Never Perfect

Joe Timberlake is a businessman and yoga instructor, who grew up with alcoholic father. He never felt good enough: his father was always critical and disappointed in him. As a young adult, Joe himself discovered that alcohol, lowered his social anxiety and made him the life of the party, so he became an addict himself. At age 35, Joe became sober and benefited greatly from 12 step, meetings, and sponsors. He healed from his childhood trauma and rose above the abusive relationship with his father, and was able to reconcile with him after many years of spending time with him, and continuing to endure criticism. Joe explains how he achieved peace through his own work, and eventually reconcile with his father. He wrote a book about his story called “The Attorney”

The Attorney by Joe Timberlake

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Today Dr. Beth is thrilled to have relationship expert. Dr. Carol Stoney return to discuss the ongoing conflicts and struggles that all couples deal with. They discuss Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman’s research, specifically their work on perpetual problems and unsolvable issues. No matter who you end up with, you will have a distinctive set of issues pop up, and more than 2/3 of these issues will never resolve, but need to be discussed to get out of gridlock. Dr. Stoney reminds us that at least 2/3 of our differences will never be agreed upon. Some of her advice: we need to take responsibility for our own part and admit that often “we don’t manage ourselves very well “when we have an issue with our partners. we need to look at our “action tendencies “and to understand ourselves, rather than pointing the finger at others (which is the natural tendency.) we often treat our partner like the enemy, partly because our nervous system‘s are wired to be constantly “checking for safety. “ Dr. Stoney says that couples “quickly lose the feeling that we’re on the same team. “ she often Reminds couples to “connect and then correct.” we all need to feel that we are “in a safe pair of hands” with our partner. Our partners actually want to please us, whether we realize it or not. She also recommends the imago profile as a tool for understanding our triggers and patterns and relationships.

And Baby Makes Three: The Six-Step Plan for Preserving Marital Intimacy and Rekindling Romance After Baby Arrives

Loving On Purpose

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How do you define success ? Is it based on the money you make? Or status? or does it relate to finding a job that matches your gifts and passions? You have the right to define success in your own way, and not in the way that society, or even your family might measure it. Many people feel like failures, because they never give themselves permission to discover their gifts or pursue a Calling, that might not be perceived as successful to everyone . In this episode, Beth talks to Artist AJ Azike about his experience of going from real estate flipper to artist. AJ describes his passion for living in the moment, and sucking the marrow out of life through art, people, and exploration. He shares his perspective on what constitutes a meaningful and fulfilling. What makes a person feel content intrinsically rather than extrinsically? 

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In this episode, Beth provides a basic description of OCD, using clinical examples and sharing her favorite ways to explain and understand OCD. Almost everyone has intrusive or unwanted thoughts at times, which is the nature of obsession, but this does not mean they have OCD, unless they meet diagnostic criteria for the Disorder. The compulsion is the repetitive behavior or mental act that is used to lower anxiety/distress about the obsession. Beth some of her own personal intrusive thoughts as well as clinical stories. She likes to remind clients that obsessions are unwanted, so they should not feel guilty about having them; they are common thoughts, impulses, or images that pop into our heads. Most people with OCD need a lot of reassurance and second-guess themselves, and they sort of let their mind play tricks on them. 

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In this short episode, Dr. Beth talks about social anxiety, and how taking the spotlight off of yourself can reduce self consciousness and performance, anxiety, instead leading to focusing on showing interest and others, and asking them questions. We all you’re in for social connection and want to feel that others like us and are interested in us.. Beth calls it “giving people the welcome sign “. She shares some tips for using questions to build self-confidence and reduce social anxiety.

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In this short episode, Beth’s client “Allie”, a 30 year old, talks about the her different style of showing love than her partner. He is more expressive, emotional, and affirming than she is, which makes her question herself and wonder whether she’s giving him enough. Coming from a family of mid western farmers, Allie is more matter of fact and shows her love through acts of service and more nonverbal ways. 

How do you show your friends, partners, family, that you love them? Do you speak the same language? What happens when one of you shows love in a way that doesn’t “speak” to you? a actions rather than words? 

Take the Love Language Quiz HERE

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Living in the moment, and seizing the day can be pretty amazing, but split second decisions can have uncomfortable or painful consequences. Spontaneity has upsides and downsides. I am night of “fun “with no boundaries can ruin the next day, and sometimes have long-term effects on your life, ranging from hangovers to legal problems to unplanned, pregnancies or STDs.) how can we protect ourselves and keep ourselves healthy, while not being overly rigid and no fun? In the short episode, Beth shares, personal examples and client examples of the price tag that comes with impulsivity and a lack of planning/Boundaries, all of which are common struggles for a person with ADHD. Beth shares three strategies to reduce impulsivity and poor judgment. 

1) Have a plan or some basic boundaries ahead of time, 2) if you’re on the fence about a decision, delay it, so you have time to think about it, even if that involves setting a timer for five minutes. And 3) Prepare to say no, if that’s the healthiest choice, and an excuse (if you want to give one ) , especially if you’re a people pleaser and you dislike disappointing people, or you go with the flow too easily. 

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In this episode, Beth‘s client, Dana, shares her experience of growing up with very little emotional support from parents. Dana, now is a middle aged mother of 3 children, shares her story of having “nothing to draw from “ due to childhood deficits, and the gradual process of 20 years of being tapped out, exhausted, and having “the joy sucked out.” Dana recently began doing therapy to help her self recover from compassion, fatigue, and burn out, and now realizes she has ADHD, which is an important piece in understanding herself and her experiences with more insight. 

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In this episode, Beth interviews Mara, a recent high school graduate from China, and her mother about their experience of navigating Mara’s mental health journey on opposite sides of the world, as Mara moved to the USA a boarding student for high school. They discuss cultural factors that impacted their feelings about therapy and medication, and how the family came together to support Mara and her treatment from afar. Listen to how Mara and her family navigate cultural perceptions of mental health as well as unite as a family to care for Mara. There is a lot to learn from this brave and strong family, and how they worked as a team to fight for Mara’s well being. 

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Bipolar disorder is often misunderstood and goes undiagnosed. It can be very tricky l because it manifests in unexpected ways in many cases. In this episode, Beth shares an overview of the types of bipolar disorder, which of her on a spectrum, like many other disorders. It seems especially tricky for most people to understand the differences between bipolar I and bipolar II disorder and to distinguish mild highs (hypomania) from more severe or noticeable highs (mania), especially since some of the highs are “bad highs”, referred to as dysphoric mania. Beth uses her favorite visual illustrations to explain, bipolar as surges of energy that are more severe than your average mood swings.

Mood Disorder Questionnaire CLICK HERE

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