No Crying In Baseball

The Astros bring us “feudalism” as our vocabulary lesson, the LPBRC looks the other way with Roberto Alomar, and both the player’s union and officials from the City of Oakland call the commissioner’s office on operating in bad faith. And still our biggest rant involves cross-training with high school softball in North Carolina and, yes, questionable rules about hair. Albert Pujols finds a home with the Dodgers, Jarred Kelenic gets a curtain call, and Jose Abreu and Hunter Dozier collide. 

Our COVID report tries to explain the breakthrough cases among vaccinated Yankees, and what’s up with the Padres. In Taiwan, a disturbing upswing in infections cause the league to suspend CPBL games, at least temporarily. Women’s baseball kicks off this week in the UK. All this and Diamondback dances, Duck Dynasty, and liberal use of words like “honkin’” and “frickin.” Watch for our special episode with DC Girls Baseball to drop later this week.

Wash your hands, wear your masks, watch your distance, get your vaccine as soon as you can, and fight the man. Find us on Twitter @ncibpodcast, on Facebook @nocryinginbball, Instagram @nocryinginbball and on the Interweb at nocryinginbball.com. Please take a moment to subscribe to the show, and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to NCiB. Become a supporter at Patreon to help us keep doing what we do. Say goodnight, Pottymouth.

We moms who love baseball celebrate Mothers’ Day with actual Baseball Moms, Stephanie and Diana, of the Moms and Baseball podcast. We bond over words to live by, good snacks, the Akron Rubber Ducks, and Tim’s mom. Separately, we give the mom seal of approval to Erica Scherzer for remarkable planning, Dusty’s mom for Spanish language and cooking lessons, Beth Mowins’ mom for telling her of COURSE she can grow up to do play by play for the Cubs, and Josh Bell’s mom for instilling in him a deep sense of social justice.

We are not alone in thinking Albert Pujols and his arms deserve better. Congrats to Miggy for passing Babe Ruth on the hit list. Our former boyfriends Francisco Lindor and Jeff McNeil circle the clubhouse wagons with the Ratcoon story. Our police blotter features the mysterious case of the disappearing broadcaster. The follow up on last week’s British Baseball Federation debacle is swift and strong. Apologies for misnaming the Birds with Balls podcast, wish we could blame it on translation. Some baseball teams will reward you with tickets to games if you get vaccinated at the ballpark.  And vaccine-only sections are a thing now.

Wash your hands, wear your masks, watch your distance, get your vaccine as soon as you can, and fight the man. Find us on Twitter @ncibpodcast, on Facebook @nocryinginbball, Instagram @nocryinginbball and on the Interweb at nocryinginbball.com. Please take a moment to subscribe to the show, and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to NCiB. Become a supporter at Patreon to help us keep doing what we do. Say goodnight, Pottymouth.

The British Baseball Federation demonstrates exactly why women should be involved in every level of the development of a women’s baseball league. And causes us to state for the record that we will not work topless. We celebrate David Peralta, Eduardo Escobar, Anthony Rizzo and Freddie Freeman for bringing the fun. Joey Votto, Shane Bieber, and Vladdy (and his Daddy) reach some “Bench”marks. Roberto Alomar is banned from baseball and Patti’s heart just can’t take any more. Pottymouth wants the Twitter trolls to back off from Jess McCann. Pitchers getting personal with their K celebrations cause benches to clear in the Reds/Cubs series as well as the Mets/Phillies where Dominic Smith calls out Jose Alvarado and we agree with Joe Girardi more than once, stunning us both. The Disney Prince is a pottymouth and his mom does NOT approve.

On one hand, Atlanta’s Truist Park is going to 100% capacity, on the other, Fenway is hosting high school graduations, many parks are hosting university commencements, and Progressive Field has a prom. Get your #HoltOffCancer shirt, if you can get past the cowboy hat. The independent Pioneer League eliminates extra innings with hockey-style shoot-outs. We want Australia to get it together with women’s baseball, but acknowledge that at least they are trying. Honkbal. And Patti says Glen when she means Bryan.

Wash your hands, wear your masks, watch your distance, get your vaccine as soon as you can, and fight the man. Find us on Twitter @ncibpodcast, on Facebook @nocryinginbball, Instagram @nocryinginbball and on the Interweb at nocryinginbball.com. Please take a moment to subscribe to the show, and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to NCiB. Become a supporter at Patreon to help us keep doing what we do. Say goodnight, Pottymouth.

Join us as we celebrate AS*HAT Day, discuss the food choices of ballplayers, and try to make “crepuscular” a baseball word. The Baltimore Orioles are an impressive public health model as they strive for 100% vaccination organization-wide, offer free COVID-19 testing at home games, and put their “take one for the team” vaccination PSA program into heavy rotation.  Not to mention stopping the red-hot As winning streak at 13.

Our boyfriend highlights are super-Padres heavy with Fernando Tatis Jr.’s bat against Cy Young winners, Jake Cronenworth’s sexy defense, and the pitching, um, “flock.” Mookie Betts goes vegan and Jesus Aguilar dumps arugula for arepas. We revisit Nick “It sucks” Castellanos, and offer the possibility of chest hair above replacement. Patti’s despair over Ian Happ’s slump leads to Pottymouth’s story of her car being hit by a deer.  Yes.

The CPBL brings back Megabee, and as predicted, Yasiel Puig ends up in Mexico with Patti’s first car. Josh Bell starts a book club and ups the boyfriend cred even more.

Wash your hands, wear your masks, watch your distance, get your vaccine as soon as you can, and fight the man. Find us on Twitter @ncibpodcast, on Facebook @nocryinginbball, Instagram @nocryinginbball and on the Interweb at nocryinginbball.com. Please take a moment to subscribe to the show, and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to NCiB. Become a supporter at Patreon to help us keep doing what we do. Say goodnight, Pottymouth.

Your vaccinated co-hosts record in the same room for the first time in over a year! Thank you, science. COVID outbreaks hit the Twins and maybe the Astros, and we can’t help but feel a little told-you-so about Andrelton Simmons. Jake Cronenworth, David Price, and Joe Musgrove are all in the same sentence but not how you’d expect. Joey Votto executes a triple play but we think he could have done better. Andrés Giménez scores 4 runs, 5 hits, and one fight with Adam Eaton who is no longer on Patti’s list of favorite Adams. Willians Astudillo and Shane Bieber get equal time for pitching achievement. Jay Bruce retires after 14 years and deserves a better end.  

Will Yasiel Puig end up in Mexico like Patti’s first car? Pottymouth lays out the case for trusting women in this instance of he said/she said. Yankees fans make the police blotter, as does Joe West -- but he’s the winner in this story. Tim Locastro is caught stealing for the first time in his career. We have tales of babies named for superstars (instead of equipment companies), and daddy’s best pitch.

Our grooming segment reviews the Boston Strong Red Sox uniforms, and suggests that Carlos Rodon’s unbuttoned jersey may have contributed to his no-no. Pottymouth proposes “Hair Above Replacement” as a new NCiB stat that needs to be quantified. Extra points for Jazz Chisolm color? Jonathan India’s flow? Great hair in combination with going 4-4 in a game, ala Freddy Galvis? Does philanthropy give the Disney Prince an edge? Pottymouth glows over her CPBL faves, Teddy, Tim, and Brock. Eric Thames explains NPB in a way that makes perfect sense, yet no sense at all. 

Please read Britni de la Cretaz’s SI article on non-binary athletes.

Wash your hands, wear your masks, watch your distance, get your vaccine as soon as you can, and fight the man. Find us on Twitter @ncibpodcast, on Facebook @nocryinginbball, Instagram @nocryinginbball and on the Interweb at nocryinginbball.com. Please take a moment to subscribe to the show, and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to NCiB. Become a supporter at Patreon to help us keep doing what we do. Say goodnight, Pottymouth.

Your over-stimmed hosts have been to a ballpark and you can hear it in our scratchy voices. Charlie Blackmon helps us explain why Coors Field is a pretty good choice for the All Star Game. Joe Musgrove finally earns the Padres their first no-hitter, and we learn he, like us, enjoys a nice IPA but also a disturbing amount of chewing gum. Victor Caratini gets some well-deserved love too. The Cleveland pitchers are hot right now too, and Patti gives little brother Logan Allen a promotion to top bf on the squad. Pottymouth appreciates Kiké’s hip swivel, or is it a wiggle? Patti cheers Ian Happ’s blackout rant. It turns out some of our boyfriends are criminals, but not in a bad way. In Dodger news, Will Smith is no longer the Fresh Prince, the World Series rings came with tiny movies, and David Price donates his ring to the Player’s Alliance. Conversations around COVID vaccines expose a whole new group of wingnuts in the baseball community, and we learn fun facts about the COVID IL.

Our Police Blotter features the Mets walk-off that shouldn’t have been, Grizzly taco tragedy, Bauer’s balls, and Domingo Germán. Justine Siegal gets colleges to commit to women playing baseball, the UniLions bring up a hot prospect, and baseball starts soon in Spain. Hotmess Baseball Mom leads the Fantasy Boyfriend Baseball League this week. We try to rationalize Denizen’s Georgia Avenue Sour and margaritas counting as fruits, and say neener-neener a surprising amount. 

Wash your hands, wear your masks, watch your distance, get your vaccine as soon as you can, and fight the man. Find us on Twitter @ncibpodcast, on Facebook @nocryinginbball, Instagram @nocryinginbball and on the Interweb at nocryinginbball.com. Please take a moment to subscribe to the show, and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to NCiB. Become a supporter at Patreon to help us keep doing what we do. Say goodnight, Pottymouth.

Opening weekend was full of heartbreak and highlights we didn’t see coming. Approving of a decision by Rob Manfred has us reeling, so we take you through the decision-making, and the aftermath, of yanking the All Star Game from Atlanta. Turns out it wasn’t just our rant, and there are also grammatical issues. Miggy’s homer in the snow, and outstanding pitching brought the fun, as did stellar boyfriend performances by Jose Abreu and Michael A. Taylor.  BTW, Eloy Jimenez is NOT dead, please stop scaring us. The COVID outbreak in the Nationals organization was a gut punch. It’s still 2020, people.

Pottymouth’s discussion of the dropping of “felony marijuana charges” against Luis Campusano leads to a PSA about probable cause (we aren’t lawyers but one of us may or may not teach HS government), complicated math about what quantity of drugs equals 79 “games”, and a general afterschool special about pot. Also in the police blotter, we continue to dislike Carlos Correa (don’t mess with Chappy), and express general approval of all things Nick Castellanos, including baring his neck to Yadi the Alpha Wolf.

Our grooming segment awards best opening day hair kudos, and some general appreciation of “fit” pitchers. My. Cleveland babysteps to a less racist place, and features a pinch-drummer for Opening Day. We celebrate Tim Melville (and his mom) and his CPBL no-hitter! We welcome new teams to the Fantasy Boyfriend Baseball League (Glen, Bryan, Diane, Karen, and Marla) and promptly lose to them.

Wash your hands, wear your masks, watch your distance, get your vaccine as soon as you can, and fight the man. Find us on Twitter @ncibpodcast, on Facebook @nocryinginbball, Instagram @nocryinginbball and on the Interweb at nocryinginbball.com. Please take a moment to subscribe to the show, and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to NCiB. Become a supporter at Patreon to help us keep doing what we do. Say goodnight, Pottymouth.

We always look forward to Opening Day, but it just feels different this time.  We are moving in the right direction -- it’s HOPEning Day.  But don’t worry, we also have rants. And mezcal.

Patti and the Pottymouth channel patron saint Sean Doolittle -- sports are the reward for a functioning society. If a couple of old white guys in Georgia can take voter suppression to new heights, MLB can damn well yank this July’s All Star Game out of Atlanta, FIFA can pull them from World Cup host contention, and the NCAA can kick upcoming Final Fours way the hell down the road. No thank you, Georgia. You don’t deserve sports. There’s precedent for this, ask your North Carolina and Arizona friends.

We poke some fun at, and holes in, the League’s new Hall Monitor system for cracking down on pitchers’ use of foreign substances to increase control and spin rate.  And we do love to say “tainted balls.” Pottymouth worries about Eduardo Rodriguez’s “dead arm” which pulled him back off the Red Sox opening day start. Eloy Jimenez’ awful ruptured pectoral tendon may be an opportunity for Andrew Vaugh. Likewise Luke Voit’s surgery gives Jay Bruce a roster spot.

Patti and the Pottymouth introduce their Fantasy Boyfriend Baseball League starting lineups, and make bold predictions about awards, pennants, and the World Series that you are welcome to throw back in their faces in October. We cross-train with the NWHL -- congrats Boston Pride! And there’s a new Monkey in town, so international ball is not only about hot rookies this week.

Wash your hands, wear your masks, watch your distance, get your vaccine as soon as you can, and fight the man. Find us on Twitter @ncibpodcast, on Facebook @nocryinginbball, Instagram @nocryinginbball and on the Interweb at nocryinginbball.com. Please take a moment to subscribe to the show, and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to NCiB. Become a supporter at Patreon to help us keep doing what we do. Say goodnight, Pottymouth.

We are those people that believe that Jesus Camargo-Corrales wouldn’t have more than 21 pounds methamphetamine and 1.2 pounds of oxycodone in his Cubs duffel bag if minor league players a living wage. Also helpful hints from Pottymouth about consent to search. An appellate court rules the MLB’s small print is way too small to matter.

Patti clearly cannot pronounce Red Sox Cornah, but Pottymouth sure can so we have a Franchy Cordero boyfriend ruling from the Commish, root for opening day pitcher E-Rod, and get to talk about LeBron James (new part owner!). We stress the Madness in March Madness as we cross-train over the disparities in facilities, meals, swag, even COVID testing, between men’s and women’s tourneys.

It’s pitcher week at NCiB, when we select our squads from which our fantasy team pitchers will be drawn.  Pottymouth embraces the newly pumped-up Padres. Welcome Yu Darvish, Blake Snell, and Joe Musgrove, joining Dinelson Lamet and Chris Paddack. Patti mashes up pitchers with the grooming segment by focusing on the ridiculously good looking (oh yeah, and talented) young Cleveland squad including Cal Quantrill, Aaron Civale, and Triston MacKenzie, plus that Cy Young guy Bieber.

Alexia Jorge, the youngest player on ‘19 US WNT, commits to play baseball for Saint Elizabeth University. Veteran broadcaster Beth Mowins is the first woman to call play-by-play for the Cubs. Justine Siegal helps the British Baseball Federation kick off a women’s league. In this week’s plug to get you to watch breakfast baseball, Pottymouth highlights @olisamir ‘s game alerts, a hot rookie, and an electric bike. No excuses for missing CPBL. The KBO institutes pace of play rules with financial consequences. Also, we say scrunchie way too much,  Pottymouth gets a tiny bit vulgar, and Patti sings Soft Cell.

Wash your hands, wear your masks, watch your distance, get your vaccine as soon as you can, and fight the man. Find us on Twitter @ncibpodcast, on Facebook @nocryinginbball, Instagram @nocryinginbball and on the Interweb at nocryinginbball.com. Please take a moment to subscribe to the show, and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to NCiB. Become a supporter at Patreon to help us keep doing what we do. Say goodnight, Pottymouth.

The Rangers think a superspreader event is a great way to welcome Opening Day, while the rest of the ballparks plan to welcome a small number of fans back to the stands. The Commissioner uses the minors as his own private laboratory to try out a huge number of new rules in advance of CBA negotiations.

Shortstop, conqueror of the Durham Bull, and Pookie’s pal Willy Adames is Pottymouth’s Rays boyfriend for this season.  Gavin Lux, the Dodger’s 2B with the heart in the shape of a baseball fills out her middle infield. Third baseman, conqueror of Aroldis Frickin’ Chapman, and non-draftee Mike Brosseau is Patti’s guy on the Rays. Catcher Will Smith, the Fresh Prince of LAD, caps off her boyfriend picks for the season.

Opening Day festivities in the CPBL included six mascots, from rainbows to the scales of justice to one who is just, um, pink. Here’s how to watch the games. Please take a spin through the best of MLB’s school picture day.  Steak comes up more than you’d think.

Wash your hands, wear your masks, watch your distance, get your vaccine as soon as you can, and fight the man. Find us on Twitter @ncibpodcast, on Facebook @nocryinginbball, Instagram @nocryinginbball and on the Interweb at nocryinginbball.com. Please take a moment to subscribe to the show, and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to NCiB. Become a supporter at Patreon to help us keep doing what we do. Say goodnight, Pottymouth.