In this final episode of the series, we interview Hibo Wardere, author of Cut - a memoir of her own experience of FGM at the hands of her family as a six-year-old child and her subsequent journey with the trauma of that experience. 

TRIGGER WARNING: detailed description of the female genital mutilation and vaginal cutting of children

Hibo is a committed campaigner against FGM, both in the UK and all over the world. Hibo speaks openly about her experience, the trauma, betrayal and pain of being cut and its impact on her relationship with her family and with herself. 

We talk about protecting girls in our own communities - FGM is still practised on children living in the UK - and how to get involved. She makes the concept personal and real, and gives an insight on the role of men in FGM, the impact of the pandemic on the prevalence of cutting and gender-based violence and the economic machine that fuels the .

We also touch on the work of Rhobi Samwelli in Tanzania, an FGM survivor who risks her life to provide safe houses for girls at risk of being cut. Every year, hundreds of girls risk their lives and their connection with their families to escape the damage that is planned for them. 

If you'd like to donate to support girls at risk of being cut now (during the annual cutting season), please click through here: https://www.globalgiving.org/projects/safe-house-training-centre-tanzania/. Even the price of a cappuccino will feed a girl for a few days. Give what you can. 

Follow Hibo and support her work: https://twitter.com/HiboWardere  https://www.instagram.com/hibowardere/

Read her book 

16 days of activism against FGM:  https://16dayscampaign.org 25th November to 10th December

Get help

If you think you are at risk of cutting, are concerned for a child or would like to access emotional support or medical services for yourself related to genital mutilation, we've included a list of resources below. Our list is UK-centric, but if you have access to the internet, you can find out about resources in your country.

Children can call the NSPCC, 

Children can call Childline for free on 0800 1111

Adults who are concerned about a child can call their local Police station or the NSPCC on 0808 800 5000

Forward UK has a comprehensive list of ways to get help on their website: https://www.forwarduk.org.uk/i-need-help/

This includes your local authority, emergency services and non-emergency Police services.

http://nationalfgmcentre.org.uk - education about harmful practices

http://nationalfgmcentre.org.uk/uk-fgm-services/ Resources and support for survivors of FGM across the UK

Most London hospitals, and many across the country, have FGM clinics. You can attend to get support, medical help and talk about reconstructive surgery

https://inthenameofyourdaughterfilm.com/trailer/ 

You'll notice that some pesky dogs do some barking during this episode. Given the context, I think it's the least of our worries. 

Email us at [email protected] with comments (and pictures/stories of your Kinder oracles!). Follow us on instagram @pastimperfectpodcast and on Twitter @PastImperfect2

Note: we are two fairly well informed people with opinions that we like to talk about. We're not expert voices telling things how they are, just how the are for us.

Music: New Dawn by Ruth Blake. Listen to her music at www.ruthblake.com

Logo image based on Psychopomp by Hollie Chastain. Check out her art and amazing collage book at www.holliechastain.com

We talk about fear and how to metabolise it, reframe it and live alongside. We also touch on the system we live on, the film 'The Father' 

about the system we live in and Sammy does a mighty job of reading a poem (copied below). These are exciting times to be alive. Enjoy!

Man's Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/4069.Man_s_Search_for_Meaning

If This is a Man, Primo Levi: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/275630.If_This_Is_a_Man?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=XYO7RiKWWl&rank=2

https://t.me/staceysworldrocks Telegram group for Staceys World Rocks

https://rumble.com/vn7lf5-monopoly-who-owns-the-world-must-see.html Monopoly Who Runs the World about Black Rock and Vanguard. 

Eddie Chilvers https://eddiechilvers.bandcamp.com/album/change-your-mind

This is Vanity: Watch on YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=40zqsPvGTfw

by Rudyard Kipling. 

The dark masterpiece Midsommar is the topic of this excitable episode. Ari Aster's 2019 movie is a multi-layered study of narcissistic behaviour – overt, covert, blatant and so slick and sophisticated you'll get a warm glow while it's happening. We look at how the film showcases gaslighting and codependence in relationships and in cults and how they isolate people using intense love, nurture and seeming acceptance. And we delve into how the film not only shows brainwashing, but practices it, drawing us in and giving us the warm and fuzzies at the most manipulative of moments.  

It's full of SPOILERS, so if you haven't seen the movie, it's streaming on Netflix and other online sources right now. See it first. Be warned, it is a horror movie, even though it works very differently to the classic horror template.  

TRIGGER WARNINGS: there's lots of talk of cults and how they abuse people, narcissism, manipulation, victim-blaming and extreme grief, as well as talk of the murder/suicide of family members. We are talking about horror and manipulation, too, so strap in, and if you're feeling sensitive today, go gentle on yourself. I'm afraid our sound is janky again. We're working out how to get clean recordings on both sides while we do our live recordings on Zoom. Thank you for your patience while we work on solving this issue.  

Resources Acolytes of Horror: Nathan, video essayist, philosopher and artist: @LIGHTNINGWOW https://www.patreon.com/NathansArtProject  

Watch Nathan's intelligent and comprehensive video essay on how Midsommar brainwashes you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gr2j0o_B2mw Also packed with spoliers. 

HG Tudor - an 'out' psychopath who debunks how others do it and offers advice: https://narcsite.com 

Email us at [email protected] with comments (and pictures/stories of your Kinder oracles!). Follow us on instagram @pastimperfectpodcast and on Twitter @PastImperfect2 

Note: we are two fairly well informed people with opinions that we like to talk about. We're not expert voices telling things how they are, just how the are for us. 

Music: New Dawn by Ruth Blake. Listen to her music at www.ruthblake.com 

Logo image based on Psychopomp by Hollie Chastain. Check out her art and amazing collage book at www.holliechastain.com

We take a dive into Byron Katie, her four-question format for living in the present and the criticisms. Is 'the work' dangerous - is it traumatising victim-blaming? Could it persuade abused people to take responsibility for the abuse they have experienced (or are experiencing)?

We discuss Jude's experience of working with Byron Katie on a live call and our joint experience of trying to do the process together. 

Loving What Is https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/9762.Loving_What_Is

www.thework.com: the Byron Katie website where you can download worksheets, get guidance on the format and access a free helpline of volunteers if you're stuck. 

Melanie Tonia Evans recovery from narcissistic abuse: https://www.melanietoniaevans.com

John-Paul Flintoff https://flintoff.org

Homecoming: Reclaiming Your Inner Child by John Bradshaw https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/12124.Homecoming?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=Rjlb2o58wb&rank=1

Have you done The Work? If you have, what was your experience? 

Email us at [email protected] with comments (and pictures/stories of your Kinder oracles!). Follow us on instagram @pastimperfectpodcast and on Twitter @PastImperfect2

Note: we are two fairly well informed people with opinions that we like to talk about. We're not expert voices telling things how they are, just how the are for us. When we talk about difficult topics, we always have in mind that with work, trauma can be alchemised into resilience, strength and recovery.

Music: New Dawn by Ruth Blake. Listen to her music at www.ruthblake.com

Logo image based on Psychopomp by Hollie Chastain. Check out her art and amazing collage book at www.holliechastain.com

This week, we talk about how victim-blaming, gaslighting and personal radical responsibility relate to each other. It's fair to say that we take a few detours on the way there - fruitful ones, we hope - and that we have no slick answers to any of our questions. 

There are a few blips and bumps and scratchy noises on this recording. Soz.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: We mention/discuss domestic abuse, sexual abuse in ways that some people may find triggering (but without descriptive detail).

Homecoming - Reclaiming and Healing your Inner Child by John Bradshaw: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/12124.Homecoming 

Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families (ACA) 12-step recovery program: www.adultchildren.org

Byron Katie's 'The Work': https://thework.com

Melanie Tonia Evans NARP program - recovery after narcissistic abuse. www.melanietoniaevans.com

Refuge - support for women, children and men against domestic abuse: https://www.refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/. (UK)

Women's Aid: https://www.womensaid.org.uk (UK) or womensaid.ie (Ireland)

Key and Peele sketch:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLnUJzueBOQ 

Email us at [email protected] with comments (and pictures/stories of your Kinder oracles!). Follow us on instagram @pastimperfectpodcast and on Twitter @PastImperfect2

Note: we are two fairly well informed people and self-confessed bangers-on with opinions that we like to talk about. We're not expert voices telling things how they are, just how the are for us. Neither of us is a trained psychotherapist or counsellor, so we're unable to offer direct support for specific situations, but there are always organisations or programs that can help.  

Music: New Dawn by Ruth Blake. Listen to her music at www.ruthblake.com - check out her newly recorded song here: https://www.instagram.com/tv/CVqilTAoldo/?utm_medium=share_sheet

Logo image based on Psychopomp by Hollie Chastain. Check out her art and amazing collage book at www.holliechastain.com

In this episode, we talk about self care. Not the expensive spa and luxury face mask kind, which makes both of us a little bit sick in our mouths, but the real, sometimes uncomfortable, boundary-setting kind, or the kind of self-care that sees you resist an enticing addictive pattern or get enough sleep. We talk addiction, dopamine hits, epigenetic trauma passed down through generations, and lots, lots more (just look at the list of resources). 

As is often the case with home studios, there are banging noises from neighbours and an occasional kitten. It was recorded in February this year, so you'll notice a few anachronisms and you'll already know the answers to a few of the doubts we express. 

We'd love to hear from you about your own version of self care. Email us or hit us up on Instagram or twitter. Email us at [email protected] with comments (and pictures/stories of your Kinder oracles!). Follow us on instagram @pastimperfectpodcast and on Twitter @PastImperfect2

You can contact Joanna Jane Delves about her work on [email protected] 

CG Jung's shadow work:  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shadow_(psychology) 

HG Tudor - an 'out' psychopath who debunks how others do it and offers advice: https://narcsite.com

Debbie Ford, The Dark Side of the Light Chasers https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/774565.The_Dark_Side_of_the_Light_Chasers

Holly Whitaker on quitting alcohol: https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/45434420-quit-like-a-woman

Pleasure Unwoven 12-minute film on the science of addiction and dopamine seeking:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JFcAQdEwDhY Tiny bit annoying, but fascinating nevertheless.

Melanie Tonia Evans on self-partnering: https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/what-is-self-partnering/

Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families (ACA) www.adultchildren.org and a free beginners' handbook: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1zRQpAUz4HylqrFN-KjFq879XKi_5UxM9/view

Emma Watson on self-partnering: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-UPbkWWusWg Note: It seems that while this resonated with lots of people, it was also derided in a sneery way. Fuck 'em, I say. Hollywood prefers romantic love stories to people being complete in their own right.

Lama Lena: https://lamalenateachings.com

Visit Sammy's You Tube channel about narcissism:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTDyKjEoa7HPHNQet7fsk2Q

Note: we are two fairly well informed people with opinions that we like to talk about. We're not expert voices telling things how they are, just how the are for us.

Music: New Dawn by Ruth Blake. Listen to her music at www.ruthblake.com

Logo image based on Psychopomp by Hollie Chastain. Check out her art and amazing collage book at www.holliechastain.com

This episode deals with important questions such as 'how do you support someone who's in the grip of addiction to a substance or abusive person?' and 'should you warn someone if you have experienced abuse at the hands of somebody they're involved with?' 

We also discuss Clare's Law, where you can request information on any person of concern to discover whether they have a police record of abuse against women. 

It's a rich one that covers lots of topics. There's enough links to background material in this one to keep you busy for a couple of weeks. Enjoy!

UK Government's Clare's Law (Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme) https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/domestic-abuse-bill-2020-factsheets/domestic-violence-disclosure-scheme-factsheet

Sammy's Narcissism YouTube on Clare's Law: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fd1Usecm5Nw 

Sammy's Narcissism YouTube on 24 Hours in Police Custody - a female narcissist in action: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9nX9X5jIM40 

Watch Holy Hell trailer https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2f2BG43JW0o  - you can rent the full-length documentary on YouTube or Google for a few quid. And another clip: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KwfJoHt_ywE

Melanie Tonia Evans NARP program - recovery after narcissistic abuse.

HG Tudor - an 'out' psychopath who debunks how others do it and offers advice: https://narcsite.com

Email us at [email protected] with comments (and pictures/stories of your Kinder oracles!). Follow us on instagram @pastimperfectpodcast and on Twitter @PastImperfect2

Note: we are two fairly well informed people with opinions that we like to talk about. We're not expert voices telling things how they are, just how the are for us.

Music: New Dawn by Ruth Blake. Listen to her music at www.ruthblake.com

Logo image based on Psychopomp by Hollie Chastain. Check out her art and amazing collage book at www.holliechastain.com

Inspired by Holy Hell, the fascinating documentary by Will Allen, we spend this episode talking about the guru factor, and about the film itself.  What makes spiritual communities of seekers such fertile ground for narcissistic abuse? What are the red flags to watch out? As always, we also touch on our own experiences of this kind of abuse. 

It's a juicy one. Please note that there are moments when the sound quality is compromised and there's some weird banging in the background. We hope you enjoy the episode anyway. As always, there's a level of humour despite a heavy topic. 

TRIGGER WARNING: we discuss abuse within spiritual communities, cults, rape and sexual manipulation by a leader/"master". 

Watch Holy Hell trailer https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2f2BG43JW0o  - you can rent the full-length documentary on YouTube or Google for a few quid. And another clip: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KwfJoHt_ywE

A link to the cult education forum  https://forum.culteducation.com/read.php?12,47136,page=2 on Tara/MISA/Natha yoga and tantra school. https://metro.co.uk/2021/08/11/the-bachelor-australias-ashleigh-freckleton-escaped-a-cult-15076160/ There are also articles online by followers that claim that this organisation has been persecuted. My own personal experience supports the former perception - there'll be a link to our first past imperfect blog very soon with details. Make up your own mind about this. 

Check out Oracle girl here: https://www.oraclegirl.org

Email us at [email protected] with comments (and pictures/stories of your Kinder oracles!). Follow us on instagram @pastimperfectpodcast and on Twitter @PastImperfect2

Note: we are two fairly well informed people with opinions that we like to talk about. We're not expert voices telling things how they are, just how the are for us. 

Visit Sammy's You Tube channel about narcissism:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTDyKjEoa7HPHNQet7fsk2Q

Music: New Dawn by Ruth Blake. Listen to her music at www.ruthblake.com

Logo image based on Psychopomp by Hollie Chastain. Check out her art and amazing collage book at www.holliechastain.com

In this juicy episode, Sammy interviews Jude about her personal experience of the 12-step program Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families (ACA). As it was originally a provision for Alateens who'd got too old to continue but still suffered the effects of their dysfunctional childhoods, the name still has 'alcoholics' in the title. In fact, it's a program for anyone whose childhood abandonment/neglect - whether caused by   addiction, abuse, shaming, religious or militaristic strictness among other things - prevents them from enjoying their adult lives to the full. 

We address some of the fears we expressed in our last mention of 12-step programs - before either of us had done one - the God bit and the 'this is the only way' discomfort. Jude's found a program that really fits, and she talks a little bit about how that is for her. There's talk of inner child and reparenting work too. 

This will be the first of two episodes on this topic this series. It was recorded back in February, when Jude was working through Step 2. There'll be a second, a little further down the line. The proof of this particular pudding is in the way it changes how we live in the world, so it'll be interesting to see the results 8/9 months and 7/8 steps further down the line. 

International site: https://adultchildren.org - you can find meetings all over the world, online or in person, order literature and general information about the program.

UK site: https://www.adultchildrenofalcoholics.co.uk

Beginners' handbook from the Sunday beginners' meeting - an easy (and free) way in full of week-by-week questions and suggested resources: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1zRQpAUz4HylqrFN-KjFq879XKi_5UxM9/view  This booklet contains all of the standard documents - the laundry list of traits/behaviours, the promises, the problem and the solution, according to ACA.

Email us at [email protected] with comments (and pictures/stories of your Kinder oracles!). Follow us on instagram @pastimperfectpodcast and on Twitter @PastImperfect2

Link to Sammy's You Tube channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTDyKjEoa7HPHNQet7fsk2Q

Music: New Dawn by Ruth Blake. Listen to her music at www.ruthblake.com

Logo image based on Psychopomp by Hollie Chastain. Check out her art and amazing collage book at www.holliechastain.com

This week, we get honest about the process we've been through between Series 1 and Series 2, our dance with our own addictions and blind spots and how our projections onto other people always have their roots in our own bellies. 

There are dirty potatoes, a fair amount of inadvertent cackling and information about the shape of episodes to come. 

Byron Katie's work is available on  her YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC8dvufocK9zM6KnkronGbzA

Link to Sammy's You Tube channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTDyKjEoa7HPHNQet7fsk2Q

Email us at [email protected] with comments (and pictures/stories of your Kinder oracles!). Follow us on instagram @pastimperfectpodcast and on Twitter @PastImperfect2

Music: New Dawn by Ruth Blake. Listen to her music at www.ruthblake.com

Logo image based on Psychopomp by Hollie Chastain. Check out her art and amazing collage book at www.holliechastain.com