Out of My Mind in Costa Rica-Living with CPTSD

The decision to talk about shame today came about as a result of being called out by a social work friend.  She was absolutely right, I had fucked up. Fortunately it was easy to fix. All I needed to do is delete some footage and edit a couple of paragraphs out of the transcript. Piece of cake, right?

Not so easy when you have PTSD or C-PTSD. In my family, mistakes were dangerous and I tried really, really hard not to make mistakes. Which was impossible, of course.  In today's episode I talk about my family and the roles we were all forced to to play in order to survive. 

Shame played an integral role in my parent's lives and it played an integral role in my and my brother's lives.  I talk about the impact of shame on development and how shame is an incredibly power tool to manipulate and control people.

Here are a few

https://cptsdfoundation.org/

https://www.verywellmind.com/ptsd-and-shame-2797529

https://www.verywellmind.com/ptsd-and-shame-2797529

I want to start off right away and let you know I am continually working on sound quality. It is of the utmost importance. With each episode I am learning and improving. For the moment, this is the best I can do and you will need to put up with an occasional 'pop' or 'crackle'.  Thanks for your patience.

Today's episode digs into my experiences in Idaho, specifically the pending court date  following my 4th arrest for DUI. My attorney advised me to pick a place to go and get out of Idaho or be facing at least a year in jail. I was "chronic". I wasn't getting it. And I was a danger to others.

I talk about moving to California in June, 1975 and again in  February, 1984 and how the legal problems in Idaho paved the way for me to become a social worker, going into private practice, writing books and training parents and professionals. None of it would have happened if I weren't so fucked in my early 30's.

Maybe you have been there, maybe you haven't. Either way, optimism and gratitude have played a key role in my life. The dark times of Idaho is but one example of the many times I have crashed and burned only to rise again. like a Phoenix, out of the ashes.

This episode is testimony to power of resilience and perseverance. This was not a pretty picture, but whose life runs like a well-oiled machine? Certainly not mine. And I doubt yours does either. We are all in this together. So, you might as well embrace your humanity, warts and all.

Here's a couple of websites that may be helpful when you are emerging out of the darkness in your life.

Make sure you are sitting down because the CPTSD Foundation goes directly to the heart of C-PTSD. If you don't want to look in the mirror, then don't read it. If you are courageous, you will see the truth and get the help you need.
https://cptsdfoundation.org/2019/04/26/the-difficult-road-to-intimacy-living-with-complex-post-traumatic-stress-disorder/

This article is from the  Center for Treatment of Anxiety and Mood Disorders and it stresses the relationship between optimism and resilience. Something we can all use nowadays.
https://centerforanxietydisorders.com/resilience-optimism-trauma-response/

Stewart Collins  takes an academic look at Social Workers, Positive Emotions and Optimism. It is long and, yes, it is a research project and no, I haven't read the whole thing yet, but it is bookmarked and I will get to it right away. 
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/09503150701728186

Today I talk about C-PTSD, Dissociation and Love. These episodes are more of a 25 minute rant than a coherent, organized lesson on life. I'm still working on my story-telling skills and each new episode represents my best effort to improve my content and improve the production quality as well. It's probably not good to apologize the first thing in the description. I'm not saying it isn't interesting, I just sort of ramble about, but I think I am able to tie everything in even if that thing isn't part of the title. You be the judge.

Much of the episode is about dissociation and how this amazing brain thing  saved me from years of painful, heartbreaking memories. It probably saved me from the developmental and learning problems as well, because it is well documented how child abuse and neglect impact the physical, mental and emotional growth of children.

Dissociation snatched me out of my encestuous family and placed me in a TV family, the Cleavers where I acted out a composite of Theodore (the Beaver) and his older brother Wally. Their parents, Ward and June Cleaver naturally replaced my original parents and fortunately for me I lived in an idyllic small midwestern town, just like the Cleavers.

Thanks to me dissociating, I was spared the painful memories of abuse perpetrated by my paternal grandfather and my older brother. All of these memories are safely tucked away in my subconscious where, I hope they remain forever.

As the Hero Child of this family, I was not wired to remember negative events. I could only remember the good stuff about my family. In this way I kept the secret of incest without even knowing it was a secret. My brain ROCKS!

As usual, here are a couple of websites I found while doing research that I think will be helpful for those of you who are afflicted by PTSD and C-PTSD.  You may need to copy and paste the links below. Sorry about that. I'm working on it.

https://cptsdfoundation.org/category/dissociation-and-cptsd/ 

https://www.brightquest.com/blog/complex-ptsd-and-romantic-relationships-healing-trauma-together-through-treatment/

https://brickelandassociates.com/dissociation-from-trauma/

Be Courageous. Be Strong. Be Kind

I'll catch you later.

Today's episode is about Thanksgiving and what that means when you have PTSD. I really wanted to get this episode out to you sooner, but life had different plans for me. Fortunately, I was unencumbered with a social event on this most holy of holy holidays for me. I loved Thanksgiving and still do. Today is the first time I have not had a group meal on Thanksgiving in my life.  First time alone. 

I spent most of the day working on this episode and took a time out to watch the Detroit Lions get their asses kicked by Houston. There is small rant about the Lions in today's episode. Please forgive me, it's a curse from growing up in Michigan.

Please give it a listen and let me know what you think. Also please pass it along if you know someone who you think will benefit from my perspective and experiences with PTSD and C-PTSD. It will be greatly appreciated.

Here are a couple of websites that may be helpful for the holidays.

https://www.beautyafterbruises.org/blog/survivingtheholidays

https://www.military.com/daily-news/2019/11/28/va-offers-tips-coping-ptsd-during-holiday-season.html

Happy Thanksgiving to you and those you love.

In today's episode I  talk about PTSD triggers, how they originate, how they take over an otherwise rational mind and before you know it, there is a full blown nuclear explosion, complete  with ranting and raging about whatever it is at that moment.

As usual, I use myself as the guinea pig and let you inside my mind for a close, up and personal look at my trigger response. 

How do I get triggered?
How do I act it out those triggers?
What is happening for me at that moment?
What do I do that helps?

PTSD triggers and C-PTSD triggers are ignited by different things with different people, but there are many common characteristics, from the chemical cocktail that the hippocampus, adrenal and pituitary glands unleash into your brain to the deep, dark depression and potential suicide that follow these triggering events.

Everyone connected to PTSD needs to EDUCATE themselves. There isn't anyone on earth who can deal with this tragic state of being while keeping your head stuck in the sand or someplace even darker.

Here are a couple of good websites that provide really solid information. I found them in virtually milliseconds on Google. There are literally thousands of sites dedicated to the healing of PTSD and C-PTSD.  You are bound to find something helpful.

https://www.iaffrecoverycenter.com/blog/recognizing-ptsd-triggers/
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3181836/

Let your voice be heard. Participate in this podcast. Share your thoughts and experiences as it pertains to OOMMCR. 

Take action and pass OOMMCR along. If you appreciate the work I am doing, then  let people know about it.  Sharing is Caring. 

Maybe OOMMCR isn't your cup of tea, but it might be  for someone you care about. Tell everyone you know about OOMMCR. You never know who may be suffering  from PTSD or C-PTSD. It won't cost you a dime and you will feel good about.

Thank you. 

Ray

Today's episode is focused on a review of the DSM5 criteria for PTSD along with the criteria  for C-PTSD in the soon to be ICD11.  I will be using myself as the example and because of time restraints, I will not be addressing all of the criteria, only those that occur with me.

This episode can really help those of you who are struggling with trying to figure out what the heck is going on. I did that for 30 years and I was a psychotherapist working with people with PTSD. Our brains do whatever it needs to do to keep us alive and for me that meant revealing my truth at a time when I could manage this new understanding. 

Explore the internet for information. The more information you have, the better you will be able to heal from those tragic and traumatizing life experiences. Here is one example of a Google search I made: 

C-PTSD Symptoms and Treatments

Here are a couple of sits that are really dialed into the problem of PTSD. You will be the best judge as to where you get your information from, but it is important to take action and learn about what is going on and what you can do about it. The key to recovery is to stop blaming others and take responsibility for your life. Stop being a victim.

https://www.ptsd.va.gov/
https://www.healthline.com/health/cptsd

Welcome to Out of My Mind in Costa Rica - Living with Complex Post-Traumatic Stress. This is my first podcast and I feel pretty good about it. In this episode I give you a bit of my back story and how I got into the field of social work and how I ended up with C-PTSD. I try to explain what this is in a way that is easy to understand. I don't use professional jargon and if I do, I will define that jargon.

Give it a listen and engage me. Let me know what your thoughts are. Tell me your opinion. Ask me a question or tell me one of your stories. I work best while engaging with people through this medium or in a real-time, face-to-face modality. I am open to whatever will help. Thanks for checking me out, see you at the end of the episode.

Ray