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Jingle All the Way is as old as we are, but dare I say we've aged much better. This week Temperance and Ian dive headfirst into what it means to make a Christmas movie. We get both nittier and grittier than we did with our previous Jingle. If I recall correctly we also spend a lot of time on a hypothetical fight between Booster from this movie and Hugo Fitch from Dead of Night. You literally cannot get this exact content anywhere else.

This episode is brought to you by Reel Hollywood Video. You can rent it from the usual places. It's on Sling and Hulu, both with premium subscriptions. 

In case you've been wondering, our intro and outro music is from the song Thursday, off of Takénobu's album Introduction. We highly recommend you give it a listen.

No content warning this episode! That being said, we do issue our first formal apology for previously using a term we did not realize had derogatory connotations. You can read more about the term and its harmful origins by clicking HERE.

Hi all. Welcome to the holiday season. We'll be your cool Winter Formal chaperones, so don't drink the punch; it's spiked with hot takes. Temperance chose Jingle Jangle: A Christmas Journey for her first holiday pick, and our biggest takeaway from this movie is that you can market an evil child-soul-devouring robot to the world as long as it's cute. Stay tuned during this episode for the details of how to participate in our first big event as a podcast!

Jingular Jangular was distributed by Netflix, so there you go. Also if there are any David Talbert fans out there let's talk about why he only makes Christmas movies.

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Heeeeeeey y'all. We wrapped up our month-long quest to define what makes a movie satisfying with the 2019 film The Personal History of David Copperfield. Temperance eats a lot of Tootsie Rolls this ep, and Ian tries to point out racism and ends up being somewhat racist in the process. All in all we wouldn't call it a win but it makes for funny listening. Also, we talk so much about Fast & Furious (2009) that you're basically getting a whole secret bonus episode folded into the dough. You're welcome. *blows kiss*

This movie hasn't been released on DVD or Bluray yet in the U.S., but you can rent it on Vudu for six bucks. Stay tuned next month for a whole bunch of holiday festivities!

Content Warning: Pretty tame this week. One character threatens self-harm in a way that is theatrical and not intended to be believed. Another character essentially commits suicide by drowning.

See full content warning after the episode; this CW contains spoilers.

Temperance's last satisfying pick was The Darjeeling Limited (2007), which is both a beautiful and heartfelt movie about three brothers coming together while processing the dissolution of their family and also a wacky train movie featuring a man-eating tiger. Upon reflection, there's actually a lot of physical comedy in this movie. Does Wes Anderson make slapstick comedies???

This movie is available to rent digitally on Vudu and YouTube. It's always weird when you have to resort to watching a movie on YouTube, isn't it? Not that we're strangers to it; it's hard to find 700 Days of Battle: Us vs. the Police anywhere else in the U.S.

Content Warning (Contains Spoilers): Ian and Temperance briefly discuss a play wherein a woman is sexually assaulted, though obviously we do not go into explicit detail. In the movie, a boy dies by drowning. One character also briefly mentions having attempted suicide, or at least serious self-harm. Also if parental abandonment dredges up anything for you, then heads up.

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In our search for movies that provide a sense of satisfaction, Ian journeyed through the foggy halls of his memory and dug up the 2013 movie Enough Said. He and Temperance got a hearty discussion out of it, despite it being somewhat out of character for Ian's taste. We also talk about formative moments from our pasts, like Temperance's elephant keychain and Ian's Entertainment Weekly addiction. Stay tuned for two more satisfactory picks this month!

Streaming from the usual suspects (Amazon, Vudu, YouTube). Also, check your local video rental store! We got our copy from Reel Hollywood Video in McMinnville.

Content Warning: Pretty chill this episode, but watch out for some misogynistic language used in the movie that we briefly discuss. Some fatphobia and body-shaming within the movie itself.

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We recorded this episode in a blanket fort! It didn't make a difference, aurally, but we feel that it's an important production note. Temperance chose our first film this month, and the theme is satisfaction. What do we look for in a movie that leaves us feeling nourished? Intellectually, dare we say spiritually, satisfied? Apparently, an epic fart joke starring Paul Dano and Daniel Radcliffe meets Temperance's criteria. That's right, it's Swiss Army Man!

This movie is available on Netflix, Kanopy, Prime, and Vudu. 

Content Warning: While there is little that could be described as violence in this film, the central "friendship with a corpse" conceit might be unpleasant for some. The film also contains imagery related to self-harm and suicide and ableist language.

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WHOA IT'S OUR SHORTEST EPISODE. We hit forty-five minutes originally, but three of those minutes were lost to Ian chasing his cat away and the other two were made up of the usual weird mouth noises that we edit out every week. This time around we watched Blade, then spent half the episode talking about Ghost Rider anyway. Except for the first five minutes, when Temperance tried to rebrand us as a Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Cat Noir fancast. Farewell Spooky Picks, and into the great unknown of our first November!

Content Warning: Blade is a violent film, in the typical 1990s action style, so there's a lot of stabbing, shooting, torture, and actually very little blood. Except for the blood sprinklers at the beginning. Also, a vampire is lit on fire, and he later runs around while still severely burned. Some fatphobic content.

Disclaimer: The sound quality for this episode is butts. We're not 100% sure why; we're in the same room and using the same microphone as always and we weren't even jostling too much. We'll try to get a lock on it because it seems like we'll be doing this podcast thing for a while.

We finally achieved relevance this week with Temperance's pick! In a long overdue move, we watched a new-release movie. The downside is that the movie was Hubie Halloween, the newest slimy nestling in Adam Sandler's marsupial film-pouch. Still, we shared some laughs and some strongly-worded criticisms. Also, Ian makes an eerily good - and completely unintentional - pitch for a sequel. Leroi, the Humpiest Cat in the World, guest stars.

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We know, we know… it sounds like the microphone is being devoured by termites for this whole episode. We weren’t even shifting that much! Maybe it was the spookiness of Dead of Night, Ian’s first Halloween pick, that was making us quake in our boots. Whatever the case, we talk at length this week about cyclical story structures and why we both love them (Ian) and can’t stand them (Temperance). Oh, and a haunted ventriloquist dummy!

Content Warning: This movie contains references to violent murders and suicide. There is also a frank depiction of suicide by drowning. During the discussion of spooky occurrences, Temperance and Ian also talk briefly about violence against goats.

See the full content warning for this film after the description.

The only time we're not whispering in this episode is when we're making slurping noises at you. It was a late night of podcasting when we viewed Temperance's first Spooky Pick, James and the Giant Peach, so our sleepy mumbles are the price of delivering fresh and organic content to our nine listeners. Stay tuned next week for another Spooky Pick, this time from Ian!

Jeff and the Giant Peach is available from Disney+, or you can rent it from the Bezos Dominion for four bucks.

Content Warning: This films contains images related to child neglect and also makes references to child physical abuse.