New Ways New You ( Tendrils of Grief- Life After Grief)

Dr. Chris Sopa is an industrial-organizational psychologist, speaker, and researcher who has spent the last 20 years studying human potential, self-awareness, and 'selective mind theory™' (the ability to select the thoughts that will drive the behaviors we seek). Dr. Chris' passion can be found at the juncture of the mind (logic) and the heart (intuition), both working together as channels that guide us on our own unique path. She uses the idea of tapping into the whole person (physical, mental, emotional and spiritual) to help people overcome seemingly impossible obstacles, personal and professional life changes, loss of power (self-worth), and illness.

Dr. Chris is the author of three published books Choosing the Life You Were Born to Live: How Changing Your Thoughts Will Change Your Life (Balboa Press, 2012), Breaking Free: Overcoming Self-Sabotage (Professional Women Publishing, 2013), and Women of Courage (Professional Women Publishing, 2020), as well as several white papers and articles. Dr. Chris received a B.S. from Bowling Green State University and an M.S. and Ph.D. from Capella University, where she graduated with high honors. She is currently the CEO of The Wayfarer Group, LLC, which she created in 2003 as an organization to inspire human potential. She resides in Scottsdale, Arizona.

Key Takeaways:

• A little bit about Dr. Chris and her grief story.
• People can get stuck in anger and depression.
• Do people get stuck in a particular stage of grief? More so than the others?
• People tend to get stuck around anger because it's not as widely accepted to express.
• Depression is another tricky one people have a hard time getting over.
• It's okay to be in the depression phase when going through the five stages of grief.
• It's important to identify your feelings. Sometimes we're just not aware of how sad we feel!
• Locations can trigger strong emotional responses.
• When you're dealing with heavy problems, you can't just 'think positive'.
• People want us to go from a 10 to 0, but really, your goal should be from getting from a 10 to just a number 8.
• Don't ignore your feelings. Our brains and bodies need to process the emotions, the more you push it down, it'll come back again and you'll have to restart the process all over again.
• How we talk to ourselves and the words we use matter.
• Everyone has been hurt by words. Words are very hard to take back.
• Understand what your boundaries are and be protective of them. Avoid energy vampires.
• Sometimes we keep unhealthy people around because we're afraid of being alone.
• Be kind to yourself. You know you best. Don't let other people's 'shoulds' dictate your life.
• Your best is going to be different every day. Take one step at a time.

Resources:

Chrissopa.com

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

Dr. Chris Sopa is an industrial-organizational psychologist, speaker, and researcher who has spent the last 20 years studying human potential, self-awareness, and ‘selective mind theory™’ (the ability to select the thoughts that will drive the behaviors we seek). Dr. Chris’ passion can be found at the juncture of the mind (logic) and the heart (intuition), both working together as channels that guide us on our own unique path. She uses the idea of tapping into the whole person (physical, mental, emotional and spiritual) to help people overcome seemingly impossible obstacles, personal and professional life changes, loss of power (self-worth), and illness. 

Dr. Chris is the author of three published books Choosing the Life You Were Born to Live: How Changing Your Thoughts Will Change Your Life (Balboa Press, 2012), Breaking Free: Overcoming Self-Sabotage (Professional Women Publishing, 2013), and Women of Courage (Professional Women Publishing, 2020), as well as several white papers and articles. Dr. Chris received a B.S. from Bowling Green State University and an M.S. and Ph.D. from Capella University, where she graduated with high honors. She is currently the CEO of The Wayfarer Group, LLC, which she created in 2003 as an organization to inspire human potential. She resides in Scottsdale, Arizona.

Key Takeaways:

• A little bit about Dr. Chris and her grief story. 
• People can get stuck in anger and depression. 
• Do people get stuck in a particular stage of grief? More so than the others? 
• People tend to get stuck around anger because it’s not as widely accepted to express. 
• Depression is another tricky one people have a hard time getting over. 
• It’s okay to be in the depression phase when going through the five stages of grief. 
• It’s important to identify your feelings. Sometimes we’re just not aware of how sad we feel! 
• Locations can trigger strong emotional responses. 
• When you’re dealing with heavy problems, you can’t just ‘think positive’. 
• People want us to go from a 10 to 0, but really, your goal should be from getting from a 10 to just a number 8. 
• Don’t ignore your feelings. Our brains and bodies need to process the emotions, the more you push it down, it’ll come back again and you’ll have to restart the process all over again. 
• How we talk to ourselves and the words we use matter. 
• Everyone has been hurt by words. Words are very hard to take back. 
• Understand what your boundaries are and be protective of them. Avoid energy vampires. 
• Sometimes we keep unhealthy people around because we’re afraid of being alone. 
• Be kind to yourself. You know you best. Don’t let other people’s ‘shoulds’ dictate your life. 
• Your best is going to be different every day. Take one step at a time. 

Resources:

Chrissopa.com

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

Marni Battista is a dating and relationship coaching and the Founder of Dating with Dignity and the Institute for Living Courageously. Marni coached Susan through this new dating world she found herself in after 20 years of being married to Paul. Marni shares advice for widows out there who are ready to start dating again, but aren't sure how.

Key Takeaways:

• Dating after loss is scary.
• Susan hired Marni to help her navigate this very scary space.
• How do you know when you're truly ready for love again?
• What are the values you want to share with your partner? Marni recommends a minimum of five deal-breakers.
• There is someone out there for you.
• Susan had a big sense of relief where she could talk about her late husband freely with her new partner without him feeling threatened.
• If you don't have your mind right, you can start to 'leak' and it can show up everywhere. People can pick up on these subtle cues.
• Susan hadn't dated in 20 years and the whole landscape had changed. Marni offers advice on how to navigate that.
• How do you protect yourself from scammers?
• If someone wants to see you, they will write you back, they will make an effort to see you.
• When Susan started dating again, it felt like this was finally something she could do for herself and not as a caretaker.
• We are so good at nurturing other people that we forget about our own needs.
• It takes courage to open up your heart and to love again.
• Can you put your feelings out there even when you don't know how it's going to be received?
• Susan really truly believes she found a man that her late husband would have approved of.

Resources:

Marni's Website

Join Marni's Dating Den Facebook Community

Marni Battista is a dating and relationship coaching and the Founder of Dating with Dignity and the Institute for Living Courageously. Marni coached Susan through this new dating world she found herself in after 20 years of being married to Paul. Marni shares advice for widows out there who are ready to start dating again, but aren’t sure how. 

Key Takeaways:

• Dating after loss is scary.
• Susan hired Marni to help her navigate this very scary space. 
• How do you know when you’re truly ready for love again? 
• What are the values you want to share with your partner? Marni recommends a minimum of five deal-breakers. 
• There is someone out there for you. 
• Susan had a big sense of relief where she could talk about her late husband freely with her new partner without him feeling threatened. 
• If you don’t have your mind right, you can start to ‘leak’ and it can show up everywhere. People can pick up on these subtle cues. 
• Susan hadn’t dated in 20 years and the whole landscape had changed. Marni offers advice on how to navigate that.
• How do you protect yourself from scammers? 
• If someone wants to see you, they will write you back, they will make an effort to see you.
• When Susan started dating again, it felt like this was finally something she could do for herself and not as a caretaker.
• We are so good at nurturing other people that we forget about our own needs. 
• It takes courage to open up your heart and to love again. 
• Can you put your feelings out there even when you don’t know how it’s going to be received? 
• Susan really truly believes she found a man that her late husband would have approved of. 

Resources:

Marni’s Website

Join Marni’s Dating Den Facebook Community

After her son passed away from cancer, Erica went on an 8-year journey where she felt and acted insane. It was eventually discovered that Erica had PTSD and it's taken her only up until last year to finally feel somewhat normal again and to recognize her triggers. She shares both the emotional and physical toll the loss of her son took on her and what has helped bring her back to a bit of normalcy as she continues on.

Key Takeaways:

• Erica lost her son to cancer.
• Erica went to therapy and spent her time trying to convince her therapist that she was crazy. She felt insane.
• Everything in Erica's life just kept surfacing, the grief she had experienced even when she was two years old, and she couldn't turn it off.
• Not only did Erica suffer the emotional effects, but she had an intense physical response to grief as well.
• Erica was diagnosed with PTSD and she would randomly pass out when she got too stressed out.
• The next phase Erica went through was fear. She had fear everywhere she turned.
• Erica shares tactics and strategies she used to keep her grounded.
• Erica felt like this for 8 years and it was only until the last year and a half did she feel like a normal person again.
• It's taken time for Erica to feel healthy again.
• Your body reacts to what you're thinking.
• When Erica went back to work for the first time, it was really hard.
• Erica got stuck in her grief when she saw her son decline.
• It feels like a full-time job to keep herself somewhat 'normal'.
• Erica was working before the pandemic. Now she's unemployed. She's not sure what's next for her.
• Susan and Erica talk about their relationship with God after the passing of their loved one.
• When it comes to grief, get a therapist! You're not crazy if you have someone to help you through this journey.
• If you have bad or evil thoughts, it doesn't mean you're suicidal. You've gone through something very dramatic in your life. Practice forgiveness.
• If you think you're losing your mind or going insane, this is very normal in your grief journey.

Resources:

Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl

After her son passed away from cancer, Erica went on an 8-year journey where she felt and acted insane. It was eventually discovered that Erica had PTSD and it’s taken her only up until last year to finally feel somewhat normal again and to recognize her triggers. She shares both the emotional and physical toll the loss of her son took on her and what has helped bring her back to a bit of normalcy as she continues on. 

Key Takeaways:

• Erica lost her son to cancer. 
• Erica went to therapy and spent her time trying to convince her therapist that she was crazy. She felt insane. 
• Everything in Erica’s life just kept surfacing, the grief she had experienced even when she was two years old, and she couldn’t turn it off. 
• Not only did Erica suffer the emotional effects, but she had an intense physical response to grief as well.
• Erica was diagnosed with PTSD and she would randomly pass out when she got too stressed out. 
• The next phase Erica went through was fear. She had fear everywhere she turned. 
• Erica shares tactics and strategies she used to keep her grounded. 
• Erica felt like this for 8 years and it was only until the last year and a half did she feel like a normal person again. 
• It’s taken time for Erica to feel healthy again. 
• Your body reacts to what you’re thinking. 
• When Erica went back to work for the first time, it was really hard. 
• Erica got stuck in her grief when she saw her son decline. 
• It feels like a full-time job to keep herself somewhat ‘normal’. 
• Erica was working before the pandemic. Now she’s unemployed. She’s not sure what’s next for her. 
• Susan and Erica talk about their relationship with God after the passing of their loved one. 
• When it comes to grief, get a therapist! You’re not crazy if you have someone to help you through this journey. 
• If you have bad or evil thoughts, it doesn’t mean you’re suicidal. You’ve gone through something very dramatic in your life. Practice forgiveness. 
• If you think you’re losing your mind or going insane, this is very normal in your grief journey. 

Resources:

Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl

Kate Arnold is the Washington D.C. Franchise Owner of The Bar Method. When she found out there wasn't a Bar Method studio in D.C., she knew she had to be the one to fix that! The positive community makes this place so much more than just a fitness gym. She shares why it's so important to care for your mental health and practice self-care as well as offers tips on how to best incorporate a bit of gratitude into your everyday life.

Key Takeaways:

• How do you unlock the right doors to create space for healing?
• Kate shares her background and why she decided to focus on wellness and self-care.
• Susan shares why she loves The Bar Method.
• How did Kate first discover the importance of self-care?
• Kate has changed a lot through her self-care journey and has so much love in her life.
• Life is short and anything we can do to enhance the time that we have is so important.
• Susan had so little to be grateful for when her husband passed, but when she took on a gratefulness practice, she was able to see the good in the small moments.
• Just start small.
• It's important to have a why when practicing self-care.
• Move your body! It's very important to help with your mental health.
• Don't feel guilty if you don't do it. You don't need guilt on top of grief.
• If you have a bad day, you can get back up.

Resources:

Barmethod.com

Kate on LinkedIn

Kate on Facebook

Kate Arnold is the Washington D.C. Franchise Owner of The Bar Method. When she found out there wasn’t a Bar Method studio in D.C., she knew she had to be the one to fix that! The positive community makes this place so much more than just a fitness gym. She shares why it’s so important to care for your mental health and practice self-care as well as offers tips on how to best incorporate a bit of gratitude into your everyday life. 

Key Takeaways:

• How do you unlock the right doors to create space for healing? 
• Kate shares her background and why she decided to focus on wellness and self-care. 
• Susan shares why she loves The Bar Method. 
• How did Kate first discover the importance of self-care? 
• Kate has changed a lot through her self-care journey and has so much love in her life. 
• Life is short and anything we can do to enhance the time that we have is so important. 
• Susan had so little to be grateful for when her husband passed, but when she took on a gratefulness practice, she was able to see the good in the small moments. 
• Just start small. 
• It’s important to have a why when practicing self-care. 
• Move your body! It’s very important to help with your mental health. 
• Don’t feel guilty if you don’t do it. You don’t need guilt on top of grief. 
• If you have a bad day, you can get back up. 

Resources:

Barmethod.com

Kate on LinkedIn

Kate on Facebook

Becky Tuma lost her daughter, McKenna, to sudden infant death syndrome when she was only 3 months old. Becky returned to work after two weeks and the work environment was different. People were trying to ignore the elephant in the room. Becky shares her grief journey and shares advice on how to best handle grief in the workplace.

Key Takeaways:

• How do you get back to work after experiencing a devastating loss?
• Becky shares her grief journey and the loss of her daughter.
• The physician that cared for her daughter and helped her through this journey will forever be in Becky's memory. He did a wonderful job.
• You can ask why all day long, but in the passing of a loved one, it's hard to find those answers.
• What was Becky's transition back to work like?
• When Becky came back, she was locked out of almost everything. Was she being fired?
• Susan shares what happened when she came back to work after Paul died.
• We train for so many 'what ifs' like hostile work environments and sexual harassment cases, but no one trains for grief and the passing of a loved one.
• Becky left her job because she felt like she wasn't wanted or welcomed.
• When someone is grieving at work, it's important to create space for them to move through that grief, with support.
• How can employees best advocate for themselves?
• It's okay to not know how to properly do this.
• If roles were reversed, you'd want someone to advocate for you.
• What advice does Becky have for organizations on how they can be better stewards of grief in the workplace?
• Challenge yourself to be different and work towards making the employee experience better.

Becky Tuma lost her daughter, McKenna, to sudden infant death syndrome when she was only 3 months old. Becky returned to work after two weeks and the work environment was different. People were trying to ignore the elephant in the room. Becky shares her grief journey and shares advice on how to best handle grief in the workplace.

Key Takeaways:

• How do you get back to work after experiencing a devastating loss? 
• Becky shares her grief journey and the loss of her daughter. 
• The physician that cared for her daughter and helped her through this journey will forever be in Becky’s memory. He did a wonderful job. 
• You can ask why all day long, but in the passing of a loved one, it’s hard to find those answers.
• What was Becky’s transition back to work like?
• When Becky came back, she was locked out of almost everything. Was she being fired?
• Susan shares what happened when she came back to work after Paul died.
• We train for so many ‘what ifs’ like hostile work environments and sexual harassment cases, but no one trains for grief and the passing of a loved one.
• Becky left her job because she felt like she wasn’t wanted or welcomed.
• When someone is grieving at work, it’s important to create space for them to move through that grief, with support.
• How can employees best advocate for themselves?
• It’s okay to not know how to properly do this.
• If roles were reversed, you’d want someone to advocate for you.
• What advice does Becky have for organizations on how they can be better stewards of grief in the workplace?
• Challenge yourself to be different and work towards making the employee experience better.