It’s hard to see yourself as you are. You may only see the same old image of yourself doing the same things, having no clue what is actually going on at a deeper level. You don’t want to admit you’re jealous or insecure or an outsider. So when other people trigger those feelings in you, it shows you what you don’t accept in yourself. If you get upset that someone is screwing in a light bulb wrong, they may reflect where YOU feel wrong. Other people can be a great tool for personal growth if you see the opportunity. Your reaction to what they do or say can help you know yourself better. They show you how you treat yourself and how you treat others. Remember, one finger pointed at someone is one finger pointed back at you. There’s always room to take responsibility. Responsibility for yourself is empowerment, so the clearer you can see yourself, the more ability you have to stop doing certain behaviors.

If your significant other is jealous of the time you spend with your friends and you get defensive, look at why you’re having that reaction. What is he/she revealing about your own jealousy? Maybe you don’t like that they spend too much time at work. If you don’t feel like your partner makes time for you, you may bristle when he/she reacts to you doing something similar—like spending a lot of time with your friends. They become a mirror for you. Use this as an opportunity to look at yourself from a different perspective.

When you ignore these clues from other people, you stay stuck in victimhood, unable to see yourself clearly. It’s much easier to say it’s all about them and has nothing to do with you, but where is the power in that? You can remain blind and blame other people or you can use your reactions as chance to ask yourself what’s really bothering you. You only react to what already lives inside you, so dig into what that is and increase your empowerment.