New Ways New You ( Tendrils of Grief- Life After Grief)

Linda was married to Scott for 35 years and it was a rocky marriage. They got accustomed to living as roommates and were close to throwing in the towel when Scott got diagnosed with cancer. They spent a year working on all the pain their relationship had and it became a year of healing where they both forgave each other. Even though it was a very horrible year, Linda is so grateful because it brought them closer together. She shares her grief journey.

Key Takeaways:

● Sometimes a terminal diagnosis can bring people together or tear people apart. ● Linda shares her story about how she met her husband, Scott. ● Scott suffered from depression all of his life. When it came time to retire, his depression got worse. ● Linda and Scott had gotten accustomed to living as roommates. Linda was sad and done. She was ready to divorce. ● However, Scott didn't want her to go and was willing to reshape their lives so that they could live a better life. The following summer he was diagnosed with cancer. ● All those years, Scott didn't wear his wedding band, but when he was faced with this, he wanted to put it back on again. ● It was a year of healing the relationship. They both forgave each other. ● Scott was so afraid to leave Linda behind. ● Scott had so much regret about all the years lost in the marriage. He apologized to Linda for 'blowing it'. ● Linda remembers when she was completely alone after Scott passed. She asked, 'Now what?' ● Linda trusts God and has told herself she is going to be thankful and open to new paths. ● Linda feels so blessed. ● Linda was able to find a very supportive group at her church to help her through after Scott's passing. Linda's soul is filled with gratitude.

Linda was married to Scott for 35 years and it was a rocky marriage. They got accustomed to living as roommates and were close to throwing in the towel when Scott got diagnosed with cancer. They spent a year working on all the pain their relationship had and it became a year of healing where they both forgave each other. Even though it was a very horrible year, Linda is so grateful because it brought them closer together. She shares her grief journey.

Key Takeaways:

● Sometimes a terminal diagnosis can bring people together or tear people apart.
● Linda shares her story about how she met her husband, Scott.
● Scott suffered from depression all of his life. When it came time to retire, his depression got worse.
● Linda and Scott had gotten accustomed to living as roommates. Linda was sad and done. She was ready to divorce.
● However, Scott didn’t want her to go and was willing to reshape their lives so that they could live a better life. The following summer he was diagnosed with cancer.
● All those years, Scott didn’t wear his wedding band, but when he was faced with this, he wanted to put it back on again.
● It was a year of healing the relationship. They both forgave each other.
● Scott was so afraid to leave Linda behind.
● Scott had so much regret about all the years lost in the marriage. He apologized to Linda for ‘blowing it’.
● Linda remembers when she was completely alone after Scott passed. She asked, ‘Now what?’
● Linda trusts God and has told herself she is going to be thankful and open to new paths.
● Linda feels so blessed.
● Linda was able to find a very supportive group at her church to help her through after Scott’s passing. Linda’s soul is filled with gratitude.

Miranda Parker is the Executive Director of Hospice Foundation of the South and the Hospice House. Miranda is also the co-founder of Loss Love, a project that supplies care packages for child survivors of suicide. Miranda shares why a hospice house can give you the space and self care you need to reconnect with friends and get the extra support you need as your loved one's journey begins to pass.

Key Takeaways:

• Miranda shares a bit about her background and what she does for the Hospice House.
• How does Miranda help family members transition into a new normal as their loved one gets ready to pass?
• When Susan was helping her husband through his cancer journey, she had so much on her plate that her self-care completely went out of the window.
• Miranda helps her family members not feel so guilty for prioritizing themselves and practicing some self-care.
• By being able to take some time for yourself, you can reconnect with your social network and friends and gain access to a support you didn't know you had.
• Your friends want to help you, but don't always know how.
• Susan didn't want to miss out, but her husband was often sleeping and she was not spending the quality time she needed with him.
• It's okay to continue with life.
• For the most part, the person you're grieving doesn't want your life to stop because theirs did.
• Miranda understands that relationships can be complex. She asks the patient if there are particular people they don't want to visit the Hospice House. This is a request they uphold even when they might not be conscious.
• It's important to understand that the dying process is not about you. Miranda and her staff make sure that the person passing is going on their own terms.
• The hospice team is such a great asset not only for the person passing, but also for the family members.
• How is Miranda and the Hospice House giving back to the community and to the children who have experienced loss?
• It's important that your children realize it's okay to grieve and express themselves.
• What advice would Miranda like to give to an adult or to a child?

Miranda Parker is the Executive Director of Hospice Foundation of the South and the Hospice House. Miranda is also the co-founder of Loss Love, a project that supplies care packages for child survivors of suicide. Miranda shares why a hospice house can give you the space and self care you need to reconnect with friends and get the extra support you need as your loved one’s journey begins to pass. 

Key Takeaways:

• Miranda shares a bit about her background and what she does for the Hospice House. 
• How does Miranda help family members transition into a new normal as their loved one gets ready to pass?
• When Susan was helping her husband through his cancer journey, she had so much on her plate that her self-care completely went out of the window. 
• Miranda helps her family members not feel so guilty for prioritizing themselves and practicing some self-care. 
• By being able to take some time for yourself, you can reconnect with your social network and friends and gain access to a support you didn’t know you had.
• Your friends want to help you, but don’t always know how. 
• Susan didn’t want to miss out, but her husband was often sleeping and she was not spending the quality time she needed with him. 
• It’s okay to continue with life. 
• For the most part, the person you're grieving doesn’t want your life to stop because theirs did. 
• Miranda understands that relationships can be complex. She asks the patient if there are particular people they don't want to visit the Hospice House. This is a request they uphold even when they might not be conscious. 
• It’s important to understand that the dying process is not about you. Miranda and her staff make sure that the person passing is going on their own terms. 
• The hospice team is such a great asset not only for the person passing, but also for the family members. 
• How is Miranda and the Hospice House giving back to the community and to the children who have experienced loss? 
• It’s important that your children realize it’s okay to grieve and express themselves. 
• What advice would Miranda like to give to an adult or to a child?

Melanie Green is a Bereavement Counselor at Hospice of Washington County and she shares some of the common struggles her clients go through when they've experienced intense loss. People sometimes feel like they're abnormal for showing so much emotion and for crying all the time, but this is a perfectly okay thing to do. We each navigate through our grief journey differently. Melanie shares how each of her clients differ and how they've been able to overcome some of life's challenges/differences after losing someone they care about.

Key Takeaways:

• What drew Melanie into grief counseling?
• What are some of the common questions or issues that grievers struggle with?
• Crying and sadness is an absolutely normal response to tragedy and loss.
• How can people better navigate social media when dealing with loss?
• There's pressure from family that after a year you should be 'better', but how does Melanie feel about better managing timelines?
• Coming to terms with the fact that your life won't be the same is the biggest hurdle people face.
• People felt that Susan's daughter was 'grieving wrong' because she had a different way of handling loss.
• How can mindfulness help those who are grieving?
• The most important thing is to be with yourself and surround yourself with a good family while going through cancer or life-threatening diagnosis.
• Strength comes in many different forms after a loss.
• If you need help with a specific thing, ask! People want to help you during this challenging time.
• The best gift Susan's grief counselor gave her was the permission to give Susan a chance to be a human being again.
• There is no correct answer. The way we handle grief is different for each one of us.

Quotes:

"I can't think of a better reason to cry than losing someone you love."

"People feel they're abnormal when they're expressing very real and human emotions."

"There is absolutely no timeline. You grow a little stronger and adjust to this new life that you have."

Melanie Green is a Bereavement Counselor at Hospice of Washington County and she shares some of the common struggles her clients go through when they’ve experienced intense loss. People sometimes feel like they’re abnormal for showing so much emotion and for crying all the time, but this is a perfectly okay thing to do. We each navigate through our grief journey differently. Melanie shares how each of her clients differ and how they’ve been able to overcome some of life’s challenges/differences after losing someone they care about. 

Key Takeaways:

• What drew Melanie into grief counseling? 
• What are some of the common questions or issues that grievers struggle with? 
• Crying and sadness is an absolutely normal response to tragedy and loss. 
• How can people better navigate social media when dealing with loss? 
• There’s pressure from family that after a year you should be ‘better’, but how does Melanie feel about better managing timelines? 
• Coming to terms with the fact that your life won’t be the same is the biggest hurdle people face.
• People felt that Susan’s daughter was ‘grieving wrong’ because she had a different way of handling loss.
• How can mindfulness help those who are grieving? 
• The most important thing is to be with yourself and surround yourself with a good family while going through cancer or life-threatening diagnosis. 
• Strength comes in many different forms after a loss. 
• If you need help with a specific thing, ask! People want to help you during this challenging time.
• The best gift Susan’s grief counselor gave her was the permission to give Susan a chance to be a human being again.
• There is no correct answer. The way we handle grief is different for each one of us.

Quotes:

“I can’t think of a better reason to cry than losing someone you love.”

“People feel they’re abnormal when they’re expressing very real and human emotions.” 

“There is absolutely no timeline. You grow a little stronger and adjust to this new life that you have.” 

Alison shares her grief story when she lost both of her parents within a short period of one another. Her dad had always been sick and so when his passing came, Alison was prepared for it. She had her mom to help her through that grief. However, when her mom had passed away from cancer, even though she knew it was a '5 year diagnosis', it still came to her as a shock. She was 21 when she found out both her parents had cancer and by the time she was 25, she had lost both of them. She shares her story.

Key Takeaways:

• Alison lost both of her parents within a two year span of one another.
• As Alison's dad was dying, she got engaged and wanted to have her dad see her get married.
• When Alison's mom passed away, she had to move out of their home while she was trying to graduate.
• It was tough, Alison is a speech pathologist and ended up having to be in the same room her mother died in two weeks later to help a patient.
• Looking back, Alison doesn't know how she did it.
• People would tell Alison, 'you're so strong', well, yeah, what else is she supposed to do?
• You're a crazy person in your early 20s normally! And then your life gets turned upside down.
• Alison experienced envy when her friends had parents who could pay for them to go to college or had family that supported them.
• Alison felt so alone in her grief. No one knew what she was feeling or going through.
• Alison kept asking, 'why?'. This shouldn't have happened.
• Alison was so angry and saw a therapist...who ended up making her feel angrier.
• Even though Alison lost both parents, 8 years later she is still grieving her mom's passing.
• People reacted poorly to Alison's morbid sense of humor, but that was how she was able to handle the passing of her father.
• Everyday, Alison thinks about them and wonders what they'd think/feel about the situation she's in.
• Alison tries to do little things to keep her parent's memory living on.
• What are Alison's coping mechanisms? Writing has been a huge healer.
• What advice does Alison have for others who have lost their parents?
• Any feelings you had during that moment are completely okay.

Alison shares her grief story when she lost both of her parents within a short period of one another. Her dad had always been sick and so when his passing came, Alison was prepared for it. She had her mom to help her through that grief. However, when her mom had passed away from cancer, even though she knew it was a ‘5 year diagnosis’, it still came to her as a shock. She was 21 when she found out both her parents had cancer and by the time she was 25, she had lost both of them. She shares her story. 

Key Takeaways:

• Alison lost both of her parents within a two year span of one another. 
• As Alison’s dad was dying, she got engaged and wanted to have her dad see her get married. 
• When Alison’s mom passed away, she had to move out of their home while she was trying to graduate.
• It was tough, Alison is a speech pathologist and ended up having to be in the same room her mother died in two weeks later to help a patient. 
• Looking back, Alison doesn’t know how she did it. 
• People would tell Alison, ‘you’re so strong’, well, yeah, what else is she supposed to do? 
• You’re a crazy person in your early 20s normally! And then your life gets turned upside down.  
• Alison experienced envy when her friends had parents who could pay for them to go to college or had family that supported them. 
• Alison felt so alone in her grief. No one knew what she was feeling or going through. 
• Alison kept asking, ‘why?’. This shouldn’t have happened. 
• Alison was so angry and saw a therapist...who ended up making her feel angrier. 
• Even though Alison lost both parents, 8 years later she is still grieving her mom’s passing. 
• People reacted poorly to Alison’s morbid sense of humor, but that was how she was able to handle the passing of her father. 
• Everyday, Alison thinks about them and wonders what they’d think/feel about the situation she’s in. 
• Alison tries to do little things to keep her parent’s memory living on. 
• What are Alison’s coping mechanisms? Writing has been a huge healer. 
• What advice does Alison have for others who have lost their parents? 
• Any feelings you had during that moment are completely okay. 

Jen shares her painful story of losing her husband to a rare terminal cancer at 38. He had been diagnosed with cancer as a teenager and was in remission for 25 years. However, when the cancer came back, her husband wanted nothing more than to connect with his absent parents. They didn't get involved until the very end and Jen ended up being pushed out in some of the key decisions during that challenging time. She shares her story of how she navigated that pain and her in-law's blatant betrayal and disrespect.

Key Takeaways:

• Jen's husband was diagnosed with a rare terminal cancer at 38.
• You're not alone in this journey.
• Jen's husband wanted nothing more than to be connected with his parents, but they didn't get involved much until they found out it was serious.
• However, the parents' intense involvement towards the end was stressful. They wanted control over every medical decision Jen was making and how he should spend his time.
• It made Jen resentful that her husband was picking them over her. 12 years of marriage and she was being thrown to the side while they had been absent during that entire time and more.
• The times where he really wanted his parents to be there (like during unplanned emergencies and hospitalizations), his parents didn't show!
• Jen's husband allowed his father to take care of the life insurance side of things. Jen was devastated to hear this and prayed that his father would do the right thing to make sure she and the children would be taken care of.
• When he passed, his mother became resentful towards her and the doctors/nurses. She was upset that they didn't take care of him. During the funeral, they pushed her and her children to the side.
• The insurance money came in...and the parents went on vacation.
• When Jen decided to take the legal route, things got ugly and now she is no longer in contact with that side of the family.
• Because of Jen's story, Susan made sure that her husband and she were united on the legal side of things so that no one could make last-minute changes.

Jen shares her painful story of losing her husband to a rare terminal cancer at 38. He had been diagnosed with cancer as a teenager and was in remission for 25 years. However, when the cancer came back, her husband wanted nothing more than to connect with his absent parents. They didn’t get involved until the very end and Jen ended up being pushed out in some of the key decisions during that challenging time. She shares her story of how she navigated that pain and her in-law's blatant betrayal and disrespect. 

Key Takeaways:

• Jen’s husband was diagnosed with a rare terminal cancer at 38. 
• You’re not alone in this journey.
• Jen’s husband wanted nothing more than to be connected with his parents, but they didn’t get involved much until they found out it was serious. 
• However, the parents' intense involvement towards the end was stressful. They wanted control over every medical decision Jen was making and how he should spend his time.
• It made Jen resentful that her husband was picking them over her. 12 years of marriage and she was being thrown to the side while they had been absent during that entire time and more. 
• The times where he really wanted his parents to be there (like during unplanned emergencies and hospitalizations), his parents didn’t show! 
• Jen’s husband allowed his father to take care of the life insurance side of things. Jen was devastated to hear this and prayed that his father would do the right thing to make sure she and the children would be taken care of. 
• When he passed, his mother became resentful towards her and the doctors/nurses. She was upset that they didn’t take care of him. During the funeral, they pushed her and her children to the side. 
• The insurance money came in...and the parents went on vacation. 
• When Jen decided to take the legal route, things got ugly and now she is no longer in contact with that side of the family. 
• Because of Jen’s story, Susan made sure that her husband and she were united on the legal side of things so that no one could make last-minute changes.