No Return

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A collaboration between Strange New Worlds and Spaced Out Tales and the NoReturniverse.

A time-travelling alien robot arrives on Earth intending to save humanity, but his appeal for kindness is passed from a job centre to police custody, political leaders and an increasingly impatient cosmic parent. Bureaucracy, panic and geopolitics do not make the assignment straightforward.

Content warnings

• Strong language and sexual language
• Gun violence, death and references to school shootings
• Nuclear weapons, mass destruction and apocalyptic threat
• Mental-health crisis, detention and coercive interrogation
• Alcohol dependency
• Political and religious satire, discriminatory rhetoric and national caricature

Cast

Voices From the Vortex of Bureaucracy and Beyond The Jaw-Dropping John Kennard as the indomitable Alien Robot Space Jesus From The Future The Astounding Abbie Jordan-Tickle brought practiced dispassion to the Job Centre Clerk The Kinda-Knavish Kier Zhou tried his best as the Angry Job Seeker The Jubilant Jim Cogan lent machine-like charisma to the Job Centre Terminal The Kinetic Kat McQueen served up sass as Job Centre Agent 1 The Commanding Cameron Gergett countered with indifference as Job Centre Agent 2 The Mighty Matt Evans brought polite peace making to the Police Officer The Luminous Lauren Deakin investigated truth as the Journalist The Gravitas-Gilded Girunduu governed gloriously as the Prime Minister The Blazing Brandon Gamblin oozed menace as Agent Orange The Charismatic Chris Bauso made mayhem as President Biggle Guff The Justifiably Jaded Joe Killcar almost kept secrets safe as the Secret Service Agent The Dynamic Danielle Thuen reported on reports as the Reporter The Stoic Stephen Newhand offered the voice of the everyman as Man on the Street The Kinda-Kooky Kier Zhou multitasked heroically as both Woman on the Street and Ambiguously Gendered Pedestrian The Divine Dylan Smith pontificated perfectly as The Pope The Kinda-Confused Kier Zhou also moonlighted as Supreme Leader Bum Suk’s Interpreter The Legendary Loretta Chang diplomatically decoded for the (totally fictional) President Wei Ni Xiong The Magnificent Michael Secha translated tyranny for President Tupin The Electrifying Emily Morse-Lee transcended reality as the Alien Robot Space God Script Sacrificed by the Chronically-Chaotic Kier Zhou Sound Sculpted by the Begrudgingly-Busy Kier Zhou, with Consultant Conjurer Jim Cogan Produced with Unearned Confidence by Kier Zhou & Jim Cogan Lyrics for The Apocalypse Hymn Originally written by Kier Zhou. Scrapped and rewritten in its entirety by Jim Cogan 🤣 Music composed, performed, and sanctified by Jim Cogan The Apocalypse Hymn was gloriously butchered by “The Cast”

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Wow, the 'old fashioned approach' really is much easier to follow. But... I mean... dead men showing up contrary to every rule in the book.. selective memory from the prime suspect... I'm not buying it.

Content warnings

• Strong language
• Violence, injury and blood
• Death and mortality
• Confinement, coercion or torture

Cast

Samael Vine/Rayan/Matthias Alaric/Weiguan — Kier Zhou
Lars Xu — Blake White
Scurlott Tupou — Marta Hodgson
Gnilfiet/Lucca — Krissi Williams
Leda — Lilly Inverse
Elyra Lightfoot — Abbie Jordan-Tickle
Cole Lumbo — Chris RR Bauso
Selwyn Janicek — Stasi Dimitrova ig
Niillas Janicek — Dylan Smith
Lady Isolde — Lauren Littlewood
Brother Absalom — Girunduu
Luobo Ironside — James Hart
Ang Von Overton — Rachel Pulilam
Dallen Gersia — Daniellelanois
Zafar — Christian Maclean-Mair

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Thank the silent gods! We have finally dropped that insane story telling device (literally) and now we can get to the bottom of what is happening with some good old fashion interrogation!

Cole Lumbo P.I: Chris RR Bauso

Content warnings

• Strong language
• Violence, injury and blood
• Death and mortality
• Confinement, coercion or torture

Cast

Commander Vine/Matthias Alaric/Rayan/Saurians — Kier Zhou
Domina Elyra Lightfoot — Abbie Jordan-Tickle
Nyalie Alaric — Glenda Villimar
Constable Lucca/D'Brie — Krissi Williams
Lt Lars Xu — Blake White
Selwyn Janicek — Stasi Dimitrova ig
Niillas Janicek — Dylan Smith
Anzhlo — Matt Evans
Yvonna Isolde — Lauren Littlewood

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Min explores the temple. The Lessee has a fiery reunion. Herrand tries to walk a tight rope. Gnilfiet drinks some soup!

Content warnings

• Strong language
• Violence, injury and blood
• Death and mortality

Cast

Gnilfeit — Krissi Williams
Thae Oraen — Gemma Maclean Mair
Everyone else — Kier Zhou

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The final days of the last age were filled with sadness...but for some... cosmic calamity was new...

Across many worlds and many lands, amongst many creatures... The Fall brought many ends and many beginnings... these are the tragic words of 'One of Many', 'The Last to Leave'.

Content warnings

• Violence, injury and blood
• Death and mortality
• Sexual references or nudity

Cast

One of Many — Justin Fife
Angau — Kier Zhou

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Are you finding Anderkant confusing and difficult to follow? Well how do you think Min feels?!

Min finally makes it to Anderkant and encounters one of it's denizens. Gnilfeit makes gets more involved with the Lessee's plans... H keeps manipulating our hapless hero.

Content warnings

• Strong language
• Violence, injury and blood
• Death and mortality

Cast

Gnilfeit — Krissi Williams
Thae Oraen — Gemma Maclean Mair
Miner 1 — Adam Robinson
Miner 2 — Stuart Bullock @Thisisbardcore
Everyone else — Kier Zhou

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Who is 'H'? Who is The Lessee? Who is this enigmatic sister?...Well...actually...if you've been listening to the other stories and bonus episodes...you might be able to figure out the latter... and the former...

This episode follows our villain's backstory and begins to unravel the mystery of what they are really up to with the Anderkant Project.

Be prepared...it...gets...weird.

Content warnings

• Strong language
• Violence, injury and blood
• Death and mortality

Cast

Gnilfiet — Krissi Williams
H/Tran/Min/Billy/Tran/Torriq/Lessee/Teresa/Everyone else — Kier Zhou

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I've fixed this bloody thing three times now! Why is it being so weird!? I think we might have to drop this story telling conceit if it carries on any longer...

Content warnings

• Strong language
• Violence, injury and blood
• Death and mortality
• Confinement, coercion or torture
• Alcohol or drug use

Cast

Cole Lumbo — Chris RR Bauso
Elyra Lightfoot — Abbie Tickle
Matko — AJ Fidalgo (AKA Mr F)
Vasa — Lilly Inverse
Selwyn Janicek — Stasi Dimitrova ig
Zafar — Christian Maclean-Mair

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Gazi struggles to make friends with the Red Shirts... Colonel Wilifred struggles to put the evidence together... Gnilfeit and Third continue their battle... Tommo gets a touching moment...

Content warnings

• Strong language
• Violence, injury and blood
• Death and mortality
• Confinement, coercion or torture
• Alcohol or drug use

Cast

Chermise Vermillion — Dragonbait
Dag'r — Lilly Inverse
Deky — Cameron Gergett
Gazi — Graham Capobianco
Gnilfeit — Krissi Williams
Layna Jareg — Rae Witte
Major — Chris (One Wall)
Olda — Anne Marie Lebeau
Rufus Sark — Chris (One Wall)
Sushila — Loretta Chang
Tommo — Jack Duncan
Von Overton — Rachel Pulliam
Wilifred — Ed Craggbarber

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Gazi and Von Overton return to the lines just in time for the fight back... Von Overton receives some bad news. Luobo leaves Dagrun at the Row and goes looking for the Guard Commander. Tommo gets some peculiarly timed grief from one of his Vir.

Content warnings

• Strong language
• Violence, injury and blood
• Death and mortality
• Confinement, coercion or torture
• Alcohol or drug use

Cast

Anan — Skyler Giordano
Bezeroa — Tyler Moody
Chermise Vermillion — Dragonbait
Dag'r — Lilly Inverse
Dagrun — Kier Zhou
Deky — Cameron Gergett
Door Man — Graham Capobianco
Gazi — Graham Capobianco
Ivanic — Justin Fife
Jinu — Anna Gąsecka, also known as Ren_Overshares
Kane — Tyler Moody
Layna Jareg — Rae Witte
Luobo — James Hart
OR Guard — Tyler Moody
OR LT — AJ FidLAGO
Rufus Sark — Chris (One Wall)
Sendat — Rae Witte
Sharp — Kier Zhou
Tommo — Jack Duncan
Von Overton — Rachel Pulliam
Wedder — Chris (One Wall)
Wilifred — Ed Craggbarber

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