Non-Stop Comic Shop

Welcome to your 31st visit to the Non-Stop Comic Shop! There sure are a lot of superheroes with the word “Hawk” in their name. Let's discuss two of the least respectable ones. First up, a review straight out of Darkhawk Classic #1, the book that Jordan bought causing the proprietor to shout “HEY EVERYBODY, SOME GUY JUST BOUGHT DARKHAWK!” The '90's most forgettable character has to arbitrarily team up with Captain America and Daredevil to stop the second evil Fantastic Four from seeking revenge against the super-villain Portal for lying about all of those cakes. Then, the boys have already ragged on two lame episodes of Justice League's lame first season, so now they're talking about “Starcrossed”, the Hawkman invasion-centered finale to the awesome, peerless, perfect second season and (SURPRISE!) they find a lot wrong with it. Questions include: Is it morally correct to murder the local mob boss when his daughter is extremely hot? Will Hawkman be impressed when Green Lantern almost says a naughty word? Why do we keep talking about people named Grace when Grace isn't here? How disappointed were we with Chekhov's Wrench? And shouldn't Hawkgirl just stick to wearing her armor-plated halter top and culottes? #AlwaysTakeBabiesHostage

For your 30th visit to the Non-Stop Comic Shop, the boys are bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and ready to talk about Squirrel Girl, Savior of Letters Pages, Bane of Craig Ferguson! In Unbeatable Squirrel Girl #5, Vol. 1, a small group of civilians (including Squirrel Girl's college roommate, Not-Janelle Monae) have been taken hostage by a vague robot dinosaur-themed super-villain and decide to pass the time by doing the usual “Tell wildly inaccurate stories about the title character while also parodying multiple eras of comics” thing. After the break, we become BFFs with Marvel Rising: Secret Warriors: Initiation, the single TV episode-length prologue to an upcoming animated movie which features the slightly delayed portrayal of Squirrel Girl by Lily from AT&T, a TV-PG rated murder investigation, and fiction's most plot convenient friendship bracelet! Did writer Ryan North try to warn us of the Captain America: Secret Empire debacle a year early? Is an all-ex-girlfriend rock band the ultimate nightmare scenario? What's a far more appropriate name for Chipmunk Hunk? What's the worst thing your father can inadvertently tell you when your father is Denis Leary? How does Angel's proton pack compare to Squirrel Girl's badonkadonk? Do you want to get nuts? Come on, let's get nuts! #WhyMustLaundryBeSoHard

For your 29th visit to the Non-Stop Comic Shop, the gang is taking two of Marvel Comics' giant sapient dogs out for walkies! First up in Ms. Marvel #8-9, Kamala Khan is out to stop the kidnapping schemes of Reverse Dr. Robotnik, but will she get distracted by Lockjaw, the Inhumans' supremely huggable doggo? After the break, the time has come for Warriors Three: Dog Day Afternoon by Bill “Fables” Willingham, which chronicles the century spanning feud-slash-bar bet between the huge wolf from Thor: Ragnarok and the three instant corpses from Thor: Ragnarok. Guest starring: Helen Gable, the seriously swole mad scientist who everyone treats like she fulfilled some grand redemption arc when she did nothing of the sort. Jordan is here to make several 25+ year old Simpson riffs and say hello to his eighth grade science teacher. Brendan is here to inform us that Canada has been renamed “Snow Mexico” and complain that Fenris' invisible chain is too invisible. And Grace is here to explain what the holes in meat cleavers are for and to inadvertently horrify us all with memories of that little girl/sheepdog gestalt thing from Fullmetal Alchemist. #HornyFatAndStupidHat

For your 28th unpaid advertisement-laden visit to the Non-Stop Comic Shop, Jordan begins with a trio of unfortunate apologies before reviewing Avengers #59-60, an infamous slice of the Silver Age that suggested that Hank “OG Ant-Man” Pym's relationship to Janet “OG Wasp” van Dyne may have had some unhealthy qualities from the start. After the break, the boys talk about the newest MCU movie “Ant-Man and the Wasp”, of which Jordan finds the structure hilarious and the narrative unsatisfying. Along the journey, you will learn: What was Hawkeye's long forgotten catchphrase? Who won the pop-culture reference battle between Hulk Hogan and Monty Python? What evidence did Brendan find that proves Black Widow has been dead for 50 years? Does having a character named Ghost justify ripping off a scene from the movie Ghost? What exciting new element does Walton Goggins add to the “black SUV chase” trope? How dark can our rants about the passing of Steve Ditko and the firing of James Gunn get? And does anyone know how to spell “fiancee”? #TheyreCuriouslyStrong

Welcome to your 27th visit to the Non-Stop Comic Shop, and the start of the boys' second year with Geekade! First on the docket is CAGE! by animation mogul Genndy Tartakovsky, a nine-years-in-the-making 70's period piece that reads like Enter the Dragon on the Island of Dr. Moreau, brought to you by John K., R. Crumb, Jimi Hendrix and Dr. Seuss! Then Jordan lays out his review of the second season of Netflix's Luke Cage (the MCU's Prince of Space), a season so good, not even the episode guest starring Iron Fist can bring it down! How well did the late great Reg E. Cathey trade up in the “superhero's dad” department? Who gets compared to Oro from Street Fighter III? Who gets compared to Eddy Gordo from Tekken? Who in the hell gets compared to Ingun Black-Briar from Skyrim? And will Jordan finally accept that there are plenty of Mr. Fish in the sea? #NewYorkYouDork

For your 26th visit to the Non-Stop Comic Shop, Anniversary Season continues as the boys hold an impromptu “good comics we reviewed on the old show” retrospective, including such timeless classics as: Fantastic Four's “This Man, This Monster”, Iron Empires: Sheva's War, Jenkins & Lee's The Sentry, and the She-Hulk comic where Hercules sang a duet with his own courtroom evidence! Plus, you will learn: What would Tom Baker do if he had a chainsaw-sword? What Cheap Trick song did Jordan use to play out Brendan's review of J.M. Straczynski's “Dream Police”? Why did Frank Miller name a country “Corto Maltese”? What manga comic is 50 Cent preventing Brendan from featuring? How funny is Kamala Khan's Acme-brand smartphone? And who throws a bulldog in front of the moon? #WalkmanWithABendyStraw#

(Please be advised: This is part 2 of a two-parter)

For your 25th visit to the Non-Stop Comic Shop (and Jordan's 100th overall visit), the boys celebrate Father's Day by patronizing some particularly paternal superheroes. First up is Son of Batman, the very unintuitive animated adaptation of Grant Morrison's Batman & Son, where the Dark Knight learns that a distant night of passion and roofies resulted in a child whose mother helpfully named after the kid from the Omen. After the break, Jordan commits patricide on Daredevil: Father, a 6-issue miniseries brought to us by Brendan's new least favorite writer Joe Quesada (with a horrifying forward by Lost's Damon Lindelof). It's the story of a serial killer taking great pains to call Daredevil out, but unfortunately he's too busy having repetitive flashbacks, dressing like a samurai and beating up Cubans to notice. Can an alliance of Ducky from NCIS, two guys from Firefly, and DC's voice director of choice Andrea Romano hope to resist the awesome power of Greg from Dharma & Greg? Why does the God of Fire keep smiting Daredevil with lightning? How well did 90's EDM band the Prodigy prepare Jordan for the comic's amazing twist ending? And how many movies is the blind man watching, Joey?!? #IdontPracticeSanteria

(Please be advised: This is part 1 of a two-parter)

For your 25th visit to the Non-Stop Comic Shop (and Jordan's 100th overall visit), the boys celebrate Father's Day by patronizing some particularly paternal superheroes. First up is Son of Batman, the very unintuitive animated adaptation of Grant Morrison's Batman & Son, where the Dark Knight learns that a distant night of passion and roofies resulted in a child whose mother helpfully named after the kid from the Omen. After the break, Jordan commits patricide on Daredevil: Father, a 6-issue miniseries brought to us by Brendan's new least favorite writer Joe Quesada (with a horrifying forward by Lost's Damon Lindelof). It's the story of a serial killer taking great pains to call Daredevil out, but unfortunately he's too busy having repetitive flashbacks, dressing like a samurai and beating up Cubans to notice. Can an alliance of Ducky from NCIS, two guys from Firefly, and DC's voice director of choice Andrea Romano hope to resist the awesome power of Greg from Dharma & Greg? Why does the God of Fire keep smiting Daredevil with lightning? How well did 90's EDM band the Prodigy prepare Jordan for the comic's amazing twist ending? And how many movies is the blind man watching, Joey?!? #IDontPracticeSanteria

For your 24th visit to the Non-Stop Comic Shop, Jordan, Brendan and Grace fry up some chimichangas and dive into Deadpool. First up, our review of New Mutants #98, one of Rob Liefeld's many wastelands filled with unnecessary pouches, poorly introduced paper-thin characters and non-existent eyes, but at least it includes the first ever appearance of the Merc with a Mouth, who unhinges his pelvis and sprays silly string at teenagers for four pages. Then, we take a look at Deadpool 2, where the Assassin with Elan must defend one of Taika Waititi's boys from Josh Brolin's second fantastic portrayal of a Marvel character in as many weeks. Tune in and you'll also find out: How does new Cleopatra Jones Domino compare to classic Sexy Dalmatian Domino? How great was it when Deadpool called Cable “One-Eyed Willy”? Does Weasel ever get punished for starring in the Emoji Movie? How pointless was the after-credits scene from X-Men: Apocalypse? And could Deadpool's greatest villain turn out to be … a Wind Advisory? #YoureWelcomeCanada#

(Please be advised: This is part 2 of a two-parter)

For your epic double-length 23rd visit to the Non-Stop Comic Shop, we roll out our long-awaited reviews of two very different Avengers movies. First up, it's Ultimate Avengers: the Movie from 2006. While it failed to both properly adapt the famed Ultimates comic arc and launch a pre-MCU connected cinematic universe, it almost made up for it with goofy walking cycles, sultry pep talks, adorable goth metal couples, lazy alien Nazis, and unforgivable spelling errors. After the break, the boys and long-time friend Carly assemble to report on Avengers: Infinity War, the MCU movie that you only need to see about 15 of the previous 18 MCU movies in order to understand. So join us as we ask the tough questions like: Why does the opening remind us of that really old movie, Alien 3? Why does Science Bros + Magic Bros = Sherlock Bros? Why are all of our Facebook friends brushing up on Malthusian economics? Why does Brendan keep calling the villain “Thanatos”? Why is Shuri the undisputed expert on multi-modal reflection sorting? Why is Gamora? And why WAS Gamora? #Excelsiot