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What if “good sex” has nothing to do with orgasms?

In this episode, Amber, a social behavior research scientist, joins us to explore women’s sexual pleasure and why pleasure has been left out of sexual health conversations. We dive into the science and stigma around STI prevention, the role of communication and self-exploration, and how societal expectations shape our experiences in the bedroom.

Amber shares insights from her research and her “Pleasure Class” workshops, unpacking why so many women struggle to identify what they actually want and how to start reclaiming it. From toys and turn-ons to boundaries and body awareness, this conversation challenges what you thought you knew about pleasure.

Because great sex isn’t about performance - it’s about connection.

Jump to the Good Stuff:

03:29 - Why pleasure is missing from sexual health conversations

07:55 - Why orgasms don’t equal good sex

10:41 - The pressure to perform vs. actually enjoying sex

13:07 - Why most women don’t know what they want

14:03 - Self-pleasure: the foundation for better partnered sex

16:55 - Toys: why what you like solo ≠ what you like with a partner

18:31 - How to communicate desires during sex without killing the vibe

18:49 - The “pleasure menu” concept

35:26 - Why negotiating condoms can sabotage pleasure

30:58 - Sexual pleasure as political (especially for Black women)

41:08 - Final reflections

Pleasure Highlights:

• Pleasure has historically been excluded from sexual health, especially for women

• Good sex is about the entire experience, not just the orgasm
• Many women know what they don’t want, but struggle to name what they do want
• Self-exploration is essential for confident communication with partners
• Preferences vary widely and can change over time
• Trying something once isn’t enough; exploration takes repetition
• Solo vs. partnered pleasure can feel completely different
• Communication during sex is a skill and a game changer
• “Negotiating” needs (like condom use) can disconnect you from pleasure
• Being in your head = being out of your body - and your pleasure
• Sexual pleasure is deeply tied to identity, culture, and politics
• Pleasure extends beyond sex - mental, emotional, and physical well-being all play a role
• You don’t need permission to want pleasure but many people still feel like they do

Connect with Dr. Amber Sophus:

• ⁠Instagram⁠ @Dr.AmberSophus

Enhance your self-awareness by acknowledging and understanding your behavior patterns, and foster a deeper connection with your inner self. Get the Unleashing My Power: A Women's Empowerment and Gratitude Journal to reclaim your personal power through the practice of daily gratitude and reflection. Learn more ⁠HERE⁠. 

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*Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational and/or entertainment purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The views and opinions expressed are my own, or those of my guests, and do not necessarily reflect the views of any organizations or institutions with which I am affiliated.

Website Links:

• ⁠jordandnelle.com⁠

Vaginas, Vulvas, and Vibrators, the unapologetic women’s sexual wellness podcast, normalizing pleasure, bodies, and sexual health through expert, shame-free conversations.