Honeydew Me

“My ex told me I have a wide vagina. Am I normal?” That’s this week’s listener confession. And after six years of reading listener messages, we can tell you with certainty that some version of “is my vagina normal?” is the single most-asked question we get. SO HERE WE GO. We dive into the medical facts (we looked them up), the biology, and the much bigger issue we need to be addressing: why men go straight for comments about our bodies when they want to hurt us and how to stop letting it get to you.

We Cover:

• The medical truth on “wide set vaginas” (spoiler: Mean Girls lied, it isn’t a real term, and here’s what Dr. Jennifer Wider actually says about vaginal diameter)
• Why your physiology (aka AROUSAL) might be the reason he felt “less friction” 
• The reason insulting a woman’s body is a shitty man's go to when they want to hurt you
• The reframe every vagina owner NEEDS to internalize... your vagina is normal, your labia are normal, your taste and smell are normal, all of it
• What to actually do if there IS a real size mismatch in a relationship (there are a thousand solutions, we cover a few)
• AND why even if you DO have a wide vagina it literally doesn't matter, and you are perfection personified 

Follow us on Instagram and TikTok @honeydewmepodcast.

If you're in the Portland, OR area don't forget to join our "Portland, OR Girlies" group chat in our Instagram bio!

Rock-solid confidence, sex you genuinely enjoy, and healthier relationships all start with actually knowing yourself. This week, Em & Cass are talking with Laura Rubin, a creative coach, journaling expert, and founder of AllSwell Creative. She’s led breakthrough writing workshops for tens of thousands of people, been covered by The New York Times, Washington Post, Vogue, and Forbes, and built a career blending neuroscience and mindfulness to prove that writing by hand actually rewires how you think and feel. She joins Em and Cass to share how journaling can become the catalyst for confident decisions, healthier relationships, and better conversations in bed.

If you're thinking...

• “I always start a journal, go hard for a week, and quit.” Laura's got a 4-minute practice that will literally rock your world and make journaling feel practical and accessible. 
• “I don't even know what I would write about." Laura shares specific prompts to help you navigate your trickiest intimacy moments (when you don’t like how you look naked, when you have no idea what turns you on, when you can’t tell what’s yours vs. what you’ve been told to want). 
• “Isn’t this just more wellness bullshit?” Laura didn't come here to BS. She's sharing the science-backed, FREE methods to actually change your life both in the bedroom and beyond.
• “Will this actually change anything in my sex life or my relationships?” Yes. Press play already.

Connect with Laura and AllSwell Creative on Instagram and on her website.

Follow us on Instagram and TikTok @honeydewmepodcast.

Last week, a top couples therapist presented us with the research. This week it’s just us, no therapist in the room, trading what has actually worked in our own long-term relationships (and what has very much not). Cass gets into her current trying-list for keeping sex alive when she's tired, parenting, and has nothing left. Em gets into how she ruined sex for herself in past relationships without even realizing it. Cass opens up for the first time, with her husband’s permission, about his bipolar diagnosis and the “my person wouldn’t do that” story she had to let go of to stay married. For anyone who felt called tf out by last week's episode and wants the unqualified besties version.

What you’ll learn:

• The two “secrets” we’re actually using to keep our relationships alive and thriving (tbh therapists might not agree lol)
• Cass’s current trying-list for keeping sex alive 10 years into her long-term love (pink pill, non-sexual touch, accountability for her desire, and actually using the resources we talk about)
• Why using sex as a repair tool is the fastest way to kill it, and what to use it for instead
• How to tell when you’ve slipped into a story about your partner (“they don’t get me,” “my person wouldn’t do that”) and how to quit before it ruins your relationship
• Our actual rules for what you can and can’t tell your friends about fights with your partner
• The habits we each need to kick to feel like adults in our relationships (one of us is lazy, one of us is a control freak)
• The very petty list of what the men we’ve slept with need to start doing to qualify as grownups

Follow us on Instagram and TikTok @honeydewmepodcast.

Zach Brittle is a Gottman-certified couples therapist in Seattle, host of Marriage Therapy Radio, and author of the upcoming book Nothing Changes If Nothing Changes. He's been happily married for 27 of 30 years (as in he GETS IT and has actually done the work) and has interviewed hundreds of couples, which means when he talks about relationships, he's not guessing. He joins Em and Cass for a no-bullshit conversation about what actually makes long-term love work.

What you'll learn:

• How to actually build a thriving long-term relationship (and the two things most couples get wrong)
• Why "spontaneous sex" is a lie you've been mourning for no reason, and what to replace it with
• The exact sex negotiation one of his couples swears by (and how to steal it)
• Why learning the difference between physical intimacy that isn't sexual and sexual intimacy that isn't physical will completely change your sex life
• How to spot negative sentiment override in your own relationship (and why it's turning every "how was your day" into a fight)
• The one mindset shift that will change everything: why your relationship is NOT a zero-sum game, and nobody has to lose for you to win

Find Zach at @marriagetherapyradio on Instagram, listen to Marriage Therapy Radio every Tuesday, and pre-order Nothing Changes If Nothing Changes out in April.

One of you confessed: "I fear I'll never truly feel hot or sexy, and admitting that makes me feel even more lame." Em and Cass dive into why hotness feels like a make-or-break game we literally can't win: the impossible standards, the "hot girls are just born that way" myth, the way our attractiveness has been sold to us as our only real form of power, and why insecurity itself has somehow become the ugliest thing you can admit to. They get into the "am I f*ckable" question at the root of it all, the glow-up TikToks we've all saved, the effort we don't want to have to put in, and the small practices that have actually made them feel better (and hotter).

Introducing our new monthly segment where YOU send in the anonymous confessions you can't tell anyone else, and we give you the honest reaction, advice, and pep talk you'd get if you sent it to your group chat. Submit yours at the link in our bio or HERE!

Follow us on Instagram and TikTok @honeydewmepodcast

We’re digging into the Honey Archives to bring back one of our favorite conversations, and one we think everyone could use a little refresher on.

Anna Kai, creator of Maybe Both and one of our favorite internet hype women, joins us for a brutally honest conversation about confidence, self-worth, comparison, and figuring out who the hell you are when life doesn’t look the way you thought it would.

If you’ve been feeling behind, questioning your worth, comparing your timeline to everyone else’s, or simply need a reminder that you don’t have to earn your right to feel good about yourself... consider this episode your confidence reset.

In this episode, we cover:

• What we should ACTUALLY be focusing on in our 20s
• How to build self-worth when yours feels nonexistent
• What to tell yourself when everyone else seems “ahead”
• Navigating rock bottom and finding your footing again
• Getting off the comparison train
• Letting go of the need to be liked by everyone
• Embracing the freedom of your 20s — single OR partnered

An oldie, a goodie, and your reminder to stop measuring your life against everyone else’s. 💛

Connect with Anna:

Listen to Brutally Anna

Connect on TikTok 

Visit her website HERE! 

Keep up with Honeydew Me:

• On Instagram
• On TikTok 
• On YouTube

Aja Vines... intuitive guide, oracle reader, and self-appointed "rebirth doula" who has personally survived approximately 100 identity pivots and expects to survive 100 more before she leaves this earth. She joins Em and Cass for a shamelessly real conversation about big pivots. Together they unpack why leaving something without a backup plan is sometimes the most sane thing you can do, why publicly changing your mind feels humiliating (and you should absolutely do it anyway), and how to tell the difference between burnout that needs rest and a real 'this chapter is over' kind of moment.

Emma unpacks her year of unemployment, Cass gets called out on tearing herself down mid-pivot, and Aja closes with a live oracle reading for anyone on a journey right now (or about to start one).

Find Aja on TikTok @ajavines and book a reading with her here!

Serena F*cking Kerrigan... your favorite creator and soon to be new favorite author of the upcoming book Let's F*cking Date. A dating bible for all our girlies who are currently in the "trenches" of the dating world and looking for a way to "become the prize, enjoy the ride, and never settle again." She joins Em and Cass for a ZERO BS breakdown of everything we're getting wrong about dating, from why "waiting for your person" is a trap that will basically ruin your life, to how having a roster will kill off any remnants of your scarcity mentality. Plus, Emma reports back on the date she went on SPECIFICALLY to try out Serena's rules, and they rapid-fire the red flags every 30-something should probably already know. Find Serena on Instagram at @serenakerrigan and pre-order Let's F*cking Date wherever you get your books.

A listener wrote in mortified: "I do stuff in fights with my boyfriend that I would be so embarrassed for my friends to find out about. Very petty shit. Bringing up things from years ago, silent treatment, crying to get my way. Am I just an immature bitch?" We dive in head first with our own worst fighting confessions, from slamming doors to walking away for attention. Spoiler: we've done all of it. Then we get into why we do this shit in the first place and what actually helped us move from "immature bitches" to "slightly more mature bitches."

Follow us on Instagram and TikTok @honeydewmepodcast and subscribe to our Patreon for exclusive content and ad free episodes.

A listener wrote in, and she's pissed. She's been dropping spicy hints like nobody's business (wearing what he likes, flirty comments, changing with the door open), and her partner isn't picking up on any of them. She wants him to initiate. She wants to feel pursued. And yes, she knows she could just ask. Em and Cass get into how we all still want a mind-reader, the community polls (62% of you drop hints instead of asking for sex, 85% want your partner to initiate more), and how to actually build a communication style that doesn't require your partner to be Edward fucking Cullen.

Follow us on Instagram and TikTok @honeydewmepodcast and subscribe to our Patreon for exclusive content and ad free episodes.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices