It’s an odd feeling to be described by someone else — to overhear someone talking about you when they don’t realize you’re in earshot, to be introduced at an event, or cc’d on an email connecting you to a friend’s friend when it goes beyond the basics of This is Allison, she writes books, and has two dogs. We think of ourselves a certain way, but that’s not necessarily how everyone else sees us. Sometimes, things we don’t like about ourselves are things the people who love us find most endearing. Sometimes when we’re being described, we realize how misunderstood we are. It can be beautiful, affirming, awkward, or heartbreaking to catch a glimpse of yourself through someone else’s eyes—especially when it’s made public. And if someone else’s idea of you permeates your social realm, how do you reclaim the parts of yourself that you never intended to share? That’s the question at the heart of Cherry Baby, the new book from Rainbow Rowell, and the inspiration for this week’s episode of Now That We Think About It.
In the novel (which we absolutely loved!), Cherry’s husband Tom, has been writing and illustrating a comic strip since before he even met Cherry. And after their real-life relationship began, he added her to the strip as his main character’s love interest, Baby. No one was reading his comic strip at the start, and then suddenly, everyone was. Years later, Tom is off in Hollywood working on the film version of his comic. Baby (who is clearly a caricature of Cherry) is a meme. She’s everywhere. Cherry gets recognized as a character from a cartoon. The book brilliantly explores what it means to move through the world when someone else’s impression of who you are precedes you.
So, as writers, Rainbow, Alice, and I are all keenly interested in the question of what parts of our lives are fair to write about when other people intersect with our stories. But we realized that in the age of social media, everyone has to wrestle with this question. Is it okay to share a photo of a group of friends without asking every single person in the photo if they approve? Is it okay to film a stranger at the grocery store? Is it fair to tell an embarrassing story that isn’t just about you?
And as technology changes, the rules change too, right? (Right?) Are we always changing our manners at the appropriate pace?
Rainbow talks about the ways social media has warped what was once reasonable:
“I think the internet changes and breaks all of our established rules. Everything that was sort of reasonable before the internet is not reasonable now…And I think…that especially people our age…we got these rules for civilized life and a lot of them just don’t work anymore.”
I have adored and admired Rainbow since way, way back when we were debut novelists trying to figure out how to navigate publishing. She’s staggeringly brilliant and kind, and she taught me so much about writing and the importance of preserving the authenticity of our work. I loved the chance to have this conversation with Rainbow and Alice so much. I know you will also love Episode 48 - Now That We Think About What’s Ours To Tell. It’s about consent, empathy, and the messy way our lives intersect with art, how easy it is to give away pieces of yourself without realizing it, and how even when we try to protect ourselves, other people can include pieces our lives in their stories.
We talk about the lines we draw between ourselves and the world, our private lives and public personas, and how sometimes hiding under the cover of fiction is the safest way to be completely vulnerable and honest.
Let us know what you think about this episode and what your rules are for sharing stories, photos, or videos that involve the people you love (or maybe don’t even like). Has someone ever shared images or impressions of you that made you uncomfortable? Have you shared too much about someone else? Email us at [email protected], and we may share your story in a future episode (make sure to let us know if you would like to remain anonymous).
XOAllison & Alice
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Links
Rainbow Rowell
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Cherry Baby pre-order bag charm giveaway
Books mentioned in this episode:*
Cherry Baby by Rainbow Rowell
Slow Dance by Rainbow Rowell
Attachments by Rainbow Rowell
Eleanor and Park by Rainbow Rowell
She Hulk by Rainbow Rowell
Must Love Dogs by Claire Cook
The Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan
The People We Keep by Allison Larkin
Home of the American Circus by Allison Larkin
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