What's the most important component of good, healthy, long-term sobriety?

Hint - it's not abstinence.

It's also not self-care, boundaries, or good communication.

It has something to do with self-reflection, self-awareness, and community.

In this episode, I say that forgiveness and confession are the most vital components of sobriety.

This tends to be true of the spiritual life as well.

If I can forgive, and move on from bitterness, and let go of resentments, then I am free from how others burden me.

If I can take ownership of my actions and their impact on others, and confess my sins, and disclose my secrets, and declare in the open how I have harmed others, then I am free from the paralysis of having to stay shamefully hidden, and I am empowered to repair what I broke, reconnect with people, and move on toward thriving.

In this episode, I also muse on the concept of Self-Forgiveness. At this point in my life and career, I don't believe "Self-Forgiveness" is a viable concept, at least not in the Orthodox Christian Church. There is forgiveness of others, and there is confession of one's own sin, which then invites the forgiveness of others. In this, forgiveness assumes a community, and cannot be effectively done by a individual.

If this sort of discussion is helpful for you, please join the community at patreon.com/outercircle. You can also follow me on instagram at @newpatterncounseling.com. I'd love to hear from you!

#sobriety #spirituality #recovery #recoverywork #forgiveness #confession #forgivenesssunday #forgivenessvespers #orthodox #orthodoxy #orthodoxchristianity #lent #greatlent #community #church #counseling #mentalhealth #therapy

Rhys and Beth won the lottery...to an Internal Family Systems Level one training! From there they became friends and colleagues that talk about the Self, the Soul, and the Nature of Healing.

In today's conversation, Beth shares part of her story of being healthy, then becoming sick, then learning to find an inner spiritual health that leads to outer healing. She and Rhys(also known as Moses) reflect on how their spiritual practices and the IFS framework have revolutionized their approaches to healing and to recovery.

As part of our discussion, we offer a more in depth description of how the IFS framework conceives of a person. Each individual is a system of Parts(Manager Protectors, Firefighter Protectors, and Exiles) that is governed and nurtured best by the person's core Self.

As we talk about this "Self," and what it is, we ponder over how the IFS concept of Self mirrors how some spiritual traditions conceive of the soul. 

At the end of it, we highly recommend getting to know your system and your parts. And not just getting to know, but getting to love every single part of you.

This podcast relies on the partnership of listeners - especially with dollars! Please visit www.patreon.com/outercircle to learn how to partner with the vision of this show!

Rhys Pasimio can be found through www.patreon.com/outercircle and on instagram at @newpattrencounseling and is always happy to dialogue with listeners bringing honest questions!

Beth Piazza-Bonin can be found at her practice website https://www.pathofthehummingbird.org/. You can also follow her podcast at www.100percenthealing.com

#spirituality #self #ifs #internalfamilysystems #parts #trauma #healing #100percenthealing #recovery #sobriety #orthodoxy #orthodoxchristianity #christianity #compassion #love #curiosity #rhyspasimio #newpatterncounseling #outercircleinnerstillness #pathofthehummingbird #counseling #therapy #mentalhealth

Always be a learner.

Always be a beginner.

Go back to Basics.

Blessed are the Poor in Spirit.

Be like the Publican, not the Pharisee.

All these ideas are variations on the theme of remaining humble and bravely acknowledging what you don't know and where you fall short. If you can do this, you can always learn, always grow, and always work towards repairing damage you may have caused.

Today's reflection is drawn from the parable of the Publican and the Pharisee, commemorated in the Orthodox Christian Church just three weeks prior to the beginning of Great Lent. This ancient parable is not just a cornerstone of the spiritual life, but has a wealth of insight for the sober life as well.

If this kind of conversation is helpful to you, please consider liking, sharing, rating and reviewing the show. Please also join our community through patreon.com/outercircle, and follow further updates and news on instagram at @newpatterncounseling.com.

Rhys Pasimio can be contacted through www.newpatterncounseling.com

#greatlent #repentance #jesusprayer #pharisee #publican #humility #sobriety #learner #basics #recovery #recoverywork #counseling #mentalhealth #therapy #spirituality #orthodoxy #orthodoxchristian #orthodoxchristianchurch #rhyspasimio #newpatterncounseling 

I'm releasing this about a week late, but this is a reflection inspired by Zacchaeus Sunday, commemorated this year on January 29. In preparation for Great Lent, we talk a lot about repentance, and Zacchaeus certainly is a brilliant example of radical and healing life change.

The story of Zacchaeus also offers some metaphors and other insights useful to both spiritual growth and the sober way of life. In this little story, we can consider how we cope with insecurity, facing up to harm we've caused others, healing and welcoming back our exiled parts, forgiveness, amends, and finding community.

Let me know your thoughts on this discussion! Please join the podcast community at patreon.com/outercircle, follow on youtube, and on instagram at @newpatterncounseling. Thanks for your support!

#sobriety #sober #soberwayoflife #zacchaeus #zacchaeussunday #lent #greatlent #orthodox #orthodoxy #orthodoxchristian #healing #exile #ifs #bible #newtestament #rhyspasimio #outercircleinnerstillness #newpatterncounseling

As we approach Great Lent, Rhys reflects on seasons of sobriety and the spiritual life. He contemplates the daily, weekly, annual, and crisis rhythms of heightened clarity and profound struggle, especially as outlined in the liturgical year of the Orthodox Christian Church. When we know that at point in the future we will struggle or encounter crisis, how should we best prepare for these times? What is the best use of the insights gained in the peaceful times?

Rhys talks about the impermanence of struggle...and of prosperity, and how in order to navigate periods of crisis, struggle, and suffering, we need to have already been practicing good spiritual and sobriety disciplines ahead of time.

For more information, and to support the podcast, please visit patreon.com/outercircle, or www.newpatterncounseling.com, or follow on instagram at @newpatterncounseling.

#seasons #sobriety #spirituality #orthodox #orthodox #orthodoxchristian #orthodoxchurch #liturgicalyear #lent #greatlent #feasting #fasting #spiritualdisciplines #habits #crisis #struggle #suffering #recovery #recoverywork

On the surface, James Cameron's film Avatar: The Way of Water is about blue people guarding their planet from humans, told in a spectacular way.

Embedded in the spectacle, though, are some very powerful depictions of themes very relevant to healing, sobriety, family, and identity. In this story, we get to explore how to relate to outcasts/exiles, how to integrate outsiders, how to rely on gentle strength, how to find identity, and how to make families.

All that to say, my friend and colleague Aaron Kelsay and I are both counselors and we both enjoyed the movie. In this episode, we share our thoughts and reflections. We hope this story may provide thought material that is useful to your growth process.

For more information about Rhys Pasimio, visit www.newpatterncounseling.com, support the podcast at patreon.com/outercircle, or follow on instagram at @newpatterncounseling.

For more information about Aaron Kelsay, visit www.progresscounselingllc.com.

#avatar #wayofwater #movie #moviereview #sciencefiction #adventure #healing #trauma #community #outcast #exile #ifs #internalfamilysystems #orthodoxy #orthodoxchristianity #counseling #therapy #sobriety #addiction #mentalhealth

What does it mean to be an integrated Self? What does it mean to be a whole person?

In today's episode, I interview Hart Dasteel - local to Portland, OR, a husband, father, healer, IFS enthusiast, and psychedelic integration coach. We talk about the healing relationship that is possible between a person's core Self and their Parts, and explore how this changes our parenting styles, hopefully helping us become more compassionate dads.

Talking parts and burdens leads to talking about trauma, and the way trauma transmits through generations. This also means that healing transmits through generations. We find this a sign of hope - if not a very long-game sort of hope.

Finally, we talk about Hart's work with psychedelics, and how that relates to sobriety work. He talks about the potential for deep inner work and self-discovery that could be possible through the aid of plant medicines, and a trained guide. Along with the possibilities, he mentions the cautions. "Psychedelics are not a panacea," and "Not everyone should use them."

I wanted to have this conversation because of a deep respect for Hart and his healing work, and the depth of thought he brings to topics like plant based medicine, sobriety, and trauma. In my own counseling work, and as an Orthodox Christian, I myself do not use or support the use of psychedelics. I do find it valuable, though, to hear the perspectives of those who do, in order to remember that they are also human, and also working very diligently to good in the world in the best way they can.

For more information, follow me on instagram at @newpatterncounseling.

You can also find Hart on instagram at @entheo.genesis and at his website www.portlandpsychedeliccoach.com.

Thanks for listening!

#sobriety #recovery #recoverywork #iffs #internalfamilysystems #family #familysystems #parenting #fatherhood #trauma #intergenerationaltrauma #intergenerationalhealing #healing #selfawareness #insight #spirituality #innerstillness #hartdasteel #psychedeliccoach #rhyspasimio #newpatterncounseling #outercircle 

What does it mean to be sober?

I just have to stop drinking or smoking or looking at porn or gambling or raging, then I'm good...right?

This counselor says abstinence alone is not enough. A good sobriety process, like a good spiritual practice, is not about what you're avoiding, but rather about what you are gaining. What are you seeking? Adding to your life? Creating with your energies? What values are you upholding? Relationships you are forging?

In this episode, I reflect on different concepts of sobriety that go beyond merely stopping a thing. I talk about becoming more present, more connected, and living more congruently with your core values(see last episode about values). I talk about how neither sobriety nor spirituality work well when done part time, or when we try to "hobbify" them. Sobriety and a spiritual practice(especially one like the Orthodox concept of theosis) is meant to be all-encompassing, and entirely transformative.

If this sort of conversation is helpful for you, please consider supporting this work through likes, shares, reviews, and through dollars by becoming a patron at patreon.com/outercircle.

For more information about Rhys Pasimio, visit www.newpatterncounseling.com or follow him on instagram at @newpatterncounseling

#sobriety #recovery #addiction #addictionrecovery #presence #mindfulness #values #spirituality #motivation #defineyourterms #abstinence #firstorderchange #secondorderchange

Welcome to the Outer Circle Inner Stillness LATE SHOW edition! Here is where you get unfiltered counselor brain as Rhys Pasimio and Stephen Black share honest thoughts and current musings, under the influence of the post-9:00 pm-fatigue, and the thrill of being two friends in the same room together!

With no particular agenda, we find ourselves compelled to talk about friendship, about feelings, about trying to define "being a man," and the wide range of challenges that face men in their 30's and 40's who want to have deeper friendships. 

We notice the way that counselors tend to hang out, and how this might skew our view of what a normal emotional depth in a friendship is...but maybe in a healthy way.

One key to deepening a friendship is to practice strategic vulnerability. You can stair-step your vulnerable disclosures, and share little bits at a time, and then slightly deeper bits, and see how the other person responds. Usually, vulnerability begets more vulnerability, as when you take a risk of making yourself known, you give the other person permission to step into the safe space you just created. (And on the rare occasion when they mishandle your vulnerability, you know this is probably not a friendship that can deepen).

Inevitably, we talk about Internal Family Systems, and taking a curious approach to one's own inner life. 

We talk at length about how to approach our emotions, in our bodies and minds. We notice that, upon encountering big feelings, such as a pool of sadness...we don't die upon exposure. Instead, we can grow stronger. 

We wonder, is life chaotic with no purpose? Or are we guided, even through suffering, by Divine Love? Rhys notes the trailhead of, "I can see that my difficulties and sufferings are part of my growth...it's not that everything becomes a happy ending, but there's a way these things become useful...or there's the other way that says there's nothing guiding my life, no ultimate end, no ultimate purpose, therefore my highest good is the most pleasure, the most comfort, the most safety, therefore pain is intolerable."

And based on Stephen Black's use of the term "See-Saw" instead of "Teeter-Totter," can you guess where he is from? 

Also, basic conversation tip number one - when you're in a conversation, and someone asks you a question, ask one in return.

For more information about Rhys Pasimio, visit patreon.com/outercircle, or follow him on instagram at @newpatterncounseling.

For more information about Stephen Black, look him up through Fircrest Behavioral Health at www.fircrestbh.com/stephen-black

#friendship #relationship #masculinity #manhood #men #adulting #emotions #emotionalintelligence #internalfamilysystems #ifs #movetoward #curiosity #rhyspasimio #stephenblack #counseling #therapy #mentalhealth #lateshow #suffering #problemofevil

Life is hard, and the sober life is harder! Why do we push ourselves to say resist the urges that seem so strong? Why do we work hard to be emotionally and mentally present in a world that is so stressful?

The answer is that we do the work for the prize at the end of the journey. If we don't know why we do what we do, then no amount of clever how will get us through the hard times. The why comes out of our core values. The why is our vision.

In this episode, the first of a recurring series on sobriety tips, I talk about vision and values, about PSMART goals, about legacy, and planning for the short, medium, and long term future. 

The Visioning Exercise I mention can be found here - patreon.com/outercircle/visioning-76666550

#vision #visioning #goals #values #smartgoals #shortterm goals #mediumtermgoals #longtermgoals #legacy #recovery #recoverywork #addiction #addictionrecovery #sobriety #counseling #therapy #mentalhealth #outercircleinnerstillness #rhyspasimio