Post Traumatic Parenting

In today’s episode of Post Traumatic Parenting, I delve further into the topic of entanglement, boundaries, and how to get out of entanglement. If you recall the previous episode, you remember Esme, a post-traumatic parent who is so tangled up in the dynamics of her family of origin that it interferes with her parenting style and hinders her ability to parent in accordance with her values. Esme has sought my guidance in analyzing her situation and finding a way out of this entanglement. 

While some may believe that cutting off ties or completely withdrawing from her family is the solution, they are mistaken. The answer lies in something that many post-traumatic parents find confusing and challenging: boundaries. 

By setting healthy boundaries and honoring them, parents like Esme can reclaim their true identity, realign with their values, and once again parent in accordance with their values. Join me as I discuss the importance and purpose of boundaries, the adverse effects of repeatedly breaking boundaries, how to establish clear boundaries, effectively communicate them with others, and more.

Note: In this episode, I mistakenly referred to it as episode 15. However, we had to publish an additional episode prior to this one. Therefore, please note that this episode is actually episode 16. We apologize for any confusion this may have caused and hope you enjoy listening to this episode!

• Why do post-traumatic parents often lack an understanding of boundaries?
• The story of Mrs. McGillicutty highlights the importance of boundaries and the consequences of ignoring them.
• Boundaries are not about estrangement, but rather about mediating closeness and maintaining personal integrity.
• How does anger serve as an antidote to guilt, and what role does justified guilt play in acknowledging mistakes and repairing relationships?
• In what ways can anger temporarily suppress guilt, potentially leading to the acceptance of behaviors that would normally be unacceptable in a calm state?
• Why do boundaries exist, and what purpose do they serve in relationships?
• Different understandings of boundaries often cause anger and conflicts in relationships.
• Why is there no objective standard for boundaries, and why might what works for one family not work for another?
• When can exceptions be made to boundaries, and how should these exceptions be handled?
• Setting clear boundaries and effectively communicating them in relationships.
• How does setting boundaries help children establish a strong sense of self and values as part of their development?
• How can good boundaries protect children from peer pressure?

Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology. For full show notes and more resources visit https://www.drrobynkoslowitz.com/2023/05/31/getting-out-of-e…-into-boundaries/

Welcome to another episode of Post-Traumatic Parenting! I'm thrilled to share today's episode with you as I'm experimenting with a new format for solo episodes. After hearing from several post-traumatic parents who reached out to share their stories on the podcast but were concerned about protecting their identities, I wanted to find a way to help them and analyze their situations without revealing any sensitive information. By doing so, we can learn so much from one another's experiences and grow together as a community.

In today's episode, I begin by discussing the five different types of post-traumatic parents, with a particular focus on the entangled parent and establishing boundaries. I then introduce you to the first story of Esme, an entangled parent, and we explore her entanglement with family, the impact it had on her day-to-day life, and my advice for her moving forward. Tune in for this and more!

• The 5 types of post-traumatic parents
• What it means to be an entangled parent
• Esme’s own entanglement story 
• The challenges of working from home
• Esme's emotional displacement onto her children due to the entanglement situation
• Esme's arbiters of reality and how they influence her day-to-day life
• What is the AIM model and how to apply it in Esme’s situation
• Why post-traumatic parents often struggle with establishing boundaries
• The trait that others find annoying may actually be your secret superpower
• Why is it hard to establish boundaries at times
• How to reclaim your reality from the arbiters of reality
• Don’t let your kids be the caretaker of your own emotions

Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology and for full show notes and more resources visit www.drrobynkoslowitz.com/2023/05/10/post-traumatic-p…entangled-parent/

Columbine. Las Vegas Rt. 91. Sandy Hook. Robb Elementary School. These shootings (and sadly, so many more) are seared into our public consciousness. I can still remember where I was when the news about Columbine broke. For many Post-Traumatic Parents, the thought of mass violence or school shootings is terrifying, because who knows better than us just how unsafe the world is? Even if our trauma wasn't about mass violence, the unsafe feeling trauma leaves behind affects us. 

In this deeply moving episode, the women of Survivors Path talk about the courage it takes to parent after being in a mass casualty event, the way trauma leaves a long shadow on our lives, and how to go on. This episode is all about the "M" of our "AIM" model for coping with trauma - making a mission and meaning out of it. For Survivors Path, that mission is supporting other survivors. Trigger warning - this episode does talk about mass violence, shooting, death, and the death of children. I’m deeply honored to have Survivors Path on the Post-Traumatic Parenting podcast and I can’t wait for you to listen to the episode.

• What is it like to be a parent who has experienced trauma themselves and how it affects interactions with their children
• The impact of trauma on their parenting journey, including panic attacks, anxiety, and navigating their children’s exposure to violence
• The challenges of being a post-traumatic parent: setting boundaries, navigating difficult conversations with their children, and dealing with children's exposure to violence in the media
• Why should you teach children the reasons behind rules
• The judgment faced by mass shooting survivors in handling their experiences and the challenges of navigating through trauma-related fears
• Coping with stress and trauma through dissociation and its drawbacks
• Anticipatory anxiety and the aftermath of anniversaries related to traumatic events
• The importance of support, friendship, and solidarity among mass violence survivors
• Finding acceptance, integrating trauma into one's identity, and creating meaning and purpose in life as part of the healing process
• Recognizing and respecting children's interests and desires while discussing the consequences and responsibilities
• How to have open communication and provide a safe space for discussing difficult topics with children
• Recognizing that it's okay not to know every detail of a child's experience and allowing them to advocate for them something 

Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology and for full show notes and more resources visit www.drrobynkoslowitz.com/2023/05/18/post-traumatic-parenting-after-mass-violence-survivors-path-share-their-wisdom/

The metaphor I like to use the most for trauma is it’s like a mobile app running in the background. It drains your battery and keeps giving itself permissions unless you actively limit them. You could think of it as well-intentioned malware that was baked into your phone. What’s the goal of the trauma app? Restore a sense of safety. 

But here is the thing. The trauma app can’t tell the difference between feeling safe and being safe. It overrides your true self and your ability to act in accordance with your values and that’s why it makes you engage in behaviors that create an illusion of safety at that moment but are actually not safe for you. Join me in today’s podcast episode as I explore how the trauma app works, its impact on your daily life, how you can stop it from hijacking your brain, and much more!

• What is trauma
• Not all traumas are traumatic
• Why do we cling to behaviors that we know are counterproductive
• PTSD doesn't always look like shaking on the floor and panicking
• Unexpected parenting situations that will trigger you
• How to deal with a child’s meltdowns 
• Why we don’t act in accordance with our values when we are in a stress response
• How to restore your sense of safety when you’re in a stress response 
• Why are boundaries confusing for many post-traumatic parents

Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology and for full show notes and more resources visit www.drrobynkoslowitz.com/2023/05/01/how-to-stop-the-…cking-your-brain/

When we as post-traumatic parents, come to the realization of how our traumas impact our parenting, we get anxious and try to get better quickly because we realize how much our children depend on us. Speeding out your trauma recovery is an often discussed topic in the Post Traumatic Parenting community. Members often ask me about self-healing approaches that could be used between therapy sessions to turbocharge their therapy.

That's why for today's podcast episode, I invited Dr. Kate Truitt to talk about havening and how to use it to heal your trauma, and soothe yourself when you get triggered. Tune in as we talk about what is havening, what are the four havening techniques, why havening is a perfect technique for post-traumatic parents, how to use it to reprogram your brain, and so much more!

Note: We experienced some internet connection issues during the recording, which led to some distortion and breaking in the audio in some parts of the interview. Although we weren't completely happy with the sound quality, we decided to release the episode anyway because we felt that Dr. Truitt shared so much value in her insights that we didn't want to keep them from you. We appreciate your understanding and continued support.

• What is Havening and how it works
• How Havening directly accesses the amygdala 
• What makes Havening a perfect method for post-traumatic parents
• What is the amygdala’s role in your body and how does it keep you safe
• How I used to use dissociation as a coping mechanism until my kids noticed
• How to actively manage your triggers
• Dr. Truitt shares common trauma myths people ask her about all the time
• How to reprogram your brain when you get triggered
• Healing your traumas is not a linear process
• What most people misunderstand about the neuroplasticity of our brains
• What is Dr. Truitt’s book about and who it was written for
• How to use emotional co-regulation with your children
• Dr. Truitt shares supportive tools from her book for post-traumatic parents

Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology and for full show notes and more resources visit www.drrobynkoslowitz.com/2023/03/06/healing-your-tra…h-dr-kate-truitt/

Welcome to another exciting episode of the Post-Traumatic Parenting podcast! In today’s podcast episode, I’m joined by Stephanie Chandler, the founder of the Nonfiction Authors Association. I recently attended her conference and when I heard her unique post-traumatic parenting story I knew I had to share it with you all because I love bringing post-traumatic parents on the podcast so that we can hear real-life Post-Traumatic stories. Stephanie is someone I admire a lot, she turned her trauma into a superpower, while remaining a conscious, present parent. Tune in as we talk about Stephanie’s story, how she suddenly lost her husband and became a single parent, how to process grief when you lose a loved one, what is grief hijack, different ways to process your trauma, and managing trauma while parenting a traumatized child.

• Stephanie shares how she suddenly lost her husband
• The difference between being a single parent and an only parent
• A missing male figure in Stephanie's son's life
• When should you seek professional help with processing your grief
• What is a grief hijack
• Stephanie’s journey of starting the Nonfiction Authors Association
• How did Stephanie hack her trauma and turned into a superpower
• Different ways to process your trauma
• How to supercharge your therapy
• What motivated me to become a psychologist
• Suicide is not selfish, and depression is not only in your head
• Stephanie's son's reaction to his dad passing
• What they don’t teach you in school about business
• Stephanie shares how she started her first writers' conference 
• Tips on writing a book, building a platform, and finding an agent
• Turning your fear into a helpful friend
• Why post-traumatic parents are the world's natural entrepreneurs

Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology and for full show notes and more resources visit www.drrobynkoslowitz.com/turning-your-trauma-into-superpower-with-stephanie-chandler

Postpartum can be tough. Whether you are a new parent or you already have children, you have never done this pregnancy before, you have never adjusted from one baby to two and from two to three. That’s why postpartum recovery might look very different for every one of us. Postpartum shakes, not feeling the rush of maternal love, or feeling incompetent and unsupported, it’s all part of the postpartum journey.

Your body goes through intense experience during childbirth, so it’s important to be kind to yourself. It will take time to adjust to the new period in your life, but it will pass and it will get better. Being post-traumatic just intensifies that experience! I want to normalize this experience for you, that’s why for today’s podcast episode, I invited Chelsea Bodie, the co-founder of Mama Psychologists. Tune in as we talk about postpartum recovery, what you can expect from postpartum, things that most people don’t tell you about, how to set boundaries with your loved one in the postpartum period, and much more!

• Who is behind Mama Psychologists
• Postpartum experiences that aren’t talked about
• What can you expect from Not Your Mother’s Postpartum Book
• How to filter through parenting content on social media
• What are the most common things moms wish they knew about postpartum
• Why are you experiencing retraumatization symptoms 
• The importance of validating your feelings and having a community
• Setting boundaries with friends and family in the immediate postpartum period
• How did starting Mama Psychologist influence Chelsea’s parenting journey
• What phases children go through that are completely normal but make parents freak out

Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology and for full show notes and more resources visit www.drrobynkoslowitz.com/what-they-dont-tell-you-about-postpartum-life-trauma-with-chelsea-bodie-of-mamapsychologists

Do you worry about how to protect your kids from online dangers, from predators to porn? As Post-Traumatic Parents, we are especially aware of how dangerous the world can be! In this episode, Kristen A Jenson, from Defend Young Minds, helps us explore how to protect our kids in the digital world. We talk about her books, like Good Pictures, Bad Pictures, her journey towards being a kid safety crusader, and why digital safety is particularly important for those of us who have been traumatized.

You can find Kristen online atwww.defendyoungminds.com

Website/Books: https://defendyoungminds.com/books

Trigger warning – for those Post-Traumatic Parents who have experienced boundary-crossing touch or physical abuse – this episode will explore those topics. Make sure to take some self-care precautions before listening. As Post-Traumatic Parents, we sometimes feel safer when we don’t think about these dangers, but that’s replacing the illusion of safety for actual safety. Instead, it’s better to educate ourselves and come up with a proactive plan to keep our kids safe. It can be done!

Is shame the hardest part of Post-Traumatic Parenting? Shame and trauma go together, and shame and parenting do, too. Dr. Patti Ashley, author of Shame Informed Therapy, website https://pattiashley.com/ is the expert on this. We talked about how shame is a sense of not being enough, no matter how well we’re doing, and how trauma leads to shame. Most crucially, we talked about what to do about it. So many PTPs want to avoid shaming our own kids, but we don’t know exactly how. Dr. Ashley has some great ideas.

Post-Traumatic Parents know what helpless feels like, and we don’t want to inflict that feeling on our kids. We don’t want to parent coercively. But the behavioral approach to parenting seems to be the only game in town! Is there a way to help our kids learn emotion regulation or coping without sticker charts? Dr. Mona Delahooke https://monadelahooke.com/ has a parenting plan that combines Polyvagal theory with child development research and neuroscience. Let’s apply her work to Post-Traumatic Parenting.