No Time to Not Win

John attempts to discuss iPhone 13 predictions with Bill Chafton, but unfortunately Bill decided to be a giant pansy-ass whiner and throw the whole episode off the rails.

John discusses life goals with Oscar Ainsworth, a self-proclaimed philosopher and life coach. When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade...or just go to the desert and drop acid.

Stothton discusses Labor Day with Nolan, the son of one of John's senior partners. Clearly, there is a substantial generation gap here, but regardless Nolan definitely deserves to get his ass kicked. I hope he doesn't represent the younger generation or we are truly fucked.

Stothton discusses flying etiquette with Jack Walshman and Bill Chafton. Jack tells a story that serves as a perfect example of how not to act when you're on an airplane. Granted, he deserved everything he got since he was flying coach, but the story still serves its purpose.

Stothton discusses the stupidity involved in buying a house with employee Greg Mitchells.  Greg has been trying to close on a house for months but is running into endless problems.  Life sure is a lot easier when you're rich like John and just throw money and workers at s**t until it's done.  

Stothton once again discusses suburban life with Greg Summers, but this time they're in John's building in NYC. They're on John's turf now and John is determined to free Greg from the cult of do-nothings and get him back to the life he was meant for; ruining lives, corporate espionage, and stacking more cheddar than Kraft and Velveeta combined. At least that was the plan, but it turns out Greg is ahead of the game on this one and he has some secrets of his own.

Stothton wants to furnish his building's lobby with some plant life so in this episode he discusses tree options with two potential contractors, Joff Cedar and Nick Milnis. You can probably guess what kind of tree Joff wants to put in the lobby and Nick seems to be interested in pretty much everything else.

Stothton discusses modern automotive safety features with race mechanic Chase Wallaz and new employee Tyler Skyler. Modern car features are by and large pointless and they have led to a generation of truly awful drivers, like Tyler.

Stothton discusses suburban life and stepping away from big business with Greg Summers, an old friend of his. Back in the day, Greg was a financial monster, running and gunning all over NYC just like John. But, a couple of decades ago he stepped away from the game and gave it all up to live a peaceful and calm life with his family. What a loser...

Stothton once again discusses coffee with Jack Tetherton. This time they also brought Nigel P. Porkfields, a self-proclaimed "coffee expert", to settle the debate of drinking coffee black vs. adding milk and sugar. Well, it turns out Nigel's coffee credentials are a bit fishy, but if you would like someone to come scream at your kids about coffee then Nigel is probably your guy.