Honeydew Me

Zach Brittle is a Gottman-certified couples therapist in Seattle, host of Marriage Therapy Radio, and author of the upcoming book Nothing Changes If Nothing Changes. He's been happily married for 27 of 30 years (as in he GETS IT and has actually done the work) and has interviewed hundreds of couples, which means when he talks about relationships, he's not guessing. He joins Em and Cass for a no-bullshit conversation about what actually makes long-term love work.

What you'll learn:

• How to actually build a thriving long-term relationship (and the two things most couples get wrong)
• Why "spontaneous sex" is a lie you've been mourning for no reason, and what to replace it with
• The exact sex negotiation one of his couples swears by (and how to steal it)
• Why learning the difference between physical intimacy that isn't sexual and sexual intimacy that isn't physical will completely change your sex life
• How to spot negative sentiment override in your own relationship (and why it's turning every "how was your day" into a fight)
• The one mindset shift that will change everything: why your relationship is NOT a zero-sum game, and nobody has to lose for you to win

Find Zach at @marriagetherapyradio on Instagram, listen to Marriage Therapy Radio every Tuesday, and pre-order Nothing Changes If Nothing Changes out in April.

One of you confessed: "I fear I'll never truly feel hot or sexy, and admitting that makes me feel even more lame." Em and Cass dive into why hotness feels like a make-or-break game we literally can't win: the impossible standards, the "hot girls are just born that way" myth, the way our attractiveness has been sold to us as our only real form of power, and why insecurity itself has somehow become the ugliest thing you can admit to. They get into the "am I f*ckable" question at the root of it all, the glow-up TikToks we've all saved, the effort we don't want to have to put in, and the small practices that have actually made them feel better (and hotter).

Introducing our new monthly segment where YOU send in the anonymous confessions you can't tell anyone else, and we give you the honest reaction, advice, and pep talk you'd get if you sent it to your group chat. Submit yours at the link in our bio or HERE!

Follow us on Instagram and TikTok @honeydewmepodcast

We’re digging into the Honey Archives to bring back one of our favorite conversations, and one we think everyone could use a little refresher on.

Anna Kai, creator of Maybe Both and one of our favorite internet hype women, joins us for a brutally honest conversation about confidence, self-worth, comparison, and figuring out who the hell you are when life doesn’t look the way you thought it would.

If you’ve been feeling behind, questioning your worth, comparing your timeline to everyone else’s, or simply need a reminder that you don’t have to earn your right to feel good about yourself... consider this episode your confidence reset.

In this episode, we cover:

• What we should ACTUALLY be focusing on in our 20s
• How to build self-worth when yours feels nonexistent
• What to tell yourself when everyone else seems “ahead”
• Navigating rock bottom and finding your footing again
• Getting off the comparison train
• Letting go of the need to be liked by everyone
• Embracing the freedom of your 20s — single OR partnered

An oldie, a goodie, and your reminder to stop measuring your life against everyone else’s. 💛

Connect with Anna:

Listen to Brutally Anna

Connect on TikTok 

Visit her website HERE! 

Keep up with Honeydew Me:

• On Instagram
• On TikTok 
• On YouTube

Aja Vines... intuitive guide, oracle reader, and self-appointed "rebirth doula" who has personally survived approximately 100 identity pivots and expects to survive 100 more before she leaves this earth. She joins Em and Cass for a shamelessly real conversation about big pivots. Together they unpack why leaving something without a backup plan is sometimes the most sane thing you can do, why publicly changing your mind feels humiliating (and you should absolutely do it anyway), and how to tell the difference between burnout that needs rest and a real 'this chapter is over' kind of moment.

Emma unpacks her year of unemployment, Cass gets called out on tearing herself down mid-pivot, and Aja closes with a live oracle reading for anyone on a journey right now (or about to start one).

Find Aja on TikTok @ajavines and book a reading with her here!

Serena F*cking Kerrigan... your favorite creator and soon to be new favorite author of the upcoming book Let's F*cking Date. A dating bible for all our girlies who are currently in the "trenches" of the dating world and looking for a way to "become the prize, enjoy the ride, and never settle again." She joins Em and Cass for a ZERO BS breakdown of everything we're getting wrong about dating, from why "waiting for your person" is a trap that will basically ruin your life, to how having a roster will kill off any remnants of your scarcity mentality. Plus, Emma reports back on the date she went on SPECIFICALLY to try out Serena's rules, and they rapid-fire the red flags every 30-something should probably already know. Find Serena on Instagram at @serenakerrigan and pre-order Let's F*cking Date wherever you get your books.

A listener wrote in mortified: "I do stuff in fights with my boyfriend that I would be so embarrassed for my friends to find out about. Very petty shit. Bringing up things from years ago, silent treatment, crying to get my way. Am I just an immature bitch?" We dive in head first with our own worst fighting confessions, from slamming doors to walking away for attention. Spoiler: we've done all of it. Then we get into why we do this shit in the first place and what actually helped us move from "immature bitches" to "slightly more mature bitches."

Follow us on Instagram and TikTok @honeydewmepodcast and subscribe to our Patreon for exclusive content and ad free episodes.

A listener wrote in, and she's pissed. She's been dropping spicy hints like nobody's business (wearing what he likes, flirty comments, changing with the door open), and her partner isn't picking up on any of them. She wants him to initiate. She wants to feel pursued. And yes, she knows she could just ask. Em and Cass get into how we all still want a mind-reader, the community polls (62% of you drop hints instead of asking for sex, 85% want your partner to initiate more), and how to actually build a communication style that doesn't require your partner to be Edward fucking Cullen.

Follow us on Instagram and TikTok @honeydewmepodcast and subscribe to our Patreon for exclusive content and ad free episodes.

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Alyssa Ljub is an intimacy and relationship expert who coaches dozens of couples a day in her role as a concierge at Arya. She joins Em and Cass to unpack the biggest hurdles couples hit when it comes to sex, why scheduling sex is FAR from unsexy, the difference between responsive and spontaneous desire, and the most common ways rejection shows up in long-term relationships.

Follow us on Instagram and TikTok @honeydewmepodcast and subscribe to our Patreon for exclusive content and ad free episodes.

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Dr. Justin Garcia is the Executive Director of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University, chief scientific advisor to Match, and the author of the new book The Intimate Animal. He joins Em and Cass for a wide-ranging conversation on why modern intimacy feels so hard, and why he's optimistic about it anyway.

They get into the intimacy crisis (why we can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely), the "all-or-nothing" marriage model that's crushing modern relationships, the real story behind the sex recession and why declining frequency might not be a bad thing, the biology of monogamy versus sexual novelty (and the three ways couples navigate that tension), why 80% of marriages actually got stronger during the pandemic, and how dating apps are breaking our brains by tricking us into thinking every person is disposable. Plus the stat that 70% of people become deeply attracted to someone they didn't initially think they would, why the "work on yourself first" culture might be keeping you single, and the line Justin's built his relationship advice around: the grass is greener where you water it.

Find The Intimate Animal wherever you get your books, and Dr. Justin Garcia on Instagram at @drjustingarcia.

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A listener wrote in asking about a version of jealousy a lot of us are ashamed to admit: "I don't feel excited when good things happen to my friends anymore. Engagements, promotions, pregnancies, whatever. I fake it every time and feel like a monster." Em and Cass dive in head first with their own confessions, including the jealousy they've felt toward each other, which they've never actually shared until now.

They read the community polls (89% of you compare yourselves to your friends), read anonymous submissions on comparing looks, cars, and friend groups, and lasty run a rapid-fire agree/disagree round on when jealousy crosses the line.

Come to "Bouquets & Besties" on Sunday, August 9th in Portland, Oregon! Get your tickets HERE!

Follow us on Instagram and TikTok @honeydewmepodcast and subscribe to our Patreon for exclusive content and ad free episodes.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices