Today’s devotional wrestles with where—or if—God lives, and why the body was my first church. I talk about hiding from “knowing” with busy perfection, getting brought to my knees, and the strange alchemy where the pain of alignment expands our capacity for joy. If “up-there God” never worked for you, this one’s for you.

Timestamps

Coffee + confession: “I don’t believe in an up-there God.”

The gendered God problem; why a half-God can’t hold a whole life

The body as the beginning: tight, trapped, spinning wheels

How I hid from knowing (babies, birthdays, busy)

Letting myself out: color floods back, but so does shadow

Pain as teacher: brought to my knees until I listened

The equation: capacity to hold pain = capacity to receive joy

If prayer never fit, try presence: “God as the love I house”

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