Parenting Decoded

When kids drain our energy by doing things that drive us crazy we need to respond in a loving and empathetic manner.  However,  when we're so tired of them doing things that drain us -- like whining, talking back, fighting with their siblings, or ignoring screen time limits -- we just don't know what to do. 

In this podcast you'll learn not only how to recognize things that drain your energy but how to let your kids know and then ask them to do things for you that help replenish that energy.   

Our kids to need to learn to recognize how their poor decisions to misbehave affect other people.  We want to raise kids who are respectful and responsible and this energy replacement can help do just that!

Click here for a list of Energy Drain Replacement Ideas

TRANSCRIPT HERE

If you have questions, email me at [email protected]. 

Email me at [email protected] or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com. 

Have a blessed rest of your day!

What was Mary like as a parent?  In this special episode hear from Mary's two grown sons on what it was like growing up with Mary as a parent.  They talk about how natural consequences shaped them and how energy drains encouraged them to make better decisions among other topics.

This episode was created at the request of Mary's Facebook Group, Parenting Decoded, who were curious about the long term impact of good, solid parenting techniques on children.  What better examples than Mary's boys who went from having a helicopter mom to a consultant mom when they were in middle school.  A big change!

What grade did Mary get from her boys on her parenting skills?  Take a listen and hear it for yourself!

Email me at [email protected] or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com. 

Have a blessed rest of your day!

In this episode we learn how to get our kids to say “thank you” and how to help develop a general sense of appreciation for not only “things” but also training them in thankfulness which will help to promote an “attitude of gratitude”. 

• Start Early 
• Be Consistent
• Give Praise for using Thank You 
• Use Family Meetings to Set Expectations
• Set up Family Thanking Events
  • Dinner time thank you routines
  • Bedtime blessings routine
  • Thank you note practice for birthdays and holidays
• Make it FUN!  We'll talk about a few ideas for setting up a "fancy dinner" so we can practice all our manners in a creative and fun way. 

Lastly,  we'll go over how important modeling good "thank you" practices can be in helping bring thankfulness in our homes.  

TRANSCRIPT AVAILABLE HERE

Email me at [email protected] or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com. 

Have a blessed rest of your day!

We all want our kids to grow up being kind and courteous.  In this episode I talk with Teresa Ramirez, a motivational speaker and Kindness Koach.  Listen to lots of fun ideas on how to promote kindness inside and outside your home.  

Here's some of the ideas we talk about!

- Model it INSIDE your home

•  Use Family Meetings to talk about how to be kind to each other 
• Come up with a list of ideas from putting sweet notes in lunch boxes to doing surprise chores for some one
• Make a meal for everyone, 
• Give an extra long hug, pick some flowers for someone
• Plan a "date" with one of your family members including taking care of the plans and making all the food

- Model it OUTSIDE your home

• Help neighbors, hold doors open, help someone with packages at a store, pick up garbage a a park
• Do service projects together - help at a fundraiser,  work at a food pantry,
• Send letters or draw pictures to friends who are shut-in 
• Visit a senior center
• Write fun and cheerful messages with sidewalk chalk outside your home
• Have a lemonade stand to raise funds for a charity or cause

To get to Teresa's Facebook Page and order your FREE BUBBLES OF JOY!: 
JOURNEY IN KINDNESS

 To read the full article from Happy Family Happy You:  38 ACTS OF KINDNESS

Email me at [email protected] or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com. 

Have a blessed rest of your day!

This is the first podcast in a series relating to getting our kids to learn manners which are fundamental to their becoming responsible, respectful adults.  Starting with Life Lessons early has the biggest impact but in this series of podcasts, whether you have a toddler or a teen, it's worth investing in their future through manners.

Here are the basics of what's covered in this podcast:
1 - Start young!  The earlier the better.  Using "baby sign language" if you have a very little one. 
2- With Older Kids Set Family Rules around Manners.  Use a Family Meeting to talk about how important manners and and that you're going to start with focusing on the use of "please" in your home.
3 - Practice!  It takes lots and lots of practice to get your kids to use please but you need to do it OVER and OVER again.  When they don't ask with a "please" just ask them again. 
4 - Expect more from older kids.  Once they have the basics of using "please" have them incorporate "may I please" instead of just "please can I have".
5 - Role Play!  Enjoy some of the learning with your kids by setting up fun events that you can practice and exaggerate what you're doing.  Maybe a special candlelit dinner once a month?  Maybe a Game Night where you exaggerate asking for dice or cards using "please".
6 - Model What you Want.  You as the adult are constantly watched by your kids.  Make sure you're using "please" appropriately.
7 - Leverage the Please Request.  Your kids WANT something from you.  Use this as "currency" that is so valuable to them that they're willing to use "please" to get it.  Follow through with it even if they're sassy.  Don't get distracted if they are snarky!

TRANSCRIPT AVAILABLE HERE

Email Mary at [email protected].
Sign up for Mary's newsletter at: NEWSLETTER

Email me at [email protected] or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com. 

Have a blessed rest of your day!

In this episode I interview Liz Bayardelle author of Clean Your Plate! 13 Things that Good Parents Say that Ruin Kids’ Lives.   This book covers all sorts of unintended consequences that good parents say regularly like Get Straight As, Don’t Hit, Sit Still, Don’t Be a Quitter and many more.   She goes into detail in all these areas and has wonderful ideas about how to combat our natural tendencies to push our kids in ways that might backfire.   

We talk specifically about the impact of parents choosing to say GET STRAIGHT A'S often sends our kids looking for extrinsic motivators like money, extra computer time or other external rewards.  These rewards often work in the short run but can put a damper on intrinsic motivators that allow our children to own their own success.  

In order for our kids to have their own internal motivations there are four key factors:

1. Autonomy - this is where they "own" the ideas, doing things because they're invested in them and not doing them for other people
2. Competence - that kids believe they are capable of a skill
3. Relatedness - kids are social and if they can see how what they are doing relates to other people they want to be with or emulate they can motivate themselves to push past the work at hand
4. Purpose - the task at hand relates to some other passion or goal they are trying to achieve

By encouraging a GROWTH MINDSET we can move away from nurturing kids who aren't fulfilling their potential to growing kids who WANT to achieve goals and move forward. 

Get a copy of Liz's book here!
CLEAN YOUR PLATE! 13 Things Good Parents Say That Ruin Kids' Lives

As always, email Mary at [email protected] or join her Facebook Group: Parenting Decoded 2021 to hear from Mary more. 

Email me at [email protected] or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com. 

Have a blessed rest of your day!

Some of us struggle with trying to figure out if our kids are addicted to screens.  In this episode Emily Cherkin, The Screentime Consultant, and I discuss what causes screen addictions and what resources might help to determine if our kids are addicted.  We also go over different levels of intervention in overcoming screen issues in our homes. 

Emily is launching a new course for parents that will help train parents week by week to get their arms around the issue.  With parenting practices and live one-on-one coaching and support from other parents you will be able to make changes to support new behaviors that will set a balance between screens and life. 
The Screentime Consultant

We also discuss resources for more extreme screen addictions.  Links to those resources are:
RestartLife.com - Washington based treatment and therapy center to treat screen addiction.  Residential treatment program is available.

Restart's link to their assessment quiz:  TAKE ADDICTION QUIZ

GameQuitters.com - Online resources for anyone who games but special courses for parents.  Links to therapy centers and therapists world-wide.

If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me:  [email protected].

Email me at [email protected] or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com. 

Have a blessed rest of your day!

In this episode enjoy hearing from Emily Cherkin, The Screentime Consultant, as we talk about strategies to deal with kids and screen time use in our homes.  Emily works with families all the time to help put "tech intentional" ideas into homes.  Listen for ideas on how to set clear and reasonable limits in a way that can be integrated into your home, one step at a time.

Emily can be found at:  https://thescreentimeconsultant.com/

You can learn about her new course on Becoming a Tech-Intentional Parent.

Emily has also generously offered to all our listeners access to her e-book resource for free!
Mastering Screen Time

If you have any questions feel free to contact me at [email protected]

Email me at [email protected] or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com. 

Have a blessed rest of your day!

Siblings who hate each other is unfortunately all too common an issue for parents to ignore.  In this podcast we explore what a parent can do with their kids who aren't getting along, who are unbearably mean to each other. 

Our kids fighting all the time can be:
1 - draining for the ENTIRE family
2 - full of opportunities to learn some life lessons about getting along

In order to help stop the energy drain and actually learn those lessons that will help later in life we cover  three possible solutions to try:
1 - Use FAMILY MEETINGS to help set boundaries and Family Rules of Respect
2 - Set up SPECIAL TIME to make sure your parent connection is secure and each of the siblings feel listened to and heard.
3 - Use LOVE LANGUAGES to help the entire family understand what motivates each person in a language that speaks to their inner being where love and acceptance is florishing

There are a few other resources mentioned in this podcast that can give you further examples and information:
Episode #9: Sibling Rivalry - What to Do
Episode #10:  Punishment vs. Consequences: What's the Most Effective Discipline?
Episode #17: Creating Calm with Family Meetings
Episode #33: Loving Your Family Using Love Languages
Pint-Sized Treasure's article: “What to Do When Your Kids Hate Each Other”
Mary's Energy Drain Idea List

TRANSCRIPT IN BLOG HERE

If you have questions,  please email me [email protected].

Email me at [email protected] or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com. 

Have a blessed rest of your day!

Setting limits for our kids can be such a challenge.  We set them, they ignore or break them.  Ugh!  In this episode learn how to set better boundaries that we can stick by so that our kids know that we mean what we say.

Learn to say:
1 - "AND WHAT DID I SAY"
Using this phrase helps stop the whining and begging that gets so annoying that we often times give in just to quiet our kids down.
2 - Set consequences for whining and complaining when our kids try to push our boundaries in directions we don't want them to go.  Use ENERGY DRAINs if you are wondering what to use.

We review why our boundaries fail and what good boundaries look like:
1. Clearly define the boundaries to our kids
2. Make the boundaries positive
3. Have consequences
4. Be consistent
5. Be reasonable
6. Be calm and loving

Here are some useful links for you:
EPISODE 20: Creating Calm with Boundaries and Limits (Transcript)
EPISODE 20: Creating Calm with Boundaries and Limits (Podcast)
ENERGY DRAIN IDEA LIST

For a full transcript of this podcast see my blog:
TRANSCRIPT

If you have questions please email me at [email protected].

Email me at [email protected] or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com. 

Have a blessed rest of your day!