid, The Grafton Monster, and the ‘mythological’ race of headless humanoids, the Blemmyes! Maybe they’ll prove that you can show love even without (a) head. 

Featuring: LD is “Pro-Head” - Whistlin’ cryptids - Teenage monster-hunting parties - Random missing polar bears - “Eye-Boobers” - Giant werewolves carrying the ghost of Baby Jesus - Women with beards - headless people in every corner of the map

CW: Death by old age (22:30-22:55), implied harm to animals (24:00-25:00), Birth defects (41:00-41:35)

We are proud to be a part of the Sword & Key Network. Our music is by the handsome and talented Nick Lambert. Find him on Instagram @lambertropolis. All other music and sounds are licensed through Epidemic Sounds.

Welcome TRUE BELIEVERS to this episode of Monster Crush. With all the news these days coming from Marvel Comics we thought we’d jump on that bandwagon and ride some superheroic coattails (cape-tails?). So this week enjoy some familiar Marvel names that were originally attributed to some less than familiar monsters. These Silver Age singletons were pulled straight from the pages of Marvel Comics thanks in major part to the book The A - Z of Marvel Monsters! EXCELSIOR! Featuring: The original Groot, The original Hulk (Xemnu), and Thorr!

Featuring: What superhero would make the best cryptid? - Spooky News! Including: Bigfoot sanctuaries, don’t roundhouse kick ghost performers, Cali UFO flap, and Ghost Hunter assassinations?! - LD’s Randy Quaid encounter (tease) - Groot language elective credits - first step to ruling the world: get a TV show - space travel in the Marvel Universe is really bad - the confidence of a small town electrician - don’t throw dynamite into a volcano - AND MORE!

CW: Implied superhero death and implied torture (5:50 - 6:20), legal issues involving assault (10:00 - 15:46), news about people experiencing paranoia (20:30 - 24:30), Silver Age comic book monsters with a focus on domination/comic violence/mind control/implied genocide (throughout)

We are proud to be a part of the Sword & Key Network. Our music is by the handsome and talented Nick Lambert. Find him on Instagram @lambertropolis. All other music and sounds are licensed through Epidemic Sounds.

We are back with another Second Chance At Love for some of our monstrous singletons who didn’t make the cut in previous episodes! Winning out this week is the Alabama Metalman, an alien/cryptid/potential superhero who more or less ruined the life of a local police chief. Even cryptids are living that ACAB life it seems. So strap on and strap in for a shiny short king with some serious hops and lots of talk about corn!

Featuring: A stable of monsters frothing at the mouth(s) - Alabama twang - Police Chief of F***ville - The dangers of corn - shiny short king in a cornfield - Smallville meets Futurama - Don’t listen to your wife when it comes to aliens - A man lives out a sad country song - Best advice for photographing the supernatural - Is hoaxing worth it? No.

CW: Brief mention of spiders and creepy crawlies (6:45 - 7:45), mentions of police throughout, brief mention of automobile accidents (16:30 - 17:00), a person having a real rough time in life - job loss, loss of credibility, divorce, home loss, bullying, gangstalking, etc. (basically the entire second half of the episode)

We are proud to be a part of the Sword & Key Network. Our music is by the handsome and talented Nick Lambert. Find him on Instagram @lambertropolis. All other music and sounds are licensed through Epidemic Sounds.

It’s the age old question we must ask all of our romantic partners.. Would you still love me if I was a Wyrm? That is to say a massive, writing beast that haunts the waterways and dark places of the world. To explore this question we bring you two particularly wyrmy (or wormy depending on your definition) singletons today in the first of what is to become a Monster Crush mini series. So please strap in and strap on for the Lagarfljót worm of Iceland and Sinkhole Sam of Kansas, USA!Featuring: Would you still love me if I was a worm? - the genesis of a meme - Heidi Kulm’s Halloween costumes - Spooky News: graveyard mysteries, flying shapeshifters, and ghost marriages - Wyrm or Worm? - Lake monsters are like Fergie (i.e. HUMPS) - Amphibious lake monsters - Catholics are so DRAMATIC - Microscopic nightmare beasts - AND MORE!

CW: Implied body horror (i.e. turning into a worm) - opener, child death from disease/disturbing of a grave (10:30 - 13:45), death from automobile accident (18:00 - 22:30), brief mention of parasites (i.e. heartworms) (22:35 - 22:40), some allusions to current events at the end of the episode 

We are proud to be a part of the Sword & Key Network. Our music is by the handsome and talented Nick Lambert. Find him on Instagram @lambertropolis. All other music and sounds are licensed through Epidemic Sounds.

Does size matter? Is bigger always better? These are the tough questions we tackle here at Monster Crush. With that in mind we explore two ends of the size spectrum with the diminutive forest spirit of the Congo, The Eloko, and the sizable but probably-internet-bs mountain monster, the Bergkonge. While these two vary greatly in size they share surprisingly a lot in common. Most importantly, they want you in their mouths!

Featuring: Does size actually matter? - A new game: Bigger Or Smaller! - Charizard is a short king - what’s 50 feet between friends - three new genders: violent, feral, cannibalistic - when the moral to the story doesn’t match up - classical music bops - sexy scorpion/lizards - made up monsters are valid - we pay tribute to the cast of The Mummy - Derek’s metric conversion woes - AND MORE

CW: brief mention of tragic event (Titanic), brief discussion of allergies (grass allergies), mentions of cannibalistic monsters throughout, magical mind control, folkloric racism towards Romani peoples - allusion to kidnapping and possible SA, and discussion of being devoured

We are proud to be a part of the Sword & Key Network. Our music is by the handsome and talented Nick Lambert. Find him on Instagram @lambertropolis. All other music and sounds are licensed through Epidemic Sounds.