HOGWARTS IS A HALFPIPE: in one of the most gnarly/ radical pages yet we discuss the right way to describe a band of Weasleys and look into whether Harry Potter and Dobby were really just 'good friends'...

If you've been waiting for a page of Harry Potter that features Oliver Twist, Elon Musk, Joe Rogan AND the unnecessary and weird sexualisation of a sentient bot, then you'll simply adore this ep.

This week we marvel at some of the wonders of modern medicine as rascally boy-pig Dudley is rushed to the ER. Plus we receive a very interesting message from a very famous quidditch player

I mean come on... what did you think we were gonna talk about on PAGE 69?!?! give me a break

what do chapter 5 of harry potter and the philosopher's stone and kim jong un have in common? they both come to an end this week (probably) !!

Do Harry and the boys finally escape the clutches of the sinister Mr Ollivander? Has the Hogwarts song set a new low for Rowlingian shittiness? And what's this, a pod within a pod? The answer to all three questions, is yes!

Mysteries are shattered this week as we answer the age old questions:

•do unicorns exist?

•what is the difference between parody and satire? and

•whats the go with mermaids? The answers may shock you

*NSFW WARNING* Why does this page exist?! The boys are left traumatised after the most upsetting, sexually charged page of the book. Not suitable for work or general listening.

Never mind corona virus, on page 64 Harry encounters far more menacing threats to his health and safety including tigers, bears, the Unabomber and a seedy older man in a wand shop

The boys are in lockdown, so they dabble in the dark art of Skype to bring you the first ever remote-episode. Will Riordan's incompetence ruin this before it even begins? Only time will tell.