This week’s contenders: Hair-mouth vs. Tongue-head, Decaf coffee vs. Non-alcoholic beer, Choose Your Own Adventure vs. Goosebumps, Bawdy limerick vs. Respected but disliked novel.

This week’s contenders: Child star vs. Old star, Hardy Boys vs. The Baby-Sitters Club, The Giving Tree vs. The Giver, One-man Band vs. Blue Man Group.

This week’s contenders: Warm beer vs. Flat soda vs. Weak coffee, Chester A. Arthur vs. William Taft, No meats vs. No dairy, Occasional fear vs. Constant peeves.

This week’s contenders: Porch couch vs. Aboveground pool, Perfect impressions vs. Perfect fluency,  Stones inside shoe vs. Stuck to your shoe, Homeless texts vs. MySpace communication. 

This week’s contenders: Candles vs. Torches, Plants vs. Zombies, Switchblades vs. Brass knuckles, Rockets vs. the Rockettes.

This week’s contenders: MineCraft vs. Kraft mine, 1 ear deaf vs. 1 hour of internet a week, Smartphone brain vs. Inspector Gadget hands, Hogwarts Owl vs. Kimmunicator.

This week’s contenders: Football vs. Ballet, Octodad vs. Octomom, Earbuds vs. Headphones, Doritos vs. Pringles.

This week’s contenders: Indie Video Games vs. Indie Movies, Original songs vs. Parodies, Always cosplay vs. Everyone cosplays as you, Kirk Cameron vs. Robin Thicke.

This week’s contenders: Walmart Guy vs. Starbucks App Guy, Rocking Chair vs. Spinny Chair, 2D vs. 4D, Tom Selleck Mustache vs. Sam Elliott Mustache.

This week’s contenders: Getting paid in gum vs. Getting paid in hugs, Perfect memory vs. Being able to selectively forget anything, Throwing up vs. Having a migraine, Being pandered to vs. Being pandaed to.