Nobody Talks Shidduchim - The Jewish Dating Podcast

By Nobody Talks ShidduchimSociety & Culture Relationships

Nobody Talks Shidduchim - The Jewish Dating Podcast episodes

January 05, 2022 Ep 60: Is therapy the answer to your dating problems? (ft. Ahuva Shandelman & Sarale)
In this week's episode we bring on Sarale and Ahuva AKA Holy Shid. We wanted to share Sarale's inspirational story regarding her shidduch journey. We also discuss Lubavitcher dating.
In this episode we discuss:
1. How much people can change over time and how that change sometimes leads to you to find the person you were looking for.
2 How dating in the traditional shidduch world as young girl felt?
3. The early set familial & societal pressures to get married at a younger age and how that affects people.
4. Creating a routine that keeps you moving through the years where you feel like you have nothing going on dating wise.
5. How Sarale becoming more open minded introduced her to therapy.
6. The skills she picked up in therapy that helped her understand more about herself.
7. The differences and similarities of shidduchim within the Chabad community
8. Spotting the differences of who you were and you're becoming, and why it's ok to wait for the perfect time
9. Understanding that may be the issue is you, and how becoming more open minded can bring the right person into your life.
10. Why you should not rely on the community at large to make your match for you
11. Childhood patterns that may currently be holding you back from finding the right one.
1 hr 28 min
December 20, 2021 Ep 59: Lakewood Girls Talk
In this episode Avery and IJ bring on Michal and Tami, two daters who reside in Lakewood and have experience going through the Shidduch system. Avery and IJ take a backseat and listen to what the girls have to say in regards to their dating encounters.

1) A brief introduction to what dating is like in Lakewood
2) Do you feel you are judged more harshly by people you meet because of where you're from?
3) Lakewood is known for the BMG culture, we know what it is today. Are single Lakewood twenties still looking for that cookie-cutter type?
4) Where do you think most girls get their ideal interests for what they are looking for in a guy
5) They say the girls have it easy with matchmakers because they are not expected to push back or stand up for what they believe in. Do you think that is a correct statement?
6) How should a girl tell a matchmaker what they are exactly looking for?
7) what are the least relatable things in a résumé. What things do you think can be totally taken off.
8) in the mid 2010’s Bais Yaakov schools had to chase girls down for their social media participation. It seems that your generation has been able to grow up with this and have a healthy well balanced mindset in this area, what changed?
9) Is it difficult to explain your hashkafa to shadchanim, parents etc. Because they don't understand modern lakewood.
10) Can girls grow up in a rigid, frum environment and learn to rebel against it in a healthy way
11) Whereas girls 20 years ago didn't have an issue with photos and resumes, do you feel the yeshivish world is right to not allow photos to be sent?
1 hr 12 min
December 13, 2021 Ep 58: Dating App, Other Ways To Meet & Modox Dating
58) Dating Apps, other ways to meet and Modox dating
Avery and IJ have discussed many ways for daters to meet in shidduchim and at singles events. But what about those dating apps, Shabbatones or community salsa outings? In this episode The NTS crew sits down with Shlomo from Nashville and Ally from the Valley; 2 app daters, to discuss how the helk you meet on those apps and without a Shadchan.
1) We discuss Modox (modern orthodox) dating styles
2) Jswipe, Hinge, Jdate, all of them!
3) Online Dating
4) Corona crush
5) Social media
6) Parties
7) Handling it yourself
8) Actually going out
9) App dates
10) App remedy

57 min
November 28, 2021 Ep 57: Stigma stigma on the wall we discuss divorce dating, broken engagements and all
Stigmatized Dating - Divorce, Broken Engagement, Long Term Relationships, etc…
In today’s day and age, we have hopefully moved past a place where we allow stigmas about people to decide whether or not they are dateable, and should be given a chance.
Emotional scars from entering and exiting these relationships and whether or not you are still carrying your baggage.
Do shadchanim, daters, parents etc judge people who’ve gone through these experiences more harshly?
Is it better to enter marriage having never had a serious relationship or not?
Are frum people behind the 8 ball on divorce and breakups (Average divorce rate 50% amongst Non jews
Are the Jewish divorce laws stacked against frum women?
Should our community have more divorces?
Better to stay in a bad relationship or stay together
Disadvantages of dating when you are younger (unaware)
Have rabeim become to involved in marital problems and no longer understand the scope of healthy marriages
People used to say “they didn’t do enough research, things were hidden”. Is this a real thing? Are people just blinded to their own biases based on what they want.
1 hr 11 min
October 26, 2021 Ep 56: The things your parents & rabeim didn't tell you about marriage (Ft. Avi Singer)
56) How to be prepared for marriage In this week's edition of the NobodyTalks Shidduchim Podcast, we sit down with Avi Singer. Avi is a licensed marrige and family therapist as well as small business owner. Throughout this episode, we discuss:
1) What does an ideal frum marriage look like
2) How one can prepare him/herself to be the ideal person they see in a marriage
3) Are frum marriages more difficult to maintain due to the various factors (expensive lifestyle, religious levels, lack of incorporation of modern day life needs
4) Is the separation between boys and girls from a young age leading people people to be less ready for relationships
5) Should you have a short list of qualities you need in a spouse? If so, what are they?
6) How to tell you are really ready for marriage?
7) The things a married person only knows, and how to use that information to help others
8) Does our community put to much of a burden on the idea that getting married is the be all end all, and not enough attention on how to maintain a healthy relationship?
9) What are habits to pick up that will make you an a great spouse?

48 min
October 03, 2021 Ep 55: Seasons Come & Go But Yom Tov Never Changes & Shabbos Is On The Way!
Ep 55: Seasons Come & Go But Yom Tov Never Changes & Shabbos Is On The Way!
Dreading Yom Tov, is this where we are at? The holidays are tough for singles. Avery & IJ discuss the challenges. Shabbos is discussed by the Shidduch Podcast crew.
1) The worst yom tov to be single?
2) Getting suggestions by your local shul family friend
3) Programs Programs Programs
2)Going to the park
3) What is Shabbos like for single guys
4) What is Shabbos like for single gals
5) Too much time with the fam?
6) Should Shabbos break the relationship?
7) Spending Shabbos at their house?
8) Do you tell them Yumtif was actually bad?
9) Getting meals
10) Arranging meals
11) Inviting guests

41 min
August 26, 2021 54: Fantastic Hashkafas and How to Find Them [Hashkafa Part 2]
In ep 54 the NTS crew with Meghan discusses hashkafa. We label it, we box it and we subject the hashkafic orientations out there. Just because We do this, doesn’t mean there’s less to a person. But in shidduchim it’s important to identify where you stand on things. What’s important to bring up, what should be brought up and what may just be ok to wait on.
1) TV in the house
2) Labels & that darn Box
3) Throw away: my way is the right way
4) Black hat: they do, they did, the don’t, they can’t
5) Zionistic
6) TV and TV in the house
7) Sending your kids to white shirt or co ed yeshiva
8) What community do we want to live in
9) Is how you observe Shabbos a hashkafic difference? ie how you want to run a Shabbos table, going swimming, wife holds of the eruv
10) How much do we listen to the families rov?
11) Do we put a filter on the house internet? Kids phones. Etc.
12) Making aliyah
13) Learning
14) Is Hashkafa non-binary a thing?
15) Music

1 hr 9 min
August 10, 2021 EP 53: Hashkafa Matters aka Religious Orientation [Hashkafa Part 1]
Yona & Chani join Avery to have a sophisticated and nuanced discussion over the many differences and similarities those of us share when it comes to our hashkafos in Shidduchim. We tackle the concept of dating someone based on various stereotypes such as wearing a black hat, davening in Young Israel's and preferring a TV in your home.

1) Defining religious orientation
2) Black hat
3) Zionistic
4) TV and TV in the house
5) Sending your kids to white shirt or co ed yeshiva
6) What community do we want to live in
7) Is how you observe Shabbos a hashkafic difference? ie how you want to run a Shabbos table, going swimming, wife holds of the eruv
8) How much do we listen to the families rov?
9) Do we put a filter on the house internet? Kids phones. Etc.
10) Making aliyah
11) Learning
1 hr 1 min
July 30, 2021 EP 52: Don't Ask Me If I'm Shomer #3 [Part 3: The Rabbi Strikes Back]
EP 52: Don't Ask Me If I'm Shomer #3 [Part 3: The Rabbi Strikes Back]
Navigating the relationship w/shomer in mind. Halachic & Rabbinic perspectives of being shomer negiah.
In part 3 of shomer we wrap it up with Rabbi AY’s encounters as a Rabbi & halachic perspective. We also discussed some new aspects of Shomer Negiah, which we did not touch up on in Part 1 and 2. Torah perspectives, community outlines and IJ’s favorite…is breaking shomer the same as kosher and Shabbos?
1. Tznius affects on Shomer Negiah
2. Why are the shidduch dating guys always blamed??
3. Is there a way to really tell if someone is shomer?
4. Kosher & Shabbos is very diffrent than Shomer
5. Past relationships that you weren’t shomer in: to tell or not to tell!
6. How can you feel intimately connected in a shomer relationship
7. What are ways to bring up gedarim/boundaries without offending the other side
8. Does being shomer fall under the category of tznius
9. Can you judge someone for their past experiences shomer or not?
10. What does the Torah want from a young healthy couple, is it closeness to each other (which comes from Intimacy) or closeness to G-d?
11. It’s not that the Torah doesn’t work, it’s the community that doesn’t work
12. Better for gals to break it whether they are frum or modern?

43 min
July 19, 2021 EP 51: Don't Ask Me If I'm Shomer [Part 2: The Girl Dater’s Take]
In this week's episode we bring in Paige, a long time dater and resident expert on shomer negiah for the female daters perspective. Having been in her own long term relationships before, we appreciated hearing why she is complexly pro staying shomer until marriage. Some girls call in as well to weigh in on the issues. We also discussed some new aspects of Shomer Negiah, which we did not touch up on in Part 1. Such as; is it worse to be the person who initially breaks or the person who elevates? Does being with someone before you are married give you insight in to any potential compatibility issues in the future? Who can you go to to discuss the difficulties you are having staying shomer in your relationships? As well, as many other enumerating subjects
55 min