Not So Secret Lives

This week, we’re diving into the infamous “Are We Dating the Same Guy?” Facebook pages—and whew, do we have thoughts.

Do we agree with the original intention of these pages? Absolutely. Women looking out for women, sharing information to stay safe, and avoiding being played or put in dangerous situations? Yes. Always yes.

But do we agree with turning these spaces into places for public shaming, rumors, or slander? Not so much. We get real about where the line is, how it’s being crossed, and what accountability should actually look like.

Plus—Chan drops some HUGE personal news, so you’ll definitely want to stick around for that 👀

As always, this is an honest, unfiltered conversation with strong opinions, a few laughs, and some real talk that needed to be said.

Important Resources:

If this conversation brings up anything heavy or if you or someone you know needs support, help is available:

• National Domestic Violence Hotline

📞 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

🌐 thehotline.org

• National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN)

📞 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

🌐 rainn.org (24/7 confidential chat available)

If you are in immediate danger, please call 911.

It’s getting real hot this week 🔥 We’re talking all things foreplay — what turns us on, what keeps it interesting, and why it’s way more than just the warm-up. Chan shocks herself (and maybe everyone else) by realizing she actually loves getting head 😏 and let’s just say things in our sex lives are running very smoothly. We’re also reading some juicy listener feedback and exploring all the different kinds of foreplay — from touch to talk to teasing.

#ForeplayFun #SpicyTalk #BedroomConvos #SexPositivePodcast #DatingUnfiltered #GirlsWhoTalkSex #SpicyAndHonest #PodcastBesties

Love is in the air — and we are so here for it! Big news... Karina and Chan are in relationships! 💕 It started off hot and heavy (are you surprised?) and it’s been going really well. In this episode, we’re getting real about the difference between love bombing and the real deal, and what it’s like navigating other people’s opinions when things move fast. From judgmental comments to unsolicited advice, we’re breaking down why you should always trust your gut, follow what feels good, and stop letting others dictate your happiness. This is your life.... live it how you want to! It’s honest, funny, and all about doing love your way.

This one’s been sitting in the vault — recorded back on August 21st, it’s our lost episode! We’re diving into knowing your worth — in relationships, in life, and within yourself. We’ve gone through the motions, learned the hard lessons, and finally figured out what it truly means to stand in your value.

As always, it’s fun, it’s funny, and full of real talk (with a little spice, of course). Because when you know your worth, everything hits different — your confidence, your choices, your peace, and your love.

#MindsetShift #GlowUp #SelfLoveJourney #LevelUpYourLife #FunnyPodcast #EmpowermentVibes #PodcastLife #WomenWhoPodcast #BestieEnergy #SpicyConversations #UnfilteredTalk #RawAndReal #DatingAndSelfWorth #HealthyLove #StrongWomen #RelationshipTalk #RealTalkRelationships

When Dr. Becky's team reached out and asked if we wanted to have her on we couldn't say yes fast enough! This week we’re joined by Dr. Becky Whetstone, therapist, author, and creator of the new book “I (Think) I Want Out: What to Do When One of You Wants to End Your Marriage” — an essential couples guide filled with real answers and guidance for navigating a marriage crisis. We dive into what inspired Dr. Becky to pursue therapy, her own personal experiences, and the wisdom she’s gained from working with countless couples. From real-life examples to tips and tricks for surviving the toughest relationship moments, this episode is packed with valuable insight.

We’re also excited to announce that Dr. Becky will be joining us regularly for “Relationship School with Dr. Becky”, where she’ll continue sharing her knowledge to help couples everywhere. Beyond her book, you can also find her powerful writing on Medium (@DoctorBecky) and connect with her as she provides therapy to clients worldwide.

Note: We had alllll the technical difficulties during this recording, so the audio quality isn’t our best — but the conversation is absolutely worth the listen.

Links & Resources:

I (Think) I Want Out: What to Do When One of You Wants to End Your Marriage — book by Becky Whetstone

https://a.co/d/cqzQ26a

Becky Whetstone’s Medium page (DoctorBecky)

https://medium.com/%40doctorbecky

MarriageCrisisManager.com (her site)

https://marriagecrisismanager.com

Instagram: @doctorbecky

Instagram

LinkedIn: Becky Whetstone, Ph.D.

LinkedIn

We’re back, besties! 🎉 After a little summer break, your favorite duo is finally back behind the mics and catching you up on everything we’ve been up to. From vacations and dating adventures, to Karina’s official hard launch with her man, Chantell still thriving in the single life, house selling drama, and (drum roll, please)… us moving in together! 🏡✨ Still raw, still real, and of course—packed with all the spice you’ve been missing. Come hang out and catch up with us like no time has passed.

This week, we’re flipping the script on what it really means to be in our Good Girl / Soft Girl Era—and trust us, it’s not all sundresses and silence. We dive into the power of softness as women: embracing femininity, surrendering control in the right spaces, and still being bold, vocal, and in charge of our needs. We talk about dominance and submission in the bedroom, the desire to be taken care of, and the trust it takes to lean into that.

We're also unpacking what traditional female traits look like today—with a modern twist. Can you be soft and strong? Can you be submissive but still powerful? Oh yes, you can. This episode is all about having a voice, knowing what we want, practicing self-love, and redefining what being a “good girl” actually means. Spoiler: she’s confident, sexy, and doing things her way.

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and anywhere you stream your podcasts! Can’t wait to hear from you !!

In this powerful and honest episode, we dive deep into the complicated relationship between shame and self-confidence. From the invisible weight of social norms to the internal battles we fight daily, we explore how shame shows up in our lives—and how it holds us back from becoming our most confident, authentic selves. We talk about the importance of surrounding yourself with friends who lift you up, how positive self-talk can shift your mindset, and why healing yourself is essential before stepping back into the dating world. We’re getting real about self-sabotage, self-worth, and what it truly takes to rebuild your confidence from the inside out. If you've ever struggled with feeling "not enough," this one's for you.

Want to keep the conversation going? Follow us on social media!

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YouTube: @notsosecretlives

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In this special episode, we’re stepping outside of our usual niche to shine a light on a topic that affects so many but is often left in the dark—mental health and suicide prevention. In honor of Mental Health Awareness Month, we’re joined by Brook, a passionate Community Suicide Prevention Outreach Specialist with Nomi Health and the Co-Chair of the Utah Board of Directors for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

Brook shares invaluable insight on where individuals can turn for help, the many free resources available, and what we can all do to support ourselves and our loved ones. Most importantly, we talk about the truth that needs to be heard: you are not alone.

This episode also includes a deeply personal moment from Chan, who bravely opens up about her own struggles with mental health. It’s raw, real, emotional—and a reminder that vulnerability can be a powerful force for healing.

⚠️ Trigger Warning: This episode discusses sensitive topics including mental health challenges and suicide. Please take care while listening.

If you or someone you know is struggling, there is help. You are seen, you are valued, and you are never alone.

Below are a list of resources that you can utilize if you are going through it and just need some extra help.

https://www.iloveyoubroproject.org/

988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline https://988lifeline.org

Call, text, or chat 988 if you are having a hard time. The 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is a free, confidential hotline available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Crisis workers are available to help if you’re in distress, thinking of suicide, or need emotional support. Interpreters who speak more than 150 languages are available.

SafeUT apps https://safeut.org/ Download the SafeUT apps to chat with a licensed counselor for support or submit a confidential tip right from your phone. The apps are free and available for iPhone and Android devices. SafeUT is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

Warm Line 833-773-2588. Sometimes you just need someone to talk to about your struggles with mental health or substance use. They have certified peer support specialists to help you solve problems. It’s free and open from 8 a.m. to 11 p.m. every day.

Caring Connections 801-585-9522 https://nursing.utah.edu/caring-connections The University of Utah College of Nursing offers grief support groups to help you cope with a different kind of loss and grief, including suicide.

The Sharing Place 801-466-6730 https://www.thesharingplace.org

The Sharing Place provides grief support services to youth, teens, and their families who have suffered the loss of a loved one. Develop coping skills through activities like art, play, and physical activity.

If you are in Utah specifically, below is a list of local resources

● 211 Utah https://211utah.org

● American Foundation on Suicide Prevention, Utah Chapter https://afsp.org/chapter/utah

● Community crisis intervention and support services https://tinyurl.com/3sat854p

● Healthy Minds https://healthyminds.utah.gov/

● Live On Utah https://liveonutah.org

● National Alliance on Mental Illness, Utah (NAMI Utah) https://www.namiut.org/

● Utah Domestic Violence Coalition 1-800-897-5465 https://udvc.org

● Utah Office of Substance Abuse and Mental Health https://sumh.utah.gov

Want to keep the conversation going? Follow us on social media!

Instagram: @not_so_secret_lives

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Hey look Mom! We made it! Episode 20 coming in hot with our most requested topic... Male and female POV on dating! This week, we’re getting into the male perspective with a special guest who doesn’t hold back. After a 14-year marriage and 10 years in the single world, he’s got stories, opinions, and a great insight on what he wants. He breaks down what dating looks like from his point of view, sharing real-life examples, frustrations, and a few surprises along the way. We explore what guys really go through—and realize maybe we’re not as different as we think. We’re not speaking for all men or women here—just having an honest convo from both sides. And when Chan gets a little too real? Let’s just say... you’ll most definitely laugh out loud.

Want to keep the conversation going? Follow us on social media!

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