The Athletic's Adam Hurrey and Charlie Eccleshare are joined by England's deputy chief medical officer and pandemic cult hero Professor Sir Jonathan Van-Tam for the latest edition of Mesut Haaland Dicks.

Among Van-Tam's selections for his fascinations and irritations are the occasional accuracy of football films, the terrace humour down in the English sixth tier, weak referees allowing flagrant timewasting and the uniquely footballing anxiety that comes with "scoring too early".

Meanwhile, JVT shares memories of Paul Gascoigne turning out for his beloved Boston United, explains how he's convincing his family to let him have a BUFC tattoo, and we finally piece together the pulsating football match he used as his famous vaccination metaphor.

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