Opposite Attractions: A Theme Park Design Show

This week, after spending probably way too long looking at Epcot Food & Wine menus, your hosts set about giving their very own Epic Universe an attraction that doubles as military training. Oh the places we will go! First up, Jim sends a crack team of conventioneers and corporate lackeys into the suburbs of Chicago to rescue Kevin McAllister as Macauley Culkin Presents A Series Of Unfortunate Events (Sponsored By The US Army), a hell house of zany traps and terrorists just waiting for some team building exercises. Meanwhile, in another large building nearby, Scottye "invites" guests to survive (with airsoft rifles) another round of Legends Of The Hidden Temple: The New Class (we never really nailed down a title). It's time to fulfill some of those sweet, sweet revenge fantasies on those temple guards, at any rate. Winners get a free Frothy Ramen.

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This week, we discuss a harrowing (and supercharged) experience Scottye had at DragonCon, and then give our Epic Universe a different sort of trackless attraction. First, Scottye finds a way to separate one coaster into a quintet with The Titan, quite possibly the largest ever single attraction at an OppAtt theme park, because it's not exacty a single attraction. Anyway, one would think Jim would not be as completely crazy as this, until he decides to create Cool Runnings Presents A Series Of Unfortunate Events, a bobsled attraction that is more like actual bobsledding than any rollercoaster themed after the Matterhorn or whatever. Oh, and four sleds go down at once. Good luck with that.

Next week, things will get even worse.

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This week, after some D23 discussion, we set about putting some seasonal modifications into our very own Epic Universe. First, Jim sets the stage for disaster as he randomly chooses the contestants on American Ninja Warrior Presents A Series Of Unfortunate Events, a rain or shine (or dark of night) show featuring your favorite stunts from your favoritiest TV show, especially in the middle of winter. Don't worry, there may or may not be some water to land in should you fall. Speaking of maybe landing in water, Scottye goes even farther back into television history for inspiration as he invites his guests to partake in Rocket J. Squirrel's School Of Flying/Flight School, a technically possible wingsuit rollercoaster (up until the grand finale)! Bullwinkle may not be able to pull a rabbit out of a hat, but he should be able to rescue you from the wave pool. Things are only going to get worse this season.

Also, be sure to check out Jim's new RPG, Survive The Magic, available to download for free.

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• Survive The Magic - An Annual Passholder RPG

It's a brand new season and you know that means it's time for a brand new theme park! No, it's not Universal Studios Kentucky, but it is our very own Epic Universe! We are beating Comcast to the punch by throwing all of our own ideas at the wall and seeing what sticks. First, Jim tries his hand at, you know, just knocking off what Universal is doing and adding in the TurboGrafx-16. Scottye, fresh off a trip to Central Florida, has found a co-conspirator in his surly friend Jersey Dan to bring to you, the listener, The Most Dangerous Theme Park In The Universe. Action Park can go take a long trip off a short Atlantic City Boardwalk, because this season, Danger is all of our middle names.

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Is this the real life? This week, it's our suitably supercharged season finale, and now we've gone and thrown it all away to remaster the replacement for Disaster in Fast & Furious: Supercharged! After a quick quiz to find our perfect angry and quick boy toys, Jim lets it slip that the only thing he could come up with was the exact same attraction, but maybe with a steering wheel thrown in. Then, Scottye lets loose with some thunderbolt and lightning as he explains to everyone within earshot just how much the original attraction truly means to him. It's not so much a re-do as it is a declaration of love.

Remember, no new episode next week as we get plans in order for Season 7 (yeah, seven!) which is good because Scottye has gone a-traveling anyway. See ya in two weeks!

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• Jim has an Etsy store now!

This week, after a penultimate quiz about our personalities, we set off to repair the 4-D antstravaganza (not sorry) beneath the Tree Of Life of Disney's Animal Kingdom Of Disney. Jim sticks with a talent show, of sorts, and replaces the bugs with Rescue Rangers and a rather annoyed waterfowl. Then, Scottye settles us down for a relaxing 45 minute (at least) trip into It's Tough To Be At Animal Kingdom, an ASMR journey away from the Joe Rohde's heat nightmare and into something more calming and air-conditioned. You can keep your punk-ass giraffes. We have alcohol.

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This week, we set out to do something about the rear forty perecent of Epcot's Mexico pavilion as we try to overhaul The Gran Fiesta Tour better than Disney could ever do. After a quick personality quiz that Scottye somehow fails, he brings guests onto five different variations of his attraction featuring everything from ducks to llamas and even outside entertainment and podcast properties, all with a hot dog to match (for some reason). Jim goes a slightly more feasible route, turning Donald from the goat to the hero in a way only he can and the only way Donald would ever allow (by having it be a complete sham).

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This week, after a small struggle to find a Mission:SPACE quiz, we settle instead to test our knowledge of Best Picture snub Space Jam. As soon as Shawn Bradley returns to normal, we set out to the momumental task of removing the bad taste from Epcot that is the aforementioned Mission:SPACE. First, Jim does what he apparently always does in these situations, and just adds the Muppets. If Disney won't use them, we sure will. Then, Scottye gets into some magic mishaps as he invites guests to strap into a tiny chamber with(?) David Blaine in an effort to escape inevitability on The Death Rider. We presume it works, or else that gift shop at the exit is going to be a mighty lonely place.

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This week on our program, we quiz ourselves on the late, great Great Movie Ride and then set about trying to remaster it for generations to come (in our imaginations). First up, Scottye invites guests to experience The Great Bad Movie Ride, featuring everything you know and hate to love from the silver screen and the bargain bin at an indoor flea market. It's really tearing me apart. Then Jim decides to play around inside Disney's very own wheelhouse as he showcases The Great Remake Ride, featuring all your favorite live-action versions of Disney's animated canon, as well as some that don't yet exist, but probably will eventually. Sadly it's not exactly a shot-for-shot redo of the original attraction, which might hurt it at the box office.

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With recent rumors of the possible closure of Florida's version of the Jamboree, your wonderful hosts set out to maybe #savethejamboree, or at least try to do something better than a puppet version of Woody's Roundup. First, Jim decides that if one attraction can be closed and redone, then toucan as he combines the bears and the tiki birds into a musical cacophony featuring hula skirts, straw hats, and some tiki gods in overalls. Then, Scottye leans into the rumor mill with vigor as he pitches Five Nights At Forky's, an existenial crisis and rock show all mixed into one.

Also, Jim looks into the mirror and gives his opinion on the more outspoken fans of the Disney Parks and their recent actions as pertains to some of the rumors floating around the twitterverse and beyond.

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