This week’s contenders: Shaking your butt whenever you’re happy vs. Shredding all paper, Pharrell Williams vs. Will Ferrell, Followed by hungry bears vs. Followed by Goldilocks, Eating exclusively off of fine china vs. Paper plates.

This week’s contenders: National Treasure vs. Tomb Raider, Christopher Nolan vs. Christopher Walken, Name brand vs. Generic cereals, And vs. &.

This week’s contenders: Riding a Moose vs. Riding a Unicycle, Restless leg syndrome vs. Paranoid conspiracy theorists, Constant pledge breaks vs. Tote bag clothing, Leaving the Matrix vs. Staying in the Matrix.

This week’s contenders: Catching up, Eating everything vs. Eating nothing at a dinner party, Being bronies vs. Being rabid Beyoncé fans, 20 hours of sleep vs. Minimum sleep daily.

This week’s contenders: Tying up loose ends vs. Burning bridges, Tape vs. Staples, Igloos vs. Tents, Spanish vs. French.

This week’s contenders: Teen Wolf vs. Teen Mom, Pizza City vs. Burger Island, Using Baby Talk vs. Being talked to like a Baby, Gummi Bears vs. Hoverboards.

This week’s contenders: Iron Man vs. Dryer Man, 1000 pound cake vs. 1000 pound cakes, Luge vs. Skeleton, Having a puppy vs. Being a puppy.

This week’s contenders: Wet dogs vs. Obese elevator, All the bronze vs. One gold, Dentist vs. Eye doctor, Sochi vs. Leotards.

This week’s contenders: Titanic vs. Hindenburg, Florence vs. Rage, Graphic Tee vs. Worst Suit, Tweeting when tweeting vs. Face-booking while Facebooking.

This week’s contenders: Bubble Tape vs. Big League Chew, Denim vs. Corduroy, Champagne vs. Wine. Special Guest: Feliz Cumpleaños, manager of George Hampe of GeorgeHampe.com fame.