Outer Circle Inner Stillness

What does it mean to be an integrated Self? What does it mean to be a whole person?

In today's episode, I interview Hart Dasteel - local to Portland, OR, a husband, father, healer, IFS enthusiast, and psychedelic integration coach. We talk about the healing relationship that is possible between a person's core Self and their Parts, and explore how this changes our parenting styles, hopefully helping us become more compassionate dads.

Talking parts and burdens leads to talking about trauma, and the way trauma transmits through generations. This also means that healing transmits through generations. We find this a sign of hope - if not a very long-game sort of hope.

Finally, we talk about Hart's work with psychedelics, and how that relates to sobriety work. He talks about the potential for deep inner work and self-discovery that could be possible through the aid of plant medicines, and a trained guide. Along with the possibilities, he mentions the cautions. "Psychedelics are not a panacea," and "Not everyone should use them."

I wanted to have this conversation because of a deep respect for Hart and his healing work, and the depth of thought he brings to topics like plant based medicine, sobriety, and trauma. In my own counseling work, and as an Orthodox Christian, I myself do not use or support the use of psychedelics. I do find it valuable, though, to hear the perspectives of those who do, in order to remember that they are also human, and also working very diligently to good in the world in the best way they can.

For more information, follow me on instagram at @newpatterncounseling.

You can also find Hart on instagram at @entheo.genesis and at his website www.portlandpsychedeliccoach.com.

Thanks for listening!

#sobriety #recovery #recoverywork #iffs #internalfamilysystems #family #familysystems #parenting #fatherhood #trauma #intergenerationaltrauma #intergenerationalhealing #healing #selfawareness #insight #spirituality #innerstillness #hartdasteel #psychedeliccoach #rhyspasimio #newpatterncounseling #outercircle 

What does it mean to be sober?

I just have to stop drinking or smoking or looking at porn or gambling or raging, then I'm good...right?

This counselor says abstinence alone is not enough. A good sobriety process, like a good spiritual practice, is not about what you're avoiding, but rather about what you are gaining. What are you seeking? Adding to your life? Creating with your energies? What values are you upholding? Relationships you are forging?

In this episode, I reflect on different concepts of sobriety that go beyond merely stopping a thing. I talk about becoming more present, more connected, and living more congruently with your core values(see last episode about values). I talk about how neither sobriety nor spirituality work well when done part time, or when we try to "hobbify" them. Sobriety and a spiritual practice(especially one like the Orthodox concept of theosis) is meant to be all-encompassing, and entirely transformative.

If this sort of conversation is helpful for you, please consider supporting this work through likes, shares, reviews, and through dollars by becoming a patron at patreon.com/outercircle.

For more information about Rhys Pasimio, visit www.newpatterncounseling.com or follow him on instagram at @newpatterncounseling

#sobriety #recovery #addiction #addictionrecovery #presence #mindfulness #values #spirituality #motivation #defineyourterms #abstinence #firstorderchange #secondorderchange

Welcome to the Outer Circle Inner Stillness LATE SHOW edition! Here is where you get unfiltered counselor brain as Rhys Pasimio and Stephen Black share honest thoughts and current musings, under the influence of the post-9:00 pm-fatigue, and the thrill of being two friends in the same room together!

With no particular agenda, we find ourselves compelled to talk about friendship, about feelings, about trying to define "being a man," and the wide range of challenges that face men in their 30's and 40's who want to have deeper friendships. 

We notice the way that counselors tend to hang out, and how this might skew our view of what a normal emotional depth in a friendship is...but maybe in a healthy way.

One key to deepening a friendship is to practice strategic vulnerability. You can stair-step your vulnerable disclosures, and share little bits at a time, and then slightly deeper bits, and see how the other person responds. Usually, vulnerability begets more vulnerability, as when you take a risk of making yourself known, you give the other person permission to step into the safe space you just created. (And on the rare occasion when they mishandle your vulnerability, you know this is probably not a friendship that can deepen).

Inevitably, we talk about Internal Family Systems, and taking a curious approach to one's own inner life. 

We talk at length about how to approach our emotions, in our bodies and minds. We notice that, upon encountering big feelings, such as a pool of sadness...we don't die upon exposure. Instead, we can grow stronger. 

We wonder, is life chaotic with no purpose? Or are we guided, even through suffering, by Divine Love? Rhys notes the trailhead of, "I can see that my difficulties and sufferings are part of my growth...it's not that everything becomes a happy ending, but there's a way these things become useful...or there's the other way that says there's nothing guiding my life, no ultimate end, no ultimate purpose, therefore my highest good is the most pleasure, the most comfort, the most safety, therefore pain is intolerable."

And based on Stephen Black's use of the term "See-Saw" instead of "Teeter-Totter," can you guess where he is from? 

Also, basic conversation tip number one - when you're in a conversation, and someone asks you a question, ask one in return.

For more information about Rhys Pasimio, visit patreon.com/outercircle, or follow him on instagram at @newpatterncounseling.

For more information about Stephen Black, look him up through Fircrest Behavioral Health at www.fircrestbh.com/stephen-black

#friendship #relationship #masculinity #manhood #men #adulting #emotions #emotionalintelligence #internalfamilysystems #ifs #movetoward #curiosity #rhyspasimio #stephenblack #counseling #therapy #mentalhealth #lateshow #suffering #problemofevil

Life is hard, and the sober life is harder! Why do we push ourselves to say resist the urges that seem so strong? Why do we work hard to be emotionally and mentally present in a world that is so stressful?

The answer is that we do the work for the prize at the end of the journey. If we don't know why we do what we do, then no amount of clever how will get us through the hard times. The why comes out of our core values. The why is our vision.

In this episode, the first of a recurring series on sobriety tips, I talk about vision and values, about PSMART goals, about legacy, and planning for the short, medium, and long term future. 

The Visioning Exercise I mention can be found here - patreon.com/outercircle/visioning-76666550

#vision #visioning #goals #values #smartgoals #shortterm goals #mediumtermgoals #longtermgoals #legacy #recovery #recoverywork #addiction #addictionrecovery #sobriety #counseling #therapy #mentalhealth #outercircleinnerstillness #rhyspasimio

In today’s interview, I get to interview Michele Mannix about her recovery journey.

Michelle recently celebrated 38 years of sobriety! She is a clinical professional, teacher, trainer, and avid runner! She’s worked for years in the mental health community, with houseless folks, people with long term mental illness, and supporting peers and other professionals in their sobriety.

She is in recovery from alcohol and stimulants…and from nicotine! Michelle sees smoking as very connected to alcohol and drug use. Further, she also lives with and manages a Depressive Disorder! Turns out that substance use and other addictions can be a cover for other mental illness.

Michelle has discovered an abstinence approach to be essential. Not just abstinence from one thing, but abstinence from a variety of things that all lead to each other is integral to her path to healing.

Michelle reflects on her sobriety journey, from its beginnings, being confronted about drinking on the job, all the way to current day, solid in sobriety, and learning to thrive in old age. We talk about what is essential for sobriety, and what is essential for aging well. Daily practices for mindfulness and self-care, solid relationships, and investing in the community rank high among essential sobriety practices.

She says, “Overall health and wellness is based on a little bit of this, a little bit of that, and practice, practice, practice. For me, [recovery and wellness] are about harmony, balance and service.”

Her advice for beginners - “It’s a day at a time, never give up, and it gets better.”

Also, the hardest days of sobriety are better than the best days of addiction.

“Everybody’s capable of change. Everyone has strengths.”

As people see more changes, they become more confident. They become more committed. As they become more committed, they move forward.

This podcast relies on the partnership of listeners - especially with dollars! Please visit www.patreon.com/outercircle to learn how to partner with the vision of this show!

Rhys Pasimio can be found through www.patreon.com/outercircle and on instagram at @newpattrencounseling and is always happy to dialogue with listeners bringing honest questions!

Michele Mannix can be reached through her email at [email protected].

#recovery #recoverywork #sobriety #addiction #addictionrecovery #counseling #mentalhealth #therapy #depression #oldage #aging #running #community #spirituality #dailypractice #rhyspasimio #outercircleinnerstillness

We’ve all heard we need to slow down. But how do busy people really slow down? How do you know when you’ve slowed down enough?

Rhys Pasimio joins up with Cole Vandervort from the Canceled Apprentice podcast in the Outer Circle Inner Stillness’s first collaboration!

Rhys and Cole talk about juggling marriage and family, work and productivity, sobriety, and spiritual growth, and all the challenges we face in this ambitious task.

Rhys owns up to not using drugs or alcohol, but “compulsively projecting” instead.

Cole brings up the notion of scheduling time for God. Is this arrogance or wisdom? We conclude that it tends to be necessity…until someday when it becomes instinctive.

Starting a habit is like setting a boundary. It’s an embodied statement about what is important to you. If you can maintain a habit, or a discipline, you can gain trust in yourself that you’ll be able to maintain your value.

The key to any new discipline is not quantity, and not even quality; it’s consistency.

Cole talks about finding pockets of time and making very intentional choices about what to do with them, especially setting intentions and resolves for the day.

Cole references “Practicing the Presence of God,” by Brother Lawrence.

Rhys references “Way of the Pilgrim,” an Orthodox classic by an unknown monk.

“In the practice [of prayer], you’re changed by the practice itself, more than any particular outcome,” says Rhys.

“We’re are changed by God’s presence; we’re not changed by what we do or what we’re accomplishing. We step in and we accept His invitation,” says Cole.

This podcast relies on the partnership of listeners - especially with dollars! Please visit www.patreon.com/outercircle to learn how to partner with the vision of this show!

Rhys Pasimio can be found through www.patreon.com/outercircle and on instagram at @newpattrencounseling and is always happy to dialogue with listeners bringing honest questions!

Cole can be found on facebook and instagram, but not on twitter. He hosts the Canceled Apprentice (with one L), named after his history of being canceled, but his continued apprenticeship to following after God. Visit and support him at https://www.patreon.com/canceledapprentice 

#innerlife #spirituality #sobriety #christianity #faith #orthodoxy #orthodoxchristianity #prayer #jesusprayer #freedom #practice #dailypractice #habits #discipline #selfdiscipline #boundaries #margins #mentalhealth #counseling #therapy #coaching #pastor #canceledapprentice #outercircleinnerstillness

Where can one go to find Orthodoxy spiritual practice, mindfulness, physical fitness, and vegan cuisine, all in the same group? Does such a place exist? The answer is, Yes!  At the Praxis Wellness Center, in New Jersey, hosted by Cornelius and Jaimie Swart, you can embark on a wellness journey that tends to your body, mind and, soul. In this episode, I interview Cornelius about the Praxis group, its origins, its vision for health, and the values that form. the daily practices. We discuss our respective journeys into Orthodox Christian thought and practice and reflect on how our faiths greatly benefited from finding a tangible set of daily embodied practices around which to shape our lives and thoughts. Cornelius draws on his expertise as a theology student, a chaplain and a yoga instructor, while Rhys draws on his training as a clinical counselor, in order. to discuss the many levels at which an integrative and holistic approach to both spirituality and wellness is imperative.  

NOTE - the praxis wellness shown in the video is incorrect - the correct website is https://praxiswellness.center/ 

This channel relies on the partnership of listeners - especially with dollars! Please visit www.patreon.com/outercircle to learn how to partner with the vision of this show!  

Rhys Pasimio can be found through www.patreon.com/outercircle and on instagram at @newpattrencounseling and is always happy to dialogue with listeners bringing honest questions!  

Cornelius Swart can be found through the praxiswellness.center, and on instagram at @praxis.wellness.  

We hope to hear from you soon!

#outercircleinnerstillness #praxis #community #wellness #mentalhealth #spirituality #spiritualpractice #orthodoxy #orthodoxchristianity #easternorthodoxy #meditation #mindfulness #yoga #vegan #food #movement #dailypractice 

How do you teach someone how to be sober? Do you teach theory? Behavior? Practical skills? Or should you invite them into an entirely different way of life, and a web of relationships?

This challenge faced by addictions counselors and recovery specialists overlaps heavily with the priestly task of catechizing people on their journey into the Orthodox Christian church.

Moses-Rhys Pasimio is an Orthodox Addictions Counselor from Portland, OR. Ben Klimek is an Orthodox residential counselor at a homeless shelter in Northeast Indiana. They met through the Lord of Spirits podcast, and bonded over the Orthodox Christian faith, and shared convictions about how to help those that society would rather ignore.

In this episode, we tackle questions like, How do we form people? How do you invite someone into one way of life, from another? How do you do this in a clinical context, and how is this similar to a church context?

Working with the homeless, Ben has discovered the absolute need for a "Web of relationships" to orient a person towards sobriety, and ultimately Christ.

We also runs into the challenge of defining sobriety success. Ben says one of the problems with teaching good sobriety and right spirituality is the "problem of success." When we default to measuring success by behaviors or outcomes, we fall short. "It's not sober enough to just stop [using drugs]," says Rhys. "At some point there's no more things left to quit, and all your energy is going into maintaining the 'quit-ness,' and that's not the same as character growth, introspection, or healing. And it's not the same as pursuing anything, and that's the thing that needs to be present to complete this all; you need to be pursuing something. That is the unique offering of faith...we have this opportunity to pursue unity with Christ." 

Rhys says, “The measure of success needs to be more sophisticated than just, ‘don’t do drugs’”

Ben reflects on people stating a goal of, “I just want to be happy,” to which he says, “Well, how do you ‘happy’?” Happiness is a byproduct of something else, of moving in a certain direction.

Rhys agrees that, “A good growth arc in any context is into more relationship.”

We reflect on how good learning is not merely intellectual. It’s not enough to learn what sobriety theoretically is, anymore than it saves a person to know information about the Trinity.

“There’s this idea that now that we’ve got access to limitless information, if I possess all this information, that somehow makes me sober,” says Ben, before saying how much more effective it was for his growth to undergo the challenge of naming one thousand gifts.

Real actual growth is always going to frustrate any rubric of measurable outcomes,” Rhys. “Real growth is not numbers; in a way it can’t be charted or measured.”

Ben says, “If [all you do] is read the Big Book…that’s not going to make you sober.”

We discuss how there is no sustainable mental health or spirituality without gratitude.

This podcast relies on the partnership of listeners - especially with dollars! Please visit www.patreon.com/outercircle to partner with this show!

Rhys Pasimio can be found through patreon.com/outercircle and on instagram at @newpatterncounseling and is always happy to dialogue with listeners bringing honest questions.

Ben Klimek cannot be found on social media, but you can email him at [email protected] or visit his writer's site at david-desjardins.com.

This episode is sponsored in part by Fircrest Behavioral Health, www.fircrestbh.com

#recovery #addiction #sobriety #homeless #houseless #spirituality #gratitude #catechesis #teaching #learning #success #process #healing #community #church #12steps #socialwork #counseling #therapy #groups #orthodoxy #orthodoxchristianity #easternorthodoxy

"Getting into gratitude is the treatment for sobriety fatigue."

What do the 3 Circles look like when practiced over time? 25+ years into sobriety, do the circles look the same as when you started? Do they change? Do they expand?

In this episode, I interview an individual who has been clean and sober since 1989. He shares his Circle Plan as it was in early recovery, and how his circle plan has developed over the last three decades. Turns out that as one gains experience in sobriety, one can also gain awareness of yet more and more avenues for compulsivity and unmanageability to show up. Today’s guest has gone far beyond stopping drinking and smoking. He has labored to address his relationship to sex and pornography, to food(especially to sugar), and to rage. At the same time he has left behind multiple compulsive relationships, he has developed many more healthy relationships with real people, with sober communities, with a higher power, with mentors, and ultimately with his own inner self.

We talk about the 12 Steps and other support groups. We talk about daily practices that support sobriety. We talk about a non-religious approach to spirituality. We talk about how long term sobriety requires constant active engagement. There’s no room for passivity; we have to be growing in awareness of our own selves, growing in connection with others, and growing in the role we take in our communities. Maybe we don’t do it perfectly - in fact, we most likely don’t - but if we persist in actively showing up, there is always room for healing and growth.

This podcast relies on the partnership of listeners - especially with dollars! Please visit www.patreon.com/outercircle to learn how to partner with the vision of this show!

Rhys Pasimio can be found through www.patreon.com/outercircle and on instagram at @newpattrencounseling and is always happy to dialogue with listeners bringing honest questions!

If you would like to contact my guest today, send me a message and I will pass your info along to him.

#recovery #recoverywork #sobriety #sobrietyfatigue #soberwayoflife #livesofthesober #longtermsobriety #addiction #sexaddiction #foodaddiction #12steps #aa #spirituality #3x5program #processaddiction #community #mindfulness #mentalhealth #dualdiagnosis #sexandloveaddiction #addictionrecovery #mentalhealth #counseling #therapy #outercircleinnerstillness

“In recovery, I now have the gift of choice.”

Meet Orlando Rivera, addictions counselor, teacher, mentor, sponsor, and in recovery from drugs and alcohol for more than 30 years.

In this conversation, I ask Orlando about his life as a sober person, what has changed since beginning recovery, and what needs to be in place to continue in a sober way of life.

He says, “I don’t make space for relapse,” and highly emphasizes not entertaining relapse oriented thoughts.

He says, “Recovery is about working the Inside,” to emphasize that behavior change is a byproduct of inner growth.

Orlando talks about placing a high value on being interconnected with all things, and valuing the big picture perspective. He doesn’t see himself as an isolated individual but rather as part of a community, “I do see things as interconnected, with me playing a very small role.”

For practices and values to sustain the sober life, he recommends, continued learning, responsibility, presence, allowing differences of opinion, finding the choice, and continual self-reflection, being a student of yourself, and of others. He also recommends finding the lesson in the struggle. “The irony of living in pain is that we learn from the pain.”

To learn more about this podcast, and to become a financial partner, visit patreon.com/outercircle.

To learn more about Rhys Pasimio, go to www.newpatterncounseling.com or follow him on instagram at @newpatterncounseling.

To learn more about Orlando, reach out to him at 971-276-1826, or  [email protected].

Thanks for listening!

#recovery #recoverywork #sobriety #addiction #addictionrecovery #counseling #therapy #mentalhealth #12steps #community #relationships #drugsandalcohol #drugs #alcohol #longtermsobriety #tweaker #rhyspasimio #outercircleinnerstillness #spirituality