Parenting Today's Teens

Sometimes our teen’s behaviors are inappropriate … but the motivation behind them is spot on.

Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens.

A number of years ago, I met with a 16-year-old boy named Nick. He was a good kid … but he’d become disobedient, dishonest, and disrespectful toward his parents. Mom and Dad were at their wits’ end.

When I sat down with Nick, he opened up about life at home. His parents wouldn’t let him get a job. They told him what kind of haircut he needed. They only let him listen to Christian music. In short, all this kid wanted was some healthy freedom. Nick’s exact words to me were: “They’re smothering me and keeping me from where I want to be.”

Like I said, sometimes our teen’s behaviors are inappropriate … but the motivation behind them is spot on.

Whether you’re admitting it to a spouse, a friend, or co-worker … they’re two of the hardest words you’ll ever say.

Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens.

Two words. “I’m sorry.”

Hey, apologizing is never easy … especially when we’re apologizing to a child. But the truth is, even parents make mistakes. And admitting fault is a necessary step to restoring a damaged relationship.

So where do you start? Well, the simplest way to begin the conversation with your son or daughter is to admit where you’ve been wrong. Tell them your mistakes … and then discuss your ideas for preventing them in the future.

By sharing your own failures, you set the stage for a renewed relationship … and might just give your teen the motivation she needs to do the same.

Is it time to say those two words?

When the heat’s on, the kettle starts whistling! And when tensions are high at home, trouble can’t be far away.

This weekend on Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston offers ten practical ways to chill out with your teen and restore peace in your home.

Even the most calm and collected people get angry sometimes. So when does a teen’s anger cross the line from ordinary … to alarming?

Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens.

Outbursts of anger are something that almost all teens indulge in from time to time. It’s just the nature of the beast. And while that doesn’t mean we have to accept or allow it … sometimes it’s a relief just to know that your teen isn’t the only one struggling.

So when does adolescent fury call for immediate attention? I recommend taking action when his outbursts include profanity and show extreme disrespect … if he shows defiance to the standards and values of the home … or if he gets physical with any member of the family.

Has your teen’s rage gone beyond normal boundaries? Mom, dad … don’t be afraid to take a stand.

You’ve heard me say that no parent should demand perfection from their teen. Yet some parents still expect it from themselves.

Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens.

Kids are bound to act out, be embarrassing, or behave in a way their parents don’t want them to. And many times, parents feel personally ashamed and discouraged by their child’s actions. They see their teen’s shortcomings as evidence of their own failures.

Mom, dad, remember this: only God is perfect! Not your teen. Not you. And certainly not me. So quit trying to attain absolute perfection!

Is there a chance that we’ll mess up? Guaranteed. But when you admit to your teen that you’re not perfect, it might make them feel a little more comfortable in their own imperfect skin.

Let them know they’re surrounded by a family that truly understands, and shares, their flawed condition.

A while back, I was standing in line to go through airport security when a woman next to me pulled a laptop out of her bag … and proceeded to drop it right onto my big toe.

Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens.

Now, it was clearly an accident. But man, did it hurt! I was hobbling around the airport, limping from place to place. I must have looked pathetic.

Later that day, though, I noticed some interesting things. My food didn’t taste as good. Important meetings suddenly seemed irrelevant. I felt angry instead of happy. In short, the pain had completely consumed my outlook.

Is your teen always angry or easily irritated? Maybe his unpleasant moods are the effect of pain in his life. Dig a little deeper. Discover the root cause. Some day … he’ll thank you.

Over the years, we’ve watched countless childhood TV stars transition from innocent kids to out-of-control messes. And every time, we stop and wonder, “Man, what went wrong?”

Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens.

Whether it’s a young celebrity who’s gone rogue … or a teen under your own roof who’s
spinning out of control, my reaction is always the same: all behavior is goal-oriented.
Whether it’s drinking, drug abuse, or immodest behavior … it always points to something bigger.

Our job as parents is to ask what that “something bigger” is. Is my teen trying to send me a message? Is she trying to declare independence? Is he trying to cover up the pain of an incident or trauma?

The answer could be any number of issues. But when your teen starts acting out … keep this in mind: all behavior is goal-oriented.

As parents, we care a lot about who and what influences our kids. Which is why we raise a red flag when our teens start hanging out with the wrong crowd.

Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens.

Maybe you’re worried about your son or daughter’s friends. They’re misfits. The
troublemakers. They don’t make eye contact with you. Why would your teen be hangin’ out with them in the first place?

Well, here’s how it works. Birds of a feather flock together. And your teen may be hanging
with the “bad kids” because he can identify with them. He relates to their pain. And their
mutual dysfunction helps them form a bond.

Does your teen have unsavory friends? My advice is to look past the externals … and begin to see the pain that’s hiding underneath.

Don’t alienate them. Engage them.

In order to teach an old dog new tricks, you’ve got to take your strategy from teaching … to training. That’s just one of the shifts parents need to make when raising a maturing teen.

This weekend on Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston unpacks three strategies to make the transition from adolescence to adulthood a whole lot smoother.

Did you know that you have one of the most important jobs in the world? I’m not talking about your position at work.

Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens.

I’m talking about your role as a parent. Moms and dads are given a sacred mandate. It’s a big deal! And we should consider our role as nothing less than a divine appointment from God.

Titus 2, verses 6 through 8 says: “Encourage the young men to be self-controlled. In
everything, set an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned.”

As you carry out your duties as parent, remember the One who appointed you. He said, “In everything, set an example by doing what is good.” Yours is a very high calling!