Mums F**king Matter

I met today's guest, 'Phoxy', at a burlesque show last year where she was hosting and entertaining for 'The Cheek Of It!'.

Phoxy Qurvy is a quirky, curvy burlesque performer and hostess (with the most breasts)! With 30 years plus performance experience, this award-winning, plus-sized, bisexual yummy mummy is eclectic, chameleonic and full of wit, wisdom and passion. Phoxy is producer of the Qurve Ball and founder and principal of Phoxy Qurvy's School of Burly (est.2018).

Phoxy is also Mum to 3 children and lives in Cambridgeshire, UK.

(We have a really good chat about birth trauma the reality of motherhood for some. I hope you feel seen, heard and understood in what is shared in this conversation.)

TRIGGER WARNINGS:

1. from 13 minutes 58 seconds to 14 minutes 40 seconds we talk about birth trauma
2. from 16 minutes 10 seconds to 17 minutes 56 seconds we talk about birth again
3. from 19 minutes 48 seconds to 22 minutes Phoxy speaks about her postnatal experience at the hospital and her son being in intensive care which may be upsetting

In this episode we speak about:

• a bit about Phoxy and her life as a Mum, solo Mum, actress and as Phoxy Qurvy
• how we're rushed/rushing from the moment we give birth and WHY we need to know we MATTER
• what Burlesque can do for women and Mums
• why feeling and looking FABULOUS can make a difference!
• moving on from 'martyr Mum' and spending time on OURSELVES
• the power of poetry and writing
• misconceptions about burlesque(!)
• body image and body confidence
• Phoxy's latest act (and the why we can have behind a performance piece)
• reprogramming the effects of abuse
• navigating what others in our life may think about burlesque

Themes: solo motherhood, burlesque, birth trauma, postnatal care, matrescence, poetry,

We mention Zoe Charles, Regena Thomashauer, Minna Dubin (podcast #98), Dr Rebecca Moore and Eve Rodsky.

To learn more about Phoxy see here on Instagram. And here for her School of Burly.

At the end, I read a poem written by Nikita Gill.

Did you enjoy this episode? If so, I would really appreciate it if you could please leave a review on the platform that you listen.

For more insights and to contact me you can find me on Instagram, and/or on my website: www.lucywyldecoaching.com.

Do you ever think about how truly amazing the/your body is? With all that it does and has done for you, what you're able to do and feel and create with your body. — Listen in, as I gently invite you to (hopefully) appreciate yourself a little bit more.

I recorded this episode before I did burlesque, and since then I've healed my relationship with my body SO much more. To find our more about my burlesque classes, just send me a message :)

Please note: This can be an emotional topic. There is no pressure or judgement whatsoever to be or feel any different from where you are now.

In this episode I speak about:

• the wisdom our body holds and conveys
• 'listening' hands and loving touch
• the significance of our feet
• breath work and yoga as powerful tools to tune inwards
• when our organs show warning signs
• we're "not a sum of broken parts"*
• decent posture and moving wisely

Themes: mental health, physical health, yoga, breath

*I mention Glennon Doyle.

At the end, I share a poem written by Selina Denton.

Did you enjoy this episode? If so, I would really appreciate it if you could please leave a review on the platform that you listen.

For more insights and to contact me you can find me on Instagram, and/or on my website: www.lucywyldecoaching.com.

Minna Dubin is the author of 'MUM RAGE: The Everyday Crisis of Modern Motherhood'. Her work has been featured or reviewed in the New York Times, The New Yorker, The Times Sunday Magazine, inews, Oprah Daily, the Los Angeles Review of Books, Electric Literature, and elsewhere. Minna is currently working on her first novel, and lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with her husband, two kids, and no pets because enough is enough.

Minna is on Instagram at @minnadubin. You contact her and find links to her published writing on her website minnadubin.com. 

Minna Dubin has such an important voice in the Motherhood space and I am pretty honoured to talk with her. Learning of Minna's work validated my feelings so much, which really means the world in all my postnatal/motherhood struggles.

In this episode we speak about:

• a bit about Minna, the work she does and who she is as well as a Mum and Author and Essayist
• taking time for herself
• relationship/parenting dynamics
• being stripped of our power while being told that we have it
• poetry, burlesque and the arts
• "making people uncomfortable is great!" and speaking up
• the 'needless' caveat of "of course I love my child..." that we so often use
• the isolation of matrescence compared to adolescence
• what our rage can tell us!
• a bit about Minna's experience of motherhood
• how much we Mums really matter and deserve to feel good and more
• synaptic pruning; what it is and why it helps to know (to defend against dumb and denigrating comments)

Themes: motherhood, rage, identity, birth, matrescence

We mention Toni Morrison, Amy Taylor-Kabbaz, Dr Sophie Brock, Dr Aurélie Athan, Dr Alexandra Sacks

At the end, I read a poem written by Nikita Gill.

Did you enjoy this episode? If so, I would really appreciate it if you could please leave a review on the platform that you listen.

For more insights and to contact me you can find me on Instagram, and/or on my website: www.lucywyldecoaching.com.

I'm surprised I haven't done an episode on the ego before now as it's something I talk about a lot in my 1:1 coaching work and yoga/fitness classes.

Have a listen to learn where your ego could consciously or unconsciously be running the show.

I talk about:

• training, overdoing it and injuries
• yoga and non-attachment (in achieving a pose)
• dick heads on the road that we don't need to compare to
• keeping up with the Jones' BS
• self-worth and recognising our wounds
• how being aware of my body and nervous system effects my decisions

Themes: self-worth, exercise, upbringing/family, parenting, nervous system

I mention Brené Brown.

At the end I read a poem by Tanya Markul.

Did you enjoy this episode? If so, I would really appreciate it if you could please leave a review on the platform that you listen.

For more insights and to contact me you can find me on Instagram, and/or on my website: www.lucywyldecoaching.com.

Ellen Shepherd is a coach specialising in working with women who have been diagnosed with autism in later life. Find her at unjumbled.me. Ellen is a Mother to a little girl (and a cat called Peppercorn) and she based in South East London, UK.

Ellen and I met at a women's circle at the beginning of 2025, led by Zoe Charles (who runs 'The Cheek Of It!' school of Burlesque and Cabaret) and it's great to talk about this topic that is common to SO many women I know.

TRIGGER WARNING: From 45 minutes 40 seconds to 47 minutes Ellen speaks about early pregnancy loss/miscarriage.

From 47 minutes to 48 minutes Ellen speaks about having a beautiful birth experience which turned difficult so please go gently if this may be triggering.

In this episode we speak about:

• a bit about Ellen's *journey being diagnosed and how it led to the work she does (*Ellen thought she was 'just' anxious before learning more and getting diagnosed)
• figuring out our emotions and how to process them in a healthy way
• not comparing ourselves to everyone's different experiences
• Ellen's two deeply POWERFUL whys
• expressing our rage and why it matters
• the process of getting an autism diagnosis, finally quietening the curiosity about it AND the reactions of people around her when declaring her diagnosis
• how motherhood can be such a melting pot and brings things up to explore/process
• having our needs met and not gaslighting ourselves into gratitude

Themes: autism, ableism, processing emotions, healing, parenting, motherhood, matrescence, early pregnancy loss/miscarriage

We mention Zoe Charles, Glennon Doyle, Minna Dubin, Audre Lorde, Jane Hardwicke Collings, Cath Counihan, Amy Taylor-Kabbaz and Cleo Wade.

To learn more about Ellen see here on her website. And to connect with Ellen on Instagram click here.

At the end, I read a poem written by Jessica Jocelyn.

Did you enjoy this episode? If so, I would really appreciate it if you could please leave a review on the platform that you listen.

For more insights and to contact me you can find me on Instagram, and/or on my website: www.lucywyldecoaching.com.

I originally shared this episode in March 5th 2024.

If you're new to my world you may not know that since 2019 I've had quite a difficult and traumatic journey with my skin health.

Now it is finally and mostly better, I wanted to share my experience healing my gut — which lead to sorting my skin — in case it's helpful for anyone else to hear/learn from. I have learned SO much; partly via my own vast research and commitment but largely with the help of an incredibly helpful, lovely and skilled professional, whom I mention below.

In this episode I speak about:

• getting help from an Acne Specialist Naturopathic Nutritionist
• receiving unsolicited advice
• how I needed to adjust my diet
• what my body was saying in it's suffering
• allergies to ingredients in skin products
• getting help from the wrong person
• how we're potentially conditioned to feel like we 'should' look flawless
• the deep upset that my skin problems caused me

Themes: nutrition, gut health, naturopathy, mental health

I mention Ebony Jane Nutrition. I also mention Shea Butter Cottage.

At the end, I share a poem written by me.

Did you enjoy this episode? If so, I would really appreciate it if you could please leave a review on the platform that you listen.

For more insights and to contact me you can find me on Instagram, and/or on my website: www.lucywyldecoaching.com.

Cath Counihan is a Somatic Trauma Therapist and Mother of twin daughters. Cath trained at the Metanoia Institute in London, completing a Masters of Science in Integrative Psychotherapy. She has trained in EMDR, Transforming Touch, Polyvagal Theory and is completing her Somatic Experiencing Training.

Specialising in childhood trauma, parenting after developmental & childhood trauma and generational healing so we can shift cycles of dysfunction for ourselves and our families, Cath is passionate about ALL of us learning to meet our needs, repattern our nervous systems, heal our shame and stop self-abandoning.

She hosts a popular weekly podcast 'Grow Yourself Up' and she lives in London with her husband and twin daughters. 

Cath is someone whom I've followed the work of for years and I deeply appreciate what she does. — You can HEAR the smile on my face as I begin the podcast.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: from 35 minutes 30 seconds to 36 minutes 30 seconds Cath speaks about her Father's alcoholism.

*And from 55 minutes to 59 minutes Cath speaks about her birth experience; premature labour, an anxious pregnancy and a cascade of interventions, episiotomy and more.

In this episode we speak about:

• a bit about Cath and what led her to the work she does today
• why story behind and reason why Cath's podcast is called 'Grow Yourself Up'
• breaking down shame and embarrassment
• my experience of being ostracised and subsequently reparenting myself
• the depths that parenthood can take us to
• the power of bibliotherapy (LOVE discovering this word!)
• our dream to take part in a flash mob!
• Polyvagal theory and the autonomic nervous system
• what contributes to (the incredibly valid) rage in motherhood
• bedtime rage, meeting our own needs and f**k self-abandonment
• relationships and what we can each be holding from our past
• *Cath's experience of birthing her twins
• more care and reverence is needed over birth — and towards OURSELVES
• how DEEPLY affected by motherhood both Cath and I feel, and you may be too

Themes: trauma healing, psychotherapy, alcoholism, narcissistic abuse, matrescence, motherhood, birth, autism and ADHD.

We mention Molly Caro May and her book 'Body Full Of Stars', Stephen Porges, Deb Dana, Minna Dubin (on the podcast soon!), Eve Rodsky, Dr Sophie Brock, Tamu Thomas, Matt Fray (whom I mention 53 minutes in).

To learn more about Cath see here on her website: cathcounihan.com. And to connect with Cath on Instagram click here. Do check out her brilliant podcast called 'Grow Yourself Up'.

At the end, I read a poem written by Jess Urlichs.

Did you enjoy this episode? If so, I would really appreciate it if you could please leave a review on the platform that you listen.

For more insights and to contact me you can find me on Instagram, and/or on my website: www.lucywyldecoaching.com.

This is an episode that is important to share I feel. So that you know more about me and what's led me to the work I do now.

Some of you have followed me for a long time and I've changed a LOT, professionally and personally so here is a bit of the why — how I have grown and evolved and the juicy WHY behind my work.

In this episode I speak about:

• who I am and what has made me who I am today
• advocating for yourself and the ripple effect that can have
• why I talk about birth trauma and abuse

Themes: healing, domestic abuse, motherhood, birth trauma, parenting

I mention Jenni Donato, Rebecca Antonucci, Rayne Bryant

At the end of this episode, I share a quote from Rumi.

Did you enjoy this episode? If so, I would really appreciate it if you could please leave a review on the platform that you listen.

For more insights and to contact me you can find me on Instagram, and/or on my website: www.lucywyldecoaching.com.

Wendy Snyder is a Mum of two, certified parenting educator & family life coach, who inspires parents to learn & grow through connection based positive parenting strategies. Wendy helps parents ditch the threats, yelling & harsh punishments so they can live life as a joyful & confident parent (with kids that listen & cooperate great!).

I am so glad to share this conversation, after connecting with Wendy in a Facebook group connected to the work of Kate Northrup. To hear about parenting approaches in a different country (the USA) was really interesting.

Do listen and share if you can!

*TRIGGER WARNINGS 1: from 17 minutes 25 seconds to 21 minutes 43 seconds we talk about suicide in adults and children. And from 35 minutes to 45 minutes we speak about birth trauma and baby loss.

CONTENT WARNING: From 32 minutes 15 seconds to 33 minutes 20 seconds AND in my poem at the end I talk about Father Christmas so beware if you're listening around little ones!

In this episode we speak about:

• a bit about the work Wendy does to help reduce suffering in families and more
• parenting for the queer community,
• why systemic change is desperately needed for all of the family to benefit
• the types of parenting; 'autocratic'/authoritarian, permissive and democratic
• the power and magnetism in humility
• suicide awareness*
• applying both education and instinct in parenting (and more!)
• birth trauma and baby loss*
• adjusting and growing through matrescence
• how true self-love came from parenting
• I get Wendy's fabulous response to a vulnerable question about parenting

Themes: parenting, solo parenting, child advocacy, motherhood, matrescence, birth trauma, baby loss, healing

We mention Kate Northrup and Ruth Perry.

To learn more about Wendy see here on her website FreshStartFamilyOnline.com. And to connect with Wendy on Instagram click here. Do check out her podcast called 'The Fresh Start Family Show'.

At the end, I read a poem written by me.

Did you enjoy this episode? If so, I would really appreciate it if you could please leave a review on the platform that you listen.

For more insights and to contact me you can find me on Instagram, and/or on my website: www.lucywyldecoaching.com.

In episode 91 (so proud of myself for getting this far!) of Mums F**king Matter, I share a bit about my love of poetry and why.

People can often dumb themselves down and say "I wouldn't call it poetry". But as I organise a poetry soiré local to me and attend open mic sessions with artists of all kind, I invite you to think about if you wish to share anything of yours...

In this episode I speak about:

• who are your favourite poets? what stories have stayed with you?
• do you write?
• Gloria Steinem's marvellous words....
• why I love poetry and the impact it can have
• writing to heal, feel and process
• Matilda's words (that I call a poem)
• Hollie McNish's work and how honest and BRILLIANT it is
• a tribute to *Andrea Gibson, who passed away recently
• teaching at an old venue where Wilfred Owen used to teach
• listening to the lyrics of songs
• attending open mic sessions

*I refer to Andrea as 'she' when she went by 'they'. My apologies.

Themes: poetry, healing, storytelling, music

I mention Gloria Steinem, Jonzi D, Pam Ayres, W. H. Auden, Hollie McNish, Liezel Graham, Eve Ensler, Andrea Gibson, Wilfred Owen, Eric Clapton.

At the end, I share a poem written by me.

Did you enjoy this episode? If so, I would really appreciate it if you could please leave a review on the platform that you listen.

For more insights and to contact me you can find me on Instagram, and/or on my website: www.lucywyldecoaching.com.