New Beginnings CounsellingBW

1.0 Communication is a transaction, we exchange ideas and emotions. How we were brought up may have influenced our transactional style and usually shows up during conflict and affects how we tend to resolve conflicts in our relationships. There are three ego states people often function from:
#Parent ego state
#child ego state  
#adult ego state

Take a listen  🎶 and figure out which style you tend to operate from the most.

Transactional  Analysis  (TA)  is  a  personality  theory  which  helps  us  to  better  understand  personalities and  behaviours,  in  a  nutshell  it  enables  us  to  understand  who  we  are,  how  we  communicate,  what may  have  shaped  us  to  be  that  way  and  understand  the  people  we  live  and  work  with;  their personalities  and  behaviours,  we  actually  get  to  understand  the  psychological  make-up  of  people. 

 Through TA re lebelela: Maikutlo, Boitsholo, Ditiro, Mekgwa,go  bua  (Attitudes,  feelings  &  behaviour), understanding  this  helps  us  to  be  aware  of  our  communication  &  whether  or  not  we  are  assertive. TA  e re  thusa  go  tlhaloganya  batho  botoka. 

The first  five  years  of our  lives  are  critical:  what  we experience  and  observe  as children  forms  our  belief  systems. 

When shouted  at and  scolded  as  a  child  how  did  you  react? Did  you  cry  or  shout  back?
 Now today  as an  adult  when things  don’t  go  your  way  do  you  find  yourself  shouting  back or crying/sulking?

 2.0  Communication  and  Transactional  Analysis :
Transaction  is  not  only  common  in  finances,  communication  involves  an  exchange,  engagement between  people;  it’s  a  give  and  take  which  requires  skills.  We  communicate  in  different  states;
  EGO STATES.  Eric  Berne    (1961, 1968,  1971)  talks  of  transactional  analysis  and  many  other  authors. 
#How  do  you  transact  (rhetoric  questions)  O  abelana  jang  megopolo,  o  hetolana/buisana  jang  le  ba bangwe?   

#Do you take  time  to pause,  reflect  &  analyse  your  communication? 

#Do you take  time  to think  before  you  utter  a word?.

 2.1 As alluded to earlier, there are  three  (3)  Ego states  we  find  ourselves  communicating  in: 

Child  Ego  –  from  remnants  of  the  past

 Parent  Ego  –  Play  out  of  old  feelings/emotions  which  were  imbibed  in  childhood  (first  5 years) 

Adult  Ego  –  based  on  reality  &  assessment  of  current  situation  that  unfolds 

# which style do you tend to use more, especially  when you are upset?
Do you shout at people, your partner etc?

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"Everyday is a New Beginning "

Anger is a normal natural emotion and serves a purpose when appropriately  used e.g  in a fight or flight/flee mode of response to danger. But its often how it is inappropriately  used towards others in a destructive way and in the behaviour that is portrayed when people are angry which often is viewed as wrong. 
Even then, it's the actions taken when angry that maybe wrong, not the anger itself. 
Anger is mostly a secondary emotion, e.g  we become angry when we are having a primary emotion such as rejection, fear, shame, anxiety or sadness.
Its important to have an awareness of how you behave and how you treat others when you are angry.  Usually  it's our perceptions of an event/incident that influences our emotions. Our thoughts influence our perception , our perceptions influence our emotions and eventually our behaviour: 
" As a man thinketh in his heart so is he". 

 Nobody has power over your emotions and thoughts and behaviour  except yourself. 
Nobody makes you angry, Your thoughts cause your anger not the other person. 

But is your anger helping you?
How has it worked out for you so far?

#Remember : Listening to the other person to get their perspective may help reduce and prevent unnecessary feelings of anger.

 Moreover, becoming angry over things you have no control over, is a waste of energy  and time. Let's use appropriate  anger management strategies to  address anger.

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There are different behaviour patterns people function from in dealing with other  people. Our behaviours may fall into the PAA  ( Passive, Aggressive or Assertive ) patterns. 

It's important to be aware of the traits of each and try   to be more skewed  to being Assertive than being Aggressive or Passive.    An Assertive person has awareness of self and awareness of others and therefore treat others in a non hurtful ways. Assertive people are  aware  of their emotions and emotions of others, but Aggressiveness present itself in a more self-centerednes  with very little care about the feelings of other people, whilst passiveness predisposes people to being abused as one does not effectively stand for their needs, wants  or rights and have limited emotional self expression as they  function more  from submissiveness/ passiveness  and hence they do not effectively express their emotions. Passive people tend to allow people to walk all over them, this can be unhealthy as they internally build  resentment, harbour  unexpressed anger and bitterness etc.

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There are 4 different social styles of interaction.   People often operate from different styles in their way of thinking, communication and behaviour . These could be from Drivers, Analysts,  Exppressives or Supporters/Amiable. The characteristics of each of these differ and can influence how people perceive us and experience us, and hence  not being aware of our own styles and styles of  those we live and work with can create conflict. Being aware of the pattern that you tend to use is important. The idea is to try  to be balanced. Its essential to be mindful and /or aware of the styles you tend to prodominantly use.  None of these is bad on its own, jus  striking a balance is crucial. 

 We talk here of patterns of behaviour,  we are not labelling people or stigmatising anyone.
We hope this information  will help in facilitating introspection and creating an awareness  rather than use it to try and  diagnose and label other people. 

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"Everyday is a New Beginning "

Communication skills are critical in conveying information.  How we communicate with others can enhance or damage  our relationships at work, in our homes , wider communities,  in our nation and in various areas of our life. Listening and assertiveness are part of communication .
It's essential to have an awareness  of how we communicate, are we conveying the right message?  is it packaged effectively? , how will it be received? Are we empathetic in our communication or is our message intentionally meant to hurt, provoke and cause conflict?,  
if the same thing were to  be said to us will we be okay with it. "Do unto others as you will have them do unto you".

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Our different personality traits influence our interactions with others. Expressives are more vocal whilst supporters are more on the submissive side and more concerned about not hurting other people.
Where do you think you fall?

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"Ae shapa Lerapo, a e shapa", but then at the end he gets down to bussiness as together with myself Tshidi M Wyllie we discuss the fact that there are different ways to listening e g active listening and passive listening and there are different types of interning: 
 Let’s  take  the  word  listen as  an  acronym  to represent  the types  of  listening:
 L =  Leisure  listening,  typical  coffee-shop  conversations;  friends  hanging  out  &  enjoying each  other’s  company  just  talking  about  anything  &  nothing  e.g    Soccer  score   (friends  & families). 
I  =  Information  listening,  attend  to facts,  figures  e.g,  money  talk,  taxes,  exchange  rates,     investment  growth,  farming,  COVID  statistics  etc  (learners,  accountants,  the  public  etc)
 S =  Stylistic  listening,  where  one  attends  to  the  setting  not  the  words  (deco  &  design) 
T =  Technical  listening  e.g  within  your  field  of  expertise  (doctors,  technicians  etc)

 E =  Empathic/empathetic  listening,  as  if  you  are  in  the  speaker’s  shoes,  relating  to  one’s situation  (counsellors)

 N =  Not listening,  ignoring  or  pretending.
Similarly, there are different factors that influence our ability to listen effectively. We shall discuss them next week @DUMA FM , "MORE TALK. MORE MUSIC"

#Stay safe, stay blessed. God is faithful.

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"Everyday is a New Beginning "

It's essential to have awareness of people of different social styles and personalities in our day to day  interactions. In this clips we are discussing the dos and don't of behavioural engagement with : drivers, Analyst, Amiable/supporters and Expressives. 
Most of conflicts emanates from lack of awareness  and tolerance of our differences. 

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"Everyday is a New Beginning "

#Are you battling with anger issues?
#what are your anger triggers?
#what strategies do you use to cope?
#Are there better ways of expressing your anger without being violent?
# Are you in a toxic relationship where anger rules ? 
Does shouting and breaking things change anything? 
#underneath that anger what are the true emotions; rejection?, fear? Jealousy? 
#Are you going through a stressful  situation right now  that might be contributing to the anger?
#Do you find yourself using drugs  alcohol, drugs and tobacco to cope  right now?

If you need counselling  call :

YOCA+ at 17270 from 6AM to 11PM  Monday to Friday to speak to a professional counsellor, 
It's toll free. 
You can call from any 
Mascom, be-mobile or btc lines

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"Everyday is a New Beginning "

Gender-based violence or Intimate Partner violence is real and has become a global challenge. This phenomenon could be triggered by various issues and has potential to lead to  anger and destruction of families. 
There are various anger triggers that people experience in every day life. Having an
awareness of anger  triggers  in our lives is essential and the first step towards anger management.
During this unusual times of  unprecedented occurrences  especially  COVID-19  which adversely impacted on mental health, world economies, families and relationships psychosocial support has been equally overwhelmed in its efforts to provide the necessary support. This resulted in  having to rely on ICT to offer psycho-education and psychosocial support hence these podcasts.

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"Everyday is a New Beginning "