Outer Circle Inner Stillness

The counseling field has long recognized group counseling as consistently being one of the most effective treatment modalities, and contexts for healing and growth. We counselors often talk about the idea that our deepest wounds come from relationships, and are best healed…in other relationships.

We believe this, but recognize that many people are uncertain about group. We could say skeptical, resistant, or at least very concerned about what would happen to them if they joined a group. Some people are shy and intimidated. Others are concerned about being triggered. There’s always questions about confidentiality. More than all that, those who have very little experience with healthy relationships often ask…what’s the point of sitting in a room with other people? We often hear the complaint, “I’m not getting any value out of group.”

Just what is the value of group?

Rhys teams up with colleagues and prior co-facilitators Ben Poling and Jeremy Jones, to unpack the group counseling/group therapy phenomenon, and endeavor to offer some quick answers to the skeptical prospective group member. We talk about process groups, 12-Step groups, classes and skills groups, and non-clinical affinity groups and faith communities. We talk about the benefits of group, the benefits of relationship, and the benefits of ritual.

The Outer Circle, Inner Stillness is a listener supported production of New Pattern Counseling. To learn more about how to support the podcast, please visit https://www.patreon.com/outercircle

Rhys Pasimio can be found through www.newpatterncounseling.com, and is always happy to dialogue with listeners bringing honest questions!

Ben Poling can be found through A New Day Counseling Center - https://www.anewdaycounseling.org/ben-poling-ma-lpc.html

You can also find Ben’s Youtube channel, Rising PHoenix Mental Health, here - Rising Phoenix Mental Health

Jeremy Jones can be found through his website www.thinkingaboutthoughtscounseling.com

#counseling #therapy #recovery #recoverywork #mentalhealth #group #groupcounseling #grouptherapy #12steps #church #community #relationships #attachment #secureattachment #familysystems #internalfamilysystems #yalom #newpatterncounseling #outercircleinnerstillness

When sexualizing others is a problem, what do you do?

In Orthodox Christian thought and practice, we recognize the Image of God in everyone. This becomes the key to an inner transformative process that can heal our desire for sexual gratification at any cost. When we can see each person as an Icon of Christ, and venerate them, strive to see the fullness of who they are and who they can be, glorified in Christ, then our own inner orientation begins to change. We begin to be healed, and we begin to be able to truly connect.

Today’s reflection is a continuation of a reflection begun last episode with Drew Boa.

Today’s reflection is also strongly informed by the marvelous work of Andrew Williams in the podcast “Finding the Freedom to Live.”

They approach the problem of sexualization from two very different Christian traditions, and both have something of value to offer. I highly encourage you to check out their resources, links to which are below.

For more information about any of these topics or guests, or to learn how to support this podcast, please visit https://www.patreon.com/outercircle

Rhys Pasimio can be found through www.newpatterncounseling.com, and is always happy to dialogue with listeners bringing honest questions!

Andrew Williams, and the Finding the Freedom to Live curriculum can be found at https://ftftl.org/ and the podcast can be found here, https://www.ancientfaith.com/podcasts/freedom

Drew Boa can be found through https://www.husbandmaterial.com/ , and his curriculum, the Sexual Fantasy Framework, can be found here, https://www.unwantedworkbook.com/videos

#pornography #iconography #veneration #orthodoxy #orthodoxchristian #spirituality #icons #sobriety #sexaddition #pornaddiction #addiction #recovery #mentalhealth #therapy #counseling #intimacy #relationships #imageofgod #imagodei

In the course of recovery from patterns of compulsive sexual behavior, many people recognize a need to take the work beyond merely avoiding erotic imagery, but also work to master erotic thoughts. We experience urges, at times very intrusive urges to sexualize other humans, and we have a desire to stop doing this.

It’s a monumental task! How do we do it?

Attack! Avoid! Ignore the urges! That will make them go away….right?

WRONG!

In this, most personal interview yet, Rhys interviews Drew Boa, fellow counselor, podcaster, and Christian in recovery about tackling this most deeply engrained pattern of reflexive thought.

With references to the Internal Family Systems model of therapy, we recognize urges to sexualize as being but a part of the person’s whole consciousness. A Sexualizer Part.

Drew says even the sexualizer parts need nurture. As we talk about things we’re deeply ashamed of, and yet get aroused by, there’s a part of us that needs to be loved, needs to be nurtured.

Rhys says that self-control isn’t always healing, and can in fact be a way of avoiding feeling feelings, which is a way of avoiding deeper healing work.

Drew makes the bold statement that if you never have an orgasm again, you’ll be fine…but “intimacy is a biological imperative. Without connection, we die.”

We agree that, “We need to distinguish between attractions and desires.” Desires are particularly connected to our stories of suffering.

On the fly, Rhys and Drew take a deep dive, first into Drew’s trauma history, and then into Rhys’s current day inner struggles, bringing out some very vulnerable and formative memories. Together, they reflect on insights gained, and current practices for offering compassion back to their younger and inner selves.

Drew points out that, “Our deepest desires reflect how we have most deeply suffered.”

For more information about any of these topics or guests, or to learn how to support this podcast, please visit https://www.patreon.com/outercircle

Rhys Pasimio can be found through www.newpatterncounseling.com, and is always happy to dialogue with listeners bringing honest questions!

Drew Boa can be found through https://www.husbandmaterial.com/ , and his curriculum, the Sexual Fantasy Framework, can be found here, https://www.unwantedworkbook.com/videos

#drewboa #husbandmaterial #recovery #addiction #addictionrecovery #sobriety #sexaddiction #pornographyaddiction #spirituality #christianity #internalfamilysystems #ifs #mentalhealth #counseling #therapy #rhyspasimio #outercircleinnerstillness #parts

What is the human person, and how shall we best understand him or her? Why do we react to others the way we do? Why do we fall into the patterns we do? Most importantly, how can gaining a greater understanding of our interior worlds help is to grow in health, in sobriety, in presence and connectedness, and grow closer to Christ?

Rhys Pasimio and counselor colleague, Orthodox friend, and fellow podcaster Christian Gonzales take a surface level look at the Enneagram and the Internal Family Systems counselor modality. Literature abounds to describe both of these powerful tools; in this conversation, Rhys and Christian reflect primarily on their own experiences of finding their Enneagram Number and getting to know their own Parts. They compare and contrast the language and frameworks of each, and further look at them through the lens of Orthodox Christianity.

For more information about any of these topics or guests, or to learn how to support this podcast, please visit https://www.patreon.com/outercircle

Rhys Pasimio can be found through www.newpatterncounseling.com, and is always happy to dialogue with listeners bringing honest questions!

Christian Gonzales can be found on the web at [email protected], by call or text at 714-696-8724, through the Pop Culture Coffee Hour podcast, or through the Y2AM ministry at www.y2am.org

#ifs #enneagram #counseling #therapy #mentalhealth #orthodoxy #orthodoxchristianity #innerstillness #spirituality #identity

How are you struggling today?

Rhys and Ian muse over the struggles inherent to life, to work, to recovery, to marriage and family, to spirituality. We talk about the weight of life, and the importance of margins. Being present with our families and important people is vitally important, but the whole world seems bent on keeping us away from presence. What do we do about the ongoing struggle before us?

Do we try to escape or alleviate it? Maybe. And there are healthy and connective ways of doing this…and destructive and chaotic ways of doing this.

As an alternative, which we say is better, we can embrace our suffering. We can lean into what we can learn and how we can be made better through struggle and suffering. One important question is when is it good to reduce suffering and when is suffering good? One crucial component in answering this question is having relationships with trusted others. Turns out, suffering and struggle are better done when in a relationship where you can know and be fully known by the other.

Also we must remember that we can only embrace suffering for ourselves; we can never set expectations of others as to what they can or must or should not embrace. With one’s self, be strict, but with others, be only gentle and merciful.

Finally, one must not embrace struggle and suffering just for struggle and suffering’s sake. The benefit comes from knowing the reasons why you struggle. There has to be a clear understanding of what is the prize and benefit from embracing the struggle. If there is not sense of purpose and prize, then there is no purpose to be strict on yourself. But when you know what is the “joy set before us,” then your suffering becomes your salvation.

Rhys Pasimio can be found through www.newpatterncounseling.com, and is always happy to dialogue with listeners bringing honest questions!

Ian Nelson can be found on Instagram at @iansonofwe (Note, in the episode, he says Iansonofnel, but he has changed his handle since the recording of this episode.)

Meet Ian Nelson, recovery peer, spiritual explorer, questioner, ponderer, and one able to learn from the least of these.

Rhys and Ian reflect on their experiences growing up in the church, developing careers in the mental and behavioral health field, and working through their own recovery processes to explore the concept of Radical Acceptance, and why we should practice it in recovery and in the spiritual life. We talk about learning as an ongoing process, and about arriving as…something that never quite happens. We talk about how shame and self-criticism slow down our growth and how sometimes forgiving ourselves and allowing “Failure” to be ok…is ok!

Along the way we talk about core values and core narratives, whether those are from God or from trauma or from shame, and how they determine how we act.

Moreso, we talk about the difference between an abstinence based goal, versus a thriving based goal. Rhys also introduces the three levels of motivation.

The Outer Circle, Inner Stillness is a listener supported production of New Pattern Counseling. To learn more about how to support the podcast, please visit https://www.patreon.com/outercircle

Rhys Pasimio can be found through www.newpatterncounseling.com, and is always happy to dialogue with listeners bringing honest questions!

Ian Nelson can be found on Instagram at @iansonofwe (Note, in the episode, he says Iansonofnel, but he has changed his handle since the recording of this episode.)

What does a spiritual recovery process look like for someone who is non-religious? Why should the recovery journey have a spiritual base in the first place? What are some practical ways that a person can begin to implement a spiritual practice if they have never done it before?

Rhys talks recovery and spirituality with Taralynn Rayburn, an addictions counselor, and the founder of Sisu Healing Partners an agency that provides coaching, counseling, transportation services and intervention for individuals with substance use & other mental health disorders.

Taralynn is a mental health professional who specializes in treating individuals with co occurring substance use disorders. She is someone who identifies as being in long term recovery from both an eating disorders and Substance use disorder . She believes her own experience has provided her with a passion for helping others on their journey to healing

In our conversation, we talk about what spirituality entails, and why it is important, even for non-religious people. We talk about what the recovery world can learn from spiritual traditions, and we talk about what spiritual traditions can gain from embracing the recovery process. In all of this, we aim to provide solid practical wisdom.

The Outer Circle, Inner Stillness is a listener supported production of New Pattern Counseling. To learn more about how to support the podcast, please visit www.patreon.com/outercircle

Rhys Pasimio can be found through www.newpatterncounseling.com, and is always happy to dialogue with listeners bringing honest questions!

Once upon a time, Rhys hosted a podcast called SMART Counsel ("Perspectives and resources on Spirituality, Mental health, Addictions, Relationships, and Trauma.") Today's episode is a nugget from the archives of SMART Counsel, featuring one of Rhys' favorite colleagues, Ben Poling.

Ben is Licensed Professional Counselor in Oregon, as well as a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist. In this episode, he presents a tool he often uses with his clients called The Four Questions. This is yet another useful tool for helping individuals pay more attention to their thought lives, and by doing so, gain further insight into how and why they do the things they do. With greater insight, comes greater opportunity to live differently.

The Outer Circle, Inner Stillness is a listener supported production of New Pattern Counseling. To learn more about how to support the podcast, please visit https://www.patreon.com/outercircle

Rhys Pasimio can be found through www.newpatterncounseling.com, and is always happy to dialogue with listeners bringing honest questions!

Ben Poling can be found through A New Day Counseling Center in Portland, OR at this link -

https://www.anewdaycounseling.org/ben-poling-ma.html

Since the recording of this episode, Ben has also started a really cool youtube channel in which he discusses topics relevant to mental health and recovery, and that channel can be found here - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPadeXeZv_1A-9hIknLS2sQ/featured

What is this neurofeedback and how does it support sobriety? How does it support presence? What is the value of technologically assisted self-reflection in achieving and maintaining an inner calm?

Joshua Moore is a renowned neurofeedback practitioner, counselor, and teacher in Vancouver, WA. He has worked extensively to be able to provide the highest quality neurofeedback services at the lowest possible price. Today, he joins me to give an introduction to neurofeedback. We talk in detail about the parts of the brain, and about training and orienting this marvelous organ to function at more optimal frequencies.

The Outer Circle, Inner Stillness is a listener supported production of New Pattern Counseling. To learn more about how to support the podcast, please visit https://www.patreon.com/outercircle

Rhys Pasimio can be found through www.newpatterncounseling.com, and is always happy to dialogue with listeners bringing honest questions!

Joshua Moore can be found through his clinic Neuro Balance Northwest, at www.neurofeedbackforall.com

The “Outer Circle” comes from a common recovery exercise called the “Three Circles.” In today’s episode, I explain what the exercise is, what each circle entails, and how to use this particular tool. I talk about how to define relapse, the downward spiral, and how to develop a concept for sobriety that is made up of the daily practices that support sobriety, presence, balance, connection, insight, healing, and resilience.

This one is hands-on and practical. Feel free to get out pencil and paper(or stylus and tablet) and draw out your own three circles as you listen along!

The Outer Circle, Inner Stillness is a listener supported production of New Pattern Counseling. To learn more about how to support the podcast, please visit https://www.patreon.com/outercircle

Rhys Pasimio can be found through www.newpatterncounseling.com, and is always happy to dialogue with listeners bringing honest questions!