One and Done: Raising an Only Child, Not a Lonely Child

Reviewing the most popular books about only children, advice on how to help your kid become independent, and an announcement about the show. Until 2:50 is the announcement, 2:50 on is book reviews, with the exception of 11:30-21:30, which is the section on empowerment and independence for only kids. 

Here are the books mentioned, with ratings out of 4 stars ****

One and Only: The Freedom of Having an Only Child, and the Joy of Being One by Lauren Sandler ***

Parenting an Only Child by Dr. Susan Newman **

The Seven Common Sings of Parenting an Only Child by Carolyn White ***

How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success by Julie Lythcott-Haims ****

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk ****

The Future of Your Only Child by Dr. Carl Pickhardt *

Only Child: Writers on the Singular Joys and Solitary Sorrows of Growing Up Solo by Siegel, Deborah, et al****

"Yes, having 'just' the one child can make for a wonderful family dynamic" by Geraldine Walsh in The Irish Times.  https://www.irishtimes.com/life-and-style/health-family/parenting/yes-having-just-the-one-child-can-make-for-a-wonderful-family-dynamic-1.4141791

Great quote from the above: "It is the quality not the quantity of relationships that is important to any child."

 "There are no small things." We continue with information and reframes around mental health, executive dysfunction, and faith, as it pertains to parenting one child. The first part is about depression, executive dysfunction, and keeping perspective as we perform the important work of parenting a child. The faith part starts around 10 minutes in. 

Some reframes to help us parents of onlys have more self-compassion and perspective on this awesome endeavor we're undertaking. And since it's episode 10, we are celebrating by giving away 10 copies of the classic parenting book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk! Simply share our show on social media and send the screenshot to [email protected]. We'll send copies to the first 10 folks who do it! Meanwhile, in this episode we validate that 1) being the only playmate can be...a lot 2) society doesn't support parents of any number of children; this is hard and important work we're doing 3) mental health is real- we talk about anxiety. We pick up in the second part, episode 11, about depression and more. This episode and part 2 are designed to be something we can turn to when we're maybe being hard on ourselves, can we remember just how momentous it is to parent one child and do it well, in covid times, with all we've got going on? Genuine respect and we appreciate you listening- you are welcome to join our Facebook community One and Done: Raising an Only Child Not a Lonely Child. Audio got cut off but Jamie was also talking about how sometimes siblings don't get along....for a long time. So the idea of a constant playmate for our kid may also be a fantasy, as discussed on our last episode. There is so much to include in a pep talk but we hope the little we were able to cover here, and the additions in part 2, will bring some positivity and perspective to the question that prompted all this, from our Facebook group member: "why can't I handle more?" Audio clip is property of the NBC show 30 Rock. *episode cuts suddenly due to technical issues*

"When single child families idealize what they don't have: how the fantasy of larger families can poison our happiness and development" by Lauren Sandler arrived right on time for Jamie, who was struggling with intrusive thoughts about the second child that isn't here. This episode is the journey to get closer to being more fully present with the child who is here, moving from the "bargaining" stage of grief into a genuine and deeper acceptance of the reality and the gifts of being a single child family. Links and show notes with time stamps are below.

Link to the article: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/one-and-only/201302/when-single-child-families-idealize-what-they-dont-have?amp

Send us a voicemail about being/having an only child! https://anchor.fm/oneanddone/message 

E-mail us your thoughts at [email protected]. 

You're welcome to join the Facebook group One and Done: Raising an Only Child, Not a Lonely Child.

Until [5:10] or is is about the future direction of the show and an invitation to get involved/give feedback. We're also looking especially for folks who are one and done by choice and/or very content with their family size. Basically as many different voices and experiences as possible would be great/help all of us get perspective. [5:10:30] Jamie realizes she's actually been in the "bargaining" stage of grief and will share the recent insights that helped her move more toward acceptance. [7:40] story of being at the beach this weekend, missing phantom children and wanting to be present and enjoy the child we have. Acknowledging that those feelings are real but wanting to be in reality in the moment. [10:10] moving into a discussion of Lauren Sandler (only child with an only child) and her article which helped Jamie so much, giving permission to let go of the fantasy. We do this on our own time table and the process is different for everyone. [14:40] How being an only child can be a good and helpful thing to one's development, from lived experience.