Out of My Mind in Costa Rica-Living with CPTSD

Episode 17

C-PTSD and Co-Dependency

Boundaries and Limits, Limits and Boundaries

February 25, 2021

Today I do my best to stay focused on my life as a Super Co-Dependent. I was born into co-dependency and literally had no choice but to become incredibly good at being co-dependent. Everybody’s needs were more important than mine. I was fluent in phrases like, “Your wish is my command.” “Happy Wife, Happy Life” and my personal favorite from The Princess Bride, “As You Wish.” Simply put, co-dependency is the process of putting your needs beneath the needs of virtually everyone else on earth. If you are a good co-dependent, this is what you do. It is second nature and while you are slowly giving parts of yourself away you are under the delusion that you are righteous in you deeds. Co-dependents either die co-dependent, or they die knowing they took charge of their life and woke up from the hypnotic trance of co-dependency. They die knowing who they are. 

Here are some websites that speak to codependency treatment and the healing process. I hope the are helpful. Thank you so much for coming by and giving Out of My Mind in Costa Rica a listen.

PsychCentral has a lot of really good information on their website and they spare no details. Detailed is good when it comes to co-dependency.

https://psychcentral.com/lib/trauma-and-codependency#10

I didn’t talk about mindfulness and meditation, but here is a wonderful website where you can get some solid support for the us of mindfulness and meditation.

https://thriveglobal.com/stories/4-mindfulness-meditations-to-break-your-addiction-to-codependent-relationships/

Here’s a short video from a young clinician, Siobhan whom I thought was wonderful. See for yourself. She provides top notch information in a very adorable way. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QEvM0UqjLtE

Recovery Direct in South Africa is a luxury treatment facility and I really liked a graph they used in their article on codependency. It’s a great article and the programs look fantastic even though I will never be able to afford their programs. I hope they let me use their graph.

https://www.recoverydirect.co.za/codependency/

Episode 16

C-PTSD and Solitude

The Therapeutic Use of Solitude for Survivors of Complex Trauma

February 20, 2021

I know, I’m late. I missed my self-imposed deadline, but this week has been quite the week and I tell you all about it this week’s episode. I have been craving solitude for a long time which meant, in my case, I needed to be on my own, completely. I have been on my own since November, last year and I am just now beginning to feel grounded.

C-PTSD steals our lives out from under us and we are never given the opportunity to figure out what we want and who we are. This is where solitude comes in. The experience of solitude feeds the heart and soul. Solitude will help anyone, but it is especially powerful in the healing from complex trauma.

Find a way to carve out time, just for yourself. Structure it with self-reflection and deep meditative experiences. Feed and care for yourself. Love yourself back to life. Below are some websites that I hope will expand on this week’s theme, The Therapeutic Use of Solitude for Survivors of Complex Trauma.

The Crappy Childhood Fairy does a lot of really good work and this is the first article of a series focusing on C-PTSD and Isolations. Whether you read her blog or watch her YouTube channel, you are sure to get some help.

https://crappychildhoodfairy.com/2019/09/26/cptsd-and-isolation-first-in-a-series/

This article is from The Atlantic and if you like their magazine, you will like this article by Brent Crane.

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2017/03/the-virtues-of-isolation/521100/

Psychology Today published this article by Virginia Thomas Ph.D. focusing on the benefits of solitude. She makes her point by studying teenagers.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/solitude-in-social-world/201909/solitude-medicine

The ultimate in floating on the water. Not a boat, not a raft, not a tube, but a sensory deprivation chamber. This could be worth the investment.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aCjmRCywkZg

Episode 15

C-PTSD and Depression

Don't Fight It. Embrace It!

February 11, 2021

Today’s episode is about depression, Major Depression to be exact and the role it has played in my life and how it is entwined deeply into the fabric of C-PTSD and PTSD. You can’t have these conditions and not be depressed. I hope today’s podcast helps some of you to ease your load a bit and take steps towards healing. It’s late and I’m tired and it’s good enough.

I found Psycom.net had a nice approach to how Major depression is defined and treated. There is a ton of really good information throughout their website. It is definitely worth the effort.

https://www.psycom.net/depression-definition-dsm-5-diagnostic-criteria/

If you are curious about the workings of Major Depression, Very Well Mind has some good stuff. You would be surprised as to all what is going on in your brain when you have depression.

https://www.verywellmind.com/the-chemistry-of-depression-1065137

Here’s the Wikipedia page for the Feeling Good Handbook. This book revolutionized the treatment of depression and anxiety disorder and has been proven to be equally as effective as medication for the treatment of these conditions.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feeling_Good:_The_New_Mood_Therapy

And finally, here is the straight scoop about suicidality. Here is where you are going to find out how to know if someone you know is having suicidal ideation and what you can do about it. Great information.

https://www.psycom.net/suicide-warning-signs

Episode 14

C-PTSD and Self-Love

The Care and Feeding of Your Soul

Today’s episode is about surviving the storm and building a safe harbor for yourself. I provide an update from last week’s episode where I read a heartfelt letter I planned to send to my wife. I also talk about realizing that the problems go much deeper than I anticipated. In addition, the weather has been windy, windy, windy and in order to deal with all of this I have been hunkering down inside and going out only when it is necessary. It makes me edgy.

Weekly trips for groceries keep me engaged with the community, but for the most part I have been taking advantage of my solitude. Besides working on this podcast, I am actively trying to understand what happened in my relationship with my wife. I do this with almost no input from her.

My wife is more than willing to address the business end of our relationship, but when it comes to the emotional aspects of our marriage, No Way José. She’s out of here. It doesn’t get discussed. Not even a little bit. There are no signs of this changing, so I need to look after myself.

I am slowly letting go of my need for reciprocation when it comes to intimacy in my marriage. I am realizing that what I see is what I get. I don’t have to like it and I don’t have to tolerate it, but I need to accept it. This is why I am 95% convinced that the best route for me and probably for her as well is to terminate the marriage. Yeah, that’s a hard thing to say, but I honestly don’t see anything changing, therefore I must make the change that is best for me.

Thanks for listening and I hope you appreciate this week’s episode.

Here are some websites that I hope will enhance and expand todays focus. Thank you for listening.

The experience of Flow is unforgettable. As children we experience it quite frequently in our play, but the magic of flow becomes diluted in adulthood. I encourage all of you to look into this amazing experience. You can find out more when you click on the link.

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-flow-2794768

I talk about Mindful Eating as a means to greater fulfillment. By intentionally watching what happens to the food that you chew as you chew it. It is a great approach to weight loss. Check it out at this website.

https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/mindful-eating-guide#what-it-is

This is one of many websites that address the problem of narcissism and it addresses it in a clear and understandable way. This website is a very good resource for all things related to health and mental health.

https://www.verywellmind.com/understanding-the-covert-narcissist-4584587

C-PTSD and Patience

Staying Grounded, Positive and Hopeful

This week has been a bit up and down, with a lot more down than up. This gives me an opportunity to talk with you about these mood swings and what works for me. In addition to that, I talk about my wife’s response to the letter I wrote last week. You know, the one I read to you. 

Much of today’s episode is focused on taking care of myself, mainly because that is what I needed to do this week. It wasn’t totally a bummer. I had a surprise visit by a friend who lives in Texas and an encounter with a dear friend of his.

So, I didn’t just mope around going, woe is me. No, I did my best to listen to my body and respond in a way that would nurture it. All things considered; I believe I am doing alright. Let me know what you think about my approach to wellness and healing. 

Here’s a blog post from GoodTherapy.org where it points to the contradictions all of us with C-PTSD experience. Within the article is a focus on switching off your auto pilot and switching on you Self-Awareness. This is a key ingredient to healing.

https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/healing-complex-trauma-part-i-path-to-self-awareness-0119164

Here’s a nice synopsis of the three phases of C-PTSD recovery from Theravive.com. It is important to be aware of what you are up against and what some of the therapeutic options are. There is a lot of information in a compact article.

https://www.theravive.com/today/post/the-3-stages-of-complex-ptsd-recovery-0003280.aspx

Here’s a PDF put together by Jessica VanArsdale, MD, MPH, from Humbolt State University in Northern California. It’s really good summary of what I talk about in today’s episode, plus one or two things I missed.

https://wellbeing.humboldt.edu/sites/default/files/health/Self%20Care%20Wellness%20Toolkit%20for%20Depression%20and%20Anxiety_for%20website.pdf

Last, but not least is a wonderful article from the Gottman Institute. You know the place where they study relationships. I’ve checked it out, more than once and it is filled with good stuff and you want all the good stuff you can get.

https://www.gottman.com/blog/3-steps-reconnect-feel-disconnected-partner/

So, until the next time.

Be Courageous. Be Strong and Be Kind.

I’ll catch you later,

Bye

Season 1, Episode 12

C-PTSD and Moving On – Be Here. Be Now. One Day at a Time

January 21, 2021

It is looking more and more like I will be on my own for quite a while. This week I continue to process what is going on in my life. I share my final email to my wife in hopes she will be able to read it with an open heart and mind.

We have our 3rd and hopefully final meeting with Migración, Costa Rica´s equivalent to Immigration in the US. We have been working on this since before we moved to Costa Rica in December 2015. It has been a long, strange trip. There is no reason to believe that this meeting will result in my permanent residency and if I so desire, the next step would be to apply for citizenship. I can have dual citizenship here in Costa Rica. That may not be a bad idea. Until then, I am still a Gringo and if he government wanted to boot me, they could.

I also talk about Moving On. No, not the political organization, but moving my life beyond the boundaries of my marriage with the knowledge that we are not likely to reunify. That is not the worst thing that could happen. I believe we will make much better friends than we were as lovers. It could turn out to be an incredibly positive thing for both of us.

Here are some websites that I hope will enhance your understanding of the material I talked about today. Thanks for coming by. Thanks for listening.

There is an article on Bustle.com Jay Polish lays out the dynamics in relationships when C-PTSD is part of the picture. You can read it in the link below.

https://www.bustle.com/p/how-complex-ptsd-can-affect-relationships-according-to-expert-18007145

If you are thinking about moving to Costa Rica and become a resident, this is where you begin. 

https://www.migracion.go.cr/SitePages/Inicio.aspx

There are a lot of people here who are living full time here, but do not apply for residency. They are perfectly happy with the perpetual tourist method. That means, every 90 days they need to leave the country and return. This is not as hard as it may seem and, in most cases, can be done in as little as an afternoon where you drive to the Costa Rican border with Nicaragua, walk across the border, get your passport stamped and walk back into Costa Rica. It is a bit intimidating as the Nicaragua has armed military personnel everywhere and it can be intimidating. Costa Rica is not in a hurry to discourage these people from living this way. Many of them own property and employ Ticos. It’s a case of you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours.

Here is a nice article from Barton Goldsmith Ph.D. He gives you some sound advice if you are thinking about staying friends with your ex or your soon-to-be ex. Turns out it is not a good idea for a lot of people and if you have C-PTSD then be very, very careful. Prioritize yourself. Take your time.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/emotional-fitness/201103/10-tips-survive-break

C-PTSD and Relationships

Triggers, Attachment Styles and Deep Dives

Season 1, Episode 11

January 14, 2021

There has been a lot of C-PTSD anxiety in me this week and as usual I am here to tell you all about it. There is a lot going on in today’s episode, from triggers, more stuff about attachment styles and what I call deep dives. 

I bring up the idea of Inner Child Work and I wanted to give you a good resource to learn more about it. I’ve gone to them before and I’ll probably go back to them in the future. The CPTSD Foundation is a solid source of science backed healing information and support. They are doing a great job.

https://cptsdfoundation.org/2020/07/20/healing-trauma-through-inner-child-work/

I also talk about Native American Journeying and Shamanic Drumming as one of the many methodologies I have explored. Here is a nice description of the process of a Spiritual Journey.

https://www.warpaths2peacepipes.com/native-american-culture/spiritual-journey.htm

I also spend a great deal of time talking about relationship and C-PTSD, my relationships in particular. There is a lot out there on this topic, but here’s a rather good one.

https://couplesinstitutecounseling.com/love-someone-with-complex-ptsd/

Thank you for listening to Out of My Mind in Costa Rica and please come back. Tell others about this podcast. Write me a note at [email protected]. Help me be that soothing voice so many people need. Thank. Until next time.

Be Courageous. Be Strong. Be Kind

I’ll catch you later.

Episode 10

C-PTSD and Meditation

A Foundation to Build Upon

January 7, 2021

Today I want to talk with you about meditation and share some of my experiences with meditation. Yeah, I know, almost everyone I mention meditation to says, “Yeah, I tried that, I couldn’t keep my mind focused.” or “I couldn’t stop thinking, so I quit.” 

Newbies think they were failing when in actuality, they were just scratching the surface of what meditation is. First of all, meditation is an action, not an outcome. It is the action of non-action. I know that sounds paradoxical, but it is true.

There is no right way to meditate and there is no right amount of time or number of times per day standards. Meditation is a contract you enter into with yourself. It is a commitment to spending a small part of your busy day doing nothing and being present.

There are thousands of books, videos and podcasts that will instruct you on what Daniel and Michelle Levey call the Fine Art of Relaxation, Concentration and Meditation. They wrote it all down in their book by the same name. Their book is my favorite because it gets to the point and gets you meditating right away. Here’s a link to Goodreads for more information about this book.

The Fine Art of Relaxation, Concentration, and Meditation

Do you want to know more about meditation? Where it comes from? What traditions have developed? or simply How to meditate? You might want to start with Wikipedia. There you will find a boat load of information spanning a wide range of meditation styles and traditions from throughout history.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meditation

Because I dive pretty deep into a trigger event from last Sunday, I thought it would be a good idea to toss out a website that supports getting up close and personal with your trigger process. The more you know about your triggers, the better you will be at resolving the event. Here is an article in Psychology Today by Marcia Reynolds, PsyD. She is the author of two leadership books, The Discomfort Zone and Wander Woman. Check her article out below.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/wander-woman/201507/5-steps-managing-your-emotional-triggers

C-PTSD and 2020

Out with the Old and in with the New

It’s New Year’s Eve and the end of 2020. Yeehaa! Today I am looking at endings and beginnings, like everyone else, I am sharing my resolutions for the new year, although I don’t call them resolutions, I call them priorities, because that is what resolutions are.

We’ve all been waiting for this day to arrive and it is just like 2020 to go and fuck our New Year’s Eve celebrations. What has the world become. Anyway, for people with PTSD or C-PTSD this time of year usually brings about a lot of anxiety.

We know, from experience, that the new year will probably just like the old year. But for a few of us faithful, there is always the possibility of healing.

I talk about Attachment Theory and Attachment styles today and if you are in a roller coaster relationship, then maybe, this episode will help nudge you along in a direction that will yield real results. I’m not saying it will be easy. Quite the opposite in fact, healing and change is never easy, so buckle up and hang on, 2020 will likely spill over into 2021 so you had better get your priorities straight.

Here is a great website on psych issues overall, but this article give you a quick look at attachment styles and you will be able to get a good idea of where you fit into the models. All you need to do is be honest with yourself.

https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-change-your-attachment-style#3

Here’s a great article on healing from C-PTSD by Dr. Arielle Schwartz. A key component of healing according to her article is it is critical for the survivor to take personal responsibility for their habitual thoughts and actions. It’s straight forward and easily digestible. Give it a read.

https://drarielleschwartz.com/hope-for-complex-ptsd-recovery-dr-arielle-schwartz/#.X-5OkthKhEY

The Wellness Society has published a great handbook for those of you who are suffering from the symptoms of C-PTSD. Your loved ones will benefit from checking it out as well.

https://thewellnesssociety.org/healing-cptsd-the-ultimate-online-guide/

Until next time, remember:

Be courageous. Be Strong. Be Kind. I’ll catch you later. Bye

Today, I take on Christmas.  PTSD and C-PTSD have been with me for most of my life, but I didn't know that until about 8 years ago.  This means that most of my holidays have been without the knowledge I have this problem. 
 I grew up in the 1950's in rural, small town, America where life was simple and neighbors were helpful. The economy was roaring and families everywhere were indulging themselves at this time of year. It was an amazing time and place to grow up in. 
 Christmas as a child was magical. My parents went all out on the tree as well as what went under the tree. There were mountains of presents. I kid you not. A lot of people my age can relate to this. It was a fantastic time to be a kid. 
 Life changes when you grow up and for many of my adult years, Christmas was a jolly time, that is if I were in relationship. If I were not in relationship, they were dismal, depressing and painful experiences. 
 Here we go for another round of holiday festivities, although this year is unique because, many of us never made to Christmas because of COVID-19. My heart goes out to those families who have lost a loved one to this terrible pandemic. It also angers me that our government has failed the people so completely and so ingenuously.  

 As usual, here are a few websites that may help you take the edge off this holiday season.
 
 The CPTSD Foundation is a wonderful website and I will probably be posting there links here quite often. Here is a cornucopia of ideas to help you take the edge of this holiday season.

https://cptsdfoundation.org/2018/12/24/surviving-christmas-how-to-turn-a-helliday-into-a-holiday/

Below is a line to one hell of a brave person’s YouTube channel. You need to know that this video shows someone who has taken the road less travelled. I relate so much to what she is saying, even though it is clear that this work takes its toll on her at times.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FgwUSH2c-Z4

Beauty After Bruises is a fantastic organization and they offer great advice for those of us with traumatic stress in our lives. The article below is chock full of helpful hints to make this year a better than you expected year.

https://www.beautyafterbruises.org/blog/survivingtheholidays

Be Courageous, Be Strong, and Be Kind.
I'll catch you later.
Ray