This is Brandt from the Stanford office. I'm trying to get ahold of somebody about this air conditioning bill. It says right here in my Garmin that it has something to do with a faulty calibrator. It's gonna run you $920.43. How much can we put you down for today?

We also talked to a nice guy from a band called Tokyo Luck Hole. You can find their music here: https://tokyoluckyhole.com/

Closing music is "Ultra Humongous Whale Penis" by Gaping Dad:https://soundcloud.com/gaping-dad/ultra-humongous-whale-penis

Matt is a Brendon Walsh fanboy, ok? A musical tribute to his podcast and late comedian Richard Bain in the vein of NOFX opens the episode. We call a couple of scam lines with varying results, we call a hotel to ask if Heaven's Gate can come and host a baking contest, and we call a couple of porn shops to ask about the least expensive items, cream chargers, discounts on small condoms etc. But most importantly: we ask them if they can tell us how to make sourdough bread. We plays a snippet of a call to a scammer about men's vitality pills (full call below), then episode ends with an original track from Dr. Juice Leg called "Trash Juice". Matt kept calling this episode 33 but it's really 34.

"Urkel's House" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TIbHL...​

Dr. Juice Leg - "Trash Juice" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EaDSI...​

Hearview Call - Men's Vitality https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U4L8v...

Wade Roberts, World Champion of the Basketball and Football Association of the National Syndication of Bodybuilding Inc., joins us for his first appearance! Also, it's Matt's niece Cayla's birthday! We're talkin' hair lies, drug stories that we don't condone, Gore Gallery, Matt's girlfriend, Wade's trashcan, the gubmint, vintage prank calls, Matt's trash habits, Pygmy Planecrash, mohawks, and 7 grams of dried mushrooms. Also we call a restaurant to complain that we bit our tongues off and then call a hotel to see if they can host our bodybuilding competition. Also featured: Nick Doe and Pillowbiter's remix of Matt's niece's hip hop track "Like Robinhood".

Reed claims to have more TV real estate on the walls of his home than Rudy Giuliani. Is twerking in outer space physically possible? David Bowie made a song that Johnny Pemberton refactored into his own song, and then Matt made a full band version of that song. Is everything meta on this podcast? Matt recalls a time where his dad drove him across the country and played a cassette tape which explained a Christian version of the birds and the bees. Reed remains hairless from the neck down and brags about how many heaters he has in his home. But does he even have a single heater? Or a home? Or even a family? Is he lying to us all? We call some places to ask about what can help our foot dandruff problem, Jared covers Leroy Boots original "Foot Dandruff Song (Please Help)". To cap it off our phone lines get all tangled with a nice young man at a hotel.

The highlight of this episode is a surreal and heartwarming 20 minute call to a very nice man named Steve who works in surveillance at a casino. Other topics: pubes, gear talk, hair conspiracies, Trump's helicopter, Garth Brooks, 3 second rule, more TV comparisons, prayers for a transformer from the future, wacky videos, who's most in charge, and a persistent question to strangers about how long it would take to digest a triple meat cheeseburger AKA "Turning a Number 3 Into a Number 2".

It's Jared's birthday so we discuss fat rolls on your forehead and the evolutionary purpose of long balls, pranking your kid to show him who's boss, mayonnaise and Reed's mic breathing. Matt debuts a tune highlighting a freaky dude with a mullet, transformer from the future Javier gives us an update, we check out more Cop Rock, we call some places and let our son Nathaniel order food, we call another prayer line, we ask some restaurants how they make their mayonnaise and make some special requests, call a casino to ask about the temperature and the high rollers club, and cap it off with another video from Kitzi Klown about castration.

Recorded on the day of the attempted coup at the Capitol Building, this episode features Matt cutting off his hair on camera for the first time in about 11 years, a beautiful rendition of My Country Tis Of Thee, trying to figure out what a second cousin is, a slew of angry people recorded and plastered all over the internet, a man puking into his beer cup and drinking it, calls to hotel front desk attendants where Matt rekindles his lost friendships, the 3 Isabelles, news about polishing our Frank Caliendo and Sly Stallone impressions and a call from passive aggressive youth pastor Mazos Brason. THEY ARE SHUTTING DOWN ALL THE ZOOS!!!

Casey is back for an action packed episode.  A massive 30ish minute call to a guy called Kevin who solves our marital problems, prays for us, and sings Amazing Grace, is the main course for this episode.  Next up is a call from our good buddy Leroy Boots who tells us a story about a shocking psychedelic meltdown he had over the holidays.  Then we cap the episode off with some choice cuts from the internet and one more call about setting up our classic fajita buffet at a hotel so our 16 piece male volleyball team can have a party.  Closing music is a short selection from Spank's "Pick Me Up" recorded at Triple Crown in San Marcos, TX in 2008.

The New Years episode is the most EXTREME version of Hearview Hotel to date. Featuring a new tune by Leroy Boots, new sound effects, voice modulators, prayers for the masses, a call about quesadilla taco patty burgers, therapy wallabies, Samantha and Tiffany getting pissy about taxidermy and the duet that follows, a call from a reasonable but stern John Carrington, and a request to a poker house to bring in a full fajita spread for tax write off purposes.

Leroy Boots - A New Year Type Dealhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-H1MqgdOr0w

Closing track is Gaping Dad - "Poop on John McAfee"https://soundcloud.com/gaping-dad/poop-on-john-mcaffe

Happy Christmas!  This episode begins with a Melissa Carone supercut and a remix/video Matt made with her samples.  Next up is a selection from Metranohm's Crinkley Krampus Orchestra.  After that we listen to a message from some dude who left a voicemail on the Hearview Hotel voicemail. We then tell Javier at the casino to "twist 320", call some cruise lines about getting Leroy Boots a gig on the boat, ask if a gentleman can guess the size of Nivlem's wife's thighs (spoiler alert: she has thighs like Warren Haynes), Mo gives a gentleman a quiz on the 5 mother sauces, Gaping Dad inquires about a booking a circuit party, and we call an aggressive prayer line with a man who angrily prays as loud as possible.  Next up we call a motel to ask if we can shoot photographs of lizards in tiny suits in our room to make a beautiful 2021 calendar, and the episode ends with a shady motel owner telling us that we should come down to the hotel to check out the merchandise (this call is really bizarre).