Is the the Iowa caucus or cockup? Bloomberg calls for 5 Trillion Dollars in new taxes. Coronavirus spread by farts? Facebook now old enough to drive. Shut up and take my money.

Coronavirus Alert Level 4 Citizen, Greta Nobel Prize and Name Trademark, Punxsutawney Phil PETA Clash Update, Minnie Mouse Vegas Beatdown, Daylight Savings Time Equals Death.

Coronavirus is Good 4 US Employment, Putin Supreme Ruler, Popeyes Chic, New York  Needs Bags, Nicks Suck.

Trump hints at stopping flights between US and China, Starbucks closes ½ its Chinese stores, Bloomberg shakes dog's nose, WAWA security breach update, USB Condoms Netflix firings and blind  Florida fisherman.

Jamaica Rocks, Stocks to Clean Up with, PITA Wants to Kill Phill, Trump says Pot Makes You Stupid, Great State of New York Appoints Pot Czar.

Mongolia is closed till further notice. Philly is infected... Is that redundant? Stock Market jitters in the sh*tter. Hey somebody figured out Greta is white. And yes, you can die of cake.

China building new 1000 bed hospital for plague, nothing to worry about. Houston goes big bada boom! Goop vagina candle gets wangy competition. Serina upset by wang. Obi Wan script not Disney's only hope.

Flee, flee for your lives! The Corona Virus is coming from Mordor. Social Media Influencer or Prostitute? You make the call. The Simpsons has killed off lovable Apu.

China will export anything, including a virus. I hate politics. Women who like beards more likely to dig lice, ticks & crabs. 2 crazy naked people, kids in cages (no, not the government) & the mayors bad bagels.

The entire Russian government resigned, England gets less stabby with pointless knives, let's TP the school in Maryland, and penguins go on strike in Canada.