No Crying In Baseball

In this Davey Martinez appreciation episode, Patti and special guest co-host Junior Pottymouth catch you up on the aftermath of the shooting outside Nats Park. Manny Machado, Fernando Tatis, Jr., and other Padres were heroic in their assistance getting fans to safety, while in the home clubhouse Nats manager Martinez assured security guards that the fans taking shelter belonged there because “our fans are our family.” The incident highlighted the glaring gap in ballpark security -- there’s an evacuation plan, but no lockdown/shelter in place plan. Meanwhile, three men were charged with Federal firearms crimes stemming from the discovery by housekeeping  staff of a cache of weapons in a hotel close to Coors Field.

Junior Pottymouth took on the role of Youth Correspondent to identify who the heck those kids were in the ASG celebrity softball game (has TikTok ever been brought up on the show before?), not to mention explaining NFTs to Patti who still doesn’t believe  they are a real thing even though Trey Mancini used them as a fundraiser for his foundation around his Home Run Derby appearance. Shohei Ohtani is a friend to labor as he donated his Derby winnings to Angels staffers. Matt Olson used Twitter to find the Derby fan who took a tumble trying to catch one of his  homers and rewarded his effort with a bat and ball. The big donation announced during All Star Week was MLB pledging up to $150million to the Player’s Alliance over ten years. Immediately post ASG, Patti’s  BF Jake  Cronenworth hits for the cycle, and former BF Joc Pederson heads to Atlanta.

In other police blotter news, Nats infielder Starlin Castro is  put on administrative leave while  under investigation for domestic abuse, about which Davey Martinez said, in no uncertain terms, will NOT be tolerated. Contrast this with Dave Roberts’ weak response to the Bauer investigation. In our COVID report, we cross-train with the Olympics, where athletes have tested positive in the Village as well as among the South African soccer contingent.  Closer to  home, six Yankees, including Aaron Judge who gallantly escorted Billye Aaron to the field during the ceremony honoring her late husband Hank, tested positive for COVID-19. Mrs. Aaron, thankfully, appears COVID-free. Four Rockies also went on the COVID IL post ASG. Good news for the Blue Jays -- Canada welcomes them back to the Rogers Centre at the end of the month, under strict protocols. Good luck to the 500 girls competing this week in the Baseball For All National Tournament, including our friends at DC Girls Baseball, and the 11 year old at the Thunderbolts game.

Wash your hands, wear your masks, watch your distance, get your vaccine as soon as you can, and fight the man. Find us on Twitter @ncibpodcast, on Facebook @nocryinginbball, Instagram @nocryinginbball and on the Interweb at nocryinginbball.com. Please take a moment to subscribe to the show, and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to NCiB. Become a supporter at Patreon to help us keep doing what we do. Say goodnight, Junior Pottymouth.

NCIB officially endorses Sonny Gray’s solution to a rough pitching outing.  Take a moment to get naked. If only that worked for all the pitchers from our Padres and Cleveland flocks currently on the IL and messing with our fantasy teams. Actually the solution to everything is ¡Más Kiké! Or vaccines.  Getting vaxxed would have solved a lot of issues for the Phillies -- Patti is not happy with current Phils bf Alec Bohm. We make our Home Run Derby picks knowing full well all our listeners already know the outcome, but we had a good time doing it. Our bfs are all over the ASG, on the reserves and sub lists in addition to the starters announced last week, but our hearts go out to Ronald Acuña Jr. 

Rachel Balkovec and her shrugging off of the Kelenic foul ball leads our Futures Game takeaways. In our Police Blotter headline, The housekeeper at the Denver hotel who discovered the enormous weapons stash should be throwing out the first pitch for sure. Bauer remains on administrative leave, but the union would have to approve any additional extension.  But bobbleheads and merch are OUT.

CPBL is starting back up, the KBO is cancelling games due to COVID, and we may just have declared for Team Mexico in the Olympics. Maybe. Really though we just want to say Es pi NO sa a million times. Willie Ross, the Doctor Dad of Nats pitcher Joe Ross, saves a Giants fan from choking at Oracle Park.  (insert Nats choking joke here). When you take away language and nudity from your R Rated night at the Lake Elsinore Storm game, you’re left with only violence.  Be careful out there.  Hey! Celebrate Women in Baseball Week by submitting a video to the International Women’s Baseball Center.  We’ll be watching for it.

Wash your hands, wear your masks, watch your distance, get your vaccine as soon as you can, and fight the man. Find us on Twitter @ncibpodcast, on Facebook @nocryinginbball, Instagram @nocryinginbball and on the Interweb at nocryinginbball.com. Please take a moment to subscribe to the show, and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to NCiB. Become a supporter at Patreon to help us keep doing what we do. Say goodnight, Pottymouth.

Patti is off on vacation, so guest host extraordinaire Blake Kraus fills in and takes on the role of the rant for the team. There’s plenty to rant about in the Police Blotter segment with (CW/TW) Trevor Bauer, plus an update on dick-pic sender Jared Porter. On a positive note, Blake gets to humble-brag for Patti as she rakes in the Baseball Boyfriend starting All-Star picks. More fun stuff includes the two Jewish hosts getting the chance to kvel about Jews in baseball with team Israel in the Olympics. The The Angels Angels might not be flying high, but  we shout out a big hey-yo to Sho-yay Ohtani and all of his wonder.

A few promised links from the show include Kiké’s fabulous catch, the Athletic article on Trevor Bauer’s sexual assault allegations, information about Bauer’s agent situation, and if you really want to see them, the graphic texts that Rachel Luba retweeted. Major content/trigger warning for any links associated with Bauer. 

Wash your hands, wear your masks, watch your distance, get your vaccine as soon as you can, and fight the man. Find us on Twitter @ncibpodcast, on Facebook @nocryinginbball, Instagram @nocryinginbball and on the Interweb at nocryinginbball.com. Please take a moment to subscribe to the show, and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to NCiB. Become a supporter at Patreon to help us keep doing what we do. Say goodnight, Pottymouth. (Pottymouth also says she misses Patti and apologizes for this week’s subpar sub notes.)

The first week of enforcement of the sticky stuff rule resulted in dropping of pants and threats to do so, the ejection of Joe Girardi for calling out Max Scherzer after demanding a substance check mid-inning, and Hector Santiago winning the dubious honor of  first pitcher suspended under the new world order. Pottymouth is still grooving on her visit to Fenway. It’s a toss-up if the best part was the salute to Dustin Pedroia or the Red Sox sweeping the Yankees (again). Patti notes that qHAR (quality Hair Above Replacement) directly factors into how excited we are about multi home run games.  Witness  the well-deserved media-frenzy regarding Fernando Tatis, Jr., and the barely a peep about Schwarber, Winker, and  Mountcastle doing the exact same thing. Gotta be the hair. In other qHAR  notes, we approve of Jazz Chisolm going purple, and wonder who will move into the rankings now that Freddy Galvis is regrettably out for a month or more.

Although the All Star caps meet with NCiB approval, we join the almost unanimous panning of Nike’s in-game jersey design. Yogi Berra gets a Forever stamp, the DR qualifies for the Olympics, and NC State loses their shot at the College World Series because of COVID. 

Wash your hands, wear your masks, watch your distance, get your vaccine as soon as you can, and fight the man. Find us on Twitter @ncibpodcast, on Facebook @nocryinginbball, Instagram @nocryinginbball and on the Interweb at nocryinginbball.com. Please take a moment to subscribe to the show, and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to NCiB. Become a supporter at Patreon to help us keep doing what we do. Say goodnight, Pottymouth.

Patti and Pottymouth poke holes in the sticky substance mid-season zero tolerance enforcement plan, Seriously, we have a million better approaches to solving this problem. The Disney Prince is already hurt, umpires are in a stop and frisk situation, and the Astros have still never been punished for actual cheating. Joey Votto is Abigail’s hero, and ours too. The Os vs Blue Jays series gives us hot boyfriends hitting bombs and a bench-clearing brawl with exceedingly high qHAR (quality hair above replacement) thanks to Vladdy and Freddy Galvis. Their Saturday game was a derby itself, with Patti’s Os bf and pick for ROY Ryan Mountcastle making a bid with a 3 homer performance, previous bf Cedric Mullins with two, and current TOR bf Marcus Semien with two. Did we mention Baby Shark is back?

AA Bowie BaySox players come close to sleeping in their cars because of unnecessarily excessive housing costs vs tiny, tiny paychecks. Thank you More than Baseball for providing housing grants to minor league players and generous fans offering to host players or raise money to pay their housing costs, but maybe, just maybe, billionaire owners should do the right thing. Pains us to say this but the Astros are a good model here housing players in team-owned apartment houses near all their affiliate parks. MLB eliminates a whole slew of COVID  protocols for fully-vaxxed players and staff, and just about all ballparks go to 100% capacity. What could possibly go wrong? Pottymouth laments the Dbacks’ losing streak and the subsequent lack of dancing.

Wash your hands, wear your masks, watch your distance, get your vaccine as soon as you can, and fight the man. Find us on Twitter @ncibpodcast, on Facebook @nocryinginbball, Instagram @nocryinginbball and on the Interweb at nocryinginbball.com. Please take a moment to subscribe to the show, and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to NCiB. Become a supporter at Patreon to help us keep doing what we do. Say goodnight, Pottymouth.

It’s Pride month so we give you the rundown on MLB events including a first on the field, swag (rainbow jerseys with your pick of pronouns), atonement, and atonement still due. Anyone know if the Padres “spinny thing” has a name?  It stars in our fashion segment about team-specific MVP accessories, which could be improved by adding dancing. Our police blotter update on the dismissal of the demand to move the All Star Game back to Atlanta gives us our new favorite judge. Sorry, Aaron, but she rocks. Liam Hendriks and Davey Martinez weigh in on the need for an MLB-approved “universal substance” that pitchers can use to maintain grip on the baseball, for the safety of the batters. In our COVID update, non-vaxxer Anthony Rizzo gives us a WTF moment and Carson Kelly brings us back to the before times.

Pottymouth checks in on the old guys, and Isiah Kiner-Falefa earns some love. Patti reviews the young guys as Daz Cameron hits his first major league homer, Jo Adell knocks on the door, and Jarred gets a time-out. Quarantine rules wreck some Olympic dreams. Get your proposals in for the 3rd Annual Women in Baseball Conference, sponsored by IWBC and SABR. This year’s theme is “Breaking Barriers: Women in Baseball Around the World”

See us work “air fried kale” and “being kissing” into a conversation about baseball.

Wash your hands, wear your masks, watch your distance, get your vaccine as soon as you can, and fight the man. Find us on Twitter @ncibpodcast, on Facebook @nocryinginbball, Instagram @nocryinginbball and on the Interweb at nocryinginbball.com. Please take a moment to subscribe to the show, and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to NCiB. Become a supporter at Patreon to help us keep doing what we do. Say goodnight, Pottymouth.

Pottymouth’s Red Sox household welcomes a Yankees fan interloper, and Patti faces the I’m from Cleveland but named the kid for Camden Yards dilemma for the weekend series. Classic boyfriends do us proud, with Kiké’s bat coming alive, Albert Pujols climbing up the all time lists, Christian Yelich proving blonde bats have more fun, and Cedric Mullins going 5-5. Patti’s current Os BF, Ryan Mountcastle, earns AL player of the week, and she serves as back-up mom at Bobby “The Assassin” Bradley’s second “debut.” Pottymouth’s outfield takes a hit with both Trent Grisham and Kyle Lewis on the IL. Way too many players are getting hit in the face by baseballs -- this time two pitchers, Tyler Zombro and Ryan Braiser -- end up in the hospital.

Don’t worry, the Cleveland team has narrowed down its options for new names to 1200.  We’re getting there! MLB will likely release their plan for enforcement of the “no foreign substances” rule shortly, which may include multiple checks on pitchers in a single start, and suspensions for those caught in the act. Also in the Police Blotter, Bob Brenly says the right things in his apology for his durag remark about Marcus Stroman, but his track record of blowing dog whistles undermines our confidence. Marcelle Ozuna is out on bail and the Atlanta team may be stuck paying his contract no matter what the domestic abuse  investigations show.

Team USA qualifies for the Olympics with a stellar performance by Todd Frazier and players drawn from MLB prospects and old-timers. Cuba fails to qualify for the first time ever. Taiwan withdraws from contention. The remaining spots go to Israel, South Korea, Mexico, host country Japan, and the winner of the final qualifier later this month in Mexico. Vote your All-Star ballot, give all your money to DC Girls Baseball, and send hopes and prayers for Patti’s failing fantasy team.

Wash your hands, wear your masks, watch your distance, get your vaccine as soon as you can, and fight the man. Find us on Twitter @ncibpodcast, on Facebook @nocryinginbball, Instagram @nocryinginbball and on the Interweb at nocryinginbball.com. Please take a moment to subscribe to the show, and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to NCiB. Become a supporter at Patreon to help us keep doing what we do. Say goodnight, Pottymouth.

The Nats Park streaker, bringing joy to millions, deserves a Skittles endorsement, but is banned from ballparks for life, while Mickey Calloway is out a year and a half for sexually harassing at least five women. Guess where we come down on this? Marcell Ozuna goes from former NCiB boyfriend to the “Never gonna be a boyfriend” list quickly and definitively. We’d like Loretta’s Lounge back, please (you can help!), but we’re happy to see the New Era local clip-art caps go. That’s not what food looks like.

Pottymouth is in a boyfriend bind (Oh, Franchy) and proposes an interesting rule bend to get out of it. Patti shares a Tommy Edman appreciation moment.  In classic boyfriend news, Kiké likes to bang, Votto gets in the booth, Pujols ties the Babe, and Patti wants Josh Bell back, bad. And really, Zack Plesac breaks a thumb “aggressively ripping off a shirt” ?

COVID forces Taiwan to forfeit their Olympic dreams. The eleven team women’s league starts in Puerto Rico on August 9. And we slip in one more go, Bobcats!

Wash your hands, wear your masks, watch your distance, get your vaccine as soon as you can, and fight the man. Find us on Twitter @ncibpodcast, on Facebook @nocryinginbball, Instagram @nocryinginbball and on the Interweb at nocryinginbball.com. Please take a moment to subscribe to the show, and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to NCiB. Become a supporter at Patreon to help us keep doing what we do. Say goodnight, Pottymouth.

You know it’s serious when Tony La Russa and his unwritten rules aren’t the worst thing in our Police Blotter. Hello, Felipe Vazquez. The Willy Adames trade sends Pottymouth’s boyfriend roster into disarray. Jesse “Da Wink” Winker hears MVP chants. Chad Pinder and Ian Happ are new men after their IL stints. Jake Cronenworth hits an inside-the-park home run for Patti’s birthday, and Mountcastle slams from her bench. A go-ahead slam for Miggy gets him closer to the 500 mark, and Nando gets to 50 homers. The COVID IL for the Mariners is an object lesson in how a personal choice not to vaccinate affects the entire team. 

Can we retire like CC Sabathia? A podcast where he can go off full Pottymouth about unwritten rules, a Negro Leagues clothing line, and a rec softball team where he gets to hit. Our grooming segment features umpire footwear (It’s good!), and the Marlins’ Sugar Kings unis. Women’s baseball in the UK has begun and the Bristol Bobcats have our full support. The old guys are shining in the LMB (Big Sexy for the opening night win! Adrian Gonzalez with the first run for the Mariachis de Guadalajara!). So many Andersons.

Wash your hands, wear your masks, watch your distance, get your vaccine as soon as you can, and fight the man. Find us on Twitter @ncibpodcast, on Facebook @nocryinginbball, Instagram @nocryinginbball and on the Interweb at nocryinginbball.com. Please take a moment to subscribe to the show, and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to NCiB. Become a supporter at Patreon to help us keep doing what we do. Say goodnight, Pottymouth.

Ava Benach, through DC Girls Baseball, is building a community of leaders and teaching life skills while giving girls who want to play baseball every opportunity to do so. Through Ava, we meet four tenacious, focused, fearless young ballplayers who change the world every day by playing on their high school teams despite being told they should be playing softball instead, working twice as hard to play a game they love, and traveling hundreds of miles if that’s what it takes to find their team. Hear from Piper  "Life is way too short to not play baseball when you want to" Cherry, Maggie “Baseball is what I do” Heaphy, Tess “Don't listen to other people saying not to” Usher, and Rebekah "I saved up all my rebellion and used it to play baseball" Camp. They will inspire you to donate to DCGB to help remove financial barriers for girls who want to play baseball, or find a girls’ team near you and show them your support. Then put on your DCGB gear and come on out to Baseball for All Nationals in Aberdeen, MD July 18-22 to watch history happen.

Wash your hands, wear your masks, watch your distance, get your vaccine as soon as you can, and fight the man. Find us on Twitter @ncibpodcast, on Facebook @nocryinginbball, Instagram @nocryinginbball and on the Interweb at nocryinginbball.com. Please take a moment to subscribe to the show, and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to NCiB. Become a supporter at Patreon to help us keep doing what we do. Say goodnight, Pottymouth.