New Beginnings CounsellingBW

Attachment Styles :  Anxious - Avoidant

           Why Do I Pull Away OR Hold On Too Tight?

• Understanding your attachment style is the first step to building healthier, more secure connections.
•   💞 Anxious vs. Avoidant Attachment Styles
• Attachment theory explains how early experiences shape our relationship behaviors. Here’s a simple breakdown of two common insecure styles: anxious and avoidant.
• 🧠 1. Anxious Attachment Style
• Core Fear: Abandonment or being "too much"
• Common Traits:
• Craves closeness and constant reassurance
• Fears being rejected or left
• Overthinks messages or silence
• Struggles with trusting a partner’s love
• May become clingy or “people-pleasing” to avoid conflict
• Rooted in: Inconsistent caregiving. Love felt unpredictable growing up.
• Relationship Patterns:
• Attracted to avoidant types
• May feel emotionally “high” when things are good, and “crash” when there's distance
• Can struggle with emotional regulation
  ❄️ 2. Avoidant Attachment Style
  Core Fear: Losing independence or being emotionally vulnerable
  Common Traits:
  • Values space and self-reliance
  • Feels overwhelmed by emotional closeness
  • May shut down or pull away during conflict
  • Finds it hard to express feelings or ask for support
  • Can appear emotionally distant or unavailable
• Rooted in: Emotionally unavailable or overly demanding caregivers.
  Relationship Patterns:
  • May view partners as “too needy”
  • Often feels suffocated by emotional demands
  • Tends to minimize their own needs
• When the pulling away happens, chasing may not be The right approach for an avoidant individual, it will create resentment, anger and bitterness because the person needs to re-energise 
• And if the person is angry, they often take longer to process , therefore, your constant communication will feel like nagging and further  create annoyances exacerbating the situation. 
• Whilst waiting for them to come around , you need to learn to self- regulate, be aware of things within your control and those beyond your control. You only have control over your thoughts, emotions and behaviour not that of others.
• Use journaling to process your thoughts and emotions
• Use mindfulness, go for a walk, go to the gym
• Notice your triggers and focus on positive things and support systems around you. 
• Ruminating and stressing about the situation will not make it disappear. 

❤️ If you’re ready to break old patterns and create more secure relationships, counselling can help. With the right support and self-awareness, you can build stronger, healthier connections starting with yourself.

Support us by Clicking on follow at the top right corner of the page to receive an update every time we upload a new audio and please Follow us on YouTube by clicking: https://youtube.com/@dr.tshidimwyllie1091/

#You can also find us on Apple Podcasts 

Send us Fan Mail

Support the show

"Everyday is a New Beginning "

How to  Emotionally Self-Regulate

Emotional self-awareness is crucial in our day to day life; at the workplace and in our personal lives. 

Each day we encounter situations that may trigger tension in various settings. 

An emotionally intelligent individual has the competencies of emotional self-awareness, emotional self-expression and awareness of other people’s emotions and this also involves mindfulness and emotional self regulation. When you encounter an emotionally triggering event, the trick is not to suppress the emotions/submissiveness  or to be reactive / throw tantrums. Rather, you could try the following:

• Identify the emotions; name it

Is it anger, fear, frustration or sadness etc .” Identify  and naming it helps you to acknowledge and manage it.

• What are the facts; Is it true?

Process, challenge the thoughts associated with the feeling, is it true?  Is it  accurate? Could you be interpreting things inaccurately clouded by your perceptions and stereotypes? or  could the situation be triggering previous experiences that were hurtful or you could not to address successfully? 

• Notice the Somatic responses ; physiological changes and urges

What action is this emotion evoking; to: 

Say? 

Do/Act?

Shut down? 

Avoid?

• Self -Regulate: Act differently 

When tempted to stonewall, sulk or withdraw, calmly and assertively express your feelings.  When you feel like being reactive/lashing out;  pause and process, and shift to consequential thinking, examine if you are being responsive or reactive, escalating or de-escalating the situation/tension.

 - Assertive communication 

involves authentic communication of how the situation makes you feel, honest expression of how you wish to be treated or your desired outcome; the change you wish to see without being aggressive. 

• Mindfulness

 Engage in square/box breathing, go for a walk. Journal, listen to  soothing music, or guided meditation, self-soothing techniques ; squeeze a ball or pat a dog.  

• Reflections:

1. What strategies have you used  when highly triggered? 
2. In  a scale of 0-10; with 0 being inadequate and 10 being excellent, how well have the strategies you used worked for you?. 

Remember # Emotional Intelligence is an effective tool for meaningful relationships and high performance.

References

 Bray, S.(2025,June 6).  Emotional Outbursts Don't Belong in the Boardroom, But Neither Does Bottling It Up. LinkedIn.

Goleman , D. (1995). Emotional Intelligence: Why it matters more than IQ

Stein and Book ( 2005  ). The EQ Edge: Emotional Intelligence and Your Success.

Botshelo, T. M. (2014). Itsose : Lifeskills for the African Youth

Keep Supporting our Podcast to help us continue uploading content on this platform by clicking this link:  https://www.buzzsprout.com/ 1813802/supporters/new

Click on follow to receive an update every time we upload a new Audio and please Follow us on YouTube by clicking: https://youtube.com/@dr.tshidimwyllie1091/

#You can also find us on Apple Podcasts 

Send us Fan Mail

Support the show

"Everyday is a New Beginning "

Written by Rittah Mmonadibe, 

Edited by Dr Tshidi M Wyllie,PhD.

🌿 The Healing Power of Forgiveness 🌿

       Forgiveness is not about condoning what hurts us. It’s not about forgetting, or pretending we’re okay when we’re not.

         Forgiveness is about freedom, freeing ourselves from the heavy burden of anger, resentment, bitterness and pain of the past that silently weighs on our hearts and minds.

Each  day spent holding on to resentment, bitterness and vindictiveness can affect your mental health. Unforgiveness leads  to anxiety and depression that may ultimately cause chronic stress and broken relationships.        

      Forgiveness helps you to intentionally  and consciously let go of offense, grudges and anger to embrace inner peace and joy. Research has proved that emotional health care and physical health  and healing are linked and requires reflecting and taking action or steps  and when we do, the benefits  includes the fact that it 🧠 :

✨ Improves mental health and emotional stability

✨ Reduces anxiety and depression

✨ Strengthens relationships

✨ Brings inner peace and joy

#Forgiveness is for your well-being; not for the person you choose to forgive. Sometimes it may not happen in a momentarily; but take longer; become a longer journey, but  that’s okay.  With support and patience it is possible to embrace forgiveness. 

If you’re struggling to forgive someone in your life  or even yourself we’re here to support you.

💚Reach out to us today. Let’s walk the path of healing, together.

📞:3116488

💌: 76890835

Send us Fan Mail

Support the show

"Everyday is a New Beginning "

#Empathy

#Compassion

#Kindness

#Self-Compassion

#Acts of Kindness 

#Shifting focus

#Mindfulness

#Loving others attracts self love

#Journaling

#Keep Supporting our Podcast to help us continue uploading content on this platform by clicking this link:  https://www.buzzsprout.com/ 1813802/supporters/new

Send us Fan Mail

Support the show

"Everyday is a New Beginning "

#Happiness is possible

#Rewire your Brain

#Self-Perception

#Nature Walks

#Music & Dance

#Choose to be happy despite what you may be going through 

#Contentment

#Happiness is a choice, it starts in the mind

#Laughter Therapy/Comedy

#Aroma Therapy

Keep Supporting our Podcast to help us continue uploading content on this platform by clicking this link:  https://www.buzzsprout.com/ 1813802/supporters/new

Send us Fan Mail

Support the show

"Everyday is a New Beginning "

•       Written by Rittah Mmonadibe,
•        Edited by Dr Tshidi M Wyllie

        As we celebrated Mother’s Day, our hearts went out to the women who carried dreams of motherhood but never got to be called  “ Mum “ or "Mama."

       Those who have endured the heartbreak          of miscarriages…
      Those who have walked the painful path of infertility…
Those who grieve the child they never got to hold…

             You are not alone.
             Your love is real.
             Your loss is valid.
              Your story matters.

   We empathise with you, we honour and acknowledge your strength because when others were told “happy Mother’s Day”; you may have found that triggering. 

   But What is a Mother?

     A mother is not just a woman who biologically birthed a child, many women gave birth to children that can’t even call them Mama.

Many who birthed children couldn’t even care about their whereabouts, and can’t have a healthy mother-child relationship with those they birthed. 

     Therefore, we say to you, you maybe a better mother than many, 

#Remember; you are a mother to many that you :

             Mentored, 

             Coached, 

               Educated 

               Nursed, 

              Counseled 

               Led to Christ 

  Helped fund/finance their education

  Helped to get them clothes and food,

  Showed love, 

   Inspired to be their better self,    

Showed compassion, guidance and encouraged when they faced  difficulties, when they found school challenging and in so many other ways! 

We celebrate your strength, happy Mother’s Day to you too, you are a mother in your own right . Continue being awesome💚

📞:+267-3116488

💌 [email protected]

  WhatsApp     +26776890835

Keep Supporting our Podcast to help us continue uploading content on this platform by clicking this link:  https://www.buzzsprout.com/ 1813802/supporters/new

Send us Fan Mail

Support the show

"Everyday is a New Beginning "

🌱 A Season of Waiting : Delay is Never a Denial 🌱  

Written by : Rittah Mmonadibe

Edited by : Tshidi M Wyllie,PhD.

In the quiet moments of waiting, it’s easy to feel forgotten. When doors don’t open as quickly as we hope, or healing takes longer than expected, we can begin to doubt ourselves, our path, and even our worth. But here’s the truth we want you to hold onto: a delay is not a denial.

Life unfolds in seasons. Just because something hasn’t happened yet, doesn’t mean it won’t. The dreams you carry, the healing you seek, the peace you long for, are all valid and possible. Just hold on to the hope!

Sometimes, what feels like a “no” may simply be life saying; “Not yet. You’re still growing. You’re still becoming.”

At our counselling center, we’ve walked alongside many; who felt stuck in the waiting, we’ve seen transformations that bloomed despite the delays that occurred, and because of it; time, support, empathy, compassion and strength was built as clarity emerged and Hope rekindled.

So, if you’re in a season of waiting, we invite you to pause, breathe, and remind yourself: this is not the end of your story.

✨ You are not alone.
✨ You are not behind.
✨ You are being prepared for what’s next.

When you're ready and need to process the waiting; we’re here to build your resilience every step of the way.

Call us on +267-3116488

WhatsApp +267-76890835

Keep Supporting our Podcast to help us continue uploading content on this platform by clicking this link:  https://www.buzzsprout.com/ 1813802/supporters/new

Send us Fan Mail

Support the show

"Everyday is a New Beginning "

   Are you a 30+ year old unemployed Motswana male ?

- Do you keep applying for jobs and not getting feedback?

- Or;  Have you lost your job and now learning to adapt?

- What coping strategies are you using?

- What life style  adjustments did  you have to make as a result of your situation?

- What feelings, thoughts and emotions are associated with your situation?

- How has the situation affected your relationship/marriage?

- What are your options?

- If you are a female listening to this audio, what are your thoughts, How would you cope or are you coping if your partner is unemployed and can’t seem to find a job?

- Would you leave your relationship  just because your partner can’t find a job or lost his job?

- If tables were turned, and you lost your job or can’t find one, should your partner consider leaving you because of your unemployment?

- Are  your partner’s emotions related to unemployment negatively affecting your relationship?

References

Tea girls Image ©️ https://www.masterfile.com/image/en/6110-06702725/young-black-woman-smiling-at-her-friend/ 

Music copyright ©️Pixabay.com/music
https://pixabay.com/music/upbeat-mental-health-music-psychology-therapy-mind-brain-background-intro-269378/

Keep Supporting our Podcast to help us continue uploading content on this platform by clicking this link:  https://www.buzzsprout.com/ 1813802/supporters/new

#We are starting Group sessions for the youth soon at P120/person/2hrs with a Maximum of  20 and Minimum 15 people. 

Venue will be determined by the size of the group and the preferred day of the week between Friday and Saturday. 

Send us Fan Mail

Support the show

"Everyday is a New Beginning "

• Your thoughts influence your emotions and ultimately your actions.
• Notice the triggers.
•  Pay attention to the emotions that follow and name them.
• Notice the behaviour born out of emotions influenced by distorted thinking.
• Pay attention to your physiological responses/bodily sensations.
• Are your coping strategies working for you?
• What can you do differently?
• Emotions are not bad; they carry messages, what is the message behind your emotion?
• Learn to Breathe.
• Learn to Relax.
• Worrying and rumination will not change what has happened.
• Notice when you ruminate, and challenge that by asking yourself these questions:
•        is it helping? 
•        is it beneficial?, 
•        is it making the problem disappear?
•        Will the challenge be gone by                 tomorrow?
•        What improvement/change is the worry (anxiety) bringing?
•        What’s the worst that could happen?
•         If the worst that i am imagining could happen, what will that mean?   
•         What are the possibilities that the worst am imagining and fearing will actually  happen?
•           Could there be a different way of perceiving the situation?
•            On a scale of 0 to 10;  with  0  being 👉🏼poorly and 10  being 👉🏼Very well, how am I coping with the situation?

Remember this saying by Lao-Tze:

       "Watch your thoughts; they become words.

        Watch your words, they become actions.

        Watch your actions, they become habits.

        Watch your habits, they become character.

        Watch your character, it becomes your destiny"  

Avoid catastrophizing, it's not a healthy way of thinking and coping with life challenges, it exacerbates anxiety creating a cycle until you become anxious about being anxious.

 Keep Supporting our Podcast to help us continue uploading content on this platform, to do that click on this link : https://www.buzzsprout.com/ 1813802/supporters/new

Send us Fan Mail

Support the show

"Everyday is a New Beginning "

- It is important to identify and clarify your emotions.

- Emotions are harmless, how emotions  are expressed however is another thing

- Anger is a normal feeling, knowing what triggered it is essential.

- Embracing anger than suppressing it is helpful and healthy

- Establishing  positive, effective  ways of expressing anger in a less aggressive manner is not only good for the person with anger, but also good for other  people and essential for healthy relationships.

- The flip side of Anger = dAnger 

- Negatively expressed anger is detrimental to one’s health and can be dangerous when aggressive behaviour is used as an instrument for expressing anger. 

- Anger is a feeling, Aggression is a behaviour.

- Journal the incident/situation that led to your anger, what could you have done differently, how would you respond under similar situation in the future?

- Decode the data/ information or important message behind the anger. Is there an unmet need? What is your anger teaching or telling you?

- What purpose is your anger or the emotion you are feeling  serving? 

- Is it justified? challenge the thoughts associated with  the anger emotion .

 Keep Supporting our Podcast to help us continue uploading content on this platform, please click on this link: https://www.buzzsprout.com/ 1813802/supporters/new

Send us Fan Mail

Support the show

"Everyday is a New Beginning "