Episode 37

C-PTSD and Brain Fog

I Can See Clearly Now

April 27, 2022

Today I want to talk about Brain Fog which Merriam-Webster defines as: "A usually temporary state of diminished mental capacity marked by an inability to concentrate or to think or reason clearly."This condition is characterized by excessive cognitive fatigue.” Well, that about sums it up for me. The past several months I have been really out of it and Brain Fog is the only explanation I have found that makes sense. I’ve been dazed and confused for so long it is beginning to be my normal state of mind. Then what?

Here’s a good example of Brain Fog. When I was preparing this episode, I completely lost track of what day it was and this morning about 9am, I realized I had an eye exam at the main hospital in San Jose at 9am, a 2-hour drive. The appointment was scheduled for 9am, so I missed it. For weeks, I’ve been anxious and fretting about driving into the city to get my eyes examined. The good news is I don’t have to drive to San José, but the bad news is I still need to get my eyes examined. There is definitely something going on with my left eye and who knows when I can get another appointment. The Brain Fog once again was successful in sabotaging me. Brain Fog does this frequently. It is becoming harder and harder to take care of what needs to be taken care of. This is the main reason why I am focusing on Brain Fog today.

As usual, below are some links to even more information about PTST and Brain Fog.

My life with Complex Post-traumatic Stress Disorder – Tereza's Health Blog (wordpress.com)

PTSD & Brain Fog - The Trauma Practice

Mental Fog, Stress, and Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) | HealthyPlace

GET OUT OF BRAIN FOG from Complex PTSD - Bing video

Understanding Mental Fog And Complex PTSD | by Annie Tanasugarn, PhD | Invisible Illness | Medium

Episode 36

C-PTSD and Starting Over…Again!

Been Here Done That

March 29, 2022

In this episode I am talking about starting over and I want you to know that it is NOT easy. I am 68 years old and after the crashing and burning of my marriage, I sit here, on the side of a hill in Costa Rica, contemplating the kind of new life I desire. I’m no spring chicken and my body reminds me of this on a daily basis if not an hourly basis. It is now a nightly routine to wake up at 3am needing to go to the bathroom. I don’t know how he does it, but my cat, Don Gato seems to know the exact time when my bladder is full and he wakes me up. Personally, I think he does this because his bladder is full and he cannot go outside without my help. The way I look at it, we have a symbiotic relationship and mutually support each other. This has not been an easy episode to produce, because the topic matter is overwhelming. The thought of selling everything I have and moving back to the US is a big piece of meat to chew on. 

Below are a few websites that may be of help to you if you are finding yourself in a position of turning your life upside down and sideways no matter how old you are.

Since I am 70-years-old, these articles are going to be more focused on starting over as a senior, but all of us who find ourselves starting over, regardless of your age, can benefit from the wisdom held within these articles.

I am 72-years-old and this time I began starting over a couple of years ago when I separated from my wife. (Still not divorced…yet!) This article by Noel from the Financial Geek gives solid advice to seniors who are looking at starting over at this stage of life. Starting Over at Age 60? 7 Things You Should Consider (thefinancialgeek.com)

Starting Over at 70? – I'm Not Dead Yet! (josaia.com) is a short read and focuses on motivating those of us in this situation.

This article supports anyone starting over to start with yourself. Examine your needs, your motives and your resources before you bite off more than you can chew. A Simple Guide for Starting Over in Life | by Vishnu*s Virtues | Medium

Since I am in my 70’s here an article just for us. Change seems to get more difficult as we age and people starting over as seniors, have special needs to consider. Starting Over at Age 60? 7 Things You Should Consider (thefinancialgeek.com)

Episode 35

C-PTSD and My Expat Life

No Matter Where You Go, There You Are.

October 4, 2021

Shit! Has it been a month? I am so sorry, and I apologize for my lack of production lately. I am still working my way through the blues, but the sun is shining, the sky is blue, and another wonderful day is on the horizon. This week I am compelled to share a few things about how the hell I ended up in Costa Rica in the first place. I hope you are at least entertained by my musings, but what I really hope is that Out of My Mind in Costa Rica – Living with Complex Post-Traumatic Stress is a beacon of light for you and a factor influencing you to take care of yourself first, knowing that if you are well, then you can tend to the needs of others.

As usual, I have compiled a few websites that shed a bit more light on today’s subject. I hope that these small, seemingly trivial acts will stimulate you to do what you need to do to heal from Complex Post-Traumatic Stress.

If you are not struggling with C-PTSD then you may have more questions than answers. Julie Maida writes about the key things we all wish others would know about this condition.

What Someone Living with Complex PTSD Wishes You Knew - Julie Maida (julie-maida.com)

Here is a very concise article written by Shirley Davis which was published at CPTSD Foundation. Straight forward and to the point.

The Difficult Road to Intimacy: Living with Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder | CPTSDfoundation.org

Friendships are relationships and at times they are the most intimate relationships in our lives. Here’s a clear article written by Ashleigh Golden, PsyD that helps you to understand the conflictual nature of relationship with people who have C-PTSD.

CPTSD and Relationships: Why Conflict Happens and What To Do (psychcentral.com)

I have just completed a vast amount of research seeking some information on what living with C-PTSD as an expatriate is like and what kind of special challenges beset people in this situation. Nothing, nada, zero is what I found. It looks like I need to do an episode of Out of My Mind in Costa Rica-Living with Complex Post-Traumatic Stress focusing on life as an Expat, regardless of where you are in the world, and you have C-PTSD. Wouldn’t you know it, another thing I need to do myself. Expect that sooner, rather than later. Hell, who knows, maybe next week. Meanwhile give a listen to my current version of Expat life when you have C-PTSD.

Episode 34

C-PTSD and Working Through the Blues

Mama Told Me There’d Be Days Like This

September 17, 2021

Yes, I am still working through the blues. What can I say? It is what it is, and this is my river, and this is how it is flowing at the moment. I don’t want to be a Donny Downer, but you decide for yourself. I am sharing a little bit about my process and what makes is work for me. Life seems to be a reminder that we need to keep on our toes and keep moving forward, wherever that may be for you. For me it is just a matter of loving myself and keeping my commitments to myself. Each day I strive to do better than the day before. Sometimes that happens and sometimes it doesn’t. You pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back on that pony.

Here are a few websites I found that punctuate today’s theme, More of the fucking same thing as last time. But different. Give it a listen and you be the judge.

Scary Mommy is a great resource for people in all kinds of recovery. She recently posted this article and it gets right to the heart of the matter.

I Have CPTSD: Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (scarymommy.com)

 Vicki Peterson published this intriguing article on The Mighty.com and offers a clear explanation as to the differences between Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Complex Post-Traumatic Stress.

When Complex Trauma Is Misdiagnosed as Anxiety | The Mighty

Out of the Fog does a great job of getting down to brass tacks. This article gives a great overview of CPTSD, treatment and the process of healing.

Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) — Out of the FOG

CPTSDfoundation.org is doing a lot of great work with helping people resolve their own particular version of CPTSD.

The Final Six Symptoms of Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder | CPTSDfoundation.org

Episode 33

C-PTSD and Being Stuck in the Mud

Not the first time, probably  not the last.

August 2, 2021

This week I am talking about being “stuck in the mud”. I’m spinning my wheels and I got no traction. It’s beginning to trouble me. The good news is that doing this podcast is regenerative for me. I know I have been really inconsistent these past couple of months, but I believe I am on the upswing after increasing my Fluoxetine to 40mg/day. This seems like an appropriate dose for the moment. Don’t think that the medication is the only thing that is making a difference. I have had a lot of time to think and thinking I did. I thunk and I thunk and I thunk. Now I’m exhausted from all of the thinking.

Today’s episode: C-PTSD and Stuck in the Mud details these struggles as well as some ideas to break the logjam. I’m not completely out of the woods yet, but the sun is shining and my mood is improving, poco a poco. I am encouraged. If it weren’t for this podcast, I would not be able to say this. I owe much of my improvement, which is marginal at best, to my listeners. You folks who consistently listen to Out of My Mind in Costa Rica. You have my heart and my dedication. Now, let me share a few websites that help to put an exclamation point onto this week’s episode.

My friend, the friend, whom I highlighted a couple of weeks ago, recommended a book by Pema Chӧdrӧn, entitled When Things Fall Apart. It is a Buddhist perspective on coming to terms with and resolving life’s most painful moments. Its approach is familiar but the practices she described are revolutionary. Not to mention, they are extremely challenging to undertake.

The Pema Chodron Foundation – The Buddhist Contemplative Tradition

Michael G. Quirke, LMFT presents a very good article for those of you looking to establish a foundation for your recovery.

Recovering from Complex PTSD: 3 Key Stages of Long-Term Healing (michaelgquirke.com)

Suzanne Jessee, M.A. in Huntington Beach, CA provides another perspective on the 3 stages of C-PTSD recovery.

The 3 Stages of Complex PTSD Recovery (theravive.com)

Mandy Lo of TraumitizedAspie writes an excellent article covering a wide range of trauma information and recovery information. Check it out.

How Does Complex PTSD Affect Interpersonal Relationships? – TraumatizedAspie.com

David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor provides some great guidance on how to tread your path of healing. Given the complexity and interpersonal nature of Complex-PTSD, it is critical to be patient and pay attention to the little things.

6 ways to recover from Complex Trauma or Complex PTSD | counselorssoapbox

Episode 32

C-PTSD and Letting Go

Release and Find Peace

August 27, 2021

Today’s episode I am talking about letting it go. Everyone says this, but what the heck does it actually entail? How does one let go of experiences that have been buried to the bone? Well, I take a stab at this topic today, and I hope you will find it engaging and moves you to let go. Even if a little bit. A little bit is better than not at all. Poco a poco. Una cosa por vez.

As usual I have discovered some wonderful websites and people who are doing amazing thing in the world of healing from PTSD and Complex PTSD. I hope you find them helpful.

Dr. Schwartz help people to understand that nature of barriers to healing from Complex-PTSD. This article highlights the ways we struggle when adapting to a new, healing way of being.

Overcoming Barriers in Complex PTSD | Dr. Arielle Schwartz (drarielleschwartz.com)

David Hosier BSc Hons; MSc; PGDE(FAHE) gets to the point on what keeps us stuck in our pain.

Can't Let Go Of Childhood Trauma? Here's Possible Reasons Why (childhoodtraumarecovery.com)

K.J., through her own story, helps you understand what Letting Go is and how to do it.

Letting Go of the Past When You Have PTSD | The Mighty

Here’s a YouTube video by Healthy Place that hits the nail on the head when it comes to letting go.

PTSD and Forgiving Yourself, Letting Go of Self-Blame | HealthyPlace - Bing video

Episode 31

C-PTSD and Empathy

The Role of Empathy in Healing C-PTSD

July 29, 2021

This week I am talking about Empathy. You know, the power to be with the feelings, thoughts, and experiences of another. It’s a special trait that everyone should work on developing as much as possible. Empathy is the glue that holds relationships together. No empathy, no relationship. It’s that simple.

Here’s a sweet article on listening. Remember, listening is loving.

5 Simple Keys to Helping Your Partner Feel Heard | Psychology Today

We have probably experienced this with our partner on more than one occasion.

Is It Possible to Lack Empathy? (psychcentral.com)

Here’s the official Webster’s Dictionary definition of Empathy.

Empathy | Definition of Empathy at Dictionary.com

This another wonderful article by Pete Walker. I really encourage all of you dealing with C-PTSD to look into this man’s work. It is absolutely exquisite.

More and more traumatology pundits list attachment disorder as one of the key symptoms of Complex PTSD (pete-walker.com)

 Finally, here’s a nice article by by Matthew Tull Ph.D.

Self Compassion | healingcomplextrauma (healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.com)

Episode 30  

C-PTSD and Friendships  

A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed  

July 11, 2021  

I recently have been in email contact with a dear old friend. A friend who also happens to have been my friend since 1984 when I was working at the Sacramento Children’s Home. He was a group home social worker at the time, and I was preparing to get into graduate school. We hit it off right away and were fast friends until, over 30 years later, he too became the victim of one of my emotional flashbacks. There is no need to go into the details here but suffice it to say it was a tsunami for both us and it buried my heart for many years.  

Six years after our estrangement, this man had the courage to reach out to me. I’ve always been a sucker sincerity and courage. What follows in this episode is a series of emails we have exchanged over the last 72 days. I hope the connection between he and I resonates with you and compels you to consider reaching out to a long-lost friend of yours. Break the silence. I plan to, that’s for sure.  

As usual, I am sharing some websites that I think will enhance this email exchange between two old friends who have been on the outs for some time.  Enjoy the podcast and please tell your friends you love them. 

Here’s a nice article by Jay Polish on how C-PTSD can impact relationships.

How Complex PTSD Can Affect Relationships, According To An Expert (bustle.com)

One of my favorite people out there helping people with Complex PTSD is Anna Runkle. She’s the Crappy Childhood Fairy and there is more information about her and her programs at the link below.

CPTSD: How to Have Better FRIENDSHIPS - The Crappy Childhood Fairy

I find a lot of good information on this website. I highly recommend you cruise around and check it out.

C-PTSD and Interpersonal Relationships (psychcentral.com)

Heidi Fischer writes this nice article on being in relationship with someone with Complex Post-Traumatic Stress.

Struggling With Friendship With Complex PTSD | The Mighty

Episode 29

C-PTSD and Complicated Grief - Am I Being Redundant?

June 20, 2021

Today’s episode is about what I call Complicated Grief. Let me say this about complicated grief, it’s complicate and it’s that simple. The past couple of weeks have I have been submerged into a pool of depression with little energy and zero motivation. My mind, of course has been plenty active and I began to think about the depth of the depression I was feeling felt like more than simply depression and I reached the conclusion that I must be experiencing a very complicated grief. There were certainly plenty of losses, both personal and professional, so why not. 

I discovered that the DSM 5 has identified what it calls Pervasive Grief Disorder or PGD. In this week’s episode I review the criteria for PGD at it applies to my fucked-up life. I also look to figure out what is keeping me from moving past the pervasive grief and into a healing state. This means I must be stuck somewhere in the 5 Stages of Grief and by the end of today’s episode, I figure it out. 

As always, I want to give you more than just my opinion about what is going on and what to do about it. Here are some websites I found to be informative and helpful to making my point about Complicated Grief. It’s a real thing and I believe that people with Complex Post-Traumatic Stress also experience this type of grief. The problem is that we cycle through the grief, over and over and over again until we simply cannot do it any longer. This is where I am at. Thank you for being here.

 The Columbia Center for Complicated Grief does a nice job of describing why they exist. It’s a short read, but it could really open your eyes.

The Columbia Center for Complicated Grief

I’ve shared other articles posted by verywellmind.com. This article gives you an overview of the grieving process and can help you get started with understanding your own grief history and its impact.

The Five Stages of Grief (verywellmind.com)

Disturbmenot.co has compiled a list of 33 statistics what will, undoubtedly blow your mind. Check it out.

33 Important Depression Statistics to Be Aware of in 2021 (disturbmenot.co)

Since I talk about smelt fishing in this week’s episode, this video is for the uninitiated. It is hugely entertaining. Which is why so many people go smelt dipping. Plus, the little buggers are delicious with some French fries and a nice cold beer.

SMELT FISHING in Lake Superior (HUGE NETS FULL) - Bing video

Episode 28

C-PTSD and Recovering from COVID

You seriously do not want to get this virus.

June 2, 2021

Well, it now appears I am not just under the influence of COVID-19. I am clinically depressed. Isn’t that just peachy? So, I thought it would be helpful to add some information about depression just in case the pandemic has also given you the blues.  You may want to go back and listen to Episode 15: C-PTSD and Depression. There is some good stuff about depression in that podcast.

Gary Gilmour wrote a nice piece for Psychology Today. He is Vice-President of Preclinical Research at COMPASS Pathways. Check it out.

What Goes On in the Brain of a Person with Depression | Psychology Today

The Psychiatrist-In-Chief in the Department of Psychiatry of Massachusetts General Research Institute, Maurizio Fava, MD has written on the rise of depression during the COVID-19 pandemic.

Depression on the Rise During COVID-19 (massgeneral.org)

The Mayo Clinic has posted an article on COVID – 19 and Your Mental Health. This is an article you may want to take seriously.

COVID-19 and your mental health - Mayo Clinic

Arash Emamzadeh, administered the UCLA Loneliness Scale-3, a measure of loneliness, and the Patient Health Questionnaire-9 (PHQ-9), a screening tool for depression, to 1,013 people from 50 U.S. states.  Here’s what he learned.

 COVID-19 Pandemic: Loneliness, Depression, and Suicide | Psychology Today