Pulp Nightmare | Tales of The Unaccountable | Comedy | Weird | Movie Commentaries

In this edition of Pulp Commentary, we are IN the Deadlights now! 30 years later, the boys of Pulp Nightmare are returning to their childhood town to finish what they started when they were but children of the 90s! Carrying a bucket of battery acid and a belief in the tooth fairy (and some trusty anti-clown gear they had laying around), they head into the caverns of Maine with only one purpose... record the longest commentary of their lives. Oh, and you're coming with us! So, arm yourselves with imagination slingshots, avoid Belch wielding greasers, and yell "HI-HO SILVER, AWAY!" Because we are ALL floating tonight, baby! We're FINALLY watching the TV movie event of the 90s... STEPHEN KING'S... IT. It's like it was always meant to be a Pulp Commentary.

You'll be wise, very wise indeed, by downloading IT right here!

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In this edition of Pulp Commentary, the boys celebrate the entirely too talked about death of Jason Voorhees by taking a nice trip down to ole' Camp Crystal Lake for some nice wholesome skinny-dipping fun. But just when they thought it was safe to go back in the pussy... they hear the sound they've been dreading all this time. The oncoming footsteps of a black man! Wait, that came out wrong. It's a body-hopping adventure of underwhelming proportions, as this Friday the 13th, the camp-crazy cast of Pulp Nightmare are made to sit down and bear witness to the most trying installment of the series yet - JASON GOES TO HELL: THE FINAL FRIDAY. You know why this commentary's gonna stick with you? Because you're getting a taste of the Duke!

And how about a taste of Jason's delicious heart too? Then download the commentary here to chow down!

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"Get in the car... or I'll tell 'em you're Jewish." - Nathan Lane to John Travolta

The Juice is finally loose! But can that really be considered a spoiler? Regardless, it's curtain call for PULPWATCH 1994, as the boys of Pulp Nightmare bid goodbye to a television show that they're somewhat confused even existed - American Crime Story: The People V OJ Simpson. But is there a twist ending where history radically diverges, aliens descend from the skies and attack, and the only man who can lead humanity towards the fleeting hope of survival is A.C.? God, we wish. Instead, we're treated to a series of plot-lines wrapped up in the most puzzling of ways, the arrival of a surprise dog that appears for... reasons, and multiple - really, too many - proposed murders for Judge Lance Ito. But there are so many questions left! Whatever became of that Nazi medal? Was it sold on the black market? And what about that romance left danging between Marcia Clark and the black man she continually mistreated? And finally, is Robert Shapiro truly the Devil incarnate? Is he the sinister mastermind who killed Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman, framing O.J. Simpson for a crime he did not in fact commit? Well, listen in, and maybe you'll be surprised. We sure weren't.

Feel the sweet taste of freedom right along with OJ by downloading the episode here!

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"PRESSURE?!" - Robert Shapiro

The trial of the century mercifully, thankfully starts winding down as the boys of Pulp Nightmare are brought to their absolute limit of endurance in the penultimate installment of PULPWATCH 1994. Your honor, we'd like the Nazi to take the stand. What's that? He said something about Judge Ito's wife? Stop the damn trial! Oh wait, he's stepping down? Trial is back on! Wait, he's inexplicably back? We don't know anymore. But the important question remains: Will Travolta be able to keep his unrelenting fury over the possibility of riots in the streets in check? And why does Cochran seem to want to incite one? Wait, why was THAT the ending?! You know what, AMERICAN CRIME STORY: THE PEOPLE V OJ SIMPSON, we don't know anymore. We just don't.

The Juice is loose! Download the episode here to escape!

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In this edition of Pulp Commentary, the boys decide that they've had enough of civilization for one weekend and go off to the woods in celebration of the life of a dear friend who's no longer with us - that friend being Stephen King's sanity. But once they settle in, they discover that something's quite amiss; Worm eggs sit precariously across the ground, ready to be hatched, horrible, unconvincing CGI wildlife roams the countryside, the corpse of Lawrence Kasdan's dignity is slumped over a toilet, and... is something moving under there?! Oh yes. We're going there. Going to a world in which The Punisher, Agent 47, Brodie Bruce, Morgan Freeman's eyebrows, and that guy who really should be a bigger deal than he is, are terrorized by the unseen - the staggeringly incomprehensible. A world as viewed by a man on a hell of a lot of painkillers. We've got some work to do now, because this is the 2003 box office bomb known as DREAMCATCHER. We Duddits.

Answer that ringing gun and save the world from Ellen Ripley by downloading the commentary now!

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"Next question!" - Cuba Gooding Jr. as OJ Simpson

You know, George, we've been thinking. Maybe it's time to do this PULPWATCH 1994 thing right. On a very special eighth installment of the ten-part series, FX's AMERICAN CRIME STORY: THE PEOPLE V. OJ SIMPSON, the boys of Pulp Nightmare sub out a usual guest for a very special guest who gives them the inside track on what really happened behind the scenes of the show - granting us a rare interview, series star and recovering Hollywood actor, Cuba Gooding Jr. as OJ Simpson! What secrets does Mr. Gooding Jr. As OJ Simpson spill exclusively for us, if any? How did he meet series creator and show-runner Ryan Murphy? What does he remember of working with John Singleton? Why is John Travolta the evilest man he's ever met? And whose skin is as "smooth as silk"? Also, we barely talk about the actual episode. You have to understand. He had to sign a lot of NDAs.

Escape the murderous gloved claws of OJ by downloading the episode here!

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"Why you be half-steppin'?"

Objection! Your honor, we'd like to call American Crime Story: The People v OJ Simpson to the stand. That's right, it's another edition of PULPWATCH 1994, and the boys of Pulp Nightmare discover that this episode may be the most factually inaccurate to date! From Marcia Clark's lust for a sexy black co-worker to the subsequent trial endangerment of the prosecution, to Robert Shapiro's ultimate moment of super-villainy and David Schwimmer's post-career breakdown that even the show doesn't show, it all culminates in the shocking - not to mention ridiculous - recreation of the fateful moment of the entire trial: that god damned glove. Will it fit? Must we acquit? Of course not, but the revisionist history going on makes us sad. Come on, Judge Ito, you can still make things right! You can still make it more of a circus!

The Juice is loose! Download the episode here to escape!

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Itunes: http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/pulp-nightmare/id426879674

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In which the boys unexpectedly break from the norm and read aloud the tales of the unaccountable... of another! Following a headline making arrest of a certified crazy man, who we should remind you is one hundred percent certifiably crazy, Mike delves deep into the psyche of a conspiracy that spans even deeper than he himself initially thought - much to the horror of his awestruck co-hosts! It all began [REDACTED], on a summer [REDACTED] in the middle of [REDACTED], when a [REDACTED] got [REDACTED] by a group of [REDACTED] and their [REDACTED] in the middle of a [REDACTED]. But wait, there's more! The eyes of evil look upon us all, as we realize we are not alone. [REDACTED] exists! And there's proof of [REDACTED]! They hide beneath the surface of [REDACTED]! And President [REDACTED] knows about it, too! I know, it's insane to contemplate, but hear us out! Join us in a mind-melding [REDACTED] of pure unadulterated pleasure as [REDACTED] fondles your [REDACTED] for the purpose of [REDACTED], here on Pulp Nightmare - where the crazy come to conglomerate their ideas of [REDACTED]! We're sorry. He doesn't love you. #LizardTruth

Download this [REDACTED] here, if you dare.

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Itunes: http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/pulp-nightmare/id426879674

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"'Cause I'm for real! Hear me? I'm The Juice!"

Know what this is? This is The FX's tombstone, because we've already planned it's funeral. In yet another edition of outrage, madness, and inexplicable confusion, the boys of Pulp Nightmare engage the medium of television for the sixth installment PULPWATCH 1994, trying to decipher the incoherent messages of AMERICAN CRIME STORY: THE PEOPLE V OJ SIMPSON. And between a credit sequence that just won't appear, a love story that doesn't seem to be a love story, racism and sexism interwoven together in such a way that it's practically a new level of offensive, and the single most perplexing use of Seal's "Kiss From A Rose" ever attempted, the PN alumni sure as hell have their hands full. Why was there so much dancing? Why was the Nazi presented to look sane? What in God's name is Ryan Murphy doing with the camera? Is it drunk?! The answers will never come. They just won't.

Escape the murderous gloved claws of OJ by downloading the episode here!

"JUDAS!" - Robert Shapiro

We're not trying to be respectful about this podcast, we're trying to win! It's that time again, as an acclaimed director steps into the seat of FX's AMERICAN CRIME STORY: THE PEOPLE V OJ SIMPSON. Listen in as the boys of Pulp Nightmare discover what happens as betrayal rocks the trial of the century from both sides and tensions flare up, sparking a surprise exit on behalf of historical inaccuracy, Johnnie Cochran's super villain plot to end all super villain plots, the most one-sided feud over whether or not a man can be able to sit on a bench, and the single most shocking - and hilarious - ending in television history. PULPWATCH 1994 continues on, but will the collective sanity of Mike, MB, and Hero remain intact? Only [Armless Tiger Man] knows!

The Juice is loose! Download the episode here to escape!