This week prepare to get hot, humid, and spelunked! We explore all the nooks and crannies of the world's stinkiest cave for a genuinely bulletproof love.

Warning: this episode contains sensitive topics such as xenophobia, war, and antisemitic conspiracy theories. Featuring: U.S. of (Mothman’s) Ass; Midnight (m)Ass; Sharks; Spooky News!; Weird Poop; Hellish Hissing; Outside Cloud Inside; Biblical Scapegoat; Shoutout Derek’s Mom; Bloopers.

We are proud to be part of the Sword and Key network. Our music is by the handsome and second-most-eligible bachelor in North America, Nick Lambert. Find him on Instagram @lambertropolis.

This week we go deep diving for love. You know him, you fear him, you may have built a home on him thinking he was a set of islands (it happens to the best of us) – it's time to unleash the Kracken!

Warning: this episode contains sensitive topics such as death and necrophilia. Featuring: Alien’s Conspiracy Theories; News of the World: Bowser x Luigi; The Scent of a Christian; Movie Twists; Minestrone Soup of Monsters; Deleted "Hamilton" Numbers; Straight Shittin'.

We are proud to be part of the Sword and Key network. Our music is by the handsome and second-most-eligible bachelor in North America, Nick Lambert. Find him on Instagram @lambertropolis.

That monster under your bed keeps you up at night with its rancid vibes and bad takes, but it can make you laugh like no one else. A werewolf keeps showing up at your work and demanding to speak to your manager, and you can't help but notice they are kind of cute. That's not your enemy; that's your enemy to lover! Seething disdain and tension so thick you could choke on it can only be a good boon for your future relationship.

CW: implied homophobia, stalking, incest, twilight, nuclear weapons. Featuring: a brief lesson in media literacy; "You" spoilers; Spooky News!; New Kink Alert!; fanfic watch; the Kennedy’s strike again; Ben Franklin; a lot of sound effects

We are proud to be part of the Sword and Key network. Our music is by the handsome and second-most-eligible bachelor in North America, Nick Lambert. Find him on Instagram @lambertropolis.

I bet you thought, "Oh sure, they say they're back, but I've heard that before. We shall see in two weeks." Surprise! We're back a week early because we're trying to make it up to you, okay? We couldn't leave you sweating as you waited for more Bigfoot! Featuring: When dogs go wild; Patty's pendulous breasts;  I got kidnapped by Bigfoot and all I got was the ick; Josh Hutcherson; snake < mongoose < Gustav; shout out Derek’s mom; a lot of poop talk; bloopers.

We are proud to be part of the Sword and Key network. Our music is by the handsome and second-most-eligible bachelor in North America, Nick Lambert. Find him on Instagram @lambertropolis.

Risen from the grave and casually ignoring that we ghosted you for the last two years, you're not-favorite-but-at-least-top-100 most delightful duo is back! We couldn't return empty-handed, so we've brought North America's most eligible bachelor, Bigfoot! Featuring: Life updates; dead dove (open); famous woodworkers; Clark Gable lookalikes; Big Foot Facts!; Everything Showers.

We are proud to be part of the Sword and Key network. Our music is by the handsome and second-most-eligible bachelor in North America, Nick Lambert. Find him on Instagram @lambertropolis.

What a day/week/month/year/life! You deserve a break! Grab a towel, your favorite book, and prepare to fall in love on the seashore. Better to fall in love than fall in, because some of these singletons might eat you. Exciting! 

CW: discussions of sex, death, infant death, harm to animals, insects, disease, animal attacks, drowning. Featuring: Lions and Tigers and Bears with Guns; MC Movie Corner: The Holiday; Spooky News: How to Pronounce Cicada; the Saga of Dan Arby; Bad Cryptid Hugs; Beaver Abominations; Octopus Science; Second Chances at Love; Monster Meet-Cutes.

Thanks to our super producer, Richard, and Nick Lambert, who created our theme song. Find him on Instagram @lambertropolis.

IT’S OUR 50th EPISODE!! To celebrate, we put together a very special episode, unlike anything we’ve done before. Heaven-Leigh provides a comprehensive look at critical aspects of Donna Haraway’s work and then connects it somehow to monster smooching? From there, Derek is presented with a horrifying glimpse into humanity’s future. This may be our most educational episode yet!

CW: mentions of racism, sexism, transphobia, genitalia, body horror, climate catastrophe. Featuring: Fungal Zombies; A Cyborg Manifesto; Staying with the Trouble; Nightmare Dr. Seuss; Leave Matt Damon in Space; Foot Perverts; The Future is Crab; Abject Horror; Utility Belts; Putting the DICK in DIXON; Meaty Tic Tacs.

Thanks to our super producer, Richard, and Nick Lambert, who created our theme song. Find him on Instagram @lambertropolis.

You can cut all the flowers, but you can’t keep Spring from coming! It’s time to throw open the windows, beat that old rug, and pay tribute to the naked little man who lives under your floorboards. Normal stuff! This week, Heaven-Leigh presents Derek with a selection of singletons that have already moved in and are busy judging how many dishes there are in the sink. 

CW: climate change, dieting, death, childbirth, mention of genitalia. Featuring: Spring Cleaning Rituals; Roombas; Shitty Roommates; Little Big Boys; Derek’s Haunted House; Draw a Dick, You Coward; Color-Locked Shapeshifting; Go Naked To Your Favorite Game.

Thanks to our super producer, Richard, and Nick Lambert, who created our theme song. Find him on Instagram @lambertropolis.

Get out your icosahedrons, it's a D&D bonus episode! Heaven-Leigh's schedule is busy these days so Derek decides to take special guest Kappa on a smoochable tour of the Forgotten Realms with a special selection of Dungeons & Dragons monsters. When Heaven-Leigh is away, the boys will slay (but in a sexy way)... Hey that all kinda rhymed! 

CW: Violence, gaslighting, mind control, mentions of slavery, cannibalism, real-world religions

Featuring: the return of fuckable numbers; what D&D class is best in bed; sea lion-sized fleas; monster glow-ups; Bill Nighy's voice can get it; the 3 F's of adventuring; Uncle Rick; Tiefling toe-beans; fantasy healthcare systems.

Thanks to our super producer, Richard, and Nick Lambert, who created our theme song. Find him on Instagram @lambertropolis.

Not up for debate: Godzilla's sex appeal. Up for debate: Which of his rivals is the hottest? This week, Derek breaks down some of Godzilla's sexiest foes. They're big, they're horrifying, and they're ready to destroy a city as a testament to their love!

CW: human trafficking mention, nuclear weapons and devastation, eco-fascism. Featuring: Weird Mic Troubles - Sorry!; NEW THEME SONG; Toledo Facts; Dinosaur News!; Gender Reveal Drama; Sleepy Hands; Kaiju v Giant Monster; Brain Butts and Buzzsaw Stomachs; World's Not-Best Dad; Teenage Rage.

Thanks to our super producer, Richard, and Nick Lambert, who created our theme song. Find him on Instagram @lambertropolis.